Valerie Gets What She Really Wants
Written by Michael Patrick King & Lisa Kudrow
Directed by Michael Patrick King
Valerie waits to valet her car outside Juna's -- her old ‘Room and Bored’ costar is throwing her annual party. Once inside, Valerie walks toward the pool and is greeted by clapping -- it takes her a minute to realize the adulation is for her. "Oh my goodness," Valerie says, making yoga hands. "Thank you."
Juna finds Valerie, first showing concern for Mickey’s health before talking about ‘Seeing Red.’ Juna says the show “makes it seem like I got ahead by taking my clothes off or sleeping my way into parts, which is not what happened." Valerie assures Juna that “it's HBO -- not that many people are gonna see it." Juna continues. "The other thing that really kills me is that Seth is charming,” she complains. “It's like you and I are these awful women." When she realizes Mark isn’t at the party, Juna becomes even more distraught. "You need Mark," she tells Valerie. Juna embraces Valerie for an extremely long hug.
Someone jumps off the balcony into the pool -- it turns out to be Tyler, who called Juna to get into the party. Valerie and Mickey scold him: "It won't be funny," Mickey says, "when you're sipping your life through a straw." A couple of guys stop Valerie and despite their mentions of "old woman's pussy," she still takes a photo with them.
Valerie’s old ‘Room and Bored’ co-star Chris -- now a movie star -- arrives at the party and immediately hugs Valerie. Young women -- as well as Tyler and Mickey -- are wild for Chris. Tyler takes Mickey home, while Valerie stays to have a drink with Chris. Chris reminisces about 'Room and Bored' with Valerie, but a group of girls keeps interrupting. The pair go to a bathroom to chat while Jane quickly follows with the cameras.
Valerie rides with Chris in his convertible, as Jane recklessly follows alongside in the Jeep. "The shot's too good!" she screams. Chris walks Valerie to the door and admits he had a crush on her during their ‘Room and Bored’ days. "Can I come in?" he asks. Valerie is flattered but resists. "You make me feel so good,” she explains, “but I'm married. I'm gonna give you a kiss because you are doing me a world of good." Chris quietly offers to enter from the back so no one can see. "Movie star with a mommy complex," Valerie says to the cameras as he leaves. "Next."
Valerie repeatedly rehearses her Emmy speech while she eats various items -- leftover salad, a Sara Lee pound cake, canned whip cream -- from her fridge. She uses a kitchen timer to keep the speech under 30 seconds.
On Emmy day, Mickey does Valerie's hair as Billy buzzes around with the ‘Entertainment Tonight’ crew. Jane and Billy snipe at each other. Valerie scolds them: “So much tension. I thought I was supposed to be the nervous one." Esperanza announces that there's no water pressure in the house. Just as Mickey and Valerie reminisce about working together, Mickey gets a bloody nose. Mickey is devastated to admit that he can't go to the Emmys with Valerie. She assures him that he's not letting her down.
Esperanza points to water flowing from the garage into the driveway. She opens the garage door and brown water -- filled with human waste -- rushes out from a broken pipe in the garage wall. Brad Goreski pulls into the driveway, rushing because he's late, and slips and falls face first into the sledge. "I think I will send away 'Entertainment Tonight,'" Valerie decides.
Valerie knocks on her neighbor's door and asks the guy who answers if she can rinse off at his house. "What's my name?" he asks her. "You never come over to introduce yourself, after all this time, except now when you need help." Valerie apologizes. "Sir, I've got about an hour to get downtown for what might be the biggest night of my life, alright, so I just don't really have time to discuss the problems of the Middle East, real as they are." He reluctantly agrees to let her inside -- without Jane’s cameras. Brad and Billy carry Valerie out of her house as a crew in hazmat suits works in the front yard.
Tents cover the Emmys' red carpet as it rains. Valerie vamps for the cameras and runs into Ron, the 'Seeing Red' line producer. "Wheelchair and a bolo tie is the opposite of the photo op we want," Billy warns, pulling Valerie away. HBO executive Catherine passes by, telling Valerie that she's rumored to win. Valerie is shocked to run into Tyler, who’s using Mark’s ticket. Valerie goes over to say hi to 'Room and Bored' director Jimmy Burrows and Sean Hayes, who’s announcing her category. "Listen, no matter what it says on that card," Valerie pleads with him, "please say my name!" Valerie tells Jimmy that Mark didn't show.
An usher tells Jane she can't have her cameras in the theater aisle, so she uses an iPhone camera instead. As host Conan O'Brien gives his monologue, Mark texts Valerie to say that Mickey collapsed at home and they rushed him to Cedars-Sinai hospital. Valerie leaves her cameras inside and calls Mark multiple times from the lobby before taking an Uber to the hospital.
Valerie arrives and the doctor tells her that Mickey was bad upon arrival, but now he's okay -- his tumor is actually shrinking. Valerie finds Mickey in his room, watching the Emmys on mute after a turf war with his roommate. "Red, I'm scared," he admits to her. Mark shows up after a Starbucks run. "You came," he says, surprised. "I sent you that text, but I never expected you to."
Mickey turns up the volume on the Emmys telecast as Sean Hayes presents the award for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series. The three hold hands as Sean announces Valerie as the winner. Mark gives her a kiss. The Emmy telecast cuts to Jane and Billy in the audience, who are looking for Valerie. Sean accepts on her behalf, just as Paulie G. was making his way up the stage stairs, presumably to do the same thing. Valerie gives a speech into the remote, thanking "the two most important men" in her life. Mickey asks for his bag, so he can fix her hair. "If these meds don't kill me,” he says, “the hair will."
"I'm so proud of you," Mark says to Valerie as they walk out of the hospital hand-in-hand. "So where's Jane?" Valerie balks. "Jane? I forgot about Jane." Mark is pleased. "You wanna swing by and check out some Emmy parties?" he asks her. To which Valerie replies, "Uh, have we met?"