WINNER of 21 EMMYS
The Sopranos
7 Seasons | 86 Episodes | TV-MA
Hailed as one of television’s essential dramas, David Chase’s The Sopranos follows James Gandolfini as Tony Soprano: husband, father, and mob boss.
See how it all began in The Many Saints of Newark, a feature film prequel to the groundbreaking series that follows young Tony Soprano (played by Michael Gandolfini) as he grows up in one of the most tumultuous eras in Newark’s history.
1942-2022
Remembering Tony Sirico
Tony Sirico was a tremendous, one-of-a-kind talent. On The Sopranos, his legendary performance as the unwavering "Paulie Walnuts" cemented him as an icon, beloved for his one-liners and steadfast devotion. He will be sorely missed by the HBO family.
Featured Characters
The Sopranos Dictionary
Part 1
Ever wondered what “gabagool” is or when it’s appropriate to shout “Madone”? Step into the world of The Sopranos and let them explain.
Part 2
There's more to The Sopranos lingo than "gabagool." Here is Part 2 of The Sopranos lexicon where we translate words like "oogatz" and "box of ziti."
It's All Here
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Guy Walks into a Psychiatrist's Office
Season Two opens with the aftermath of the federal crackdown: Junior's in jail, Melfi refuses to see Tony, Christopher's expanding into new business ventures, Pussy is still missing...and Tony's adjusting to life as the new boss. To complicate matters even more, Tony's free-spirited sister Janice arrives to take care of Livia.
Do Not Resuscitate
When black protesters start picketing a construction company that used to be under Uncle Junior's control, Tony meets with the owner--as well as the leader of the protestors--to 'fix' the problem. Meanwhile, Janice gets sucked into Livia's web.
Toodle-F**king-Oo
Tony busts Meadow for partying at his mother's old house. Meanwhile, Ritchie Aprile is out of the can after ten years and looking for action--much to the chagrin of a local pizza-shop owner.
Commendatori
Tony travels to Italy with Paulie and Christopher to jump-start a car-importing 'business.' While Paulie and Christopher sample some of the Old Country's choicest wares, Tony haggles with the head of a powerful Naples family and recruits a valuable new lieutenant named Furio.
Big Girls Don't Cry
Back in Jersey, Furio soon lives up to his name by unleashing his fury on the delinquent proprietor of a local 'tanning salon.' Dr. Melfi shares her guilt over dumping Tony as a client during a session with her own therapist. Meanwhile, Tony learns from Hesh that his father had emotional secrets of his own.
The Happy Wanderer
David Scatino, the father of Meadow's friend Eric and the owner of a local sports store, gets on the bad sides of both Richie and Tony when he loses big in two poker games. Paying his respects at a funeral, Tony is forced to deal with the presence of Livia.
D-Girl
With Anthony Jr.'s confirmation approaching, Tony and Carmela find their son's growing apathy a cause for concern. Meanwhile, Christopher's interest in show biz is reignited when he meets a well-known filmmaker through his cousin's girlfriend.
Full Leather Jacket
Although Richie is miffed at Tony for forcing him to build a ramp for the pizza-parlor owner he paralyzed, he decides to make a peace offering. Unhappy with their lowly status as Christopher's lackeys, Sean and Matt decide to pledge their allegiance to Richie--through a violent, unexpected act.
From Where to Eternity
Christopher has an out-of-body experience that spooks Paulie to no end. Carmela urges Tony to have a vasectomy. Visiting her own psychiatrist, Melfi reveals the 'unholy alliance' she's made with Tony...as well as her growing dependence on pills and alcohol.
Bust Out
Richie meets with Tony to complain about his end of the garbage business, then meets with Junior to complain about Tony. Later, Tony orchestrates the 'planned bankruptcy' of David Scatino's sporting-goods store while Scatino's wife introduces Carmela to her handsome widowed brother.
House Arrest
Having dodged a legal bullet, Tony is advised by his lawyer to spend more time at his businesses. Junior looks for diversions to relieve the tedium of house arrest, and eventually finds one in the company of a police widow. Meanwhile, Melfi's problems boil over while eating dinner with her son.
The Knight in White Satin Armor
Engaged lovebirds Richie and Janice have an explosive first quarrel. Meanwhile, Irina takes drastic measures to try to convince Tony to continue their affair.
Funhouse
In the Season Two finale, Tony has a series of 'fever dreams' that help to shed light on some of his problems--particularly his troubles over Big Pussy.
Mr. Ruggerio's Neighborhood
In the Season Three premiere, Agent Harris and his team concoct an elaborate new plan to wiretap the Soprano home now that Pussy is singing with the fishes instead of for the feds.
Proshai, Livushka
Tony's concerns that his mother will rat him out to the feds expire when she, literally, does. Later, Janice arrives to arrange the funeral, which takes a bizarre turn.
Fortunate Son
Christopher finds that being a 'made' man isn't all it's cracked up to be. Meanwhile, Janice moves into her mother's house, where she soon gets a leg up on Livia's former housekeeper.
Employee of the Month
Dr. Melfi's attempts to steer Tony into behavior-modification therapy take a detour when a personal crisis gets in the way. Meanwhile, Ralph Cifaretto (Joe Pantoliano) finds a way to endear himself to Jackie Jr.--but not to Tony.
Another Toothpick
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccilieri Sr. (Burt Young) comes out of retirement to deal with a young hothead named Mustang Sally--much to the chagrin of his son and Uncle Junior.
University
Ralph's volatile relationship with a Bada Bing stripper and his obsession with the movie 'Gladiator' combine to put a damper on several boys'-nights-out sessions at the club. Meanwhile, at Columbia, Meadow's relationship with Noah is put to the test by her needy roommate Caitlin.
Second Opinion
Tony convinces Uncle Junior to seek a second opinion for his cancer treatment. Meanwhile, Carmela debates whether or not to take Dr. Melfi's advice and see a shrink, Big Pussy's wife Angie regrets asking Carmela for some money to help her sick dog, and Christopher continues to endure a humiliating probation period at the hands of kinky Paulie.
He Is Risen
As Thanksgiving approaches, Tony's feud with Ralph escalates, despite the intervention of Johnny Sack. At a frat-house mixer, Meadow and Jackie Jr. find they have more in common than mob-boss dads.
The Telltale Moozadell
Tony gives Carmela a sapphire ring for her birthday...and Christopher gives Adriana her very own music club. Anthony Jr. gets busted for vandalizing the school swimming pool, but finds the punishment doesn't fit the crime. Tony test-drives a new Mercedes--and the Mercedes saleswoman, Gloria (Annabella Sciorra).
To Save Us All from Satan's Power
A somnolent visit with the ghosts of Christmas past lands Tony back on Melfi's couch. With the annual pork-store holiday party approaching, Bacala reluctantly agrees to don the Santa suit that Pussy used to wear. Tony and Furio have a holiday surprise in store for the Russian who roughed up Janice.
Pine Barrens
In this episode directed by Steve Buscemi, Paulie and Christopher are engulfed in a nightmarish journey into the South Jersey woods while trying to collect a debt from a Russian mobster. Meanwhile, Meadow is suspicious that Jackie Jr. is two-timing her, and Tony finds that family demands are jeopardizing his romance with Gloria.
Amour Fou
Inspired by a tale from Ralph about how his father got 'made,' Jackie Jr. decides to 'make his move' in organized crime by instigating a robbery caper at a local card game. Reminded by Melfi of the psychological parallels between his relationships with Gloria and with his mother, Tony finds it harder and harder to spend time with his 'crazy love.'
The Army of One
In the Season Three finale, yet another academic misstep by A.J. forces his parents to contemplate military school. Tony orders Ralph to deal personally with the Jackie Jr. situation, and later seems to take Ralph's side in a money dispute with Paulie. Once again, the family gathers in Artie Bucco's restaurant, where Meadow reflects on being a Soprano.
For All Debts Public and Private
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>David Chase<br><b>Directed by</b> Allen Coulter<br></p><p>As the new season opens, the overarching sentiment in both Tony's families is: there must be more money.</p><p>Tony still meets with Junior in Dr. Schreck's office and lately the old boss' main preoccupation - aside from flirting shamelessly with Schreck's comely new nurse - is his growing stack of legal bills. Junior's trial is fast approaching and by his estimate, it's going to cost a million dollars to keep from spending the rest of his life in an orange jumpsuit. "We need to change our arrangement," he tells his nephew. But Tony has a different take on the situation. Junior's financial problems are of his own making, and Tony's advice to his uncle is to reorganize and "get your shy running right."</p><p>Tony finds that fiscal concerns are foremost at home as well. After seeing Angie Bonpensiero handing out sausage samples at the supermarket, Carmela fears for her own future and demands that Tony let her know the state of their finances. She wants Tony to do some serious estate planning - i.e., make some legitimate investments - but he demurs. "We don't have those Enron-type connections," he argues, and tells Carmela that there's plenty of money, although none of it is stashed in the house. But even though Tony assures her she's better off being ignorant, Carmela is far from blissful about it.</p><p>In the literal sense, Tony was telling the truth; the money's not in the house - it's tucked beneath the floor of the utility shed and into bags of duck feed. Junior and Carmela have given Tony cause for concern, however, and he calls a meeting of his capos to make those concerns known. "I want to know why there's zero growth in this family's receipts," he snarls at the guys who are supposed to be his top earners. (The only member missing is Paulie, who's in jail on a gun charge and, unknown to Tony, making collect calls to Johnny Sack.) This thing of ours is supposed to be recession-proof, he reminds them, and things had better improve.</p><p>One improvement is that Junior, taking Tony's advice to heart, decides to promote Bobby Bacala, putting him in charge of his loan shark business. Tony then generously offers to "help" his uncle by buying an old warehouse from him - conveniently omitting the fact that, as the result of a government-sponsored development project, the property's value will soon skyrocket. But Junior's too distracted to be distrustful; he just found out that Schreck's comely nurse is actually an undercover agent who will likely testify at his trial.</p><p>And the nurse isn't the only federal agent in the family's midst. Adriana's new best friend, Danielle Ciccolella, is really Special Agent Deborah Ciccerone. She's been hanging out with Adriana a lot, even accompanying her to Tony and Carmela's house. Christopher can't stand "Danielle" and gives her the bum's rush whenever he sees her. But Christopher's too distracted by his own worries to be polite - he's afraid that Tony distrusts him for questioning his handling of Jackie Junior. He warns Adriana, "I may be on the endangered species list," and relieves his stress with interdigital heroin injections.</p><p>But Christopher's got it wrong; Tony's got other plans for him. He wants to "bond him to me inseparably," and, to that end, Tony gives Christopher the address of Lt. Detective Barry Haydu, the man Tony claims murdered Christopher's father. Christopher subsequently breaks into Haydu's house and puts two 9-milimeter bullets in his skull, making Haydu a corpse and himself a cop killer. Later, Tony explains to Dr. Melfi that he doesn't want to end up like Junior, 72 years old with legal bills "that would make you gargle Drano." It's become too dangerous to operate his business directly, and from now on, he'll issue orders only through a blood relative -meaning Christopher. When Melfi asks Tony why he's telling her this, he pauses a moment and replies, "I don't know...I trust you."</p><p>But, in Tony's world, just what does that mean?</p></div>
No-Show
With Paulie in jail, Christopher becomes acting capo, but he gets off to a bad start with Patsy. Still troubled by Jackie Jr.'s death, Meadow contemplates taking a year off from college to travel. Meanwhile, Adriana is in a bind after ending her friendship with Daniele, and Silvio discusses a misunderstanding at a Newark riverfront construction site.
Christopher
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Michael Imperioli and Maria Laurino<br><b>Directed by</b> Tim Van Patten<br></p><p>It's October and at long last, time for opening arguments in the case of the United States v. Corrado John Soprano. But even though it's the first Soprano family trial in sixteen years and Junior could very well be sent away for the rest of his life, Tony's crew is preoccupied with charges being leveled against another Italian: Christopher Columbus. Columbus Day is only days away and the New Jersey Council of Indian Affairs is planning to disrupt the annual parade. At Satriale's, the feeling is unanimous: indignation at the Native Americans' effrontery. Silvio pretty much speaks for everybody -- even Furio, who dislikes Columbus because he was northern Italian -- when he asserts, "Ultimately, it's anti-Italian discrimination, " he says, "Columbus Day is a day of Italian pride, it's our holiday, and they want to take it away."</p><p>But while Silvio orchestrates a campaign to disrupt the disruption, Bobby Bacala is suddenly faced with a far more personal crisis: his wife, Karen, is killed in a car accident. A devastated Bobby weeps inconsolably at Karen's casket, a fact that's not lost on the wives who are present. That kind of naked emotion -- especially towards a wife -- is an anomaly in their world. Awestruck, Gabriella Dante whispers that she once overheard Silvio on the phone, "talking with somebody about how Bobby was the only one of them who didn't have a goomara. They were laughing at him."</p><p>Rosalie Aprile is hit especially hard by Karen's death. "There's no release," she tells Ralph, "I'm surrounded by death . . . my husband, my son, my friend . . . " Ralph, ever the caregiver, responds by telling Rosalie that he wants out of their relationship. In short order, he shows up at Janice's, happily declaring, "Now I can devote myself completely to you. Now there can be no guilt, no fear . . . just sex." But Janice has been having misgivings about her relationship with Ralph and a visit to the grief-stricken Bobby only confirms them. She tells her therapist, "I was so moved by him. Then I look at Ralph . . . " So the next time Ralph shows up at her house, she breaks up with him -- by shoving him down the stairs.</p><p>Ralph's popularity is taking a lot of hits lately. Johnny Sack is openly hostile towards him, even going so far as to knock an envelope of cash -- a nursing school graduation gift for Johnny's daughter -- out of Ralph's hand. "Stick it in your ass," the normally unflappable Johnny hisses at him. Why the animosity? During one of his clandestine collect calls to Johnny, Paulie informed him of a disparaging remark Ralph made about Ginny Sack's weight. He also let Johnny know about the money Tony made re-selling Junior's old warehouse. Carmine wants a taste of those profits, since, as Johnny puts it, "the property's hot because of the Esplanade, (and) we share the Eslpanade." Tony agrees to "work something out," but he's clearly furious, at one point telling Silvio, "Somebody's talking too much. And it's costing me money."</p><p>Meahwhile, back on the cultural heritage front, Tony's guys try everything they can think of to rescue Columbus from the red man's revenge. Ralph threatens to expose Iron Eyes Cody as an actor of Sicilian ancestry, but that turns out to be unfounded. Tony tries to get Councilman Zellman to intervene, but he begs off. Chief Doug Smith, CEO of a Mohonk casino, tells Tony he'll stop the protest, but he also fails. Ultimately, both the parade and the protest take place. And where was Silvio?</p><p>Enjoying the blackjack tables at Chief Doug's casino.</p></div>
The Weight
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Terence Winter<br><b>Directed by</b> Jack Bender<br></p><p>Forget the Feds. Never mind marital problems, Meadow's meltdowns and Junior's RICO trial. Right now, the biggest problem facing Tony is . . . Ginny Sack's rear end. Not literally, but Ralph's now--nfamous remark about Ginny's weight* has created a situation that could have the direst of consequences.</p><p>It all starts with Johnny Sack accosting Donny K. - a member of Ralph's crew - on a dark street in Manhattan's Little Italy. Johnny saw Donny laughing in a bar and assumed it was about Ginny. His self-control diminished by several cognacs, Johnny attacks Donny, beating him with his fists until he crumples to the pavement. "Lemme buy you a drink," Johnny snarls at the unconscious Donny; he then unzips his pants and urinates on him.</p><p>When Tony meets with Johnny the next day, the New York under boss initially dances around the issue. Accusing Ralph of cooking the books for the Esplanade, Johnny complains that he's "more creative than Spielberg" and that the "cute cocksucker could wind up dead." But Tony knows that Johnny wouldn't clip a guy over a few thousand dollars. Something else is eating him, and eventually Johnny reveals what it is: "That woman is my life, to think she's being mocked...I don't know if I can get past this."</p><p>In short order, Johnny asks for - and is denied - Carmine's approval for a hit on Ralph. He then walks out on two sitdowns about the situation. After the second walkout, Tony gets a phone call from Carmine. The old Boss tells him that Johnny's not listening to reason, and the Esplanade deal could be threatened because of it. "I don't want that apple cart upset," Carmine warns Tony. When Tony suggests, "someone should do something," Carmine's response is as chilling as it is brief: "I appreciate your thoughts."</p><p>So now Tony's in the position of having to kill one of his best friends in order to save a guy who, "If he was drownin', I'd throw him a cinder block." But Ralph is one of Tony's captains and he has no choice but to protect him. On Junior's advice, he sends Silvio and Christopher to engage the services of Lou DiMaggio and the Atwell Avenue Boys, some old pros who can dispose of a guy "as silent as a mouse pissing on cotton."</p><p>It may seem like it, but open season on wise guys is not the only thing going on in Tony's world. Although Meadow is safely back at Columbia, she's started volunteering at the South Bronx Law Center, an organization that provides legal help to the underprivileged. Tony's concerned that she'll abandon her - that is, his and Carmela's - plan to become a pediatrician in order to help "indigenous types who got plenty of money to gamble and buy crack."</p><p>And while Tony's keeping an eye out for Ralph and Johnny, maybe he should be paying closer attention to Carmela and Furio - who seem to have eyes for each other. One afternoon, with A.J. in tow, Carmela "drops by" Furio's new house. Furio, sweaty from yard work and ponytail askew, looks like he stepped off the cover of a romance novel. He tells a rapt Carmela that he once worked as a landscaper, and he was never happier than when he was digging in the dirt and growing olives. "Sometimes," he says, "I get the smell of olives, in a restaurant, in the store maybe. It makes me very sad." Carmela's decision to have A.J. accompany her may have been smarter than she knows.</p><p>Johnny's vendetta against Ralph is eventually resolved in a way that makes things easier for Tony. After catching Ginny with contraband Twix bars, Johnny decides to call off a hit he ordered on Ralph. And not a moment too soon - Ralph gets on an elevator with the hit man just as he gets the call canceling the contract. Johnny tells Tony that a simple apology from Ralph will close the books on the incident.</p><p>What could she be thinking about?</p><p>(* Ralph joked to some wise guys that Ginny Sack had a 90-pound mole removed from her derriere.)</p></div>
Pie-o-My
