The Car Salesman

In the Season Two premiere, Larry and Cheryl make a successful bid on a seaside chateau only to discover that their new 'dream home' has a disturbing sound of unknown origin. Meanwhile, Larry shocks everyone by taking a job...as a car salesman!

Thor

Larry seeks revenge on pro wrestler Thor Olson, who he believes slashed his tire after an incident. Meanwhile, Larry's observation of the troubles between Jeff and Susie leave him trying to prove to Cheryl just how un-kinky he is.

Trick or Treat

Larry offends a Jewish neighbor at the premiere of another friend's movie. Later, Larry experiences the 'trick' side of the Halloween expression 'trick or treat' when he questions the age of two girls who want candy.

The Shrimp Incident

Larry's suspicion that an HBO executive has lifted some shrimp out of his Chinese food following a take-out mix-up leads him to be labeled a misogynist.

The Thong

Larry and Richard Lewis, who both see the same shrink, plot ways of ending their respective relationships with the doc after Larry sees him wearing a thong bathing suit.

The Acupuncturist

An acupuncturist agrees to waive his $5,000 fee if he can't cure Larry's back problems. Coincidentally, a writer asks Larry for a $5,000 loan, claiming that he is close to receiving his inheritance.

The Doll

At the screening of a mini-series, the young daughter of a TV exec gets Larry to cut the hair off a beloved doll--and then throws a fit over it. To save face, Larry and Jeff steal the head off Jeff's daughter's doll.

Shaq

Larry is villainized for accidentally tripping Shaquille O'Neal at a Lakers game, but the incident winds up bringing him good luck.

The Baptism

Larry is shocked when he discovers that the Jewish man who is marrying Cheryl's sister is converting to Christianity. Meanwhile, Richard Lewis accuses Larry of stealing his outgoing answering-machine message.

The Massage

In the Season Two finale of this comedy series, Larry lands in hot water when Cheryl's psychic busts him for a naughty massage. Later, Larry is caught stealing forks from a restaurant.

Chet's Shirt

In the Season Three premiere, Larry and Jeff invest in a restaurant with Ted Danson. To celebrate, Larry decides to get matching shirts for himself and Ted, but when Ted finds a stain on his shirt, it leads to Larry's demotion in a performance of 'The Wizard of Oz,' as well as other troubles.

The Benadryl Brownie

Larry finally enters the world of cell phones, but his first call leads to a major mix-up with the chef at his new restaurant. The end result leaves Richard's new girlfriend with a serious case of the hives...just as the couple is about to be scrutinized by Joan Rivers at the Emmy(R) Awards.

Club Soda and Salt

Larry, Jeff and Ted scramble to find a new chef for the restaurant when the current cook quits in the aftermath of the hives incident. Meanwhile, a couple rejects Larry's wedding gift because it's more than a year late, and a saleswoman becomes convinced that Larry is stalking her.

The Nanny

Larry, Cheryl, Jeff and Susie encounter a 'nanny from hell' whose reign of terror is thwarted by ten sponge cakes. Larry commits a 'penis faux pas' after a pool party, and Richard Lewis seeks immortality from 'Bartlett's Quotations.'

The Terrorist Attack

A rumored threat of a terrorist attack overshadows a benefit performance by Alanis Morissette at the home of one of Larry's friends. Meanwhile, Larry can't help snubbing Paul Reiser's wife Mindy during a series of encounters at a restaurant and the perfume shop where she works.

The Special Section

Larry receives some bad news while he's shooting a film in NYC, but he uses the situation as an excuse to get out of a number of unappealing invitations.

The Corpse-Sniffing Dog

After dinner with another couple, Larry ponders an etiquette question. Meanwhile, Jeff's allergies force him to ask his daughter to choose between him and the family's German shepherd.

Krazee-Eyez Killa

Larry is accused of betraying the confidence of Wanda's rapper boyfriend. Later, he alienates Jeff's wife Susie and then runs into problems trying to replace a jacket that Cheryl threw out.

Mary, Joseph and Larry

Larry proves to be an incompetent Christmas tipper, while both he and Jeff prove to be lousy liars. Later, Larry tries to make amends for ruining a manger scene set up by Cheryl's family.

The Grand Opening

In the Season Three finale, Larry figures out a way to fire a chef and alienate an important restaurant critic...days before his new bistro is about to open!

Mel's Offer

With their tenth wedding anniversary approaching, Larry reminds Cheryl of a 'present' she promised him back when they got engaged. Later that night, a karaoke performance ends up landing Larry an unlikely plum role.

Ben's Birthday Party

Larry reconnects with Michael, his blind tormentor, with bad results. Meanwhile, Richard Lewis asks Larry for an unusual favor, and Larry's poor party etiquette embarrasses Cheryl.

The Blind Date

Larry mends fences with Michael by setting him up on a blind date. Jeff admits to a sexual fantasy that peeves Larry; Ben Stiller delivers an ultimatum; and Larry levies a steep accusation against a group of mentally challenged workers.

The Weatherman

Larry inadvertently traumatizes the Greenes' daughter at their dinner party. Later, Larry accuses a local weatherman of misrepresenting the forecast for personal gain.

The 5 Wood

A bag of raisins and cashews threatens Larry's working relationship with David Schwimmer, while a dirty locker threatens his golf-club membership.

The Car Pool Lane

Larry finds an innovative way to use the HOV lane to get to a Dodgers game. Later, he pays a price for getting medicinal marijuana for his dad.

The Surrogate

Larry's decision to buy a surrogate mother a baby-shower gift backfires...as do his efforts to pass a routine physical.

Wandering Bear

A surreptitious video purchase endangers Larry's relationship with his assistant, Antoinette, and nearly costs Jeff and Susie their best friend. Meanwhile, Cheryl gets medical treatment from an unorthodox source.

The Survivor

Larry contemplates a tempting offer from his Hasidic dry cleaner.

Opening Night

In the Season Four finale, Larry opens in 'The Producers' on Broadway.

The Larry David Sandwich

In the Season Five premiere, Larry is changed by a near-death experience, a revelation and a sandwich.

The Bowtie

Larry hires a private investigator to uncover a personal secret, adopts a 'racist' dog, and falls off his pedestal as a lesbian advocate, temporarily.

The Christ Nail

Larry buys his housekeeper a bra, and is saved from the wrath of her vengeful husband by orthotics and a special nail.

Kamikaze Bingo

Larry dishonors an art dealer at a Japanese restaurant and accuses a nursing-home resident of a Bingo fix.

Lewis Needs a Kidney

Larry and Jeff debate how far they're willing to go to help out a friend in need.

The Smoking Jacket

Larry is blackmailed into making two wishes come true, and swaps smoking jackets with an icon.

The Seder

Larry ruffles feathers by inviting a sex offender to a seder.

The Ski Lift

Larry and Jeff befriend the head of a kidney-transplant consortium.

The Korean Bookie

Larry suspects his Korean bookie of kidnapping Jeff's dog.

The End

In the Season Five finale, Larry is changed by a trip to Arizona.