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Robin Green and Mitchell Burgess<br><b>Directed by</b> Henry J. Bronchtein<br></p><p>Tony Soprano...horse whisperer?</p><p>As unlikely as it may seem, when Ralph buys a filly named "Pie-O-My," Tony discovers he has a knack for horseracing strategy. At the track to see Ralph's new acquisition, Tony off-handedly suggests that the jockey hold Pie-O-My - normally a frontrunner - back with the pack, in order to "keep something for the finish." Although the trainer rejects Tony's strategy, it turns out to be the winning one: Pie-O-My is bumped by another horse leaving the gate and comes from behind to win. Ralph, flush with good will and forty G's in winnings, insists on giving Tony a taste. "Fluke...whatever the fuck," Ralph tells him, "She ran your race, you called it." Although Tony's gratified to have the cash, for him the greater thrill is simply being around Pie-O-My. He's smitten with her; he hollers encouragement when she races and his tough-guy demeanor softens whenever he strokes her muzzle.</p><p>Relations at home are considerably cooler. When Carmela asks Tony for ten thousand dollars to invest in a stock that her cousin, Brian, recommends, he refuses. Later, Tony manages to dig himself out by agreeing to sign papers so that Brian can make future stock investments. But when Tony stops short of authorizing the life insurance trust - the investment that Carmela wants most - he's back in the hole. Tony's accountant, Alan Ginsberg, warned him that the trust is a "big red flag" because its only advantages are to Carmela, in the event of Tony's death. "But present day, if something unforeseen should arise?" Ginsberg says, "Divorce, say? That type of trust is irrevocable." But judging from the way Tony and Carmela were regarding each other, they could use some irrevocable trust right now.</p><p>While Tony and Carmela try to determine whether they still have a relationship, Janice is hard at work trying to initiate one with Bobby Bacala. As fate would have it, Janice and the Baccilieris are neighbors, and with the aid of binoculars she can effectively surveil the comings and goings of Bobby's well-wishers. When she spies Jojo, the widow Palmice, heading to Bobby's with a casserole and a new hairdo, Janice springs into action. She shows up in Bobby's kitchen, thanking Jojo for the chicken Marsala and all but pushing her out the door. Once Jojo's gone, Janice tries to make room in Bobby's freezer by pulling out a pan of ziti. "Karen made that," Bobby tells Janice, "That's her last ziti before she died." Then he starts sobbing - and Janice is more than happy to console him.</p><p>Jojo's chicken Marsala ends up at Junior's. While Janice drops it off, she queries Junior about Bobby's place in his organization. Junior, preoccupied with his trial, tells her he's tired of Bobby's "moping." He complains that Bobby's "supposed to be taking care of something for me!" The "something" is strong-arming a shop steward into voting the way Junior wants him to in an upcoming union election. Janice urges Bobby to get back into the swing of things, telling him that if he doesn't do his job, Junior will find somebody who will. Bobby grudgingly takes Janice's words to heart. He finds the shop steward in a dingy bar and, over a shot of Wild Turkey, tells him that, "...if it was me, and I wasted my votes...I might as well put a bullet in my head here...here...and here." Later, Bobby thanks Janice for helping him and she suggests they eat Karen's ziti. When Bobby demurs, Janice tells him she understands - but she's clearly looking forward to the day when the Baccilieri house is clear of leftovers.</p><p>While Janice is putting the squeeze on Bobby, the Feds are tightening their grip on Adriana. Agents Harris and Sanseverino (Agent Ciccerone has been replaced, for Adriana's protection) have been phoning Adriana, as well as picking her up for impromptu interrogations. Adriana finds herself simultaneously trying to stonewall the FBI and convince Christopher they should leave New Jersey. But Tony's plan to bind Christopher to him is working - Christopher tells Adriana that after what Tony did for him, "I would follow that man into hell." Eventually Adriana, exasperated and scared, gives the agents some information about Patsy Parisi. "See?" Agent Harris asks her, "How hard was that?" Hard enough that one night soon after, a rain-drenched Adriana comes home and, with Cosette on her lap, shoots some of Christopher's heroin.</p><p>Tony is unaware of Adriana's - and by extension, his - dilemma. At the moment he has someone else to worry about. Pie-O-My is sick and the vet refuses to treat her until Ralph's unpaid bills are settled. Ralph's maid calls Tony, claiming she can't locate Ralph to handle the problem. (In reality, Ralph's the one who gave her Tony's number.) It's the middle of the night and the rain is falling in sheets, but Tony manages gets to the to the stable. He pays the vet and then goes in to see Pie-O-My, who's lying down in her stall. Soaked and exhausted, Tony sits on an overturned bucket next to the filly and pulls out a cigar. As the rain continues to fall, he reaches out, strokes her neck and tells her everything will be all right.</p></div>
Everybody Hurts
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Michael Imperioli<br><b>Directed by</b> Steve Buscemi<br></p><p>Christopher's at home, on the sofa - and on the nod - when he gets a call from Tony. He wants to see Christopher right away, which gives him all of twenty minutes to put down the syringe and get himself straight. When he shows up at the rendezvous point, both Tony and Furio notice that he's more than a little under the influence. "You been drinking?" Tony asks. Christopher tells him that he and Adriana had "a little wine" that evening, an explanation that Tony seems to accept. Then he gets down to business. "More and more I'm gonna be givin' my orders through you," he tells Christopher. Although one of the other guys might seem like a logical successor, they all have one insurmountable drawback: they're not blood. So Tony tells his heroin addict heir apparent, "You're gonna take this family into the 21st century."</p><p>It certainly doesn't look like Tony's progeny are up the task. Even if there weren't the obvious disqualification of gender, Meadow's more interested in her internship at the South Bronx Law Center than anything her father's up to. As for Tony's namesake, he's currently preoccupied with his new girlfriend, Devin Pillsbury, a pretty blonde whose Picasso-filled home makes casa Soprano look like a quaint bungalow. Devin is thrilled to be "a gangster dude's girlfriend," but admits she was a little disappointed that A.J. doesn't live in a compound like the Corleones.</p><p>Tony has barely made this step towards securing his future when his past comes back to haunt him in a particularly abrupt and cruel fashion. One night, as she and Tony are getting ready for bed, Carmela shares some gossip. While at Globe Motors she heard that Gloria Trillo, "that nice sales lady," had committed suicide. Tony, to put it mildly, is upset. He goes to the dealership himself, where a salesman tells him that Gloria hanged herself and didn't leave a note. As for her motive, all he could offer was, "I got the impression she wasn't very lucky with men."</p><p>Tony, drunk and furious, shows up at Dr. Melfi's hurling accusations. "Why the fuck didn't you help her?" he screams. Melfi is afraid, but holds her ground. "I give my patients everything I've got," she tells Tony, "She slipped through everyone's grasp." When he's calmed down, Tony reveals what's really torturing him. With genuine sorrow in his voice he confesses, "She reached out...for me to care...and I wasn't there for her."</p><p>From that point, Tony does everything he can think of to prove that he's not a "toxic person." He makes Carmela happy by signing the papers for a living trust. He helps Carmela's cousin Brian score some significantly discounted designer suits. He takes Carmela, Brian and his wife, and Furio and his blind date to a Billy Joel concert. (Furio's date was arranged by Carmela; but when she saw him put his arm around her, she looked like she regretted her efforts.) He even treats Janice to an expensive dinner at Vesuvio, where he bestows his good wishes on her relationship with Bobby Bacala. In a rare moment of sibling intimacy, Janice tells Tony what he most needs to hear: that no matter what happens between them, "You always seem to reach out when it counts."</p><p>But when Tony reaches out to Artie Bucco, the results aren't so satisfying. Artie attempts to borrow fifty thousand dollars from Ralph so that he, in turn, can act as a shylock to the brother of Vesuvio's beautiful new French hostess. Ralph turns him down, explaining that if Artie fails to pay him back, "I ain't gonna be able to hurt you." When Tony finds out, he's the one who's hurt that Artie didn't come to him first. He lends Artie the money - at a half-point lower interest than Ralph. But when the Frenchman defaults - and beats Artie up, to boot - Artie becomes despondent. He swallows an overdose of pills and booze and then calls Tony, sobbing, "I love you and I'm sorry I let you down." Tony hangs up and calls 911.</p><p>When he sees Artie in the hospital, Tony is angry - because of what Artie did to him. "Suppose I come over to your house and I find you dead? How am I supposed to feel?" Tony shouts. He then tells Artie that he'll assume the Frenchman's debt - vig included, of course - if Artie wipes clean his six-thousand-dollar tab at Vesuvio. In his next session with Dr. Melfi, Tony is philosophical about Gloria and Artie. "One suicide is bad enough," he says, "But two? They can go fuck themselves. I made a donation to the suicide hotline in her name. That's it." So the past is past, and Tony can focus on the future...</p><p>...at least for the present.</p></div>
Watching Too Much Television
Tony and the gang throw Paulie a Bada Bing bash after his release from jail, but it doesn't take long for old tensions to resurface. Carmela's cousin Brian throws out a hypothetical investment scenario that Tony and Ralph attempt to turn into reality with the help of Assemblyman Zellman and a black community leader.
Mergers and Acquisitions
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>David Chase, Robin Green & Mitchell Burgess and Terry Winter<br><b>Directed by</b> Daniel Attias<br></p><p>By his own admission, Tony may not be the most moral man on earth, " . . . but I do have rules." And one of those rules is that you don't move in on another guy's goomara. So when he and Valentina La Paz, Ralph's latest, discover a mutual attraction, Tony makes it clear it can't go anywhere - well, anywhere beyond the hotel room where they've already spent an afternoon together. Besides, Tony tells her, "I don't like to go where Ralph Cifaretto has been." It's then that Valentina tells Tony something very unsettling about Ralph: he doesn't have sex - not as Tony defines it - with women. Creeped out but curious, Tony consults Janice. For three thousand dollars she confirms that Ralph doesn't have regular intercourse and "can't even get a hard-on unless he's in some kind of pain." So according to Tony's rules, Valentina is fair game.</p><p>Furio, in Naples for his father's funeral, is faced with a similar - but far more serious - situation. When he confesses to his uncle that he's in love with his don's wife, the old man bluntly tells him to stay away from her. "The only way you could have her is if you kill the man," he warns. But back in New Jersey, the object of Furio's affections finds that she likewise fantasizes about romance between the two of them. She also finds the cash Tony stashed in the duck feed bin and helps herself to enough to make some substantial independent investments.</p><p>Carmela's feelings for Furio aren't the only unrequited pangs in the Garden State. Paulie's mother, Nucci, moves into Green Grove and finds that despite her best efforts, she can't get the other "girls" to accept her. The clique's ringleader is Cookie Cirillo, a matron from the old neighborhood, and Paulie determines that she's going to be Nucci's friend. To that end, he pays a visit to her son, Chucky, and asks him to intercede. But Cookie hangs tough, forcing Paulie to get even tougher: he sends his nephew - Little Paulie - and Benny Fazio to break Chucky's arm. Shortly afterward Cookie sees the error of her ways.</p><p>The next time Tony opens the feed bin, he notices an error, too - an accounting one. And somebody's going to pay for it.</p></div>
Whoever Did This
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Robin Green & Mitchell Burgess<br><b>Directed by</b> Tim Van Patten<br></p><p>Junior was having a rough day. His trial went overtime, so he missed the Early Bird Special. Then, while hurrying through a swarm of reporters, he was hit on the head by a boom mike and sent tumbling down the courthouse steps. But that knock on the head may turn out to be a golden opportunity: his attorney decides to use it to get the charges against him dismissed, via a claim of reduced mental capacity. As Tony puts it, all Junior has to do is "act oobatz" and his legal problems will be over.</p><p>But while things were looking up for Junior, they got as bad as it gets for Ralph. His 12-year-old son, Justin, is gravely injured while playing with a bow and arrow. In response, a grief-and-guilt-stricken Ralph does some serious soul searching, even going so far as to visit Father Intintola. He tells the priest, "I've done things in my life that I shouldn't of done and (God's) making my son pay for it." In an attempt to make amends, Ralph asks Rosalie Aprile to marry him (she declines) and starts a scholarship fund in memory of Jackie Aprile, Junior.</p><p>Is this change for real? Possibly. But Ralph's not around long enough to tell. After a suspicious fire at the stable causes the death of Pie-O-My, Tony is certain that Ralph is responsible. He shows up at Ralph's place, accusing him of having Pie-O-My killed for the insurance money. Although Ralph vehemently denies it, he's not exactly shedding tears over Pie-O-My's demise. "It's an animal," he tells Tony, "This is a hundred grand apiece."</p><p>While the Lord may mete out punishment by proxy, Tony Soprano delivers his directly. He launches his fist into Ralph's face, so hard it knocks Ralph across the room. Ralph comes back at him and the fight the two of them have long been spoiling for finally happens. It's down-and-dirty and to the death...of Ralph.</p><p>Tony enlists Christopher to help dispose of the body, explaining that when he came to Ralph's place, he was already dead. Even though he's high as a kite, Christopher realizes that Ralph's disappearance could have serious consequences. "People could take it the wrong way," he tells Tony. Locking him in his gaze, Tony says, "You're the only other one that knows about it."</p><p>But, in Tony's world, just what does that mean?</p></div>
The Strong, Silent Type
At therapy, Tony likens himself to the 'sad clown,' but Melfi doesn't buy into his melancholy portrait. Meanwhile, Carmela drags A.J. with her to Furio's house to offer decorating tips and companionship; Paulie puts the finishing touches on some free artwork; and Christopher finds himself at a crossroads.
Calling All Cars
After a sitdown with Carmine and Johnny Sack, Tony contemplates the future of the HUD partnership. Meanwhile, Paulie blows off steam with an old pal; Janice starts losing patience with the obsessive Bobby; and Melfi ponders the Freudian undercurrents of Tony's latest dreams.
Eloise
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Terence Winter<br><b>Directed by</b> James Hayman<br></p><p>It wasn't the first time there was an I-won't-be-coming-to-work message left on the Bada Bing's answering machine. But it was the first time there was one from Furio. What he said was that he was returning to Italy - and not coming back. What he didn't say was why: that his growing affection for Carmela was inspiring murderous impulses towards his boss.</p><p>But his boss can ill afford to lose one of his top guys right now, even one who fantasizes about killing him. Tony's plan to use Little Carmine to smooth things with the elder Carmine backfired, and relations between New York and New Jersey are rapidly deteriorating. When Carmine refuses to compromise on the H.U.D. split, Tony has the old don's new restaurant "redecorated" with spray paint and box cutters.</p><p>While Tony contends with Carmine, Carmela faces a more personal crisis. Furio's departure leaves her depressed and angry, causing her to pick fights with her family, especially her daughter. When Carmela and Meadow go to the Plaza Hotel to have tea beneath the portrait of Eloise - an annual tradition - they have a large helping of recriminations with their finger sandwiches. Carmela berates Meadow for the "superior attitude" she's adopted since going to Columbia. Stung, Meadow gives as good as she gets. "Would you rather I go to Montclair State?" she asks, "Then maybe I could drop out like you did."</p><p>There is fighting among the members of Tony's professional family as well. When Silvio warns Paulie that "certain people are starting to wonder where your heart is," Paulie's response is to call Silvio a "wormy cocksucker" and storm off. He then goes to see Carmine, but is mortified to discover that the New York boss doesn't know who he is. Now desperate to get back on Tony's good side, Paulie burglarizes the home of an elderly woman he knows keeps large sums of cash. To Paulie's dismay, she catches him in the act and he quiets her by smothering her with a pillow. The next day, he delivers a fat envelope to Tony.</p><p>Tony can certainly use the money, since Carmine retaliated for the restaurant vandalism by shutting down construction of the Esplanade. But Johnny Sack is hurting, too, and he has a solution. "Carmine won't bend," the frustrated under boss tells Tony, "But if something should happen to him..."</p></div>
Whitecaps
In the Season Four finale, Tony and Carmela contemplate purchasing a shore house, but a voice from the past threatens the deal. While Uncle Junior breaks out the Hearty Burgundy, Little Paulie and Benny break in a new sound system on the Stugots. With Carmine apparently intent on putting the past behind him, Tony and Johnny Sack weigh their options, carefully.
Two Tonys
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>David Chase and Terence Winter<br><b>Directed by</b> Tim Van Patten<br></p><p>"Forget the way Tony Soprano makes his way in the world. That's to feed his children. There's two Tony Sopranos...you've never seen that other one...That's the one I want to show you."</p><p>As the fifth season opens, Carmela finds that in addition to Tony's resentment about the breakup, she's bearing the brunt of A.J.'s as well. She accuses Tony of withholding money from her while buying things for A.J. - like a five thousand dollar drum set - to relieve his own guilt. For Tony's part, despite his anger that "my wife was going after some fucking immigrant," he worries about Carmela and A.J. being alone. When he hears that a bear has been foraging in the backyard, Tony has Benny Fazio and Little Paulie Germani take turns guarding the house with an AK-47.</p><p>Although Tony may be losing one part of his family, he's gaining others. He has a brand-new brother-in-law in Bobby Bacala, now wed to Janice, and his cousin Tony Blundetto, a wise guy incarcerated in the 1980's, is soon to be released. "I've missed the shit out of him," a delighted Tony tells Bobby. In addition, old-timers Angelo Garepe, Phil Leotardo and Feech La Manna have been freed after serving long terms. Feech, a feared capo in his day, immediately seeks Tony's permission to pursue entrepreneurial ventures, and Tony gladly gives him the go ahead.</p><p>Elsewhere within Tony's professional sphere, however, things are not so harmonious. When Carmine, Sr. suffers a massive stroke, Johnny Sack reveals that he's still bitter about Tony's refusal to hit the old don. "You want an apology?" an exasperated Tony demands, "Fuckin' Whitman's Sampler?" Old hostilities flare up between Paulie and Christopher as well, finally erupting over a $1,184 restaurant tab that Paulie sticks him with after Christopher did not want to pay the last dinner bill. Their heated confrontation in the eatery's parking lot culminates in them murdering their waiter, who interrupts to complain about the tip. (Afterwards the two agree to put their differences aside. "One of us coulda got hurt," Paulie says.)</p><p>And Tony decides it's time to put aside his differences with Dr. Melfi, but not because he wants to go back to therapy. He tells her that he wants to take their relationship "in that other direction." But Dr. Melfi flatly refuses. In addition to her professional ethics - and despite admitting to her own therapist that she once found Tony "a little sexy" - she is repelled by the things he does. "In a personal relationship," she tells Tony, "I don't think I could sit silent." Hurt and furious, Tony storms out of her office and ends up at Carmela's, where he sits in the backyard, AK in his lap, loaded for bear.</p></div>
Rat Pack
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Matthew Weiner<br><b style="font-size: 0.8125rem;">Directed by</b> Alan Taylor</p><p>"What kind of person does that? It's like Judas or something. Eating that last supper with Jesus and the whole time he knows they're gonna crucify him. I mean, at least Judas didn't go into any apostle protection program. He hung himself. He knew what he did."<br></p><p>On the eve of the opening of the Museum of Science and Trucking, Tony meets Jack Massarone at Napoleon's Diner. Massarone, as a gesture of "gratitude for all our work together," gives Tony a gift, a garish painting of the Rat Pack, and then gets down to business. He's concerned about the status of their next venture and prods Tony to articulate the details. Tony, as usual, is tight-lipped - which is a good thing, as FBI agents are eavesdropping, courtesy of a tiny microphone in Massarone's cap.</p><p>The Feds are intensifying their efforts to get Tony. In addition to Massarone, they've wired Ray Curto and have been pressuring Adriana, who finds the stress increasingly difficult to bear. "I'm being ripped apart here snitching on people," a distraught Adriana tells Agent Sanseverino, "For what? What do I get out of it?" Later, at a girls' night at Carmela's, Adriana has too much wine and almost confesses, but runs away sobbing instead.</p><p>Tony, unaware of all this, is focused on the homecoming of Tony Blundetto. The two Tony's grew up together, and Tony Soprano loves his cousin like a brother. So he's more than a little taken aback when Tony B. rebuffs his offer to give him a gig dealing stolen automobile airbags. After fifteen years behind bars, Tony B. wants instead to become a licensed massage therapist. "Look, I been away from all this a long time," he explains, "If I got a shot at staying out and putting shit together, I should take it." So Tony S. gets him a civilian job, delivering linens.</p><p>In addition to the change in his cousin, Tony has other shakeups to deal with. Carmela wants to file a separation agreement, and in New York, Carmine Lupertazzi is dead. At the wake, the animosity between Little Carmine and Johnny Sack is as open as the old don's casket. "Fucking Little Carmine," Johnny later vents to Tony, "And after what? Five years in Florida fixing wet t-shirt contests."</p><p>Meanwhile, Adriana discovers an upside to being a government informant. When Tina Francesco, her purported best friend, flirts with Christopher one time too many, Adriana has a unique solution - she tells Agent Sanseverino that Tina is an embezzler. Being an informant doesn't work out so well For Jack Massarone, however. Tony finds out about him and shortly afterwards Massarone is found in the trunk of his car, a bullet hole in his head and a golf club cover in his mouth. Later, on the Pulaski Skyway, Tony tosses the painting Massarone gave him out his car window and drives away.</p></div>
Where's Johnny?
Tony's power-sharing plan doesn't fly with Johnny Sack, who makes his point through a bookie named Lorraine Calluzzo. Out on parole, Feech La Manna (Robert Loggia) crosses Paulie in his attempt to break into the landscaping business; Tony gets a roommate; and Junior looks into the past while testing the patience of those closest to him.
All Happy Families...
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Toni Kalem<br><b>Directed by</b> Rodrigo Garcia<br></p><p>"They go around complimenting you on your new shoes, tell you you're not going bald. Do you think they really care? You're the boss. They're scared of you. They have to kiss your ass and laugh at your stupid jokes."</p><p>The burgeoning turf battle between Johnny Sack and Little Carmine has claimed its first casualties: Lorraine Calluzzo and her strongman, Jason Evanima. With Phil Leotardo acting as lookout, Billy Leotardo and Joe Peeps coldly and efficiently shot them to death. When Little Carmine learns of the hit, Angelo Garepe counsels restraint; but another associate, Rusty Millio, adamantly disagrees. "We'll steam roll right over John," he tells Little Carmine, "And I predict the guys on the street...they'll welcome us as fuckin' heroes."</p><p>In New Jersey, Tony is faced with his own nascent power struggle. Although he's been trying to help Feech - he gives him stewardship of the "executive" poker game, which was Feech's before he went to prison - it's clear that the old capo resents kowtowing to someone he thinks of as "a kid." Feech smirks at Tony in front of his other subordinates and tries to withhold Tony's taste of his earnings. The witholding of pay relates to Feech green lighting a raid on the Jewish wedding where boosted all the expensive cars then took them to Johnny Sack's shops because he gave him a good deal. This was total disrespect and the second time Tony is having to play catch up with Feech. Tony can't help but see parallels to another ex-con. "Did I learn nothing from Richie Aprile?" he asks Silvio, who sadly agrees that it may become necessary to get rid of Feech.</p><p>There are struggles on the domestic front as well. Carmela resents Tony's relationship with Anthony, Jr, complaining, "I get to be the prison warden over here while you indulge him." Against her own instincts, Carmela permits A.J. to attend a concert in Manhattan and spend the night there. He promises to bunk at Meadow's apartment, but stays in a hotel with his buddies instead. When he returns home late, hung over and without eyebrows, Carmela decides she's had enough and sends A.J. to live with Tony.</p><p>Carmela is deeply worried about her son, however. At a meeting with his school counselor, Mr. Wegler, she and Tony are warned that "...we're rapidly approaching crisis mode here grade-wise." A few days later, Mr. Wegler and Carmela continue their discussion over lunch. He listens sympathetically as Carmela voices one of her greatest fears: that unless A.J. succeeds in college, he'll end up following in his father's footsteps.</p><p>Meanwhile, a decision is reached regarding Feech. Tony, who's lately come to question his underlings' affection for him, senses that Feech's popularity is genuine and on the rise. While he can't let the old-timer continue undermining him, neither can he forget that Feech once gave him a pass for robbing his card game. So what does Tony do? He arranges for Feech to violate his parole, so that instead of disappearing, he's loaded onto a Department of Corrections bus and taken back to prison, which is the safest thing for everybody.</p></div>
Irregular Around the Margins
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Robin Green & Mitchell Burgess<br><b style="font-size: 0.8125rem;">Directed by</b> Allen Coulter</p><p>"Everybody knows you been the biggest fuckin' cooze hound around the last four or five years. Your mid-life crisis. You'd fuck a catcher's mitt."</p><p>Adriana and Agent Sanseverino are taking one of their clandestine car rides when Adriana mentions that Tony has been spending a lot of time at her club, Crazy Horse. "You think it might be because of you?" Sanseverino asks. Offended by the implication, Adriana tersely replies, "I am not going to blow this guy for your sick purposes." Then she gets sick herself, clutching her abdomen and telling Sanseverino that she has go to the bathroom - "number 2" - NOW. The interrogation ends abruptly as Sanseverino pulls up to a gas station and Adriana bolts for the ladies room.</p><p>Despite Adriana's denial, she and Tony have been growing closer. When Adriana's illness is diagnosed - Irritable Bowel Syndrome, probably stress-induced - Tony is far more sympathetic than Christopher. And Tony confides something to Adriana he's told no one else, that he recently had a cancerous lesion removed from his forehead. Then, one night at Crazy Horse, after sharing some lines of coke, Tony and Adriana have an awkward, sexually charged moment. During a dart game in the office, Adriana stoops to pick up some of the darts from the floor. Tony helps her up, holding onto her a little longer than necessary...and Adriana lets him. The tension is finally broken when Phil Leotardo and Joe Peeps knock on the door.</p><p>Tony is sufficiently troubled by his feelings to schedule an appointment with Dr. Melfi, who tells him that his desire to resist a destructive impulse is a breakthrough. So he quickly moves to re-establish the platonic nature of his and Adriana's relationship, to their mutual relief. Then, with Christopher in North Carolina on business and Adriana's car on the fritz, Tony offers her a ride home from work. Despite the fact that it's 2 AM, they decide to drive to Dover to score some coke and, swerving to avoid a raccoon, Tony flips his Escalade on its side. Although Adriana is briefly hospitalized, their injuries are relatively minor - but a scandal ensues that has potentially lethal consequences.</p><p>By the time the wise guys have finished spinning the story, the widely accepted - albeit false - version of events is that Tony and Adriana were engaged in oral sex at the time of the accident. Christopher, believing the rumors, goes on a rampage. He physically confronts Vito Spatafore, who outranks him; he beats Adriana and literally throws her out of their apartment; then shows up armed and drunk at the Bada Bing, looking for Tony.</p><p>Tony, Silvio, Paulie, Tony B. and some miscellaneous muscle are waiting for him. They quickly overpower Christopher and hustle him to a lonely back road, where Tony points a .38 at his nephew's head and delivers an ultimatum. "Either you tell me now that you can take it into your heart that I never did this shit," he says grimly, "or we've come as far as we can together." Christopher remains silent. Just then, Tony B. intercedes, suggesting, "Try it my way."</p><p>The two Tonys take Christopher to see the doctor who treated Adriana. He explains that Adriana's injuries support Tony's story and a mollified Christopher believes him. Later, in a display of solidarity, Tony and a reluctant but resigned Carmela, as well as Christopher, Adriana, Tony B. and his mother, Quintina, arrive together at Vesuvio, in view of several of Tony's guys. As they study their menus, Vito Spatafore stops by their table, extends his hand to Christopher and wishes him a pleasant evening. After a moment, Christopher shakes Vito's hand and replies, "You too."</p></div>
Sentimental Education
With her son's future at stake, Carmela puts in some extra time with his college advisor, Robert Wegler. Meanwhile, Tony Blundetto realizes it's hard doing business with strangers, and A.J. concludes there's no place like home.
In Camelot
His father's longtime goomar sheds light on some of Tony's lingering emotional and financial mysteries. Meanwhile, Junior sees the upside of attending the funerals of fringe relations, while Christopher sees the downside of enabling an A.A. friend's new addiction.
Marco Polo
Friends and family gather at the Sopranos' for a not-so-surprise 75th birthday party for Carmela's father, Hugh. Meanwhile, Johnny Sack shows off his new wheels, Phil Leotardo pulls into Pussy's old place for some auto repairs, and Tony B. considers accepting a familiar job on the side.
Unidentified Black Males
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by: </b>Matthew Weiner and Terence Winter<br><b>Directed by:</b> Tim Van Patten<br></p><p>"I thought I was smart and that's why I bumped him up and protect him. Turns out I'm still just a fucking robot to my own pussy-ass weakness."</p><p>On a sweltering afternoon, the two Tonys are watching a Mets game on the tube. When Tony B. goes to get a beer, Tony S. notices he's favoring his right foot. "Two black guys jumped me outside a bar," Tony B. explains. Later, when Tony S. is playing golf with Johnny Sack, he asks whether there's any news on the Joe Peeps shooting. All Johnny can offer is that "some homeless fuck saw a guy limping away" from the murder scene. Soon after that Tony suffers an anxiety attack and collapses on the tee box.</p><p>When Tony confronts his cousin with this information, Tony B. jokes that the killer might have been Long John Silver. But Tony is in no mood to laugh. "I'm bending over backwards tryin' to stay neutral," he rages, "...and you're out there like a fuckin' free agent?" Tony B. holds his ground, denying he was involved. "Even if I was," he asks, "would you really want to know?" After an uncomfortably long pause, Tony decides to let it go. He even provides Tony B. an alibi, telling Johnny - who's coming ever closer to declaring war on Little Carmine - that his cousin was with him upstate the night Peeps was killed.</p><p>In addition, Tony gives Tony B. a boost up the career ladder. He's always felt guilty for being absent from the heist that sent Tony B. to prison - word is Tony was jumped by two black guys that night and ended up in the emergency room instead of at the job - and wants to make it up to him. So he gives Tony B. stewardship of a casino "on Bloomfield Avenue, over the hardware store" as well as telling him he'll try to expedite his being made. This largesse is deeply resented by Christopher, who perceives he's being pushed aside. "The guy gets out of jail," he complains to Adriana, "suddenly I'm dog shit in Tony's eye."</p><p>Christopher's not the only one who feels owed something. Carmela, convinced that her recent night with Tony "didn't change anything," informs him that she's starting divorce proceedings and will "aggressively pursue...an equitable distribution of our assets." But it won't be easy. She had a difficult time hiring an attorney because Tony had already met with most of the highly recommended ones, precluding them from representing her. When she does secure a lawyer, he's unable to find an accountant willing to investigate Tony's finances and quits the case.</p><p>Meanwhile, Meadow's relationship with boyfriend Finn DeTrolio takes its own dramatic turn. Finn is spending the summer in New York instead of at home in California, so Tony gets him a job on one of his construction sites. Although Finn is uncomfortable around the wiseguys, he manages to cope until one morning he shows up for work early and witnesses something he shouldn't: Vito Spatafore performing oral sex on a security guard. In a panic, Finn is about to leave for Mission Viejo when Meadow confronts him, accusing him of wanting to run out on her. After parsing their relationship for several hours, an exhausted Finn says, "Maybe we should get married." Meadow agrees, and soon phones Carmela with the news.</p><p>In a session with Dr. Melfi, Tony painfully addresses his own recent bouts of panic. After much coaxing, Dr. Melfi finally elicits the reason for them: on the night of the heist where his cousin was arrested, Tony wasn't really attacked by two black men. Following an argument with his mother, he'd suffered a panic attack and passed out, falling and cutting his head. Having finally gotten this lie off his chest is an emotional - and physical - relief. When Dr. Melfi likens the process to childbirth, Tony asserts his own metaphor. "Trust me," he tells her, "It's like taking a shit."</p></div>
Cold Cuts
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Robin Green & Mitchell Burgess<br><b>Directed by</b> Mike Figgis<br></p><p>"Our bodies are 86 percent water. His last blood test he was 65 percent zeppola."</p><p>At a warehouse on the Hackensack River, Vincent "Vinny Pitts" Pitsaturo and Terry Doria are getting restless. They've been waiting for Johnny Sack's guys to deliver a shipment of Vespa scooters that are to be split between Johnny and Tony. When they sit up all night with no scooters to show for it, Tony wants to know why. Johnny innocently claims he never received the scooters and, despite Tony's skepticism, he stands firm. "Lots of things didn't happen that seem like they happened," he says, "Your cousin didn't whack Joey, the Vespas didn't get into my hands."</p><p>Unconvinced, Tony sends Doria and Benny Fazio to the Newark waterfront to get some answers. They catch up to a security guard who, after being worked over with his own nightstick, tells them that the Vespas were collected by a detail headed by Phil Leotardo. When Tony learns that the scooters made it into Johnny's hands after all, he's furious. "It's fuckin' payback," he seethes. Then he uses his own hands to smash a cue stick over the Bada Bing pool table.</p><p>Tony isn't the only Soprano giving physical expression to rage. At a peewee soccer game, Janice is incensed when her stepdaughter, Sophia, is tripped by a member of the opposing team. In short order she launches herself onto the tripper's mother and ends up under arrest for assault. More daunting than her legal situation, however, is the ultimatum Janice receives from Bobby. Although he likes "a spitfire type," he can no longer put up with Janice's violent temper and demands she see an anger specialist. "If you don't go to these anger classes they have or whatever," he tells her, "this with us ain't gonna work out."</p><p>Her brother, too, wants Janice to learn to cool her temper, if only to keep his name out of the media. But he soon has a more pressing concern. Uncle Pat Blundetto, an old wiseguy who long ago retired to an orchard in upstate New York, has sold his homestead to developers. This poses a problem in that there are three bodies buried on the old man's property and Tony doesn't want to leave them for the new owners. So he dispatches Christopher and Tony Blundetto to dispose of the corpses.</p><p>Christopher is not thrilled to be on exhumation duty, especially with Tony B., whom he still views as his rival. But as they work together - disinterring the skeletal remains, shattering them with hammers and then tossing them into the Hudson - the two cousins begin to find common ground. They share their gripes about Tony and make jokes about his growing girth, although they are quick to affirm that they love the guy. "I learned in recovery he's just tamping down his feelings, T, by eating," Christopher says. Tony B. wistfully adds, "It's a shame, he used to be the funnest guy in the world." When Tony S. shows up at Uncle Pat's, the three cousins quickly resume their routine of mutual ball busting.</p><p>Back in New Jersey, Tony is surprised to hear that Janice has had some success in her anger management class. He discusses this with Dr. Melfi, who asks whether he'd ever consider taking such a class himself. He brushes off the suggestion, but a couple of later incidents indicate it might not be a bad idea. At the Bada Bing, he attacks Georgie the bartender over an innocuous comment, beating him so badly that he suffers a hearing loss. Then, over Sunday dinner at Janice's, he taunts her about her long-estranged son, Harpo. Janice maintains her composure until Tony asks, "...what's French-Canadian for 'I grew up without a mother?'" Janice explodes, coming at her brother with a fork. Tony leaves her house and heads home, smiling.</p></div>
The Test Dream
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Matthew Weiner and David Chase<br><b>Directed by</b> Allen Coulter<br></p><p>"I told you many times, Anthony, you were special. You had smarts, personality, leadership potential. All the prerequisites to lead young men onto the field of sport."<br><br>Tony and his goomara, Valentina have just finished having sex when she heads for the kitchen to make him something to eat. While she prepares a not-so-hearty repast of egg substitutes and toast, she tries to convince Tony to go to Antigua with her. "You're getting a goddamned divorce, " Valentina complains, "and I see you less than before." But as her tirade heats up, so does the sleeve of her kimono. It catches fire from the stove and in a matter of seconds, her hair is ablaze as well and Tony is wrapping her in a blanket, patting out the flames.<br><br>With Valentina safely hospitalized, Tony drops by Tony Blundetto's to pick up an envelope of cash. He's decided to check into the Plaza Hotel and can use the extra money. "I just gotta get a good night's sleep," says Tony. In addition to staying up all night with Valentina, he's avoiding his housekeeper. "I seriously dread going home," he continues, "That Guatemalan forgets her English whenever it suits her purposes then shows up whenever she feels like it." Tony B. only half-listens as he compulsively tidies the room and calls to his sons. "I just gotta get the twins outta here already," he explains, so Tony takes off for Manhattan.<br><br>At the Plaza, Tony gets a voicemail message from Silvio that's as chilling as it is succinct: "Angelo's gone." While the old consigliere was out buying a big wheel for his grandchild, he was shot to death by Phil and Billy Leotardo. Suddenly Tony realizes why Tony B. was so agitated. "I saw him this morning and he must've fuckin' known already," Tony says over the phone to Paulie. Tony B. and Angelo became close friends in prison and Tony B. loved the old man like a father. Fearing the worst, Tony makes several more phone calls in an attempt to locate his cousin, with no results.<br><br>Eventually, Tony settles in for the night. After availing himself of the services of an Asian call girl, he finally manages to fall into a fitful sleep. He has a long dream peopled with important individuals from throughout his life and culminating in an encounter with his high school football coach, Mr. Molinaro. In the dream, Tony points a gun at Coach Molinaro, who berates him for the company he keeps, the life choices he's made and his lack of preparedness. When Tony pulls the trigger, the gun's silencer goes limp; he pulls it again and the clip falls out. Just before he wakes up, Coach Molinaro tells him, "You'll never shut me up."<br><br>Just before dawn Tony gets a visitor. It's Christopher, who quickly gets down to business. "I'm sorry to get you up," he says, "but I knew you'd want to know right away." Tony B. shot both of the Leotardo brothers, killing Billy and sending Phil to the hospital. While Tony processes this information, Christopher can't resist stating the obvious. "I guess TB's fucked, poor guy." Tony quickly corrects him. "Poor guy?" he says angrily, "We're all fucked."<br><br>After Christopher leaves, Tony phones Carmela, waking her, telling her he's in New York and canceling a fishing trip with A.J. "I had another one of my Coach Molinaro dreams," he tells her. "Turns out I was unprepared, as usual." Carmela laughs softly and they start talking, about little things - Carmela's night out with Gab and Ro, Artie's cornball jokes and the neighbor's barking dog - while the sun starts to rise.</p></div>
Long Term Parking
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Terence Winter<br><b>Directed by</b> Tim Van Patten<br></p><p>"We're in a fucking stagmire."</p><p>At the FBI's field office, Walter, an agent scanning surveillance video, notices something and has Agent Sanseverino take a look. On the tape, Adriana emerges from the back of Crazy Horse, carrying a small plastic bag. She locks up the club for the night, places the bag in the garbage dumpster and heads for her car. "But then," Walter points out, "she changes her mind." Adriana retrieves the bag, puts it in the trunk of her car and drives away. "Interesting," says Agent Sanseverino.</p><p>In New York, Tony has a sitdown with Johnny Sack where the topic of discussion is the fate of Tony Blundetto. Tony tells Johnny that he doesn't know where his cousin is, but Johnny is unappeased; he wants Tony B. "on a fucking spit" for the killings of Joe Peeps and Billy Leotardo. "You either deliver that prick to my door," Johnny warns, "or I will rain a shit storm down on you and your family like you have never fucking seen."</p><p>Family has been on Tony's mind quite a bit lately. Following much discussion, he and Carmela have decided to reconcile. But before Carmela will allow Tony under her roof, she wants assurance that there will be no one else under his sheets. "I swear to you on our children," he tells her, "that my midlife crisis problems will no longer intrude on you anymore." In addition, Carmela wants "something else in her life," i.e., a creative project. She wants to build a house on speculation and needs $600,000 for a piece of land. Tony agrees and shortly after moves back home where, at dinner with Carmela and A.J., he makes a champagne toast: "To the people I love. Nothing else matters."</p><p>But Tony still has to decide what to do about his loved one who's on the lam. Despite the untenable position in which Tony B. has put him, Tony S. remains protective of him. When his cousin phones him one night, Tony agrees to look after the twins and then confesses that he's always felt responsible for Tony B.'s incarceration. "Now we're even," Tony S. says. After hanging up he has the call traced and discovers that his cousin is hiding out in upstate New York, probably at Uncle Pat's vacant farmhouse.</p><p>Meanwhile, the FBI learns that the plastic bag in the surveillance video contained evidence of a murder. A drug dealer named Matush stabbed a dissatisfied customer in Adriana's office. Threatened with twenty-five years for obstructing an investigation, Adriana offers as a last resort to attempt flip Christopher although she is unsure if he will actually do it, and is sent home. After a long, at times violent, confrontation, Christopher finally seems ready to join Adriana in witness protection. But then he goes out to get some cigarettes and, a couple hours later, the phone rings. It's Tony, telling Adriana that Christopher, who's started drinking again, has attempted suicide in Ramapo and that Silvio is on his way to take her to the hospital. But it soon becomes clear that Tony was lying. Instead of going to the hospital, Silvio drives Adriana to a secluded spot in the woods and fires two bullets into her as she attempts to crawl away through the leaves.</p><p>Shortly after, Tony meets Johnny Sack beside the East River. Johnny is now the undisputed boss of New York (Little Carmine, finding he has no stomach for bloody conflict, withdrew from competition) and it's already gone to his head. He tells Tony, "This is the last time we'll meet like this. It's undignified." Then, when Tony accedes to Tony B.'s execution but requests, as a friend, to be allowed to handle it himself, Johnny flatly refuses. He similarly rebuffs Tony's request that the death be quick. The reason for his refusal is curt: "I choose not to." Taken aback, Tony steps away for a moment to consider his options. Then he goes to Johnny and looks him square in the eye. "You know what, John?" he says, smiling, "I'll give you undignified. Go fuck yourself. And Phil and whoever. He's my fuckin' cousin." Then he climbs into his Escalade and drives away.</p></div>
All Due Respect
In the Season Five finale, Tony's crew circles the wagons as Johnny Sack turns up the heat. Meanwhile, Carmela counts her blessings; Christopher is freaked out by an unexpected visitor; Benny's connection to the plumber's union comes in handy; A.J. demonstrates his business acumen; and Tony ponders whether to execute a 'sacrifice bunt.'