Meet the Blacks

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b>Larry Charles</p><p><b>Written by </b>Larry David</p><p>Larry and Cheryl are awakened by a loud beeping noise and, after trying to ignore it, hunt down the source: a smoke alarm in the kitchen. Larry has to yank the device out of the wall wires-and-all to disable the annoying sound. Later that day, after a slow round of golf with Jeff and Richard, the guys discuss the 7 Stroke rule (1), as well as the recent Hurricane Edna (2) tragedy. When the discussion turns to Ted and Mary's party that night, Larry worries about having skipped the Funkhouser party the night before, joking that he should drop by Marty Funkhouser's and pretend he thought his event was tonight as a way to excuse his absence.</p><p>That night, on the way to Ted and Mary's, Cheryl tells Larry how upset she is about the Hurricane Edna victims and raises the possibility of adopting a family to stay with them. But Larry is too distracted by Shmohawks (3) to take her seriously. He insists they try his excuse out on the Funkhousers and a reluctant Cheryl gets dragged along. But the plan backfires when the Funkhousers insist that they stay: &quot;You have no plans. You're supposed to be here and you're here.&quot; Unable to extract themselves, the evening gets longer when Jeff and Susie show up with the same excuse and the Funkhousers make them all stay for dinner. The only good thing about the evening is the amazing chocolate log cake (4) they serve for desert. While playing The Newlywed Game (5), Larry further pisses off Cheryl when he answers the question &quot;If you could have sex with one of your friends' wives or girlfriends who would it be?&quot; with &quot;Cha Cha.&quot; Things get even more tense when Marty Funkhouser reveals he would only choose &quot;My Little Poofer&quot; (6).</p><p>Cheryl is so angry that Larry has to agree to adopt a Hurricane Edna family to get back in her good graces. On their way to pick up the family from the airport, Larry insists they swing by Ted and Mary's to use the same excuse — that they thought the party was tonight — for having missed their party the night before. Once again, they are invited in to stay. &quot;You have no plans. You're supposed to be here and you're here.&quot; This time Richard and Cha Cha show up to pull the same stunt and Larry takes him aside and chides him for stealing his excuse. Larry and Richard get into a fight about Larry naming Cha Cha in The Newlywed Game. When the fight escalates into a wrestling match over who should leave, Larry and Cheryl make a break for it.</p><p>Arriving very late at the airport, there is one family sitting forlornly in the waiting area. Larry and Cheryl introduce themselves to the Black family: Auntie Rae, Loretta and her children Daryl and Keysha. Larry is impressed to meet the Black family, marveling at how it's like if he were named &quot;Larry Jew&quot; (7). Loretta is not so impressed with this coincidence.</p><p>At home, Cheryl decides they should have a welcoming party for the Blacks. Larry grudgingly agrees. The party is a success until Jeff shows up with the same log cake (8) they'd been served at the Funkhouser's. The cake shocks the Black family and brings the party to a halt.</p><p>Later that night, after Larry and Loretta Black have a tense discussion, she puts her cigarette out in the trash after Larry asks that she not smoke in the house. But with the smoke alarm disabled, a fire breaks out while everyone is asleep and the Davids and the Blacks are left standing in the front yard, looking at their ruined home.</p><p>Keywords:</p><p>(1) The number of golf strokes one can hit before being able to just put the ball in the hole, according to Larry and Jeff.</p><p>(2) A category 5 hurricane reminiscent of Katrina causing 43 deaths, rendering thousands homeless and costing billions in damage.</p><p>(3) What Larry's father calls dumb drivers.</p><p>(4) The dark chocolate log cake served at the Funkhousers is a big hit. But when Larry and Cheryl go to buy one, they discover it's actually a black penis cake and the 26th Street Bakery is actually an erotic bakery.</p><p>(5) Now also a board game, this was originally a TV game show that Chuck Barris started in the 1970s, hosted by Bob Eubanks, in which newly wed couples have to guess what their spouse would reply to different questions. E.G. Q: &quot;What is the one thing your husband forbids you to put on his wiener?&quot; A: &quot;Ben-Gay.&quot;</p><p>(6) The pet name Marty Funkhouser calls Nan Funkhouser.</p><p>(7) The analogy Larry makes when he meets the Black family, noting that their last name is black and they are Black. &quot;That's like if my last name was Larry Jew.&quot;</p><p>(8) See footnote 4. Further, Jeff hasn't seen the cake when he brings it to the party, as it's boxed. The site of the large chocolate penis traumatizes the 13-year-old Keysha Black when Jeff presents the cake.</p></div>

The Anonymous Donor

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> Robert B. Weide</p><p><b>Written by </b>Larry David</p><p>Jeff is helping Larry, Cheryl and the Blacks unpack in their new house when Cheryl gets a cell phone call. It's Ted and as Cheryl runs off to take the call, Larry complains to Jeff about their flirting, including the Tap (1). Larry reminds Jeff of the NRDC ceremony; Larry's having a wing named after him in honor of a large donation he made. Meanwhile, though the Blacks aren't thrilled with the new house, they've invited Uncle Leon, Loretta's brother (who lives in LA), to stay.</p><p>Cheryl interrupts Larry's breakfast with the Blacks and Leon to call him aside. She was putting flowers in Leon's room and discovered a stain on the blanket, which is clearly the result of masturbation. She's appalled and doesn't know what to do, but is even more embarrassed when Larry calls Leon over to confront him about the stain, which Leon think he's calling &quot;a jacklette&quot; (2). Leon insists it wasn't him.</p><p>Dropping the blanket off at the dry cleaner, Larry is embarrassed when the drycleaner sees the stain and he assures her it wasn't him. When she gives him his dry cleaning to take home, he notices that his #25 jersey (3) is missing. She shrugs and says she must have given it to someone else by mistake. When he is outraged, she invokes the unwritten law of dry cleaning (4) and tells him what's done is done.</p><p>At the NRDC opening, Larry complains about the stain while talking to Jeff and Ted and Jeff confesses that it was actually him. Jeff did it at Passover (5) at Larry's, explaining he got bored but then couldn't clean it up because he had to rush to get back for the 4 questions (6). Meanwhile, when Larry sees that the other wing was donated by &quot;Anonymous,&quot; he gets upset. Now it looks like he just did it for the credit. His distress escalates when Cheryl tells him Ted is Anonymous, and, in fact, everyone seems to know this, including Senator Boxer, who's giving the opening remarks. It's faux anonymity (7), Larry insists, fuming. When Larry brings up the dry cleaning issue to Senator Boxer, complaining that there's no regulation of the industry, she tells him that's just the rule of dry cleaning, and that she, in fact is wearing someone else's pants she got from the dry cleaner.</p><p>Ted ends up telling Cheryl that Jeff is the masturbator and Cheryl bans Jeff from their house. Larry goes to give the news to Jeff and they are both peeved at Ted for being a little yenta (8). Susie overhears and is furious at Jeff for masturbating outside of their home, but also mad at Cheryl for banning him. She bans Larry from her house in retaliation.</p><p>Larry invites Leon out for a drive and apologizes for blaming him for the stain. While they're out, Larry spots an Asian man wearing a #25 Yankees jersey and tells Leon it's his. Leon insists on getting it back and when he demands that the man take off his shirt, the man, intimidated, hands it over. Desperate to use the bathroom, Larry stops by Jeff and Susie's and begs Susie to use the bathroom in spite of the fact he's banned. She acquiesces. Later, Leon and Larry spot another man wearing #25 and Larry realizes the first jersey wasn't his after all. This one, however, worn by a board member of the NRDC, is Larry's — the man admits he got it from the dry cleaner but insists that means it's his now. They argue and the man finally tells Larry he's taking his name off the wing. Larry couldn't be happier. &quot;Put anonymous!&quot; he shouts.</p><p>Larry and Leon are home playing cards when Susie busts in, furious because her daughter Sammy has found ejaculate on her teddy bear shortly after Larry's visit. Larry insists it wasn't him. &quot;So it's anonymous?&quot; Susie shouts. Cheryl overhears and tells her that Ted is Anonymous. Susie, shocked, takes off after Ted.</p><p>Larry walks down the street in his #25 jersey when the Asian man Leon took the jersey from spots him. This time he's with a group of tough guys and as they chase after Larry, he runs to the NRDC building for safety but the doors are locked and the guard won't let him in. &quot;I'm Larry David. That's my wing!&quot; he begs. But the guard only sees &quot;Anonymous&quot; on the wall.</p><p>Keywords:</p><p>(1) According to Larry this is &quot;sex for platonic friends.&quot; Because touching each other is forbidden, the friends are allowed to playfully tap each other instead.</p><p>(2) Actually, ejaculate: a stain which Leon suggests could be juice, syrup or gravy, but which Larry insists is a cum stain.</p><p>(3) Joe Pepitone's jersey number from the NY Yankees. Larry has had his #25 jersey since he was a kid.</p><p>(4) Sometimes you get something that isn't yours and you keep it, and sometimes something of yours is given to someone else and you lose it.</p><p>(5) A Jewish holiday. Not one of the high holy days, such as Yom Kippur. (Jeff insists he would never have masturbated at Larry's during Yom Kippur.)</p><p>(6) A popular part of the Passover Seder ceremony in which four questions are asked of the youngest child in attendance. e.g.: Why is this night different from all other nights? And the child responds with set answers.</p><p>(7) You're either anonymous, or you're not, according to Larry.</p><p>(8) A Yiddish word referring to someone who is a gossip.</p></div>

The Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b>David Mandel</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David</p><p>Hanging out at Jeff's, Larry and Jeff discuss the sudden death of Marty Funkhouser's mother, Ida, who was run over in her wheelchair off of Sunset Boulevard. Larry complains that Marty didn't call to thank him for the condolence message he left, and also that he'll never get the $50 owed him because you can't ask a mourner to pay his debt. Susie comes in and gets into an argument with Larry over who owes who a condolence for Ida's death. To break things up, Jeff suggests he and Larry go to the ice cream store.</p><p>Waiting their turn in the ice cream line, Larry decides to buy some for Cheryl, explaining it's part of his strategy to get sex (1). With the line taking forever, Larry grows impatient with the sample abuser (2) ahead of them. Jeff decides he shouldn't be eating ice cream and leaves Larry, who confronts the sample abuser and she finally storms out. Leaving the store, Larry bumps into Marty Funkhouser who is out for a jog to work out some of his pent up emotions. When Larry mentions he didn't receive a thank you for his condolence, Marty protests that he was preoccupied — he's an orphan (3) now. Marty remembers that he owes Larry money and pulls out a soggy $50 bill from his running shoe. Larry is disgusted and tries to refuse it but Marty says it's the only money he has, take it or leave it. Larry takes it, grudgingly.</p><p>When Larry returns home with ice cream for Cheryl, Loretta is upset he didn't buy any for her family. Larry feels this is an honest mistake on his part — a sin of omission (4). Cheryl isn't impressed with his offering because she's just gotten a call from the private school they're trying to get Daryl and Keisha into, and it turns out the woman Larry argued with at the ice cream shop is the dean of admissions. Larry insists he was in the right — she was breaking the rules of society (5). He promises he'll make things right — he'll get her flowers. When the painter presents Larry with a bill for $50, Larry offers him the Funkhouser fifty. Disgusted, the painter refuses it, settling for the crumpled bills and change Larry offers instead.</p><p>When Larry tries to pay for a bouquet of flowers with the Funkhouser fifty, the salesperson refuses it. He calls Marty from his car to complain that no one will take his fifty and demands that Marty bring a replacement to his house. Hanging up, Larry spots the Ida Funkhouser roadside memorial and pulls over. Looking around, he grabs a bouquet of flowers and heads off to the private school.</p><p>Dean Julia Thorpe accepts Larry's apology and is pleased with the flowers, which she has her assistant put in a vase on her desk.</p><p>On his way home, he stops by the Ida Funkhouser roadside memorial again and picks up a bouquet for Cheryl and one for Loretta. The women are happy for the flowers and Cheryl is impressed that he was able to get back into the Dean's good graces. Larry is feeling like he might get lucky with Cheryl. But then Marty shows up and recognizes the flowers and demands their return. Larry promises to retrieve the bunch he gave to the Dean. Begging Cheryl for some way to get back on her good side, she suggests a bottle of her favorite perfume might do the trick.</p><p>Waiting online at the perfume store, Larry grows anxious and tries to second guess which line will move faster, switching back and forth with another man. But the woman in front of him hold things up when she tries different samples, and the man who'd been behind him, moves to the front of the other line and snags the last bottle of Cheryl's favorite perfume. Enraged, Larry causes a scene in the store. He heads back to the school, where Jeff and Susie are meeting with the Dean about Sammi's application. Larry snatches the flowers but can't get out the door before they spot him. Quickly, he stuffs the flowers in an open handbag. It turns out to be Susie's bag and they are all booted out when the Dean discovers her flowers are missing. The Greene's are furious at Larry — now none of the kids can go to the school.</p><p>Larry heads to the Funkhouser's with the bedraggled bouquet to return it. Richard Lewis is there paying his respects along with out-of-town friends and family who pounce on a tray of hors d'oeuvres that is passed around. Larry calls them vultures (6) and Richard agrees. He spots a shrine to Ida at the Funkhouser's, including a bottle of Cheryl's favorite perfume and he snatches it when no one's looking.</p><p>The next day, at the funeral, Cheryl is happily wearing her new perfume as they stand in line to greet the family. As they draw closer, Marty sniffs the air, smelling his mother's missing perfume. Panicked, Larry tosses the Funkhouser fifty onto the floor in the middle of the room, says &quot;Look somebody dropped a fifty,&quot; and as the vultures pounce, he hustles Cheryl away.</p><p>Keywords:</p><p>(1) In order to get Cheryl to have sex with him, Larry says: &quot;On the day I want sex, I'm a lot nicer….then we'll have sex. Then I'll go back to being the way I am. It's fascinating.&quot;</p><p>(2) Someone who takes too many free samples. According to Larry, only one or two at the most should be allowed.</p><p>(3) Marty claims that anyone without parents is an orphan. Larry argues that you can't be 70 and be an orphan. Mary says you can be 100 and be an orphan.</p><p>(4) According to Larry, a sin of commission is much worse because it is intentional, whereas a sin of omission is unintentional.</p><p>(5) Unwritten rules that we have that help us go about our day, according to Larry. e.g. Like at night, we tiptoe, even though there is no sign that says &quot;tiptoe.&quot;</p><p>(6) &quot;I bet if you threw a quarter down there'd be a stampede,&quot; Richard says.</p></div>

The Lefty Call

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b>Alec Berg</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David</p><p>On the way to the bathroom at work, Larry sees Cha Cha, who is seated at a desk just outside the Men's room. She thanks Larry for his help in getting her the new job, just as her boss Bart, a producer, greets Larry and confirms they're on for lunch with the wives. Cha Cha keeps chatting but Larry manages to duck into the bathroom. When he exits, she comments: &quot;That was quick.&quot;</p><p>Before lunch, Jeff stops by and Larry complains that Cha Cha is like a bathroom monitor (1). When Jeff asks why Larry doesn't just go at home, he explains that Cheryl uses environmental toilet paper and he can't abide it. At the end of lunch with Larry, Cheryl, Jeff, Susie, Bart and his wife Barbara, Larry jokes with Bart that he can fire Cha Cha, it would be fine with him. Cheryl changes the subject, praising Barbara for attending lunch when they have nine children. Everyone is impressed except Larry, who finds it a little egotistical (2). Bart mentions his father has opened a retro barber shop and Larry and Jeff vow to try it. When the officious waiter Daviday comes to ask how everything was, Susie announces she'd like a doggie bag. When Daviday discerns that she is going to feed the food to her dog, he informs her that it is not the restaurant's policy (3) to allow that. As their argument escalates, Larry intervenes by asking to take the food home himself. Daviday demands to know if Larry intends to eat the leftover steak himself. When Larry promises he will, Daviday intones, &quot;We shall see.&quot;</p><p>Richard stops by to see Larry and suggests a double date with Cheryl and Cha Cha to see a movie. Larry says he'll have to check with Cheryl and confesses to Richard that Cha Cha isn't really working out, she's too chatty. Richard notes that she's told him Larry goes to the bathroom 10-14 times/day and they are both concerned. Larry loses his temper, accusing her of having bowel concern (4). Defending his bathroom habits, Larry challenges Richard to a colon contest (5). Fleeing their argument, Larry retreats to the bathroom. When he flushes, the sound -- like a sonic boom -- sends him reeling, and to the doctor for his ear.</p><p>During his exam, the doctor asks Larry a series of questions and when he gets to the question of whether he's urinating a lot, Larry gets defensive (6). He resists answering. Exasperated, the doctor recommends that Larry &quot;stay off the right ear&quot; (7) and talk to a therapist about his bathroom issues. Larry demands to see another physician but is told he'll have to make another appointment to see someone else: &quot;This isn't McDonalds,&quot; the doctor informs him.</p><p>As Larry leaves, a skinhead in the waiting room growls at him: &quot;What the f**k you looking at Jew boy?&quot; and calls him a &quot;f**king faggot.&quot; Shocked, Larry slunks out (8).</p><p>When Larry gets home, he is greeted by the Blacks who are upset about the toilet paper situation being like Port Authority toilet paper (9). Larry offers to get them soft toilet paper if they allow him access to their bathroom, and swears them to secrecy. He then pulls Leon aside and tells him about the skinhead incident. Leon tells him in those situations he needs to &quot;get in that ass.&quot; (10).</p><p>Larry calls Richard to confirm their double date and Cha Cha answers. She suggests they go to a fancy restaurant and he agrees to tell Cheryl. Struggling to talk lefty (11), Larry has to keep pulling the phone away from his ear. He asks Cha Cha what she's wearing. Confused, she asks if he means right now. But Larry has pulled the phone away from his ear and doesn't hear her. He starts to breathe heavily with the frustration of talking lefty and asks again what she's wearing. Disgusted, Cha Cha hangs up.</p><p>Larry is enjoying his old-fashioned haircut at the barber shop and chats with Bart's father. When the barber asks if everything seemed OK with Bart, because Barbara just had a miscarriage, Larry brushes it off: &quot;They already have nine kids.&quot; Upset, the barber tells Larry he's done and whips him mercilessly with his towel, sending Larry and Jeff running.</p><p>When Larry drops Jeff at home, Susie yells that the dog has been shitting all day after being fed the food from the restaurant. She's certain Daviday must have tainted it and demands that Jeff confront him. But Larry reminds them he promised he'd eat the food. Even better, according to Susie. Larry has to tell Daviday he's been sick as a dog since eating the food. When Larry confronts Daviday for tampering with the food, the waiter is skeptical of Larry's claim he ate it and they stare each other down.</p><p>Larry returns home to use the bathroom in the Black's guest room. When he emerges, Cheryl is there and discovers the soft toilet paper (12). The Blacks immediately blame Larry but he is saved by the doorbell. Richard lets himself in and accuses Larry of being a perv for hitting on Cha Cha on the phone. And now she's been fired because Bart heard about Larry's insensitive miscarriage remark and doesn't want anything to do with anyone who knows Larry. Larry insists &quot;Nine's enough (13).&quot; Promising to get Cha Cha's job back, Larry reaches for the phone to call Barbara to apologize. Richard won't accept a lefty call, however, he insists on a righty call. When Barbara answers she screams at Larry.</p><p>Leon rushes Larry to the doctor for his re-injured right ear. In the waiting room, Larry spots a bald man emerging and jumps up to get in his ass. But as he starts yelling, the nurse rushes out, informing Larry that the man is not a skinhead, but a chemo patient. Larry apologizes but moments later, has to race to the man's rescue again when he hears Leon in the hallway, also getting in that ass.</p><p>Keywords:</p><p>(1) Traditionally, a person assigned to watch a school bathroom to make sure no one does anything against school policy. e.g. smokes cigarettes or marijuana.</p><p>(2) Having nine children is like having &quot;Nine of you,&quot; Larry tells Bart.</p><p>(3) According to Daviday, the restaurant doesn't provide doggie bags for dogs, allowing no food prepared for people to be fed to dogs. He suggests Susie buy kibble instead.</p><p>(4) Larry finds Cha Cha's interest in his bathroom habits to be obsessive and intrusive. Richard insists he has the same concern, and it's concern for Larry's health.</p><p>(5) Richard brags that he could pit the VHS of his colon against Larry's any time.</p><p>(6) Larry finds a question about urination frequency irrelevant to his ear problem. He views it as a private thing, not to be discussed with strangers. &quot;We're not on a bus. I'm a doctor,&quot; the doctor points out.</p><p>(7) &quot;You want me to talk lefty?&quot; Larry asks. Yes, that is what the doctor means.</p><p>(8) The phrase Larry later uses to describe to Leon his reaction to the skinhead. e.g. &quot;I slunk out.&quot; Leon points out he &quot;punked out.&quot;</p><p>(9) Cheryl is an environmentalist and stocks the house with post-consumer toilet paper. Larry and the Blacks agree it is rough and unpleasant.</p><p>(10) According to Leon, Larry must: Pull the asshole open. Step into their asshole. Close the door behind you. Take a spray paint can &quot;Larry was here.&quot; Eat snickers, leave wrappers and garbage, f**k his whole asshole up. Open it up and step out again.&quot;</p><p>(11) See #7.</p><p>(12) Cheryl explains that soft toilet paper takes millions of virgin trees to make, which leads to global warming, which leads to hurricanes like the one that displaced the Blacks.</p><p>(13) To back up his argument, Larry tells Richard how things are in China, where you are only allowed two kids. If you have three, they execute. &quot;Kill the baby?&quot; Richard asks. &quot;Not the baby, idiot. They kill the parents.&quot; When Richard doubts this Larry backs down: &quot;Maybe they don't execute but they give you a good dressing down.&quot;</p></div>