Members Only
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Terrence Winter<br><b>Directed by</b> Tim Van Patten<br></p><p>"I don't care how close you are, in the end your friends are gonna let you down. Family. They're the only ones you can depend on."</p><p>When Phil Leotardo visits Johnny Sack in jail he assures him he's playing nice, but complains that Tony wants the same split on the Office Park deal as the Esplanade. Phil tells him to hold firm---"But don't turn it into World War III."</p><p>Eugene Pontecorvo has inherited $2 million from his aunt, and he and his wife Deanne see his inheritance as a way out. Gene goes to Tony with a gift and a request for a favor: permission to retire to Florida. Tony's not thrilled, but when he agrees to think about it, Gene gives Deanne the green light to make an offer on their Florida dream house.</p><p>Hanging out at the Pork Store, Vito boasts that the only problem with losing weight is that he may have to join Clothing Anonymous, "You shoulda called your sponsor before you bought that jacket," says Ray Curto.</p><p>Agent Harris shows up with his new partner, Goddard. "Where you been," Tony asks. "I got some new federale in my rearview the last six months." Harris, it turns out, was transferred to Terrorism and just got back from Pakistan where the only thing he caught was a parasite.</p><p>After dinner at a Chinese restaurant, Hesh and his son-in-law, Eli, are jumped. Hesh escapes, but running away, Eli is hit and dragged by a taxi. He survives, barely. Seems one of Phil's guys- Gerry Torciano - thinks Eli is freelancing in Brooklyn, when in fact he was just collecting for Hesh.</p><p>Hesh calls in Tony to straighten things out, but Phil seems in no hurry to accommodate. When Phil is slow to return a call, Tony complains to his crew that he needs to use Ginny's brother as a back channel to Johnny Sack. T blows up: "What the f$#% is it? I can't catch a f*%$#*' break?"</p><p>He catches one-though he doesn't even know it-- when Ray Curto keels over just as he's about to tell Agent Robyn Sanseverino what he's got on Tony. The Feds have lost another informant. Meanwhile Tony visits Ginny's brother, optometrist Anthony Infante, to ask him to pass along a message to his brother-in-law Johnny Sack. When Anthony next accompanies his sister Ginny on visiting day, he passes it along: "The guy from Jersey asked me to talk to you." Johnny tells Anthony to have Phil deal with it.</p><p>Junior's mind is playing tricks again-he's convinced that Pussy Malanga is stalking him, and that he stole 40 Gs from a job back in the '70s. Tony can't take it. But when he complains to Melfi and she suggests assisted living, Tony cites family loyalty. Melfi hammers at Tony about his mother and his denial about her, and he turns on her: "What was your mother like?" But Melfi's not fazed: "She was controlling and manipulative at times. She also never tried to kill me."</p><p>After much delay, Phil shows up for a meeting at the Bada Bing offering 50k for Eli's troubles. That settled, they move on to the Office Park. When Tony agrees to a 65/35 split, Christopher balks. "I'm not caving, it's a strategy," Tony explains. "Johnny's in jail. You keep him happy, he'll keep a lid on Phil."</p><p>Christopher orders Gene to take care of a bad debtor, promising to put in a good word to Tony "on that Florida thing" in exchange. But after Gene shoots Teddy Spirodakis in a fast food chicken joint, Silvio breaks the news that Florida's out. Deanne is devastated- "Tony, Tony! Why don't you kill him?....You think I don't know you've done it before?" she screams. It only gets worse when the Feds call in Gene, who we learn has been a cooperator, and tell him he's got to replace Curto as their man on the inside. Feeling as if he has no choice, Gene hangs himself.</p><p>Called off a cruise on the Stugots II to babysit Junior, T bust in on Janice and Bacala, but she's too busy with her new baby to help out. "F$#@ it! You want something done, do it yourself."</p><p>Tony makes dinner while Junior goes to look for his teeth. But the aging wiseguy finds a gun instead, and in a fit of paranoia, shoots Tony in the stomach. Junior hides in the closet while Tony struggles to make it to a phone to call 911.</p></div>
Join the Club
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>David Chase<br><b>Directed by</b> David Nutter<br></p><p>I'm 46 years old. I mean who am I? Where am I going?</p><p>Tony wakes up in an anonymous business hotel room and heads to the bar for a drink. He calls home and gets the answering machine with...a young boy and girl: "Hi, you've reached the Sopranos." He smiles and leaves a message.</p><p>The next morning signing in for a conference, Tony realizes he has the wrong wallet and briefcase when the picture ID he presents belongs to "Kevin Finnerty", a solar heating systems salesman from Arizona. Tony calls home-but the woman offering consolation is not Carmela.</p><p>He heads back to the bar to see if he can find his belongings-or Finnerty, since he can't get on a plane or check back into his room without his own ID. A group of business travelers overhear his dilemma and invite him to join them for dinner. After dinner, outside the hotel, Tony makes a pass at a woman from the group-she reciprocates briefly but cuts him off. "This isn't going to happen...I saw your face when you got off the phone with your wife."</p><p>A helicopter hovers overhead. Tony looks up into its searchlight...and suddenly he is in a hospital intensive care unit, with doctors working on him. Carmela and Meadow are at his side.</p><p>Christopher, Silvio, Vito and Paulie wait for news, camped out in the hospital waiting room. It's not good. Tony's on a ventilator; Junior's gun shot damaged his internal organs. "Does he know he's dying?" asks Carmela. "We don't know," the doctor replies.</p><p>Meanwhile, business traveler Tony checks into another hotel using Kevin Finnerty's credit card. A couple of Buddhist monks overhear him checking in and thinking he is Finnerty, accost him: "We had a horrible winter at the monastery because of your heating system." They scuffle but flee before Tony can find out more about Finnerty.</p><p>After another restless night, Tony takes the stairs when the hotel elevator is out of order. When he trips and falls down a flight, we flash back to the hospital room where his family is camped out. Dr. Plepler warns Carmela about possible brain damage and urges them to talk to Tony, maybe play him some favorite music. Janice breaks down when she visits.</p><p>In custody, Junior is being questioned by a psychologist to determine if he shot Tony intentionally. But Junior is confused. "If somebody shot my nephew it was him himself. He's a depression case."</p><p>At Eugene's funeral, Silvio briefs the crew on how he'll run things in Tony's absence. Vito stirs things up asking for Eugene's "sports book in Roseville," bringing up Junior and asking why Bobby wasn't babysitting instead of Tony. "He's gotta make an issue out of everything," Christopher complains to Silvio.</p><p>Carmela plays CDs for Tony and reminisces, urging him to keep fighting. "I know that you're really strong, as strong as a bull."</p><p>Christopher stops by the Pork Store and sees Agents Harris and Goddard, who test the waters with him as an informant on Harris's new terrorism beat. "If you ever heard of anything going down-Middle-Easterners, Pakistanis-you'd be helping a lot if you picked up the phone."</p><p>Anthony Jr., who has been avoiding taking his turn at the hospital, finally sits with his father into the night. He promises to get Uncle Junior for this. "I'm gonna put a bullet in his f&%$in' mummy head. I promise."</p><p>Carmela praises Anthony for helping his family and he takes the opportunity to confide that he flunked out of school. Her mood changes: "My God. With your father in a coma."</p><p>At a hospital, business traveler Tony is diagnosed with Alzheimer's after falling down the stairs. When he returns to his hotel room, he stares at the phone, but can't bring himself to call home.</p></div>
Mayham
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Matthew Weiner<br><b>Directed by</b> Jack Bender<br></p><p>Like they say, 'With great power comes great responsibility.'</p><p>Vito pulls alongside Paulie's car on a deserted street and hands off a tip "Colombian's knock off at noon." But when Paulie and Cary De Bartolo show up, the place isn't empty. After a fight and a bloodbath, Paulie and Cary ransack the place and find a dishwasher full of cash.</p><p>At the hospital where the family is still sitting vigil while Tony fights for his life, Chris and Bobby confront AJ about trying to buy a gun. They are sympathetic to his anger but warn: "you can't go there," and tell him to channel his anger elsewhere.</p><p>Back in Costa Mesa, Tony finds a summons for Kevin Finnerty from the Crystal Monastery. He goes to the Monastery looking for help finding Finnerty but they don't believe he's not their man. Tony returns to the hotel bar and confides to the bartender he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and asks if it's possible he is Kevin Finnerty.</p><p>Carmela runs into Dr. Melfi in the grocery store. The shrink offers her help but Carmela puts her off: "I have plenty of people around to talk to."</p><p>Silvio confides to his wife Gabrielle that he's a reluctant acting boss-he was quasi-offered the job before T but has never seen himself that way. "I'm more behind the scenes-advice, strategy."</p><p>But Silvio has to step up. Bobby and Vito are still fighting over who's taking over the Roseville .Silvio gives it to Bobby-kicking up 20 percent to Vito for "the time being." Next, Silvio rules from the throne as Paulie and Vito argue in the men's room over how to split the million dollars from the Colombian take down. "It breaks half and half and you both kick Carmela's share to me to deal with."</p><p>As the recovering addict and degenerate gambler/screenwriter JT gives a talk at the Writer's Guild, Benny and Murmur walk in, slam him in the head and whisk him off to a back-seat meeting with Christopher. A deal if offered: If JT pens Christopher's movie idea - "it's Saw meets Godfather 2" - he'll wipe his debt. Christopher gives him until the next day to develop a pitch to present to an investor's group. At the meeting, hosted by Little Carmine, Chris introduces the set up: "It's about a wise guy with a big mouth and bigger dreams." As JT tries to tell the story the skeptical investors interrupt with commentary and critiques.</p><p>After dinner with their wives, Vito feels out his cousin Phil Leotardo about shorting Carmela-it's "money down the drain" if Tony dies. "It's temping but you can't think that way," warns Phil. Paulie is equally uninterested in handing over his piece of pie to Carmela, but as Little Paulie says, "the boss's wife, what can you do?"</p><p>In Costa Mesa Tony's calls home but can't bring himself to reveal his Alzheimer's diagnosis. He's found a flyer for the Finnerty family reunion in his briefcase and decides to go and confront his doppelganger.</p><p>Carmela blows up at AJ when she sees a news story where AJ's quoted saying "Growing up Soprano? It's just plain weird." After her meltdown, Carmela goes to see Dr. Melfi for help dealing with AJ. But Melfi pushes Carmela to talk about how she's doing, and Carm talks about her guilt over making her kids complicit in how Tony makes his money. Plus -- there's the issue of whether she really loves Tony.</p><p>Silvio's feeling the pressure, and Gabrielle pushes him to be getting more compensation. And when Bobby comes by to complain again about having to give 20 percent of Roseville to Vito, the combined stress makes Silvio's asthma kick up and he's rushed to the hospital. With Silvio and Tony both "on the canvas" Vito has his eyes on the boss's job.</p><p>At the hospital Finn arrives to be with Meadow just as Paulie's talking makes Tony's blood pressure drop and he goes into cardiac arrest. The doctors rush in with the paddles.</p><p>Back in Costa Mesa, Tony arrives at the Finnerty reunion. They've been expecting him. Confused, he hears a little girl calling "Don't go Daddy."</p><p>In the ICU Meadow calls out to her father. Tony surprises everyone by not only coming back to life, but waking up. He's back.</p><p>Paulie hands over the cash to Vito and tells him they have to get their cuts to Carmela now. "Tony's conscious, do you capice?" When they hand it over, Carmela sees through the timing of their generosity.</p></div>
The Fleshy Part of the Thigh
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Diane Frolov & Andrew Schneider<br><b>Directed by</b> Alan Taylor<br></p><p>Sometimes I go about in pity for myself and all the while a great wind carries me across the sky.</p><p>Tony's on the mend, due for his final surgery to close up his wound. He complains to his nurse that he's not feeling like himself. "My thoughts keep running away from me." She assures him that's normal for patients in his condition.</p><p>Religious evangelicals Aaron Aarkaway and Bob Brewster barge in on Tony the night before his surgery to pray with him. Tony accepts their prayer, but questions whether their stance on birth control could be a slippery slope to banning Viagra-which he imagines he'll be needing in his post-operative state. "What are you, a wiseass," asks Carmela after shooing them away.</p><p>When Jason Barone's father dies, Jason suddenly has to decide what to do with Barone Sanitation, but he's been kept in the dark about the true nature of the family business. He doesn't understand why Tony is the second highest paid employee on the books, and Paulie brings him in for a hospital visit. Jason is planning to sell Barone to Chucky Cinelli, but Tony insists he let him take care of it. "This carting business," he says, "It's a different corporate culture."</p><p>Paulie is summoned to his Aunt Dottie's death bed at the convent, and she's got a bombshell: Dottie, a nun, is Paulie's real mother. "I was a bad girl." The news sends Paulie into a tailspin. He boycotts Dottie's funeral and disowns Nucci, the mother/aunt who raised him.</p><p>At the hospital, it turns out the rap artist Da Lux is on Tony's floor. Apparently his own shooting is helping his CD sales. "Yeah but it really hurts," moans Da Lux. Bobby overhears one of Da Lux's posse, Marvin, writing a rap. Marvin complains that Da Lux is now too busy to produce his album this year. Bobby suggests it might make Marvin more popular if he got shot too and offers to help him out. Marvin eventually agrees, paying Bobby to make a surprise hit.</p><p>Tony meets with Phil outside the hospital, his IV pole in one hand, a cigar in the other. "You go around me...and try and poach my company," he accuses Phil, suggesting that he and Johnny Sack tried to take over Barone Sanitation. Tony needs the W-2, not to mention the health insurance, and insists he stay on payroll and get 25 percent of the sale price. Phil says he'll take the message to Johnny.</p><p>Da Lux invites Tony and Schwinn (a fellow patient) to watch a boxing match on the flat screen in his hospital room. When Paulie moans about how alone we all are, Schwinn counters that we're all connected. "Everythang is Everthang," says Da Lux. "I'm down with that."</p><p>Johnny Sack offers Tony two years on payroll and five percent of the sale price and a new car. Tony vomits at the news, ordering Paulie to intervene. Paulie and Patsy make a threatening visit to Jason, warning him that Tony's take will come out of Jason's profits. But when Jason tries to back out of the Cinelli sale, he finds he can't. Tony calls Jason to his bedside and lets him have it. When Jason's mother comes to beg for mercy for her son, Paulie is overwhelmed, seeing the mother's love he felt never had.</p><p>Bob Brewster makes one last visit to try and save Tony, but the boss resists his message. Still, Tony confides to Schwinn he's starting to believe we're all part of something bigger.</p><p>Back home, Phil comes to Tony with Johnny Sack's final offer: T keeps his paycheck and W-2 for 10 years and 12 percent of the sale price-but no skim. Tony agrees. "Truth be told, there's enough garbage for everybody." But Paulie can't let it go of his problem. He takes a pipe to Jason's kneecap, insisting Jason kick up $4000 a month to him-and not a word to Tony.</p></div>
Mr. & Mrs. John Sacrimoni Request...