The Freak Book

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> Bryan Gordon</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David</p><p>Larry is leafing through the Freak Book (1), his gift for Ted, while he waits for Cheryl to get ready for Ted's birthday party. Cheryl updates Larry with good news: they secured their cemetery plots so they will be buried beside Ted and Mary and Jeff and Susie. Larry has to put the book aside when their driver (2) Charlie arrives to take them to the party.</p><p>When they arrive at the party, Larry is concerned that Charlie will be bored waiting, but Charlie insists he'll be fine: it's his job to wait. Inside, Larry strikes up a conversation with the bartender who is wearing a bow tie (3). When he finds out that Ted requested the bow tie, Larry insists on talking to Ted to get him to change his mind, in spite of the bartender's pleas that he not say anything. &quot;You don't understand how I operate,&quot; insists Larry.</p><p>Ted defends the bow tie choice to Larry, insisting it classes up the party. Larry badgers him but Ted won't give in, so Larry changes course and asks that he be able to invite his driver inside to the party so he doesn't have to wait alone in the car (4). Ted would rather send coffee out, but finally acquiesces. Later, opening his gifts, Ted is unimpressed with the Freak Book, and Larry snatches it away to show Jeff. As the two of them laugh loudly over the photos, Charlie the driver stumbles into the room, plastered. When Mary runs in, shouting that Charlie groped her, Ted kicks him out, and throws Larry and his Freak Book out after him.</p><p>With Charlie too drunk to drive, Larry and Cheryl drive him home to a depressing house where his wheelchair-bound wife greets them screaming at the door -- with her aging father shouting in the background. Larry is disturbed by their sad lives, but begs to borrow the limo until the next day so he and Cheryl can get home.</p><p>The next night, getting ready to go to the Paul McCartney concert, Larry tells Cheryl he no longer wants to be buried next to Ted after he kicked him out last night, and insists that she swap places with him. Cheryl is amenable, but warns he must clear it with Susie, who Larry will be next to if they switch. When Jeff and Susie arrive to go to the concert with them, Larry kisses up to Susie (5). But when he raises a toast to friendship and announces he's trading places with Cheryl, Susie balks (6). Furious no one will switch places, Larry storms out, taking the limo: &quot;If you don't want to be buried next to me when you're dead, I can assume you don't want to be next to me when you're alive!&quot;</p><p>In the limo, Larry gets a call from a hungover Charlie who needs a big favor. He's late to pick up at VIP client at the airport and needs Larry to cover for him. Larry resists but Charlie wears him down. It turns out the VIP Is John McEnroe who is headed to the McCartney concert. As he drives, Larry won't stop talking, firing away questions about being shy (7), ping pong (8), gardening (9) and the frequency of married sex (10), much to McEnroe's dismay.</p><p>Driving by the cemetery, Larry insists on making a stop for just couple of minutes. He urges McEnroe to read the Freak Book (which Larry left in the limo) while he waits. Larry ends up purchasing a second plot, away from his group; he'll have to sell his plot himself, they don't take returns. Impatient, McEnroe gets out to look for Larry and an Italian family climbs into the limo, thinking it's theirs. When Larry returns, he can't get the grieving family out of the limo. The family insists he drive them home and Larry orders McEnroe into the back with them. When Larry gets lost and the mayhem in the limo escalates, a fed-up McEnroe insists Larry pull over and ejects the family. They continue on to the concert and Larry talks McEnroe into taking him to the VIP pre-party - along with the Freak Book, which McEnroe loves.</p><p>At the pre-party, as Larry and McEnroe get drunk their enthusiasm for the Freak Book gets louder and the crowd quiets just in time to hear them shouting &quot;What a freak!&quot; the moment Heather Mills (11) enters. The two are ejected from the party just as the Greens and Cheryl drive by.</p><p>Returning the limo, Larry takes pity on Charlie's wife, whose father just died. &quot;I can't afford a funeral...where are we going to bury him?&quot; she asks. &quot;I think I can help you out&quot; says Larry.</p><p>Keywords:</p><p>(1) A large coffee table book entitled 'Mondo Freaks,' with photos of various human freaks of nature including a guy who's just a head and a guy with three penises.</p><p>(2) Cheryl has the idea to hire a driver for the evening so they can drink at Ted and Mary's party and have fun without having to worry about driving home...</p><p>(3) Larry says the bow tie makes him feel uncomfortable and looks like Ted is putting on airs. Ted insists that given the choice of bow tie or no bow tie, the bow tie looks elegant.</p><p>(4) Larry claims he once drove a limo and Ted, thinking he's ascertained the root of Larry's fixation with the bartender's attire, demands to know if he had to wear a bow tie. Larry says no, he drove a blind woman and she couldn't see what he was wearing.</p><p>(5) Larry tells Susie he loves her outfit. She is wearing a black leather vest with a pink sequined top and headband and pink platform shoes.</p><p>(6) &quot;Even your best self, I'm not interested in for eternity... I want peace and quiet.&quot; says Susie.</p><p>(7) Larry was shy as a kid, as was McEnroe. Larry doesn't understand the exhortation &quot;Don't be shy.&quot; McEnroe knows what he means.</p><p>(8) Larry believes that ping pong is harder than tennis. &quot;I'll have to respectfully disagree,&quot; McEnroe responds.</p><p>(9) Larry is jealous of gardeners because they find it relaxing and meditative. McEnroe isn't jealous of gardeners.</p><p>(10) Larry has sex once a week, maybe twice. McEnroe finds that question too personal to answer.</p><p>(11) Paul McCartney's ex-wife has a prosthetic left leg (below the knee) as the result of being hit by a police motorcycle in London in 1993. Cheryl heard she and Paul might be getting back together.</p></div>