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Terence Winter<br><b style="font-size: 0.8125rem;">Directed by</b> Steve Buscemi</p><p><br>You make your own luck in life.<br></p><p>Johnny Sack's daughter Allegra is getting married and Johnny petitions for temporary release from custody to attend the ceremony and reception. He's granted six hours under the supervision of the U.S. Marshals and ordered to pay the costs for the extra security measures.</p><p>The hotheaded - and muscle-bound - Perry Annunziata takes over as Tony's bodyguard and driver. Seems everyone around Tony is in better shape than he is these days.</p><p>Tony goes for his first visit back to Dr. Melfi since the shooting. "So let me ask you right off, is there any chance at all for a mercy fuck?" She presses him on his reactions to being shot by Junior. "Gloom is your business and business is good," he retorts. He insists on focusing his session on AJ.</p><p>Tony heads to the Pork Store back room to see everyone, comparing scars with Christopher and bemoaning his physical state. Phil Leotardo comes by to ask Tony for a favor from Johnny Sack. "Our friend, the Mayor of Munchkinland. John wants him gone." But Tony refuses to off Rusty Milio: "Time and again I've done his dirty work. Time I set some limits."</p><p>After hours at the Bing, Muhammed and Ahmed pay Christopher for 120 credit card numbers and security codes. They inquire about getting some semi -automatics: "Protection. It's a family problem." Christopher has to take a call before he can respond.</p><p>Lawyers argue over Junior's mental state. When Carmela sees the morning paper headline touting Junior's "cushy psych lockup" she tosses it before Tony can see. At the psych facility Junior insists he's innocent - it was a gun malfunction - and begs to go home.</p><p>On the day of Allegra's wedding, Tony pressures Meadow about when she's getting married and giving him grandkids. At the Church, security checks at the church door make for a long line to get in. When Tony sets off the metal detector, he collapses trying to take off his shoes for a search as the other guests look on.</p><p>At the wedding Vito pulls Tony aside to give him a taste of a Weehawken strip mall job and report that the guy from the planning commission overseeing the municipal swimming pool bids is willing to play ball - "He's f%$#in' Joe DiMaggio."</p><p>Johnny Sack pressures Tony to take care of Rusty. Surrounded by Marshals, Tony and Johnny join Johnny's father and elderly relatives and discuss the situation in code. Tony gives in. When he talks to Christopher about farming it out (somebody from Naples), Christopher argues that he doesn't think it's a good idea.</p><p>When his time is up, Johnny is hauled away by the Marshals, sobbing in front of Allegra and the guests who have gathered for her departure. Ginny faints at the scene. Phil Leotardo loses all respect for Johnny but Tony sticks up for him: "I've seen tougher guys than John cry at weddings. Comes to daughters, all bets are off."</p><p>After the wedding, Tony and Carmela count their blessings, while Johnny returns to jail. Vito heads out to "make some collections"- but heads to a gay bar instead. At the bar, he's spotted by a fellow wise guy and panics. He sneaks back home and gets a gun and heads to a Motel. At 3 a.m. he calls Silvio "just to check in" but Silvio just wants to go back to sleep.</p><p>Back at Melfi's, Tony complains about people questioning his judgment since he's out of the hospital. "People sense you're weak, they see an opportunity." She suggests he take on the affect of a decisive leader.</p><p>Tony sizes up the group at the Pork Store and picks a fight with Perry Annunziata, the most fit - and impressive - person to reassert his authority with. Victorious, he heads to the bathroom to wash up...and vomits from the exertion.</p></div>
Live Free or Die
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> David Chase & Terence Winter & Mitchell Burgess & Robin Green<br><b>Directed by</b> Tim Van Patten<br></p><p>You can talk about each day's a gift and smelling roses, but regular life has a way of picking away at it.</p><p>News breaks about Vito's secret life. At an AA meeting, an acquaintance from Yonkers spots Christopher and tells him someone saw Vito at a gay bar. When Christopher announces this to Tony and the others, no one can believe it. Tony and Silvio try to track Vito down to get to the bottom of it. "Enough with the rush to judgment," warns Tony.</p><p>At the law clinic, Meadow helps a Muslim family whose son was arrested by the Feds and is being held with no explanation. When she voices her outrage to her family, she doesn't find any allies. Tony tells her "You oughta chill out about some of this."</p><p>Benny and Terry Doria track Vito down at the shore where he's laying low with his goomar (who hasn't been serviced in over a year and is sexually frustrated). When they try to bring him in for a talk, Vito screeches off in his car. He stops by his house to pick up some cash and kiss his kids goodbye-then takes off in a rain storm. When Phil calls his cell, Vito tosses it out the window. His car breaks down in the storm, and Vito checks into an inn in New Hampshire, slipping his gun under his pillow.</p><p>Meanwhile, Tony and Christopher have lined up the Italians to take care of Rusty for Johnny Sack. Christopher enlists heroin addict Corky Caporale, who speaks Italian, to relay the necessary information on the hit on "the little guy in Ozone Park." Corky's already heard the rumors about Vito.</p><p>Carmela's spec house has been ransacked. She confronts her father about it but he blames her for not taking care of the permits. She reminds Tony again about talking to the building inspector, but he keeps forgetting.</p><p>With Vito gone AWOL, Silvio goes to see Vito's wife to suss out how things are "in the romance department." She refuses to talk about it. "Vito is a good father and a loving husband." Silvio leaves, and tells Tony. "My business, I'm around a lot of women. That one ain't getting laid."</p><p>Carmela, Rosalie and Gabriella have a lunch meeting at Artie's to discuss the Silent Auction they're planning for charity. Angie arrives late, takes charge, and then has to get back to work, irritating Carmela. Later, Carmela walks in on Angie having a suspicious business meeting with Patsy and Benny at the body shop. Rosalie tells her that Angie's putting money on the street: "She's one of us; now it's like she's one of them."</p><p>At Melfi's, Tony vents about Vito being gay-and the pressure of his top earner losing everyone's respect. Melfi points out that many in his circle have done jail time and can't be strangers to "male-male contact." "They get a pass for that," says Tony. Tony ultimately admits Vito may deserve a second chance, like he's gotten. "Part of your new outlook," notes Melfi.</p><p>As Angie and Carmela gossip about Vito, Meadow walks in and spills her own secret about Vito: "Finn saw him giving a guy a blow job." Tony drags Finn in to the Pork Store back room to tell what he saw. Paulie, who'd been defending Vito against the "slander," now wants his head. Tony still wants to think about it.</p><p>Phil goes to see Marie to console her about Vito and to fish for where he might have disappeared to.</p><p>Tony gives Carlo a promotion-replacing Vito in all construction business. Carlo confides that the guys in Vito's crew won't work with him if he returns. Other captains want him found and "put down" for the honor of the family. Tony argues Vito's his best earner: "Let's be honest with ourselves here. We all know Vito's not the first." Silvio counsels Tony not to cut Vito any slack.</p><p>Meadow and Finn argue about her disgust over the injustice of Johnny Sack's humiliation by the Feds at his daughter's wedding, vs. the white collar criminals she's investigating at her internship. Finn, still shook up from his own interrogation about Vito points out that her family will likely impose a stiff penalty for being gay. "This is untenable," says Meadow, leaving.</p><p>With all the discord over Vito, Tony can't turn the other cheek. "He's gotta go. Tell everybody I said so."</p><p>Meanwhile in New Hampshire, Vito tries to track down cousins who live somewhere in the state but can't find any listings. Taking in the small town ambience, he finds himself at home with the peace and quiet and friendly interactions-not to mention the antique shops.</p></div>
Luxury Lounge
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Matthew Weiner<br><b>Directed by</b> Danny Leiner<br></p><p>"In business, shit happens-playing field changes, whatever. You gotta do what it takes to somehow keep your dick up."</p><p>Corky instructs the Italians on their job. They take care of Rusty and his driver. When Phil passes along a thanks from Johnny Sack to Tony, T denies he had anything to do with it. "Madon' are you a cautious man," says Phil.</p><p>Tony hosts a banquet at Vesuvio's to celebrate "new blood" (Gerry Turciano and Burt Gervasi) in Jersey and New York. There are grumblings that Artie's game is off as they wait for their meal-and rumors about the incredible food at a new place: Da Giovanni's.</p><p>Vito's still missing but Tony wants to take a break from the search, which is good news for Chris who wants to take time off for a trip to LA with Little Carmine-they want to attach Ben Kingsley to "Cleaver." Tony balks, but lets him go.</p><p>Phil holds his grandson's confirmation lunch at Da Giovanni's and though the food has everyone raving, Tony feels like he's betraying Artie: "I feel like some kind a traitor."</p><p>Meanwhile, Vesuvio's is nearly empty-except for Benny making moves on the new hostess Martina. Artie, jealous, calls her aside and tells her he can't help her with green card after all.</p><p>At the Bada Bing, Artie laments that the most he can get from the strippers is a lap dance--and chides Tony for having lunched at Da Giovanni's. "It was a business obligation for Christ's sake," says Tony.</p><p>Charmaine and Artie, back together, discuss the foundering business. Charmaine suggests Artie shouldn't talk to the customers so much and Artie blows up. "You know better than NJ Zagat: 'Arthur Bucco, warm and convivial host'?"</p><p>Tony tries to offer some business suggestions to Artie-two-for-one specials-and Artie hits the roof. "I'll give it back to the bank before I turn it into a f%$#ing IHOP."</p><p>In LA, Chris falls off the wagon waiting for the Ben Kingsley meeting- with lines of coke and a prostitute.</p><p>At their poolside meeting the next day, Ben Kingsley tells Little Carmine and Chris his interest is "script dependent." Growing wary of their director choices ("We could go A list down the horror janra with Ridley or Tobe Hooper or try and find that next James Wan-he did 'Saw,'") Sir Ben jumps at the chance to say hi to Lauren Bacall. "Betty†says she's in town to present at an awards show: "Sho-west. Some bullshit." Sir Ben suddenly recalls he's supposed to stop by the Luxury Lounge before his next meeting and Christopher and Little Carmine tag along.</p><p>At the Luxury Lounge, Chris is dumbstruck by the free shopping spree available to celebs. Sir Ben begs off their meeting, vowing to finish it in New York.</p><p>Artie gets a visit from American Express fraud investigators. Someone's been stealing the customer credit card numbers. Artie can't use Amex until it's cleared up and has to resort to two-fers after all. Martina calls Benny, who's dining at Da Giovanni's with his pregnant wife, to alert him.</p><p>Meanwhile, Artie and Charmaine have a staff meeting to talk about the fraud and Artie has a meltdown, accusing his staff of stealing from him. Later, the coat girl tells Artie that Martina's been sporting $600 sandals, raising suspicion. Artie confronts Martine, firing her. In a rage, he heads to Benny's house and beats the crap out of him</p><p>When Chris, strung out on coke, champagne and hookers calls to see if Sir Ben's publicist can get him into the Luxury Lounge, he demurs. "I don't know how my publicist could help you." Mumur arrives just in time to snap Chris out of his downward spiral. Little Carmine calls Christopher to report the bad news: Kingsley passed on the script.</p><p>On the Stugots II, with Tony, Carm, Artie and Charmaine, Tony lectures Artie about taking on Benny. "Life's not fair," says Artie "But somehow I believed my dad about honest work." Tony feels for Artie. "I don't like seein' you like this, you know that."</p><p>Tony has a talk to Benny, forcing him to have his parent's anniversary at Vesuvio's-and not kill Artie. When Benny shows up with his wife and parents at Vesuvio's Artie offers him a "Martina...apparently they go down real easy." Benny excuses himself and busts in on Artie in the kitchen and shoves his hand in boiling spaghetti sauce.</p><p>Lauren Bacall, heading to her limo with her gift basket, is jumped by a masked thug. Flying home, Chris and Murmur smile at the Variety headline on the swag grab. Sir Ben is uncomfortable to see he is sharing their first-class cabin to New York.</p><p>Tony and Carm dine at Vesuvio's, offering sympathy to Artie for his injured hand. T heads to the kitchen to talk to his friend, offering him Melfi's number: "You go about in pity for yourself." Tony finally tells him no one wants to hear him talk: "Just stay in the kitchen, that'd be a start."</p><p>When Chris brings Tony some swag, T suggests maybe Benny and Artie wouldn't have gotten into it if he hadn't been in LA. Chris argues not many have had to sacrifice what he has. "How many times you gonna play the Adriana card?" demands Tony.</p><p>Artie cooks rabbit for late arriving customers-enjoying the aromas of his grandfather's recipe. Meanwhile the Italians, heading home, compare the gifts they've purchased for their families back home.</p></div>
Johnny Cakes
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Diane Frolov & Andrew Schneider<br><b style="font-size: 0.8125rem;">Directed by</b> Tim Van Patten</p><p>Sometimes you tell a lie so long, you don't know when to stop.<br></p><p>AJ sells his drum set to supplement his Blockbuster job. When Tony and Carmela suggest a better job or community college he snaps: "Jesus, I'm doing what you want. Don't I deserve some kind of life?"</p><p>Vito, still lying low in New Hampshire as "Vince," watches a fire rescue as Jim, the local diner owner, rescues a boy.</p><p>While enjoying an afternoon on the Stugots II, AJ asks Tony about Uncle Junior and "What are we gonna do about him?" Tony dismisses any implication for revenge. "He's incarcerated for the rest of his unnatural life."</p><p>Patsy and Burt visit Caputo's poultry store for their take, along with some eggs. Next stop: welcoming the neighborhood's new Starbucks-like coffee store, offering "protection" from the marginal types. But when the manager explains that "corporate" won't care about any vandalism, Patsy and Burt retreat. "It's over for the little guy."</p><p>Tony, Silvio and Chris check out a woman near the Pork store, and Tony brags his sex life is back on track: "I got a baguette in my pants 24/7." The woman is Real Estate agent Julianna Skiff, who approaches Tony with an offer to buy the nearby poultry store for Jamba Juice. Tony's interested-but not at the offered price.</p><p>Vito has his usual - Johnny Cakes - at Jim's diner, complimenting his heroism at the fire. Jim asks how the writing is going on his book.</p><p>AJ is more into hanging out with a former high school friend, Hernan, at the clubs in New York than serving customers at Blockbuster. Hernan brags to everyone that AJ's father is "capo di tutti capi"-and then sticks AJ with the drink bill. AJ brags to one of the girls, who grills him about payback for Junior. "I'll probably have to do something," he says.</p><p>Tony complains about AJ to Melfi, who urges him to empathize, but Tony's not having it. Melfi tells her therapist, Elliott, it's just a matter of time before Tony decompensates over his being shot. "This isn't omerta. It's something else."</p><p>Phil wants to know what's being done about Vito but Tony insists he'll handle it. Meanwhile, Vito calls Marie who begs him to come home and get help: "They can cure you of this" He refuses, but tells her where to find some cash.</p><p>Juliana tracks Tony down at the Bada Bing with another Jamba Juice offer. Tony passes but asks her out to talk business. She also passes: "For once in my life I will exercise some self control."</p><p>Carl beckons Vito over at the Roadhouse to join the local guys for a beer. When Jim finally makes a pass at Vito, he balks. "What are you, some kinda fag?" Vito throws the first punch but Jim gets the best of him.</p><p>AJ asks his parents for money for nice clothes. But they don't approve of his choice of friends, or after-hours activities. He challenges them to stake him in something he's interested in: running a club. Given, among other reasons, he's not old enough to drink, they refuse.</p><p>"It's like a bad smell in the house, it's always hanging there," Tony complains about AJ. He tells Melfi that it's not a good aphrodisiac and that he couldn't be blamed for seeking an extracurricular outlet-not that he's considering that. He asks for practical advice. She suggests they lay down some rules: "The most important thing is that you and Carmela are in agreement."</p><p>AJ pays a visit to Junior at the psych hospital. The knife he's brought clatters to the floor and the orderlies tackle him. When Tony picks AJ up from the police station, AJ sobs that he wasn't able to do the job. But Tony assures him he's grateful AJ's not a killer. Still: "you gotta grow up." At AJ's next night clubbing, one of Hernan's crew hounds AJ to get his father to lean on his landlord, and AJ has a panic attack.</p><p>A beaten Vito heads back for more Johnny Cakes - and to apologize. Jim and Vito head off on motorcycles for a romantic picnic.</p><p>Julianna calls with another Jamba Juice offer. Sold. They agree Tony will come by her apartment that night to sign the papers. When he gets there, he signs the papers, but feeling guilty about Carmela, he can't close the deal with Julianna. He heads home to Carmela-in a rage over his sexual frustration.</p><p>Patsy and Burt visit Caputo's poultry store to collect the weekly take. Caputo informs them that Tony has sold the building to Jamba Juice. Patsy exits angrily. Outside, he "What the f$#% is happening to this neighborhood?"</p></div>
The Ride
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Terence Winter<br><b>Directed by</b> Alan Taylor<br></p><p>One second you're sitting there enjoying a ride with your family, the next your entire world comes crashing down.</p><p>Christopher's new girlfriend Kelli announces she's pregnant. "I'll take care of it", she offers, but Christopher proposes marriage instead.</p><p>Paulie's in charge of running the annual Feast of St. Elzear. When he and Patsy stop by the church to arrange things, new priest Father Jose tries to negotiate a higher fee for the parish. When Paulie balks, Father Jose refuses to let them use the Saint's gold hat, a traditional part of the statue's garb. "F$#% the hat," Paulie decides.</p><p>Christopher shows up at the Bing sporting a wedding band and springs his news on the guys. Silvio orders champagne all around. "Just water for me. My son'll be my strength," says Christopher.</p><p>On the way home from a business trip to Pennsylvania, Tony and Christopher get lost. Stopping to pee in what he thinks is a deserted parking lot, Tony spots some Bikers stealing crates of wine from a liquor store. Alerting Christopher, the two wait until the Bikers head back inside, then start robbing the robbers. While they're loading Tony's Escalade with wine, the Bikers reappear and a shootout ensues.</p><p>Tony and Christopher escape, stopping at a steakhouse to celebrate their caper - and enjoy some stolen wine. Over dinner, Tony talks Christopher into having a glass. "Discipline, that's all," Christopher rationalizes. But the pair get drunk and outside in the parking lot discuss their enduring bond. As they reminisce, Christopher flashes back to the day he showed up at Tony's house to tell him Adriana was ratting to the Feds</p><p>The next day, Christopher and Kelli buy a house</p><p>With the Feast of St. Elzear in full swing, Tony talks to Phil about an opportunity to unload a stolen semi-trailer full of multivitamins. He'll split it 50/50-but it has to happen that night. Phil agrees, but wants to "spare John the stress of having to hear about this."</p><p>While at the feast, Carmela spots Ade's mother Liz LaCerva working at a booth. Depressed and unkempt, Liz tells Carmela her theory that Christopher killed her daughter. Meanwhile, Christopher meets up with heroin addict Corky to give him the other half of his payment for setting up the Rusty Millio killing. Watching Corky shoot up, Christopher succumbs to temptation and indulges also. High on smack, Christopher enjoys the lights of the feast.</p><p>Next day, as the procession begins, several parishioners remark on the absence of St. Elzear's traditional gold hat. Back at the Soprano house, Carmela tells Tony that Liz thinks Christopher killed Adriana. Tony says that's insane. "Let me school you on domestic violence," he says. "First and foremost, there is always a body."</p><p>At the feast, Paulie gets word from his urologist that he needs a biopsy for prostate cancer, news that he doesn't take well. Later, Janice takes baby Nica on the tea cup ride, which malfunctions, giving another child a bloody nose. Home that night, Paulie hears of the accident, but decides to let Little Paulie handle it.</p><p>During Sunday dinner at the Soprano house, Janice chides Bacala, accusing him of inaction in dealing with the ride's owner. But when Bobby confronts the guy, he learns that Paulie refused to spring for a repair crew or rent out the newer, safer rides.</p><p>Bobby confronts Paulie at the feast's cannoli eating contest: As the guys hold them apart, Bacala screams that his baby girl was on that ride. "Everybody wants to get rich, but you don't scrimp on safety!"</p><p>In Melfi's office, Tony muses about all the people lining up for rides. "They pay money to almost puke." She asks if he's bored. He claims he still feels every day is a gift, but "Does it have to be a pair of socks?"</p><p>At the feast, Paulie calls in for the results of his biopsy, but they're not in yet. When he runs into Nucci, she chastises him for skimping on the safety of the rides, pointing out that it was also a sin to let St. Elzear go without his gold hat.</p><p>At Christopher's post-wedding bachelor party, tensions run high between Paulie and Bobby, who excuses himself early. In the men's room, Tony corners Paulie, tells him to settle things with Bobby. Paulie agrees, but confides he's worried about his biopsy results. "It could be cancer." Tony is sympathetic, but warns him: "Don't go workin' yourself into a state like you do."</p><p>In the Soprano house basement, Christopher shows up as Tony uncrates some stolen wine. They try to bond, recounting their adventure with the Bikers, but their attempt at camaraderie falls flat.</p><p>At home, Paulie tosses and turns, then calls his urologist's answering service in the middle of the night. Frustrated and panicky, he is informed his doctor is out of town.</p><p>Early next morning, Paulie shows up at the Bing for a meeting - and has a vision of the Virgin Mary hovering over the stage. Shaken, he retreats to the back room.</p><p>At the feast, baby Nica cries, clamoring to go on the tea cup ride again. Uncle Tony placates her, picking her up into his arms, swinging her around as she giggles and laughs.</p><p>At Green Grove, Nucci gets a visitor - it's Paulie. She lets him in, but tells him she doesn't want to argue. He doesn't either-together, they sit, reconciled as they watch Lawrence Welk.</p></div>