The Rat Dog

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> David Steinberg</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David</p><p>Larry waits for his unbearably slow toaster while the kids get ready for school and Leon prepares for a job interview. Larry offers some advice: take control, turn it around on the interviewer (1). Leon gets overexcited by the idea and Larry tries to backpeddle but he's interrupted by a call from a telemarketer who, much to his frustration, won't take no for an answer. When he hangs up, Leon notes they have the same cell phone.</p><p>Cheryl calls out to Larry from bed. She's very sick and wants some attention (2). She tells him she can't go to Keisha's school production of 'Grease' and urges Larry to get someone to go in her place.</p><p>Dropping the kids off at school, Larry runs into Susie who is talking to a black man named Hal and his white, deaf wife, Jean. Susie translates Jean's sign language and Larry is impressed with her fluency. When Larry sees Jean's small dog in her bag, he says it looks &quot;half-rat,&quot; and Jean gets insulted and leaves. Larry tries to call out after her that she couldn't hear his tone, that he was joking, but it's too late. In the school restroom, he sees Hal and explains his joking tone about the rat dog comment. Hal suggests Larry stop by their house to make a face-to-face apology (3). As Larry dries his hands under the air dryer he makes a gesture that apparently is insulting, since Hal storms out.</p><p>At Jeff's, Larry explains his interest in sick sex (4). He also tells Jeff he's thinking of getting his father a happy ending massage and Jeff provides him with the name of a masseuse. When Susie comes in, Larry recreates the gesture he made to Hal and asks her to translate. &quot;You called Hal a c**ksucker Larry!&quot; she informs him. Then, when Larry mentions he needs a date to see 'Grease' at the middle school, Mike, the Greene's exterminator, overhears and says he'd love to go. Cornered, Larry agrees to the date.</p><p>The next morning, Leon reports that his interview went well: &quot;I'm a flipping ass right now!&quot; Today, Loretta has a job interview and Larry's offered to drive her. But first, his father, Nat, stops by and reports that he had a wonderful massage and is now in love with his masseuse Lisa because of the special love she showed him and he wants to buy her a present. Before Larry can set him straight, Cheryl calls out for him. She wants wheat toast. Larry balks, saying the toast will take &quot;a year&quot; and Loretta has an interview but Cheryl insists, accusing Larry of not caring about her. Larry runs down to make toast, pausing Leon's toast to do so (5). When he brings her limp bread instead of toast, Cheryl rejects it but Loretta is shouting for him that she's late and he has to go. He grabs the wrong cell phone as he runs out.</p><p>An hour late to her interview, Loretta loses the job and is pissed. Blaming the toaster, Larry insists they buy a new one. At the store, Larry sees Loretta checking out a cute guy and comments, but Loretta claims he's not her shade (6). Larry spots Jean shopping and goes over to apologize. Talking loudly and gesturing broadly, he gets his message across that he was joking about her dog looking like a rat. He also tries to explain the misunderstanding with Hal (7).</p><p>She accepts his apology and beats a hasty retreat. But later, when Larry is explaining to his father that he hired the masseuse to give him a happy ending, Jean sees Larry making a yanking gesture from across the store, and is again offended. Larry leaves a message for Hal to call him on his cell so he can explain this latest misunderstanding.</p><p>Larry gets a call on his cell phone, intended for Leon, by a man &quot;prepared to make you an offer.&quot; Thinking it's a telemarketer, Larry tells him off, and Leon loses the job. Meanwhile, Hal calls Larry's cell to tell him off for offending Jean yet again, and gets Leon. Hal is outraged, thinking Larry is putting on a black guy character to make fun of Hal and hangs up in a rage.</p><p>Leon realizes he has the wrong phone and points this out to Larry. But Larry denies that Leon got a call about a job and Leon denies he answered a call from Hal. When Mike arrives to be Larry's date for 'Grease,' Leon questions him at the door like an overprotective father, while the two men wait for Larry. Larry finally comes down and they head off to the play. Larry and Mike take their seats between Nat and the masseuse Lisa, and Susie and Jeff. But before the show starts, Jean stomps up and causes a scene, angrily signing to Susie that Larry made racist comments to Hal on the phone. When Jean's dog escapes in the auditorium, Nat yells &quot;it's a rat!&quot; Mike springs into action to exterminate it, and stomps it to death before Lisa stops him with her screams &quot;It's a dog!&quot; The audience flees, horrified.</p><p>Mike drops Larry off at home, the night having been a bust and shake hands at Larry's front door as they part ways.</p><p>Using the new toaster, a recuperated Cheryl makes toast for Larry, who is now sick. But Larry would rather feel her breasts than eat toast, much to Cheryl's disgust. &quot;What are you doing?&quot; she demands. &quot;No good?&quot; he asks.</p><p>Keywords:</p><p>(1) Larry suggests that Leon flip the power dynamic of an interview by asking questions, not just answering them. Leon gets excited by the idea of turning it around on him: &quot;topsy turvey the motherf**ker!&quot;</p><p>(2) Because she has a fever, Cheryl wants some liquids - water and juice. Larry comes on to her instead. This isn't the kind of attention Cheryl wants.</p><p>(3) Larry believes &quot;they wouldn't want that,&quot; meaning &quot;deaf people&quot; because they wouldn't want to be treated differently from other handicapped people, who you can call to apologize to, whereas deaf people require a pop-in apology. Hal disagrees.</p><p>(4) Larry is aroused by the idea of sex with Cheryl when she's sick in bed, helpless. Jeff agrees but prefers the reverse: sex when he's sick. Larry admits he likes it either way.</p><p>(5) Leon says you can't pause toast: you can't stop making toast and then go back to it. Larry insists you can pause toast. That is until Cheryl says her bread needs further toasting, at which point Larry takes the opposing position to suggest it's too late: you can't pause toast.</p><p>(6) Loretta likes them chocolate, not beige. Larry says shade is not an issue for him; he can go from albino to Heart-of-Darkness, Africa.</p><p>(7) Larry didn't mean to sign c**ksucker. He was drying his hands.</p></div>