Moe n' Joe
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Matthew Weiner<br><b>Directed by</b> Steve Schill<br></p><p>Unfortunately, I have only myself to blame.</p><p>Johnny Sack's getting ready to go to trial and the feds have tallied his net worth for asset forfeiture, finding every last hidden mutual fund to up the pressure. His lawyer asks if he wants to make a deal but Johnny refuses to flip.</p><p>Janice appeals to Tony to make Bobby a captain. "He works so hard for you and what does he get? Merciless ridicule about his weight, his model railroading." Tony denies that he punishes Bobby to get at Janice but confesses to Melfi that it's actually true.</p><p>Meanwhile, Jim calls Vito on his sports writer bluff. Vito confesses he left his wife and kids and a "contracting business" in Jersey. "You can't tell anybody. Ever." Vito pleads. Jim relents and they move their relationship to the next level-Vito moves, in and Jim gets him a handyman job.</p><p>Carmela, Rosalie, Janice, Angie and Gabriella surprise Ginny at her house for her birthday. Janice openly covets Ginny's house ("reminds me of those Palladian villas"), while Ginny bemoans her plight.</p><p>Carmela loses her patience with Tony and his promises to take care of the building inspector for her spec house. Tony puts Silvio on it.</p><p>Ginny Sack's brother Anthony Infante pays a visit to Tony to relay a message from Johnny about potential business in New Orleans-a heavy equipment leasing company that Johnny's a "silent partner" in. He wants Tony to contact the Cajun brothers and force a sale to free up some cash for Johnny. And he wants to keep Phil Leotardo out of it.</p><p>Carm's interviewing new contractors for her spec, but Tony suggests she not write her father off so quickly. "Why do you suddenly care so much about my dad?" she asks. He complains to Melfi that Carmela's a million miles away-even in bed. He's not happy with Janice either. He dredges up a traumatic memory of when he was a kid and Janice tape recorded a fight between Tony and Barbara. "Held that cassette over my head for a month! Fuckin' extortion...got me to make her bed, get her shit." Tape recording is a major betrayal in the Soprano family.</p><p>Vito tags along with Jim to a volunteer fire department call and plays hero, cutting off the main power to save the Pastor from being electrocuted by a flood in the church basement. But Jim is pissed, "Trying to be a big man?" Vito tries to get the gang to play some poker over beer afterwards, but everyone turns in early.</p><p>Bacala makes a pick up at the Bookie's and is held up by kids outside. Bobby gets shot in the eye. He still manages to have Carlo deliver his week's take to Tony. But Tony has no sympathy for Bobby. "...his own fuckin' fault."</p><p>Tony meets with the Cajuns to talk about the New Orleans deal. But one of them doesn't want to miss out on the potential post-Katrina profits. He won't sell. The deal seems like too much trouble to Tony.</p><p>Melfi pushes Tony to delve deeper into his past with Janice. "What happened, between then and now?" Tony works himself up about how she took off, leaving him with their mother, and now she's back, wanting her piece. "She gets nothing. Cuz I got the scars. So it's mine!"</p><p>Vito tries to make a go of being a handyman but he's not cut out for the tedium of an honest day's work. He makes a nice Italian dinner for Jim and tells him he loves him. But it turns out to be a farewell dinner. The next morning, Vito's hit the road. Lost on a country road, he rams an old Jeep. When the owner insists on calling the cops, Vito shoots him and takes off.</p><p>Meadow confides to Tony that things aren't great with Finn. Uncomfortable, Tony tells her she should be talking to her mother. Wanting to keep Carmela more focused on her family and less on her business, he nixes Silvio's talk to the building inspector and tells Carm the inspector wouldn't budge. He urges her to sell the spec house. "You give up? I don't think I've ever heard that before," she rages.</p><p>Tony has a change of heart about Janice and presents Johnny Sack (via Anthony) with another deal - Ginny sells her house for half price to Janice once things cool off, and he'll make the New Orleans deal happen.</p><p>Vito drives by the Pork store tentatively.</p><p>Then the news hits: "Johnny Sack pleaded guilty. It was just on the radio," reports Carmela. "He got 15 years." As the news spreads, so does the shock and rage. Phil Leotardo says all bets are off: "...the favored nations shit with Jersey is over." "I hope he dies in there," say Tony. Christopher's Maserati is confiscated as a John Sacramoni asset.</p><p>Janice gives Tony a tearful thank you for the house. But Tony is uncomfortable as Janice is overcome with emotion.</p></div>
Cold Stones
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Diane Frolov & Andrew Schneider<br><b>Directed by</b> Tim Van Patten<br></p><p>We worry so much. Sometimes it seems that's all we do. But in the end, it all gets washed away. Everything gets washed away.</p><p>Carmela and Tony learn that AJ was fired three weeks ago from Blockbuster for selling promotional movie items. Carmela can't sleep for worry. "He's got his dead, nihilistic streak. It chills me to the bone," she tells Tony. Then Meadow knocks on their door to announce she's going to California to be with Finn at dental school.</p><p>Tony makes Phil come to Jersey for a meeting. "I gotta draw lines," he tells Silvio. Phil tells Tony he can't make five no-show jobs work anymore on the Tidelands project. "I, me, my." I'm hearin' a lotta that from you lately," notes Tony. Phil tells him that as long as Johnny's "folding laundry in Danbury" Phil's in charge and he's made his decision.</p><p>Carmela reminds Tony about the trip to Paris she won at the silent auction at the Feast. Tony can't get away, so Carmela suggests she take Rosalie Aprile. With Meadow leaving, the spec house disaster and AJ's antics, she needs a break. Tony acquiesces. "You should go, you deserve it."</p><p>Vito tracks Tony down while he's alone and begs to be let back in. He wants to set himself up in Atlantic City - "meth, running girls--much more tolerant atmosphere." He tells T he's not gay, it was blood pressure meds messing with his head. T says he'll think about it, but when he defends the proposal to Chris, Silvio and Paulie, they're all dubious.</p><p>Carmela gets cold feet before her flight but Tony sends her off to Paris with a billfold full of cash.</p><p>Vito meets Marie and the kids in the city. He tells his kids that they can't tell anyone that he's back because he's working deep cover for the CIA.</p><p>In Paris, Carmela and Rosalie are awestruck by the food, the language, the Paris skies, and the sights. "Who built that?" Carmela wonders over a statue.</p><p>Phil confronts Tony. "You said you were gonna take care of that fuckin' finook." Tony decides that Vito has to go, otherwise it will be war with Phil. "It's the right decision," says Silvio. They decide Carlo should handle it.</p><p>As Vice President of Concerned Catholic Mothers, Patty Leotardo confides her shame to Phil over having Vito in the family. "Vito has to be made to face his problems squarely," she tells Phil.</p><p>Lori from the Bing gives Tony a blow job while he drives her home. As he's leaving, Vito calls and Tony sets up a meet. But Phil Gerry and Fat Dom get to Vito before T's people can.</p><p>Bobby busts into the Pork store with news that Vito was found beaten to death at a motel in Fort Lee. Tony acts like it's no big deal...he saved them the trouble. But to Silvio he confides that this is Phil disrespecting Tony, showing him he can do whatever he wants to Tony's captains. Silvio suggests an eye for an eye but Tony doesn't want to start a blood bath. He wants to hit him where it will hurt instead. "All Phil cares about is fuckin' money."</p><p>Carmela is moved by the sense of history in Paris, and the freedom of feeling inconsequential. "When you actually die, life goes on without you. Like it does in Paris, when we're not here." She tries to talk to Rosalie about Jackie Jr's death and Rosalie gets mad "Why can't we just have a good time." Rosalie announces she's going out with a young Frenchman she met. Carmela urges her to have fun.</p><p>Tony tells Melfi he hates AJ. "We have to deal with this," she says. Tony seethes that his son might have grown up with some balls, if Carmela had let Tony kick AJ's ass growing up. But Melfi points out that Carmela protecting her son from his father, "is the very thing you had often wished you mother had done for you."</p><p>When Dom stops by the Pork store and makes one too many jokes about Vito, Silvio and Carlo lose their tempers. Carlo pulls a knife, and Dom ends up dead. T shows up and Silvio hustles him out. "You don't want to come in here."</p><p>Upset, Tony heads home, interrupting AJ's video gaming with Hernan. He calls AJ to the garage for a talk and tells him he's to report for a construction job at 7 am. When his son doesn't take him seriously, Tony smashes the window of AJ's car in. "Don't put me to the test,' he warns.</p><p>Carmela dreams that she sees Adrianna in Paris, but a gendarme tells her Adrianna is dead.</p><p>Tony welcomes Carmela back.</p><p>Vito's son and daughter read about his death in the newspaper. Vito Jr. realizes the CIA story was a sham and that his father left town because he was a homosexual and wanted to live an open lifestyle.</p><p>Back at home, AJ heads off to his new job and Carmela does laundry.</p><p>A photographer notices Vito's obituary in the paper and makes the connection that he knew him. He flips through his portfolio and shows his assistant the Thin Club ad he photographed featuring Vito.</p></div>
Kaisha
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Terence Winter & David Chase & Matthew Weiner<br><b>Directed by</b> Alan Taylor<br></p><p>"Sometimes we gotta be reminded, you know, what's important."</p><p>Carlo dumps Dom's severed head down a sewer drain and calls Silvio to report: "I just got rid of the last." He asks if the "barbeque" in Sheepshead Bay is still a go. Silvio's not sure, but as Phil and his blonde housekeeper head towards "Sheepshead Hair Design" for an assignation - the building explodes-Tony's blown up the wire room.</p><p>Tony closes the deal to sell to Jamba Juice and apologizes to Julianna for not mixing business with pleasure when they met last, but admits he can't get her out of his head. He asks her to dinner but she declines.</p><p>Carmela learns Liz LaCerva tried to commit suicide. Now Carmela can't get Adriana out of her head-the Paris dream, now this. Between these thoughts, Anthony Jr., the holidays looming and her spec house "I feel like an utter failure," she tells Tony.</p><p>On Thanksgiving, Tony quizzes Christopher on why he's been hiding his new goomar; Christopher tells him that she's black and he doesn't want to hear Paulie's racist comments. But when he pays her a surprise visit, it turns out she's not black-she's Julianna. They met at AA.</p><p>While picking up garbage at his new construction job, Anthony Jr. meets Blanca Selgado, the Hispanic secretary processing his paperwork; he's instantly smitten. Blanca gives AJ the first six numbers of her telephone number: "I left the last one off. If you want to find me, you gotta work for it."</p><p>Little Carmine calls "a meeting of minds" to clear the air between Phil and Tony. Tony's mad about Vito and Phil reports that Fat Dom is missing and was last seen in Jersey. Little Carmine says the infighting's costing money. They are about to agree to a truce, wipe the slate clean, but then Carmine brings up the murder of Phil's brother Billy; Phil storms out.</p><p>Chris shows Julianna his movie script and she asks if Tony Soprano is like the boss in "Cleaver." Chris is worried about infringing on Tony's territory, but she promises nothing happened between them.</p><p>Prompted by Liz's suicide attempt, Carmela tells Tony she wants to hire a PI to track down Adriana. So Tony orders Silvio to lean on the building inspector for Carmela's spec house after all: "For all our sakes, my wife needs a career."</p><p>Phil and Gerry hold a war conference about the Vito fallout. If Dom was payback for Vito, why'd they blow up the wire room in Sheepshead Bay, Gerry wonders. "He's testing you all the time, and you keep indulging him," Butch DeConcini warns Phil. Phil agrees, but he won't whack a boss. "Pick somebody over there," asks Butch.</p><p>Blanca and AJ are hanging out when some punks start making noise waking up her son. "My ex used to kick their asses," she tells AJ. Reluctantly, he heads outside to take charge, but when he sees what he's up against, he changes tactics and tells him if they leave, he'll give them his bike.</p><p>Christopher confides to Murmur about his affair with Julianna after an NA meeting. Between Tony's interest and her being in recovery for junk, Murmur thinks it's dangerous. "Two of you together could be enabling. Bad habits shared." But Christopher swears he's different with her.</p><p>Bacala visits Junior to return the envelope of cash he sent over as a Christmas present, telling him he shouldn't even be visiting after what happened with Tony. "Still up on his cross?" asks Junior.</p><p>Julianna is doubled over with a hacking cough and Christopher insists on getting her some cold medicine. They settle on valerian tea. When she recovers from the cold, they take up smack again.</p><p>AJ and Tony are putting up the Christmas tree when Carmela opens a letter informing her that construction can proceed on her spec house. "This is the best Christmas present I could get!" she hugs Tony.</p><p>Patty Leotardo takes Phil to the doctor for his chest pains and he's given a clean bill of health-it's probably just gas. But a few days later, he collapses with a coronary. It'll be 5-6 months recovery.</p><p>Tony spies Christopher talking to Julianna but Christopher covers, saying he was getting advice on what to buy his black goomar Kaisha for her birthday. But Christopher decides that as between using again and banging Julianna, he'd rather confess to Tony about the sex. Tony takes the news in stride but is bitter when he tells Melfi "This is my reward." He has a breakthrough though, realizing that he's got a type-and it includes Melfi. "Dark complexion, smart, they smell a little bit, of money...That's probably why I still come here."</p><p>Agent Harris stops by the Pork store for a sandwich and warns Tony that someone close to him may be in danger, but he doesn't know the specifics. Tony thanks him. 'It's Christmas," he shrugs. Tony pays a visit to Phil in the hospital and tells him about his near-death epiphany and urges that they stop the madness. Phil tears up and seems to agree.</p><p>Carmela is busy with her spec house as they prepare Christmas Eve dinner. AJ brings Blanca and Hector to meet the family. She's sporting an expensive necklace-a gift from AJ. Carmela's not thrilled that she's ten years older than AJ and also Puerto Rican. "Least she's a Catholic," Tony counters.</p><p>Meadow calls from California as everyone gathers in a perfect family tableau.</p></div>
Soprano Home Movies
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Diane Frolov & Andrew Schneider and David Chase & Matthew Weiner<br><b>Directed by</b> Tim Van Patten<br></p><p>"My estimate? Historically? Eighty percent of the time it ends in the can like Johnny Sack. Either that or the loading dock at Cozarelli's."</p><p>Flashback to 2004: Tony is outside Johnny Sack's and takes off through the woods as the Feds approach. He tosses his gun in the snow. From a neighbor's upstairs window, a teenaged boy watches. Later that night, the kid digs through the snow to find the gun and fires it - a new toy.</p><p>Six AM on a 2007 morning, the Soprano family is roused from bed by the cops banging on the door. "Is this it?" Carmela asks. It's the Essex county cops with a warrant for Tony's arrest on a weapons charge: an illegal firearm containing hollow point ammunition.</p><p>Tony is arraigned and bail is posted. Turns out a punk kid, pulled over by the cops, was found with drugs and the weapon - and "to beat the rap" as Tony's lawyer points out, said that it was Tony Soprano he saw toss the gun three years ago.</p><p>Meanwhile, Phil Leotardo is celebrating his own homecoming from the hospital. He hears the news: "Porkchop out in Jersey, got pinched on a weapons charge."</p><p>Family and friends greet Tony at home later that day - with the notable exception of Christopher. Bobby talks Tony into coming up to the lake house for his birthday to spend the weekend with him and Janice. On the car ride up he gets an early birthday present in the form of a call from his lawyer Neil Mink: the charges have been dropped. What he doesn't know is the Feds leaned on the local prosecutor: "Can you really not be aware we've been building a RICO case against Tony Soprano for 5 f**king years? And then you blow this popcorn fart?"</p><p>Up at the lake house, Carmela and Tony greet their favorite niece, Nica. Bobby takes T out to the woods for some target practice against a tree and gives him his birthday gift: an AR-10 automatic machine gun. "I wouldn't use a firearm like this on a deer, it's unsportsmanlike," Bobby explains. Lately, he's been using a bow and arrow exclusively: "It levels the playing field."</p><p>Relaxing by the lake, Janice waxes poetic about her new life and her new peace with Tony. "You've really changed," she notes. "So I had to change?" he bristles. Watching Nica play with the nanny, Tony nudges Carm to tell the story she heard about the unattended child nearly drowning in a pool with the adults all around - now brain dead. "I can't get that story outta my mind. I don't know why," he says.</p><p>Tony gets a birthday blow job from Carm before taking a motor boat ride on the lake. While back at the Soprano's house AJ is skipping work to hang out in the master bedroom suite with Blanca and host a pool party.</p><p>Janice expounds on the lessons she's learned in psychotherapy (that her mom was a "splitter," pitting her kids against each other) reviewing her epiphanies about her childhood as Carmela patiently listens. Out on the lake, Tony, feeling his age, talks about the business and notes that notes that Bobby never "popped his cherry" with taking somebody out. Tony confides his disappointment with "the guy" he's been grooming should anything happen to him and hints Bobby might be next in line.</p><p>Over multiple toasts, T salutes his family and enjoys his gifts. As the evening progresses, ("We're out of grappa, how about some Remy?" Bobby asks) they go from conversation to karaoke to a vicious game of monopoly. As Janice continues to tell embarrassing family stories, Tony gets furious when she surprises Carmela with a story of their father shooting a gun at their mother's head coming home from the Copa, and just grazing her beehive hair-do. When Carm asks why he's never told that story T snaps, "Cuz it makes us look like a f**king dysfunctional family. Jesus Christ!"</p><p>Tony taunts Janice when she draws the "second prize in a beauty contest," card and Bobby defends his wife's honor. T apologizes, but when he hums "Under the boardwalk, with your schlong in Jan's mouth," Bobby explodes and attacks his brother-in-law. Janice and Carm struggle to pull the men apart and Carm gets knocked over. Bobby finally takes Tony down.</p><p>Carmela gets Tony up to bed but then can't budge him and passes out in a bunkbed next door. Awaking at 4 am, T stumbles into Janice and Bobby's room, and mumbles; "You beat me fair and square."</p><p>The next morning, Carm, uncomfortable with the night before, is packed and ready to get on the road. But Janice, not wanting things to be tense with Bobby and the boss, urges them to stay. Bobby reminds Tony they have that "thing later, with the "Canucks" and Janice urges: "It's a sin to waste food," offering up a frittata.</p><p>As Tony broods down by the lake, Carmela berates him for still sulking but he's feeling his mortality as he recalls the days when he could have taken Bobby, no problem. Tony complains how he had to sacrifice his friendship with Johnny Sack to get Janice and Bobby their house. When Christopher calls to wish him a belated happy birthday, Tony hangs up on him.</p><p>Tony and Bobby head out to "play golf" leaving Carm and Janice alone. As Janice continues to make digs about her brother's temper, Carmela finally defends him. "Tony is not a vindictive man," she tells her sister-in-law as she storms off.</p><p>The Canadians offer a deal on pharmaceuticals that's priced a little high for Tony. Then one of them mentions a problem he has to take care of - the deadbeat father of his sister's child trying to get custody of the kid. Tony offers: "We can make sure your sister's custody problems go away," in exchange for lowering their price. They agree.</p><p>As they're leaving, Tony tells Bobby, "You'll take care of this, right?" A surprised Bobby agrees. "No bows and arrows now," Tony nudges.</p><p>They return to the girls who greet them eagerly, and Tony says they should hit the road for the drive back. Carmela happily agrees.</p><p>Against Janice's protests, Bobby heads out for a few days to take care of his assignment. He tracks down the young father at a laundromat and shoots him dead once in the chest and a shot through the head, as the guy grabs a piece of Bobby's shirt. Bobby drops the gun in the hallway as he staggers off.</p><p>Back home, Tony watches the old home movies Janice gave him as a birthday gift, their childhood selves vying for attention and power of the garden hose. He gets a call from his lawyer, Mink. The Feds have taken up the gun charge, it hasn't gone away after all. "The good news is, if they had what they needed, we'd be having this conversation through glass."</p><p>Returning home to Janice and their guests, Bobby hugs his little girl tight as he looks out at the lake.</p></div>
Stage 5
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Terence Winter<br><b>Directed by</b> Alan Taylor<br></p><p>"Bein' a boss is a young man's game."</p><p>Open on: the boss Sally Boy discovers Frankie's bloody corpse hanging in a chop shop, he inches around to discover Michael crawling out from the trunk of a car. Pull back to reveal: the editing monitors this scene is being viewed on. Christopher, Little Carmine, their fellow investors and the director watch as Michael takes out Sally Boy in the final scene of 'Cleaver.' "F**k Ben Kingsley. Danny Baldwin took him to f**kin' acting school," Christopher declares.</p><p>Meanwhile, Johnny Sack, accompanied by Federal Marshals, gets the prognosis from the oncology specialist he's been flown in to see: It's stage 4 lung cancer. "And there's no Stage 5," notes Johnny. Rosen gives him 3 months. Back at the prisoner's medical center, he breaks the news to Ginny and his daughter Allegra, who are devastated.</p><p>Things are tense between AJ and Blanca at a Sopranos' family dinner, as they discuss the upcoming screening party for 'Cleaver.' "You two have a fight?" asks Carmela when Blanca goes to the bathroom. "I don't know," he responds, confused.</p><p>At the medical center, Johnny Sack is befriended by orderly/inmate Warren Feldman - a former oncologist doing time for murder. Feldman examines Johnny's chart and tells him he thinks he's got more like years than months to live.</p><p>Tony is jarred when he goes for the morning paper and finds Agents Harris and Goddard at the end of his driveway, soliciting him as an informant for their Joint Terror Task Force. "I think there's a word for that," Tony says, beating a hasty retreat inside.</p><p>At the 'Cleaver' screening, Carmela points out to Tony: "That's you," as Daniel Baldwin (playing Sally Boy) hurls a jar of nails at a wall onscreen. But when Sally Boy seduces the Cleaver's fiancee, Rosalie Aprile shoots Carmela an ominous look. At the party afterwards, T congratulates Christopher and chats with Phil Leotardo, urging him to shape up his family now that he's on the mend, but Phil doesn't want to be boss.</p><p>On his talk show, Geraldo interviews various mob experts on their predictions for who will succeed John Sacrimoni: Phil Leotardo (the logical choice), Gerry Torciano (feared but not well-liked), Doc Santoro (old school frontrunner) or eminence gris Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.</p><p>Ginny's brother Anthony Infante visits with Johnny Sack to discuss how he wants to arrange his estate for Ginny and the girls, and Johnny asks him how he will be remembered on the street. Anthony confides that some found him hot-headed when he took over from Carmine.</p><p>The morning after the premiere, Carmela is short with Tony, telling him that Ro pointed out the parallel between Sally Boy's relationship with Michael in the movie and Tony's with Christopher. "The thing with Adriana? I told you it never f**king happened!" Tony yells. "It's a revenge fantasy, Tony. Which ends with the boss's head split open by a meat cleaver."</p><p>Meanwhile, Chris talks to his sponsor about how hard it is to steer clear of the old people and places that make him use: "They already misinterpret I don't want to hang around so much. Paulie especially," he worries. When he and Kelli pick up the baby from Carm, who was babysitting, Carmela gives him a piece of her mind about his film and its message. Shaken, Chris heads to the screenwriter JT Dolan's and orders him to tell Tony that the fucking-the-fiancee storyline was his idea.</p><p>Silvio is at dinner with Gerry Torciano when a shooter working for Doc Santoro takes Gerry out. Sil gets out unscathed. The next day, Tony lunches with Little Carmine at the country club, asking him to step up and take leadership of his family. "You never thought you'd mutter those words, did you?" Carmine asks. But he's not interested.</p><p>Meanwhile, Johnny Sack's taken a turn for the worse. Ginny and girls are at his bedside as he takes his last breath. Anthony breaks the news later to Tony and the guys.</p><p>JT shows up at the Bing, saying he's supposed to meet Christopher. Knowing Chris doesn't come by these days, Tony is skeptical as JT strikes up a conversation about his inspiration for the Sally Boy storyline: "I stole that from Broderick Crawford in 'Born Yesterday.'"</p><p>In his therapy session, Tony vents about his frustration that Christopher seems to hate him so much, after all he's done for him. "You're hurt," Melfi notes.</p><p>At Phil Leotardo's social club, Phil hosts a celebration of what would have been his brother Billy's 47th birthday. He places the urn holding Billy's ashes back up above the bar - so he'll be able to see his friends when they visit. Working himself up over the story of how his family's name was changed from Leonardo to Leotardo ("a ballet costume"), Phil tells Butchie he's had enough. He shouldn't have stayed quiet in jail and he should have avenged Billy's murder. "No more Butchie. No more of this," he vows.</p><p>Meanwhile, Tony and Carmela, as Godparents, witness the christening of Christopher and Kelli's baby. At the end of the ceremony, Tony and Christopher embrace tightly.</p></div>
Remember When
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Terence Winter<br><b>Directed by</b> Phil Abraham<br></p><p>"Things are going great. Finally. Maybe I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop."</p><p>Paulie shows up early at Tony and Carmela's to alert T to some disturbing news: the Feds are digging over near Branford Ave. He has to jog Tony's memory; "Willie Overall, the bookie? Labor Day, 1982?" It's the guy T made his bones with. Staking out the site, Paulie tells Tony he hears it's Larry Barese who's talking. "We're gonna pack our toothbrushes," Tony says.</p><p>Packing for a roadtrip south, Tony assures Carmela it's just a "little gambling charge." "It's just, this is what life is still like, at our age?" Carmela laments.</p><p>Meanwhile, Uncle Jr. is getting antsy at the Wycoff Therapeutic Center. More alert on his meds, he urges his friends to find a way to spring him, but isn't all that interested when they offer up a plan. After hours, he hosts a poker game with the help of his new friend Carter Chong, a Chinese-American patient, and the orderly, Jameel, who supplies him with the forbidden candy and soda he sells to the players. Telling a string of off-color jokes, Jr. is flying high.</p><p>Paulie and T drive through the night rain reminiscing about the old days. When Paulie mentions Ralphie, Tony brings up Ralphie's off-color joke about Ginny that got him knocked off when someone told Johnny Sack . "Who the f**k would tell Johnny about that joke?" Tony asks. "How should I know?" Paulie replies defensively.</p><p>Jr. and Carter debrief after the poker game and swap stories about their fathers. Carter works himself up over his father's reaction to a '96' on a 3rd grade spelling test: " 'What happened to the other four points,' he say... F**k you! F**k you!" When Mrs. Chong comes on visiting day, she meets Corrado and is none to happy with the influence he's having on her son. "You're becoming a bully," she tells Carter, blaming "that gangster."</p><p>Dozing off on the road, Tony recalls the dive motel they stayed in back in the day in Culpepper, Va. They head off to find the Havenaire motel, but in its place is a corporate Marriott. No steaks, no bottle of scotch available from room service. They have to settle for nachos at Buckingham's pub where Paulie reminisces about similar trips he made with Tony's father, Johnny Boy. The next morning, T chastises Paulie for being too chatty with the hotel patrons: "We're supposed to be layin' low."</p><p>Silvio calls T with the update: they've found a body. Tony, not happy with the news, confides that Paulie is talking non-stop.</p><p>Carter helps Jr. draft a letter of appeal to Dick Cheney: "Like yourself, I was involved in an unfortunate incident when a gun I was handling misfired..."</p><p>In Miami, Tony and Paulie dine with Beansie, who shows them some old photos of Johnny Boy and Paulie, getting them started on more tales from the past. The conversation continues in mixed company (with some hookers) and Tony gets more uncomfortable with Paulie's loose lips when he mentions a kid at a party who "mysteriously drowned." When they ask him what's wrong he replies: " 'Remember When' is the lowest form of conversation."</p><p>Phil Leotardo is dining with Doc Santoro when Doc asks to take food from his plate, Phil coolly acquiesces.</p><p>In the common room, Jr. gets into it with Professor Lynch, fighting dirty, throwing kicks and punches. The doctors decide to up Jr.'s meds. When he gets so tired he can barely stay awake, Carter tells him it's the new meds - they're trying to numb him out. He provides a distraction outside Jr's door the next time they make the rounds so Jr. can ditch his meds. But when Jr. pees his pants in the common room while telling a joke, the doctors figure out what he's been up to - the meds he was on are supposed to cure incontinence. Jr. gets an ultimatum: he takes his meds, or they transfer him to another facility.</p><p>During some pillow talk with one of the hookers, Tony discovers that Paulie's told her he used to work for Johnny Boy. When he and Paulie go to meet with some Cubans that Beansie's put them in touch with, Paulie's fearlessness impresses Tony, but he tells Beansie later that he's concerned about his verbal diarrhea. Beansie chalks it up to loneliness. "People live alone they get like that. It's sad."</p><p>Silvio calls with good news: Larry told the Feds that it was Jackie Aprile who killed Willie. Tony suggests he and Paulie charter a fishing boat to celebrate before they go home. Paulie agrees but is skittish on the boat, as he flashes back to Big Pussy's murder. Sitting on the deck, T pushed Paulie again on whether it was him who told Johnny Sac about Ralphie's joke but Paulie swears it wasn't. As he goes to get Paulie a drink, Tony considers an ax and fishing knives, struggling with what to do. "Think fast," he calls out, as Paulie is hit hard with a bottle of Stewarts.</p><p>When Jr. starts taking his meds again, Carter is disappointed. Disgusted with Jr's acquiescence, Carter attacks him in the common room and has to be restrained.</p><p>Paulie has a dream that Big Pussy is in his kitchen waiting for him when he returns home, "When my time comes, tell me, will I stand up?" he asks, just before he jerks awake.</p><p>Getting into his car, Doc Santoro is shot dead on the street. Back at the Bing, Paulie is talking Christopher's ear off with old stories, while the news blares in the background of Santoro's shooting. "Looks like Phil's the main guinea over there now," Silvio notes to Tony.</p></div>
Chasing It
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Matthew Weiner<br><b>Directed by</b> Tim Van Patten<br></p><p>"What are you chasing? Money? Or a high from winning?"</p><p>At the Borgata Casino, Tony decides to let it ride after winning at roulette. Bobby, Christopher, Silvio and Paulie watch nervously as the croupier spins the wheel - and T loses everything he'd won, and then some, on 23.</p><p>Meanwhile, Vito Jr. is going through a rebellious phase, knocking over tombstones at night, wearing eyeliner and black lipstick and making his mother Marie miserable. Marie comes to Tony in tears, begging for $100,000 so she can relocate her family to Maine, where no one will know them or what happened to Vito. Already feeling strapped due to the loss of Vito as one of his big earners, Tony is reluctant to shell out more. He feels Phil Leotardo should step up - as Marie's relative, and the one who clipped Vito to begin with.</p><p>At a dinner in Queens celebrating Phil's promotion to boss, Tony excuses himself before the festivities have ended and pulls Phil aside to ask him to talk to Vito Jr. Phil grudgingly agrees. Tony stops by Hesh's on his way home for a visit and shares some of his concerns about Phil and his own team. "Lonely at the top, boychik?" asks Phil. When Tony presents him with a Cleaver cap, Hesh admits he was hoping for some of the 200k he loaned him instead. Bristling, T hands over $3000: "Don't want you eatin' catfood."</p><p>At a session with Melfi, complains about Jews and money, referring to Hesh being on him about the loan. He talks about his losing streak and when Melfi asks why he doesn't just stop, Tony says it's for the thrill when things go right. Before the session ends, Melfi calls him on all of the appointments he's missed. "Decide if you want to keep coming," she tells him, "but know there are protocols that have to be followed or I won't be able to continue."</p><p>Carmela's spec house has an offer and she and her father show up for inspection day. When it pours down rain one night, she can't sleep for fear of what might happen with the sub-code construction materials they used in the house. But her father tells her to relax.</p><p>Phil has his talk with Little Vito, urging him to stop his rebel ways and be a man for his mother, but it doesn't seem to take as the kid continues to act out. Tony pays his own visit, ordering the kid: "Your dad's gone, OK? You're the man of the house now. Start f**kin' acting like it."</p><p>Hesh stops by the back room at the Bing for a visit and Tony hands over another 3k, making Shylock jokes. Later at home, Hesh's blood pressure has spiked and he confides to his son Eli that he's nervous about Tony's attitude: "At what point is it cheaper for him to settle in another way?"</p><p>AJ proposes to Blanca over a nice dinner, promising her that he will rise from pizzeria night manager to restaurant chain owner in no time, and coaxes a "yes" out of her.</p><p>After the closing for Carmela's house, she's still skittish about celebrating but calculates she's cleared "about six." Tony tries to talk her into putting half on the Jets - it's a sure thing. She refuses but he keeps pushing and she gets pissed, "I thought this was my money." He backs off, but later when the Jets win, he's pissed about the profit they lost out on. "We coulda turned your bullshit into a f**king million dollars!" She blows up - that's her investment in her future - she doesn't want to end up like Ginny Sacrimoni. Tony is furious that she thinks he hasn't provided for her. Their fight gets physical, he grabs her, she hurls a statue at him and both storm off.</p><p>When Hesh spies Tony and Bobby drive up, he orders his girlfriend Renata to go to the bedroom and lock the door. They're there to invite Hesh to tag along to the boat show. But Hesh begs off. T hands over that week's 3k. Hesh insist's Tony stop with the weekly interest payments and just give him the 200k when he says it, but T insists. Leaving Hesh, T vents in the car to Bobby and Carlo about Hesh's pissy attitude. But when Carlo suggests he not repay the loan, Tony rejects the idea: "Not pay my debts? Head of the family? How's that gonna look?"</p><p>When news hits that Little Vito took a shit in the gym shower, Tony decides to give Marie the 100k. But after liquidating some assets, he puts it all on a football game and his losing streak continues. To economize, Tony tells Marie he's found a tough love camp in Idaho, assuring her: "There's no geographical solution to an emotional problem." The camp counselors drag the protesting Little V from his bed in the middle of the night while his mother and sister cling to each other in despair.</p><p>At the Puerto Rican day parade, Blanca meets up with AJ and returns his engagement ring, telling him she just doesn't feel it.</p><p>Driving, Tony is unsettled when he spots Ahmed, who used to hang out at the Bing, fraternizing with an assortment of Muslims in religious garb.</p><p>Tony apologizes to Carmela, admitting he's been on a losing streak. "So this is about money? Because it didn't feel like it," she counters. She can't bear the feeling that there's a giant piano hanging by a rope over his head. Tony insists he's provided for her - she's not going to end up like Ginny, and he resents the implication. Plus, by his calculation, having survived a shooting, he's already beaten the odds.</p><p>When Hesh goes to rouse Renata for breakfast, he finds her dead in bed - a stroke. Tony stops by to pay his respects - as well as the balance of the 200k loan. "I'm sorry for your loss," he says as he leaves the devastated and broken Hesh.</p></div>
Walk Like a Man
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Terence Winter<br><b>Directed by</b> Terence Winter<br></p><p>"I know human nature. And I know a crutch when I see it."</p><p>AJ is in a funk over his break-up with Blanca and nothing Carmela or Tony do or say seems to help. "It's better to have love and lost AJ," says Carmela, but AJ just takes out his despair on his parents.</p><p>Having set his father-in-law up with a regular supply of stolen power tools for his hardware store, Christopher divvies up his take with Paulie. But when Paulie sends Little Paulie and Jason Molinaro over to lift some equipment without going through Christopher, Christopher goes to Tony in a rage. Tony brushes him off, blaming Christopher's lack of face time at the Bing and Satriale's for Paulie's disrespecting behavior.</p><p>Tony goes to Agents Harris and Goddard with the names of the Arabs who used to hang around the Bing, getting the cell phone number of one of the guys, Ahmed al Najafi, from Christopher. "Can I bank the result in good will?" he asks. But all Agent Harris can promise is a letter to his file--should he ever get arrested it will be considered at sentencing.</p><p>Falling apart when Blanca agrees to meet him for coffee, AJ sinks deeper into a depression. Having quit his job, AJ spends his days curled up in bed, staring at the TV, and talking about the futility of "it all" - Meadow tells her parents she's concerned he may be suicidal.</p><p>Tony is prepared to quit therapy at his next session with Dr. Melfi, but as he tells her, "Guess what? My son is talking suicide so now I'm trapped here forever." He gets emotional, admitting how painful it is to think that his son inherited his depressive tendencies from Tony.</p><p>Christopher makes an effort to be social, hosting a large Sunday barbecue and dinner at his house with Kelli but Tony still rides him about not being around enough. When Christopher tries to explain how hard it is for him because of his addiction, T dismisses the "disease concept" as bulls***. But Christopher insists he inherited it from his parents. "Let's be honest about the great Dickie Moltisanti--my dad, your hero--wasn't much more than a f**king junkie."</p><p>After Patsy Parisi brags about all the action his son is getting at Rutgers, Tony runs into Jason Parisi and his friend Jason Gervase at the Bing and urges them to call AJ up to go to a party. Tony orders AJ to go.</p><p>At an AA meeting, Christopher complains that his not being able to socialize is taking food from his daughter's mouth. He admits to an AA friend about the affair he had, and though he ended it, he suspected this woman was the thing that poisoned his relationship with his uncle/boss.</p><p>AJ goes to see his own therapist who quizzes him on his mood, and AJ admits to feeling suicidal. The therapist prescribes an anti-depressant. When AJ gets home drunk from his night out, Carmela is furious at Tony for sending their under-age son out to a strip club when he's such an emotional wreck. But Tony is convinced that this is the road back to college for AJ - frats and partying.</p><p>When Christopher finds out Little Paulie and Jason Molinaro have lifted more tools from Al's, he goes ballistic, busting in on a poker game and throwing Little Paulie out a window. Christopher goes to Tony to apologize for his rash actions and still doesn't get much sympathy, though Tony admits he needs to have a talk with Paulie. Meanwhile, Paulie is retaliating by doing donuts on Christopher's lawn, tearing his landscaping to shreds. Christopher calls Tony after their meeting to report how his wife and daughter were terrorized by Paulie but promises he will "sit tight."</p><p>At another party, the two Jasons invoke "Tony Soprano, Jr." to threaten a kid who hasn't paid his betting debts. They drag the kid off into the woods to torture him. AJ goes along, both excited and repelled by his participation.</p><p>Christopher shows up at the VIP room at the Bing to make peace. He and Paulie apologize to each other and Christopher, in a show of fraternity, orders up "whatever he's having" at the bar. Many drinks later, a drunk Christopher waxes on about fatherhood and when Paulie gets everyone laughing at his expense, he stumbles out angrily. Christopher shows up at J.T.'s, trying to spill mob secrets but J.T. doesn't want to hear it. He tries to make coffee and get Christopher to call his sponsor but Christopher keeps talking. When JT refuses to listen, Christopher shoots him dead.</p><p>Tony and AJ arrive home at the same time from their nights out to find Carmela and Meadow having a late night snack. The family sits at the table, sharing conversation, wine and pasta, seemingly back to normal. Meanwhile Christopher returns home, propping up a toppled sapling as he stumbles into his house.</p></div>
Kennedy and Heidi
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Matthew Weiner and David Chase<br><b>Directed by</b> Alan Taylor<br></p><p>"People just walk around like this is all something."</p><p>Phil discovers Tony has been dumping asbestos at the Barone garbage transfer station. Phil wants 25% of the action-or no more dumping. As Tony and Christopher are driving home from their meeting with Phil, they debate what to do. Christopher thinks they should meet his price. "Regarding Phil-I gotta ask-what ever happened to 'stop and smell the roses?'" he asks Tony. Tony agrees, "Each day's a gift,"-but he's not sure Phil is on the same page.</p><p>Driving through the night, Tony grows suspicious of Christopher's behavior-cranking the music, fidgety. Suddenly Christopher drifts into the other lane and has to swerve sharply to miss an oncoming car. Their car flips and rolls off the side of the highway. As Tony struggles to get out Christopher appeals to him: "You gotta help me, I'll never pass a drug test." Tony looks at the destroyed children's car seat in the backseat with rage. Christopher is coughing blood and Tony makes a decision: he pinches Christopher's nose shut, and the two lock eyes as Tony suffocates him. Then Tony calls 911 for an ambulance.</p><p>From his hospital gurney, Tony calls Carmela to break the news of Christopher's death. Over the next few days, as the mourning begins, news spreads that Christopher tested positive for cocaine and wasn't wearing his seat belt.</p><p>Tony admits in a session with Melfi what he hasn't been able to tell anyone: that he's relieved. "The biggest blunder of my career is now gone and I don't have to be confronted by that fact no more," he says. But in fact, this session with Melfi is a dream.</p><p>Tony grows more frustrated and distant, not able to feel the same pain and grief that everyone around him is going through. He quizzes Carmela on whether he detected a note of relief in her voice when he phoned her from the hospital. Devastated by his implication, she insists the only relief was "that it was him and not you." Trying to make her feel better, he tells her about the tree branch that went through the windshield and impaled the baby car seat-it would have mangled the baby. But Carmela just gets more upset. "In retrospect -maybe not the best approach," notes Melfi, when Tony reports the exchange later. "Right. I'm the asshole. Again," Tony replies. He continues to vent his anger at having to take up Christopher's slack for so long. 'Guess what pity produces in the recipient?" he reports. "They sh*t on your pity."</p><p>At Christopher's wake, Tony introduces Carmela to real estate agent Julianna Skiff, who tells her she's a recovering addict and owes a lot to Christopher. Kelli Moltisanti shows up in sunglasses, and all of the men are taken with her dignified beauty. "Jackie Kennedy," notes Tony. AJ is comforted by the two Jasons who urge him not to let his cousin's death linger in his head too long.</p><p>Meanwhile, Paulie's mother Nucci Gualtieri has died of a stroke and her wake is scheduled for the same day as Christopher's. When Carmela pulls Tony away to pay respects to Nucci, they find a disgruntled Paulie, upset that no one is coming to collect the 500 prayer cards he ordered and that everyone is at Christopher's wake instead.</p><p>At his therapist's, AJ says he's not obsessing about Christopher's death, or Blanca anymore. "Perhaps the meds are working," notes the therapist. Back at school, AJ and a girl compare the benefits of Lexipro and Wellbutrin. When the bet-welching Victor hobbles by, the girl reports that he had to have his toes amputated because of car battery acid seeping through his shoes-a story that triggers AJ's and Jason's laughter.</p><p>Needing to get away, Tony calls his Vegas connection, Alan, who sends a private plane to whisk him away for some peace and quiet. Melancholy, he looks up Sonya, a local friend of Christopher's who's working her way through college by stripping. The news of Christopher's death shocks her. Tony leaves, and fields a call from John Stefano, who reports that the asbestos is backing up. Phil gets back to Tony but refuses to budge on his 25% demand.</p><p>AJ is hanging out at the frat house when Jason G. pulls up with dinner. As he opens his car door a bicyclist crashes into the front door and they get into an argument. Jason calls him a n**ger and the fight escalates until a group of guys are beating the hell out of the bicyclist as AJ watches, growing more disturbed. At his next therapy session he is back in a funk, angry and disgusted with the world. "Everything is so f**ked up," he says. "Why can't we all just get along?"</p><p>Tony escapes his problems with Sonya, having sex and trying peyote. They wander the casino stoned and Tony plays roulette, winning round after round. His losing streak is over. Tony drops to the ground, convulsing with laughter</p><p>One of Stefano's trucks pulls up to a marsh and dumps a load of asbestos. Meanwhile, Tony and Sonya have driven out to park overlooking a stunning desert canyon. Standing at the edge of the world Tony shouts out: "I get it!"</p></div>