The TiVo Guy

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> Jeff Schaffer</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David</p><p>Larry finally has the Tivo guy at the house to check on why the Tivo is pixilating, causing them to miss shows, when Cheryl calls from an airplane phone. She's on a turbulent flight in the middle of a storm and wants some comfort but Larry can't quite hear her and is too worried about losing the Tivo guy to pay much attention. He tells her to call back. Cheryl hangs up in disgust and grabs the hand of the man seated next to her as the plane bumps along.</p><p>When Cheryl arrives home, she announces to Larry that she's leaving him. Larry defends his bad phone behavior, invoking the Tivo guy, but Cheryl says it's &quot;all of it (1,2).&quot; Besides, after she thought she was going to die and he hung up on her, she got talking to the guy sitting next to her. Larry can't believe she met someone else and demands to know if he's as prepared as Larry is at all times (3). Cheryl doesn't know, but says he owns his own underwear company (4).</p><p>Cheryl goes to stay with her sister Becky. A despondent Larry interrupts a dinner party at the Greene's who are entertaining the Funkhousers. &quot;Cheryl left me,&quot; he says and everyone jumps to console him. Susie makes him a plate (5) and Larry explains about the phone call from the plane and the Tivo guy. Even though everyone thinks Larry was in the wrong in this case, Susie states that people are going to take sides, and they all agree to stand behind Larry. When the phone rings, Susie won't let Larry answer it (6).</p><p>Larry remembers that he made a dinner reservation that night for Primo's and calls to cancel. The hostess asks why and Larry explains: &quot;My wife left me.&quot; The hostess doesn't believe him and scolds him for not giving more notice. Hanging up, he notices an invitation to their friend Simon's party. Larry recently loaned Simon money and Larry's upset he's throwing an extravagant birthday party.</p><p>Returning home, Larry runs into Cheryl who is picking up more of her things. He asks her to call the hostess at Primo's to confirm his story but Cheryl refuses.</p><p>Simon stops by Larry's and Larry complains that the money he lent him wasn't intended for a party. Simon insists Larry's money was for something different. He also tells Larry he's not invited to the party, he and his wife have chosen Cheryl.</p><p>Picking up his clothing from the drycleaners with Jeff, Larry inadvertently knocks a signed photo of Lucy Lawless off of the wall. When the drycleaner gets upset, Jeff tells Larry he'll make a call to her agent and get a replacement.</p><p>Larry goes to Primo' for dinner by himself and suspects that he's being blackballed when it takes a long time to get a table for one. Marty and Jodi Funkhouser see Larry and Marty breaks the news that they've decided to go with Cheryl after all.</p><p>Larry stops by Becky's but she tells him Cheryl's not there. But Larry talks his way in, spying Elenna the housekeeper - who has also gone with Cheryl. Then Cheryl and her date appear. Larry grills Cheryl's date on whether he has mints, a pen and tissues (he does), and challenges him on the need for flyless underwear (7).</p><p>Lucy Lawless accompanies Larry to the drycleaner to sign the replacement photo in person. They hit it off and Larry invites her on a date (8) to Primo's. They run into Ted Danson (9) and after Lucy leaves, Larry asks Ted why he hasn't been invited to his charity event and Ted admits he's picked Cheryl.</p><p>At home, Larry tells the Blacks he's got a date with Xena the Warrior Princess and they are impressed. But on his way out, he remembers he has to Tivo the Lakers game and turns back quickly, but doubles over in pain. Leon rushes him to the ER where Larry learns his testicles got ensnared in the fly of his underwear (10). The doctor prescribes No Fly Zone underwear, icing his testicles and no sex for a week.</p><p>At Primo's, Lucy is enjoying Larry's company but when Larry complains about not getting a table, he's told by Primo that he won't be getting one: they've chosen Cheryl. Lucy invites Larry over to her house but when Larry tells her he can't have sex for a week, she is disgusted with his presumption and storms off.</p><p>On his way home, Larry stops at Simon's party but he's not on the list. While he's arguing with the bouncer, Richard Lewis shows up. Lewis has been hired to perform for the night for $10k - the amount of money Larry loaned Simon. Larry insists he's paying for Richard and tries to stop him from entering. But Lewis argues it's business, not personal. They tussle and Larry collapses in pain: his long balls were hit.</p><p>Back at home, Larry ices his testicles and tries to watch the end of the Laker game on Tivo, but it freezes, pixilated.</p><p>Keywords:</p><p>(1) This includes a range of Larry's annoying behavior, including talking during sex. Chit chat, not dirty talk, e.g. wanting to discuss who can't tell the difference between real and fake crab meat.</p><p>(2) It also includes the fact that people always ask &quot;How do you stay with him?&quot; and Cheryl has always claimed there's another side to Larry that people don't see. But she now realizes: there is no other side.</p><p>(3) Does the new guy have mints, a pen and a tissue at all times? Larry does.</p><p>(4) The new guy invented No Fly Zone, underwear with no fly.</p><p>(5) It's a small plate, which Larry complains about. Susie insists it's the same amount of food, just a smaller plate.</p><p>(6) The Greenes have a rule: no answering the phone during dinner. Larry thinks it might be Cheryl.</p><p>(7) According to Glenn, Cheryl's date, research shows that 74% of men go over the fence, while the rest go through the gate. Larry, however, believes that the penis needs an option.</p><p>(8) Larry uses the &quot;I'm not a cool guy&quot; line, which is a new approach for him and he's impressed with how well it works and reports this to Ted, who is reservedly pleased for Larry.</p><p>(9) Lucy Lawless thinks Ted Danson is an asshole.</p><p>(10) &quot;Twisted balls&quot; is the layman's term Leon uses for Larry's condition and notes that Larry has long balls.</p></div>

The N Word

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b>Tom Kramer</p><p><b>Written by </b>Larry David</p><p>Larry calls out to Auntie Rae to show her a patch he cleared in the yard for her to garden. As she hugs him with appreciation she feels his erection, and runs away in disgust shouting, &quot;You're disgusting!&quot;</p><p>Confiding to Jeff over lunch at the hospital cafeteria, Larry explains that Auntie Rae went over the amount of time he can experience human contact without getting aroused (1). Jeff empathizes and they move on to discuss his impending operation to help his terrible snoring. He also tells Larry he's excited because Ben Stiller may sign with him as a client. Larry suspects that their waitress isn't nice to him because he's bald, an idea Jeff waves off. When Larry goes to drop off a prescription, Jeff eats his fries while he's gone. Jeff denies knowing anything about the missing fries when Larry returns but the woman at the next table, Dr. Sheila Flomm, tips Larry off that Jeff ate the fries.</p><p>Leon chews Larry out about &quot;stabbing&quot; his Aunt in the stomach. Larry defends himself (2). He promises no more hugging and insists that he's trying to get a date so he's not so starved for affection.</p><p>Larry makes a date with Sheila Flomm (3). When he goes to pick her up, her brother and sister are staying with her. Larry explains that he has the Black's staying with him and knows what it's like to have long-term house guests. He asks her about his groin problem (4) and she explains how he should massage it. As the evening progresses she suggests they move it to her bedroom (5). But by the time she gets upstairs to join him, she announces her brother and sister have come home and they need to change their plans (6).</p><p>While Larry is sitting in his car in his driveway trying the massage Dr. Flomm recommended, Auntie Rae spots him and runs off in disgust. Later, Larry is having lunch with Sheila Flomm and she gives him a note (7) to read expressing her feelings. When he excuses himself to use the men's bathroom, Larry overhears someone using the N word while making a cell phone call. Outraged, he relays the story to Sheila back at their table and just as he says the N word, quoting the guy on the phone, an African-American doctor walks by and lets Larry have it in a tirade of anger.</p><p>The African-American doctor, Dr. Page, comes into Jeff's surgery in a rage, and insists that Jeff's head be shaved for his surgery. Susie and Jeff are horrified by Jeff's bald head, not to mention the news that the surgery was cancelled. Dr. Page apologetically explains he'd just been victimized in the cafeteria and was so upset he mistakenly shaved Jeff's head. As he explains the N word incident, Susie and Jeff realize that it must have been Larry that Dr. Page was so mad at.</p><p>The Greene's show up at Larry's screaming that Jeff's bald head is Larry's fault. Larry explains that he was simply relaying a conversation he overheard – but as he gets to the N word, Loretta hears him and calls on Leon and Auntie Rae who start screaming as Larry struggles to defend himself. The Blacks say they're moving out. Susie offers for them to stay at their place.</p><p>A bald Jeff meets with Ben Stiller, pitching his career advice, but all Ben can see is Jeff's bald head. Jeff meets up with Larry and reports that Stiller said no. Larry says it's because he's bald and when Jeff goes to order from the waitress, she now is rude to him. Jeff asks him how Larry deals with it. Larry explains he gets support from his bald brothers (8).</p><p>Larry takes his doctor's note to the pharmacist (9) who translates: &quot;Larry had a great time last night. Would love to get together Friday night at the Bellaire Regency Hotel. Just the two of us... so tired of all these brothers and sisters around. I know you feel the same way. Tell me your life wouldn't be better without the Blacks.&quot; Larry tries to explain the context of the note, but the African-American pharmacist isn't interested. In his anger, he gives Larry the wrong Rx and Larry unwittingly starts taking estrogen.</p><p>When he meets Sheila at the hotel, Larry is disturbed to discover that his 5-Mississippi rule isn't working; he is unresponsive. Sheila drives him home, where Larry discovers his Rx is wrong. Later that night, moping on his couch, Larry reminisces about the good times with Cheryl. But he isn't alone long; unable to sleep with Jeff's snoring, the Black's return to Larry's in the middle of the night.</p><p>Jeff testifies in a hearing before the hospital board about allegations of physician misconduct, explaining all the suffering he's experienced for being bald (10). Next, Larry testifies, explaining how he overheard the guy in the bathroom talking on the phone and just as he is about to explain how the guy said the N word, Dr. Page joins them. Larry, frozen with fear, won't say it. As the audience, the Greene's and the medical board all shout at him to say it, Larry shakes his head, shutting up for once.</p><p>Keywords</p><p>(1) Larry only has 5 seconds before he loses control. Jeff says he has discipline &quot;down there,&quot; his penis is very discerning. Larry's is a feral tiger.</p><p>(2) Leon calls Larry's defense his Five Second Rule. &quot;1-2-3-4-5 and it comes out.&quot; Larry insists he needs to put &quot;Mississippi&quot; between the numbers – that's how long it was.</p><p>(3) Making the date with Dr. Flomm is very similar to scheduling a doctor's appointment.</p><p>(4) Recall from the previous episode, Larry suffers from twisted balls due to his long balls.</p><p>(5) &quot;Go upstairs, remove all your clothes and I'll be in to see you in a few minutes,&quot; she tells him.</p><p>(6) &quot;We need to reschedule, why don't you get dressed and I'll meet you in the foyer.&quot;</p><p>(7) Larry can't read the note because doctors have terrible penmanship and he asks a passerby to help him decipher it, but she can't help either.</p><p>(8) Jeff asks if there are meetings. No, no meetings, Larry explains. But they recognize each other on the street and nod in support.</p><p>(9) Pharmacists are the only ones who can read doctors' handwriting.</p><p>(10) His daughter locks herself in her room, his wife has turned into a witch. Ben Stiller won't work with him. He's losing millions.</p></div>

The Therapists

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b>David Mandel</p><p><b>Written by </b>Larry David</p><p>Larry tries to win back Cheryl over drinks with the New Larry (1). When he mentions the Old Larry hated her sister, it gives Cheryl pause. But for the most part she's impressed that he's trying to change. He invites her to the movies and dinner. Cheryl would love to, but she wants to talk to her therapist Dr. Slavin first.</p><p>Larry talks to his therapist, Dr. Bright, about how well the date went with Cheryl. Dr. Bright coaches Larry on exactly what to do on his movie/dinner date with Cheryl (2) so as not to come off as a pussy (3).</p><p>During their movie/dinner date, Marty and Nan Funkhouser run into Cheryl and Larry at the restaurant and Marty asks Larry to sponsor him for a 5-mile walkathon to benefit Alzheimers, which he's doing in honor of Nan's father (4). Larry starts to protest but when Cheryl says it's a good cause, he makes the pledge – once again impressing Cheryl with New Larry. He asks her to move back in and she's touched, but when he gives her a Monday deadline she storms out. Larry chases after her shouting that his therapist told him to give her the ultimatum but she doesn't believe him.</p><p>Larry storms into Dr. Bright's office screaming at him for the ultimatum advice (5). He drags Dr. Bright to Cheryl's to set things straight. Larry is impressed with Cheryl's new place on the beach. She explains that her therapist recommended it (6). Dr. Bright explains to Cheryl the ultimatum was his idea, and takes full responsibility for the New Larry. But when Cheryl starts to get the idea that some of the other positive changes weren't Larry's idea she gets confused again and says she needs to talk to her therapist.</p><p>Larry, Jeff and Dr. Bright discuss the Cheryl situation. Larry believes that since Cheryl won't make a move without talking to her therapist, Larry needs to meet Dr. Slavin so she can think he's a terrific guy. Larry has an idea and the three head out to explain Larry's scheme to Leon (7) who agrees, but has a suggestion to make the plan more effective (8).</p><p>Loretta and Auntie Rae walk in while they're discussing the fake mugging and tell Leon he can't do it. Loretta suggests that Dr. Bright do it (9) and he agrees. Dr. Bright and Larry stage the purse snatching and all goes well until the cops pull up and catch Bright as he runs off while Larry accepts the therapist's gratitude (10). Larry manages to introduce himself and and joins her for a cup of coffee; when she tells him she's a therapist, he confides how sad he is that his wife left him and how she never really appreciated Larry's kind side.</p><p>Larry goes to visit Dr. Bright in jail to report that the plan is working well. Dr. Bright says this isn't his top priority at the moment. He is very upset with his accomodations (11). Larry promises he'll get him out but has to cut their session short because he needs to talk to Cheryl who is getting out of therapy. But when he calls Cheryl, she says her therapist told her not to talk to Larry ever again. Larry finds Jeff taking part in the Alzheimer's walkathon to report this news. Jeff says it makes no sense. Larry realizes Dr. Slavin must like him, she wants him for herself. Jeff says Larry is f**ked (12).</p><p>They pass Marty Funkhouser who's sitting in a café along the walk route. Larry demands to know why he's not walking and Marty says he raises money, he doesn't walk. Larry gets an idea while they're arguing about the ethics of this. He meets with Dr. Slavin again and tells her he's been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She confesses she was interested in him, but now urges him to get back with his wife. They are interrupted by a police detective who needs to get a description of the purse snatcher from Larry. Using Alzheimer's as an excuse, Larry says he can't remember.</p><p>Dr. Bright is released and Cheryl and Larry have a date at the carnival that is going extremely well. Meanwhile, Dr. Bright goes to see a therapist – Dr. Slavin – because he's so distraught over the whole jail experience. Just as Cheryl agrees to move back with Larry, she gets an urgent call and listens intently to what Dr. Slavin has to say.</p><p>Keywords:</p><p>(1) New Larry has his shirt tucked in, wears slacks and real shoes. He wants to travel in Europe on bicycles with Cheryl. Maybe even go scuba diving even though he can't see underwater; he'll feel around for the fish. The only thing New Larry is keeping from Old Larry is the minty breath.</p><p>(2) &quot;Movie first, then dinner. At the movie, take her hand and say: 'I love you.' At dinner, tell Cheryl he wants her to move back in and she has until Monday to decide.&quot;</p><p>(3) Larry insists that being a pussy wasn't his problem, it was that he was selfish. But the therapist cuts him off; they are out of time.</p><p>(4) Nan's father runs around the house naked chasing himself and playing tag, yells at the cat for not voting, and every time he farts he calls the fire department.</p><p>(5) &quot;I told you she wasn't bothered by the high pussy percentage but you didn't listen to me!&quot;</p><p>(6) Dr. Slavin suggested Cheryl give herself a &quot;love me&quot; gift and Cheryl had always wanted to live on the beach. Dr. Bright thinks this was good advice. Larry points out that Dr. Bright never suggested Larry get a &quot;love me&quot; gift. Dr. Bright says he would have, eventually.</p><p>(7) Larry's idea is that Leon jump Cheryl's therapist and take her purse and Larry will tackle Leon and save the purse, thus looking like a hero.</p><p>(8) Leon suggests he should f**k Larry up in a fight for the purse. &quot;The more f**ked up you are, the more of a hero you're gonna look like,&quot; Leon insists.</p><p>(9) &quot;This pasty-assed muther-f**ker got your ass into it. Have him get your ass out of it!&quot; says Loretta.</p><p>(10) The therapist says Larry was like Clint Eastwood.</p><p>(11) The cell is small. Bright's feet stick out of the bars when he lies in his bed. His cellmate doesn't speak English and weighs over 300 pounds.</p><p>(12) If Larry is mean to the therapist, she'll tell Cheryl. If he's nice, she'll think he likes her.</p></div>