The Second Coming
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Terence Winter<br><b>Directed by</b> Tim Van Patten<br></p><p>"They are the bus. They're the vehicle that gets you here. They drop you off, then they go their own way, continue on their own journey. The problem is, we keep tryin' to get back on the bus when we should just be lettin' it go."</p><p>A stiff wind blows clouds of asbestos from a pile of construction debris, unceremoniously dumped in the New Jersey Meadowlands...</p><p>At breakfast after a fitful night, Tony watches Carmela opens a gift, a diamond watch, and Tony apologizes for having to go to Vegas to "settle Christopher's affairs."</p><p>AJ, who also had a bad night, has been sleeping a lot, and though Tony jokes that he's "his father's son," it's clear that his son is still in a bad way. In a session with his shrink, Dr. Vogel, AJ can't seem to shake the despair he feels over the beating of the kid from Somalia. Everything, from school to world affairs, seems to depress him. "I know kids on Lexapro who say it's great, but I still feel like shit," he complains. "Why can't I catch a break?"</p><p>At the Pork Store, Tony regales the crew with tales of drugs and sex in the desert, but the boys quickly glaze over when the boss gets philosophical. Handing over money from Stefano on the asbestos job, Silvio informs Tony that there has been no breakthrough in the negotiations with Phil, and suggests a meeting, "as unappealing as it is."</p><p>Later, Tony gets visit from Agents Harris and Goddard, and he identifies a couple of men in pictures as Ahmed and Mohammed.</p><p>Awash in depression, AJ finally finds something in school that interests him, the morbidly apocalyptic poem "The Second Coming" by Yeats. In bed at night, he reads it again: "What rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?"</p><p>Later, Meadow tries talking to him, and learns that he has dropped out. Her brother seems to be further and further out there, obsessing about world violence and watching Al Jazeera online. AJ rejects her suggestion that he find a job. He tells her, "In my condition? I can't hold a job. I'm ill, Meadow, I'm on medication."</p><p>At Phil Leotardo's social club, Tony's meeting doesn't go well. Phil won't budge, and coolly dismisses Tony's reference to their heart-to-heart talk after Phil's heart attack. Mentioning Phil's dead brother, Tony suggests that there is a limit to how much amends he can make, and asks for some compromise. But Leotardo feels he has compromised enough after 20 years in prison. He wants 25 percent of the asbestos abatement money, retroactive.</p><p>Phil's men Butch and Coco pay visit to collect from Edgar Ramirez, the foreman on their no-show jobs in New Jersey, but Ramirez tells them Silvio has cancelled the jobs. Coco beats Ramirez savagely and takes all of his money, saying "Tony Soprano owes you $320."</p><p>Outside his house in the cold, AJ sits on the diving board of his pool, with a plastic bag on his head and a cinderblock tied around his ankle. Crying, he pulls the bag over his face and dives in. But he soon realizes that the suicide is a bad idea and struggles to the surface. The rope on the block was too long to hold him under, but now he is treading water. Desperately cold and clinging to the diving board, he calls for help as his father arrives home. Tony jumps in and pulls him out, shouting at his son. "What's wrong with you," he yells, but seeing AJ sobbing and gasping hysterically, he cradles his head. "Come on baby," Tony says rocking him. "You're all right..."</p><p>With Anthony Jr. in an institution, Tony has trouble shaking his own depression. But Carmela is worn down and fed up with the Soprano family illness. "He didn't get it from my family, that's all I'm going to say," she says, and accuses Tony of "playing the depression card. And now you've got our son doing it." A nasty argument ensues and she ends up flinging her new watch at him.</p><p>Dr. Melfi suggests that AJ's attempt may have been a cry for help. Tony laments his family history and doesn't want to take the blame for AJ's problems. Suicide, people say, is a coward's way out. "I think whoever said that didn't understand depression," Melfi says. "But you do, don't you?"</p><p>On a date in the city with her new boyfriend, Patrick Parisi, Meadow is confronted by a drunk Coco, who makes a series of slightly threatening and vulgar remarks to her, before Albie finally pulls him away. Later, Carmela has a reluctant Meadow tell her father about the incident; Tony tries to play it cool to his wife and daughter, but he is clearly livid.</p><p>The episode has also blown the cover on Meadow's budding relationship with Patrick; while she's admitting it, she tells Carmela that she's decided not to go to med school.</p><p>At Coco's restaurant in Brooklyn, a seething Tony strides to the back and proceeds to pistol whip Coco. "My f**kin' daughter, huh," he says to the nearly unconscious man as he shoves the gun in his mouth. Butch tries to stop him, telling him he's making "a big f**king mistake," but Tony holds him off with the gun as he deliberately stomps on Coco's head, spraying teeth on the floor.</p><p>Melfi is in session with Kupferberg when he mentions a study suggesting that talk therapy actually validates sociopaths. Melfi is stunned: "What are you saying," she asks. "My whole work with Tony Soprano, all these years, it's all been a waste of time?"</p><p>In a session of their own with AJ and his doctor, Carmela and Tony listen to a laundry list of injustices their son feels they've committed, going back to a raincoat in the second grade. "It's all your mother's fault, isn't it," Tony says disgusted. "You're a momma's boy."</p><p>But AJ's memories of visiting grandmother Livia do resonate. "Grandma said it's all a big nothing," he remembers. "She said in the end, your friends and family let you down. That you die in your own arms."</p><p>Later at Satriale's, Patsy Parisi chats up a slightly strained Tony about their two kids ("I hear wedding bells are in the air"), when Little Carmine pays a visit. Coco's beating has angered Phil to the point where he's put a halt to the Hackensack mall project, jeopardizing all of their earnings. Carmine warns Tony that he's "at the precipice" and implores Tony to go to Phil, hat in hand. Tony eventually agrees that he made a mistake in the timing of his retribution.</p><p>At a session with Melfi Tony bemoans his failings as a father, but also defends himself, saying that for all the bad he has done, there is a balance. He also reveals that during his peyote trip out West, he saw things. "All I can say is... this? Is not all there is," he tells her. He realizes, too, that his mother had her own journey to contend with.</p><p>When Carmine and Tony arrive at Leotardo's house for the agree-upon meeting, Butch informs them that the sit-down is off. As a confused Carmine and angry Tony leave, Phil's voice drifts out from upstairs, "That's right, c**ksucker, go back to New Jersey!"</p><p>That night, a heavily medicated AJ watches TV at the Mountainside Hospital Psych Ward, and Tony arrives with a pizza. Told he can't bring food in, he leaves it and walks down the white hall to the locked doors. He's buzzed in, the doors open, and he walks inside, to his son.</p></div>
Blue Comet
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>David Chase and Matthew Weiner<br><b>Directed by</b> Alan Taylor<br></p><p>"I just want to make sure somebody knows there could be a line at Cozarelli's a mile long."</p><p>Early on a Sunday morning, Silvio surprises Burt Gervasi alone at home. "Some things you don't get into over the phone," he explains as he follows Burt inside. Once in the front door, Silvio pulls out a length of wire and strangles Burt, cutting his own hand in the process. As he reports to Tony later, Burt was "playin' both sides of the fence." And not only that, but guys were getting squeezed to sway them towards new management. "And he thought you'd be part of it?" asks Tony. "And he got an answer," replies Silvio, as Tony notes his bandaged hand.</p><p>Phil Leotardo gathers his crew and gives the order: "Plain and simple, it's over. We decapitate and we do business with whatever's left." He's had it with Anthony Soprano and his crew; in his view, he doesn't respect the business.</p><p>At the Mountainside Hospital psych ward, AJ spots Rhiannon, a friend of Hernan's. She's in for "food issues" and depression, on a break from her modeling jobs.</p><p>At Satriale's Tony spots Agent Harris and tries to get information about the Arabs but Harris shuts him out. Instead, he offers a warning - he's heard that "wheels have been set in motion" for movement against Tony and his crew.</p><p>Bobby joins Tony and Silvio for a talk about how to handle Phil. Tony declares it's over and they have to hit first - taking out Phil. Tony makes the call to Italy and it's decided that Paulie should run the job - contact the guy to contact the guys. Paulie in turn taps Patsy Parisi who taps Corky Caporale to give the Italians their instructions.</p><p>Meanwhile, Phil's crew is strategizing who to target in Tony's crew. Butch declares they need to hit the three top guys: Tony, Silvio and Bobby.</p><p>At a dinner party, Dr. Melfi sits a few seats away from Eliot Kupferberg. When the hostess brings up the study that indicates "the talking cure" actually helps sociopaths become better criminals, Melfi bristles. She accuses Eliot of putting her up to this and he counters that she should reevaluate her work with "leadbelly." When the guests want to know who that is, Eliot gives them a clue: "The answer is - a female opera singer and gangster." Melfi is furious at the betrayal, but later pours over the study with growing concern.</p><p>At Tony's next therapy session, Melfi listens with cool detachment as he complains about Meadow dropping out of med school and AJ's depression, offering rote replies. When Tony finally confronts her on her tone she loses her cool and suggests he needs another type of treatment and offers to give him a referral. Enraged and in disbelief, Tony refuses to believe she's ending things, but Melfi stands strong: "Since you are in a crisis, I don't want to waste your time."</p><p>Waiting outside a row of houses in Queens, the Italians spot a white haired man pulling up to their target, and checking their photo of Phil, they make their move. One of the Italians rings the bell with a delivery. The man opens the door and when the Italian opens fire Phil's housekeeper Yaryna comes running from upstairs, shouting. She is shot dead as well. The Italians take off and call Corky to report they've completed the job, noting that the "daughter" got mixed up in things and that she was calling out to her father in Ukrainian. Corky reports the news to Patsy, explaining that Phil's "love interest" must have gotten hit as well. At the Bing, Paulie reports to Silvio that the job is done, Murmur comes up with a NY Post story about the slaying of a Ukrainian father and daughter - "Who's this look like?" he says grinning at the similarity to Phil Leotardo. Silvio and Paulie instantly realize what's gone wrong.</p><p>At dinner at Nuovo Vesuvio, Tony and Carmela spin the family update to Charmaine and Artie, claiming they're relieved Meadow's quit pre med and is dating Patrick Parisi and that AJ is doing well.</p><p>Janice comes to Tony with news that Uncle Junior's money has run out. She and Bobby are willing to pitch in to keep him from getting transferred to a State facility, but Tony is furious that she would come to him with such a request. Silvio arrives to Tony to report the foul up of mistaken identity on Phil's hit. Turns out Phil disappeared 4-5 days ago so they never even had a shot at him. "Going to ground they call it," he explains. Tony orders their crew to do the same.</p><p>At the train shop, Bobby decides to buy the Blue Comet train to add to his collection. As he's waiting for it to be wrapped up, two shooters take him out. Meanwhile, Silvio and Patsy are packing up the back room of the Bing. They finally jump in Patsy's car but are cut off on the road by Petey B. and Ray-Ray who open fire. Silvio is hit before he can get out of the car. Patsy escapes despite Petey B shooting after him.</p><p>Tony barges in on Carmela and Rosie Aprile, interrupting their reminiscing over Paris. He pulls her away and blurts out the news: Bobby's dead and Silvio's in the hospital, they have to split up and lay low. He assures a shocked Carmela: "families don't get touched. You know that." He heads upstairs to get AJ to comply, ordering Rhiannon out of the house. As AJ starts to freak out, Tony yanks him out of bed and orders him to pack.</p><p>Carmela and Meadow stop to check in on Janice, who sits in shock with her family. Meanwhile, Paulie shows up to fetch Tony and reports that the doctors don't think Silvio will regain consciousness. They head to the safe house at night. Tony trudges upstairs to an empty bedroom and takes out the AR-10 Bobby gave him for his birthday. His finger on the trigger, he lies back on the bed.</p></div>
Made in America
<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>David Chase<br><b>Directed by</b> David Chase<br></p><p>"It's like America...I mean this is still where people come to make it. It's a beautiful idea..."</p><p>Tony wakes up in the safe house: another day of hiding. That night, he and Paulie sit in the car at the end of a Teterboro airport runway, watching planes take off as they wait. Finally, Agent Harris shows up. Tony runs through the snow flurries to join him in his car. He tells Harris he remembered the name of the bank that the Arabs used. "You just remembered?" Harris asks. Tony counters with a question: if Harris's Brooklyn contact might be able to tell them where Phil is. "You're over-reaching," Harris ends the conversation.</p><p>Tony heads over to visit Carmela and the kids at their hideaway - the estate house Carmela bought for her next remodel. Meadow is on her way out and AJ is saying goodbye to Rhiannon. Tony tells AJ that Uncle Bobby's funeral is set and he's expected to attend. When AJ questions how that's possible, given they're all at "Defcon 4," Carmela explains: "There is always a large FBI presence." Indeed, at the burial, the feds are watching the camera feeds from a nearby van.</p><p>At the reception after the funeral, AJ blows up at the shallowness of the conversation at his table, complaining about the dire state of the world. Jason jokes they should join up "go kill some f**kin' terrorists," and AJ retorts that would be better than watching the "jack-off fantasies on TV of how we're kicking their ass."</p><p>Tony and Benny play cards at the safe house. Anthony Maffei enters with Patsy to deliver an envelope that's "light." When Carlo tells Tony they're going to visit Silvio at the hospital, Tony says he's got things to do: "My daughter," he says cryptically. "Yesterday it was his gout," notes Benny.</p><p>In Little Italy, Butch and Ray Ray take a call from Phil who's angry at the failure to locate Tony Soprano. Butch broaches the idea of reaching out, but Phil shuts him down: there's no going back.</p><p>Tony visits Janice at her house. He's the only one who understands her dark sense of humor she insists as they discuss her plans. She wants to make a go of it with Bobby's kids. As Tony's leaving, he gets a call from Agent Harris: "Multiple calls traced back to a pay phone in Oyster Bay, Long Island." Tony thanks him for the tip.</p><p>Parked in his SUV, AJ and Rhiannon listen to music - and make the move to consummate their friendship. As they are going at it, the car starts smoking - literally - and the two barely escape before it goes up in flames, exploding as they scramble away.</p><p>Tony and Carmela read AJ the riot act for parking his SUV in leaves. "The catalytic converter and the dry vegetation!" shouts Tony. "If there was children playing in those leaves you'd have run them over?" Carmela adds. AJ pleads his defense: depression. Still, he manages to see the bright side when told he's not getting a replacement car. "We have to break our dependence on foreign oil."</p><p>The Feds, listening in on a wiretap, pick up Tony's call to George, asking him to arrange a sit-down. In an empty warehouse, George brings Tony and Paulie together with Butch and Albie and Little Carmine. Tony asks for a location on Phil; they refuse but tell him to do what he has to do. Promising Tony they'll come to back to him with "a number" to cover Janice's loss, Butchie and Tony shake hands.</p><p>The Soprano family returns home and Paulie, Tony and the crew regroup in the back room of the pork store. Paulie is unnerved to see the cat from the safe house has made the trip. He wants to get rid of it, but Tony insists the cat stay. In the meantime, the guys cruise Oyster Bay, searching for Phil.</p><p>Janice visits Uncle Junior while Uncle Pat is visiting to report the news of Bobby's death, but Junior doesn't seem to know who she is. Later, Pat reports to Tony that Janice was fishing for Junior's money. But Tony insists Junior can "f**kin' rot."</p><p>AJ sits across from with his new female therapist (with legs to rival Melfi's) from the psychiatric hospital. He tells her he's felt "cleansed" since his car blew up.</p><p>Concerned, Paulie calls Tony from the Bing early in the morning when Carlo is a no-show for a meeting. He suggests maybe Butch has taken out another ranking guy, but Tony has another theory: Carlo's flipped. When Paulie recalls that Carlo's son Jason was picked up yesterday for selling X, the theory looks even more plausible.</p><p>Carmela is pleasantly surprised to see Meadow's friend Hunter - who she hasn't seen since she was kicked out of college. Now, however, Hunter reports, she's in her second year of medical school. Carmela abruptly informs Meadow that Patrick and his parents will be there soon to discuss wedding plans. Over cocktails, Patrick brags that his firm is interested in hiring Meadow out of law school. Tony and Carmela are pleased to hear about the high starting salary, but Carmela is less pleased with the kinds of cases he works on: "bid riggin. It's got bag men, whores...it's fascinating."</p><p>When Paulie catches the cat staring at a photo of Christopher, he gets more spooked, but Tony interrupts him with an offer: to take over skippering the Cifaretto crew now that Carlo's MIA. Paulie says he's honored but has to think about it. Tony, "miffled," gives him time to consider.</p><p>Driving, Tony spots AJ jogging and picks him up. AJ announces he's decided to join the army. Tony insists he not do anything just yet. He promptly reports the news to Carmela and the two pay a visit to AJ's new therapist. The doctor reports that AJ says he wants to "get past the hate...focus it on the terrorists." Tony quickly starts talking about his own upbringing and his difficult mother, as Carmela rolls her eyes.</p><p>Tony takes Meadow out "sake bombing" for a heart to heart about her career. She insists she wants to protect immigrant rights, having been moved by how Italian-Americans were mistreated. "If I hadn't see you dragged away all those time by the FBI then I'd probably be a boring suburban doctor," she says. Tony has no response.</p><p>Getting out of Patty's car at the gas station to make a call, Phil waves goodbye to his twin grandchildren. Before he can finish making plans, he is shot in the head. Patty screams and jumps out of the car. Still in drive, the car rolls as she tries to get to the twins but the car runs over Phil's head. When Agent Harris gets the news that Phil was "popped," he bursts out: "Damn, we're gonna win this thing!"</p><p>Carmela and Tony sit AJ down for a talk. They don't want him to join the army but have a counter-offer: he can be a development executive on a screenplay Tony got from Danny Baldwin that Little Carmine wants to produce. And after getting some real-world experience, Tony will consider financing his night club. AJ agrees, and also gives in to a new BMW so he can drive to his new job.</p><p>Over burgers, Tony's lawyer, Mink, breaks the news that someone's giving grand jury testimony. "So Carlo has flipped," Tony says. Mink puts his chances of being indicted at 80-90% but assures him "trials are there to be won."</p><p>Tony visits Silvio in the hospital, sitting with his comatose consigliere into the night.</p><p>At Satriale's Paulie declines Tony's offer to take over from Carlo, saying everyone who's had that gig has died prematurely. Tony ridicules his superstition - and finally sways him when he says he'll have to give the job to Patsy. "Prick. You always know what to say to me don't you?" says Paulie as he accepts the job.</p><p>Tony goes to visit Junior, watching him from afar before going over to talk to him. He tells Junior that if he remembers where his money is, he should tell Pat so Tony can hold it in trust for Bobby's kids; it's not fair that Janice should get it. But Junior doesn't know him. Tony tries to jog his memory: "This thing of ours..." he says, reminding him that he and Tony's father ran North Jersey. "We did?" he perks up. "That's nice." But then Junior stares into space again and Tony retreats.</p><p>Tony is the first to arrive at Holsten's for a family dinner. He sits in a booth and plays a song on the jukebox, watching the door. Carmela enters and joins him, asking about his meeting with Mink. He tells her Carlo's gonna testify and she takes the news with a sigh. AJ arrives next, complaining about the more mundane tasks of his job but quotes old advice from his father: "Try to remember the times that were good." Meanwhile, Meadow struggles to parallel park outside. Customers come and go - a shady looking guy who's been sitting at the counter enters the restroom. Finally parking the car, Meadow runs inside to join her family, just in time for dinner.</p></div>
The Official Playlist
Check out The Sopranos official playlist on Spotify to hear the songs featured throughout the series.