The Bat Mitzvah

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> Larry Charles</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David</p><p>Leon has called Jeff over to the house because the Black's are concerned about Larry. He won't get out of bed and is depressed about Cheryl leaving. The two men go to Larry's bedside and take a tough love approach to coaxing him out of being so mope (1). Larry insists he can't imagine himself with anyone other than Cheryl and when Jeff tells him Cheryl is coming to Sammi's Bat Mitzvah (2). Larry gets more upset. Leon urges him to become a different motherf**ker (3).</p><p>Leon drags Larry downstairs to talk to the rest of the Blacks, who urge him to forget about Cheryl and Larry finally vows to do so. The Blacks then announce that they are moving out; their house rehab is finished. Daryl comes running out, upset that his gerbil has escaped and they all disperse to look for it.</p><p>At work, Larry's assistant Antoinette announces that someone is coming to look at renting the office across the hall, which upsets Larry, who likes having it empty. She also tells him Matt Tessler, who was a 'Seinfeld' director, called to say he's stopping by. Larry groans, and guesses it's because Matt wants him to put in a good word for him to direct Richard Lewis's pilot. Larry thinks Matt is a terrible director. He and Antoinette discuss that Matt has a son with some sort of disability (4). Matt drops in and, sure enough, tells Larry he's been stuck in the dramedy ghetto (5) and would like his help with Lewis's pilot. Cornered, Larry agrees to recommend him to Richard. Just then, Antoinette cuts in to ask if Larry still has the tickle in his anus, because she can't get him a doctor's appointment for awhile. Larry is mortified and denies any tickle, but Matt insists he has a cousin who works for a top gastroenterologist and he can get him in right away.</p><p>From his car phone, Larry calls Richard. He &quot;recommends&quot; Matt Tesler for the directing gig (6).</p><p>At the gastroenterologist's, Larry resists signing in, arguing with the receptionist that the sign-in sheet shouldn't be up on the counter for everyone to see. It should be private. She says she will take it up with the home office. In the waiting room, he flirts with another patient but is called into his appointment before he can get her name.</p><p>Matt's cousin, the nurse, asks Larry why he wants to see the doctor, but Larry resists answering, arguing he should just tell the doctor directly. When she pushes him, he finally blurts &quot;I have a gerbil up my ass.&quot; Shocked, she notes the problem on his chart. When the doctor comes in and asks what the problem is, Larry looks at him with disbelief. Exiting the office, Larry sees the woman he was flirting with is gone. He tries to look at the sign-in sheet to get her name, but the receptionist reports that the home office loved his idea and it's now policy to keep the list private. She takes pity on Larry, though, and gives him the woman's name: Paula.</p><p>At lunch with Jeff, Larry reports he has a date with Paula and they debate why she would have been at the gastroenterologist's. Larry gets nervous about his date and asks Jeff and Susie to join them. Later, while the two couples wait in line at the movies, a retarded man makes his way loudly to the front of the line, cutting in front to buy his ticket. When they see him inside the theater, Larry points out to Paula that the man is not actually retarded; he faked it. During the film, both Larry and Paula squirm in their seats but when they ask each other what's wrong, neither one will admit to any discomfort (7).</p><p>When Paula wants to leave the movie minutes before the end, Larry refuses to go with her (8). Paula leaves and Susie urges Larry to go after her. Larry is surprised Paula is gone when they emerge just 6 minutes later. Susie isn't (9).</p><p>The next day, when Larry sees a man looking at the office next door, Larry fakes being retarded, telling the man he's excited he'll be his neighbor and they have to go to lunch together everyday. The man flees. But Matt Tessler has stopped by to thank Larry for recommending him for Lewis's pilot (he got the job) and sees Larry's act. Tessler is offended, pointing out his ten-year-old mentally-challenged son Max wouldn't find it funny. Larry insists he'd gladly rent to Max but Tessler isn't appeased (10). He reveals he heard Larry has a gerbil up his ass, much to Larry's horror.</p><p>Larry meets Lewis, who is furious for Larry's recommendation because Tessler is ruining his pilot. Larry insists he'd put quotes around the recommendation (11). As they're arguing, Richard sees Larry squirm and says &quot;it's true, isn't it?&quot; He tells Larry the gerbil rumor is all over town and the Internet (12).</p><p>Back at Larry's, the Blacks debate whether the gerbil rumor could be true (13). Larry denies it and they are all relieved. The kids announce they're all packed and it hits Larry that they're really leaving. On a last minute whim, he asks Loretta if she wants to go to the Bat Mitzvah with him and she does.</p><p>At the Bat Mitzvah, Larry and a decked-out Loretta sit at a table with Richard and Cha Cha and the Funkhousers. Marty asks Larry about the gerbil and he gets mad. When Jeff and Susie get up to welcome their guests and start the toasts, Larry insists on giving the first toast, but uses the opportunity to deny the gerbil rumor, much to the Greene's horror (14).</p><p>During desert, Larry watches Cheryl with her No Fly Zone date. He goes over to their table and makes polite conversation. When they excuse themselves to dance, Larry watches them, but then his gaze lands on Loretta and he invites her to dance. As the two gaze into each others' eyes on the dance floor, the other guests notice the chemistry.</p><p>We flash ahead to: Larry and Loretta in bed together and the rest of the Blacks jumping on them in the morning. Larry screaming 'soccer' from the sidelines of Daryl's soccer game. Larry and Loretta driving with the kids screaming in the back. Larry and the Blacks screaming at the screen in a crowded movie theater. Susie Greene getting reamed by Loretta for yelling at Larry. And finally, a family photo: Happy Holidays from Larry and the Blacks.</p><p>Keywords:</p><p>(1) Leon calls Larry &quot;Mopey Dick,&quot; and Jeff corrects him, saying he means Moby Dick, the book, but Leon insists he means Mopey. &quot;His dick is moping.&quot;</p><p>(2) A Bat Mitzvah is a traditional coming of age party for Jewish girls, held when they turn 13. It's often a big, expensive formal party, which includes the parents' personal and business friends. Cheryl and Larry are both invited because Susie and Jeff didn't pick sides.</p><p>(3) Leon suggests Larry grow a beard, moustache, some sideburns.</p><p>(4) MS or MD, according to Antoinette, who can't remember.</p><p>(5) Ever since Matt directed the cancer scare episode of 'Home Improvement,' he got typed as the guy who does &quot;ticker.&quot;</p><p>(6) The recommendation has quotes around it, in the way he says &quot;recommend&quot; very slowly and deliberately.</p><p>(7) Both Paula and Larry also firmly stick to their mutual claims that they were at the gastroenterologist for a &quot;check-up&quot; rather than a specific complaint.</p><p>(8) Larry insists he finishes things he starts, such as a 500-page book. He even has friends he hasn't been able to stand for 25 years because he's the kind of guy who goes down with the ship. &quot;I'm not even the captain,&quot; Larry explains. &quot;I'm a guy who keeps the captain company.&quot;</p><p>(9) &quot;You don't understand women,&quot; Susie chastises Larry. Larry insists she doesn't understand etiquette. &quot;You were right, and now you're alone,&quot; says Susie.</p><p>(10) &quot;My son has an office on the right hand of Jesus,&quot; Tessler says.</p><p>(11) It was a non-recommend, recommend, Larry explains.</p><p>(12) &quot;Read Gerbil magazine, you're on the cover,&quot; says Lewis.</p><p>(13) Leon asks: &quot;Gerbil got in the elevator, hit 'up' and went up your assh*le?&quot;</p><p>(14) Larry denies the gerbil is up his ass, but as full disclosure, admits he has a tickle in his anus.</p></div>

Funkhouser's Crazy Sister

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b><span>Larry Charles</span></p><p><b>Written by</b><span> Larry David</span><br></p><p>While an ailing Loretta awaits biopsy results, Larry, unhappy in the relationship, realizes if he wants to end things with her, he needs to do it before she gets her diagnosis. Meanwhile, Funkhouser's sister Bam Bam has been released from the mental institution, and when Larry and Jeff pay a visit, their attempted &quot;empty gesture&quot; gets complicated when Jeff ends up sleeping with her. The Greenes host a dinner party that goes awry when Bam Bam announces to the guests that she had sex with Jeff - and Jeff defends himself by insisting she's crazy. Larry runs into Cheryl and they admit they miss each other, but his visit is cut short when he has to race home to try and pre-empt the doctor who has Loretta's results. He is delayed and arrives too late - it looks like Larry's in for the long haul.</p></div>

Vehicular Fellatio

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> Alec Berg</p><p><b>Written by </b>Larry David</p><p>Larry takes Loretta to see a doctor who urges patients to &quot;walk out on cancer&quot; by getting rid of toxic spouses, hoping she may be counseled to dump him. Larry's attempt to do a favor for Leon backfires, when he inadvertently tips Leon's friend off to the fact that Leon's sleeping with his wife. Several misunderstandings around fellatio lead to Larry offending Richard Lewis's new girlfriend - and Loretta leaving Larry, and taking the rest of the Blacks (except for Leon) with her.</p></div>

The Reunion

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b>Jeff Schaffer</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David</p><p>On his way to a meeting with Jeff to tell the NBC brass &quot;no way&quot; to a 'Seinfeld' reunion, Larry runs into Cheryl again. Having recently returned to acting, she encourages Larry to do the reunion suggesting he write a part for her. Realizing this is his way to win Cheryl back, Larry goes about convincing Jerry, Jason, Julia and Michael to do a reunion show. But along the way, Larry alienates NBC prexy Sandy Goodman when he's insulted by the nosebleed seats Goodman gives him to the Lakers game. Ultimately, Larry smoothes things over by saving Goodman's life with a Lyme disease diagnosis. But Larry's not out of hot water yet - he's promised the role of George's ex-wife to Cheryl, but Jerry's offered it to Meg Ryan.</p></div>

The Hot Towel

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b>Alec Berg</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David</p><p>After visiting Dr. Morrison with a burned hand, Larry convinces him to make an exception to his no-home-phone-number policy, and promptly violates the trust. Meanwhile, he gets incensed when Ted and Mary invite Jeff and Susie (and not Larry) to enjoy the $300 gift certificate he gave them to Matteo's restaurant. And though Larry is pleased when he runs into an ex, Mary Jane Porter, and she asks him out, when her jealous boyfriend finds out, Larry has to flee – and has difficulty finding safe shelter.</p></div>

Denise Handicap

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> David Mandel</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David</p><p>Larry learns the ups and downs of dating the disabled when he picks up Denise, prior to realizing she is wheelchair-bound. While sex and stairs pose a challenge, handicapped parking, special treatment at restaurants and being reconsidered by friends and acquaintances in a more positive light strike Larry as a plus. Meanwhile, a run-in with Rosie O'Donnell over a lunch tab and an unfortunate chain of events with his Blackberry converge to bring an end to Larry's handicapped dating.</p></div>

The Bare Midriff

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> Larry Charles</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David</p><p>Larry loses out to Jerry and has to talk to their assistant Maureen about her belly-baring attire. Insulted, she quits but Julia (who got her the job) demands Larry make things right, so as not to upset Maureen's mentally unstable mother. Meanwhile, Larry's new pill has increased his flow so much it is causing him to splatter, which leads to a misunderstanding about a miraculously weeping Jesus in Maureen and her mother's bathroom. The mother is stunned at how much Larry reminds her of her husband (who was murdered on their honeymoon in a road rage incident) and has a traumatic flashback when she's driving with Larry that causes her to injure Richard Lewis. Everything culminates with Larry's dangerous rescue of the mother from a suicidal roof jump in which Larry's life is saved by the offending midriff.</p></div>

The Black Swan

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> Bryan Gordon</p><p><b>Written by </b>Larry David</p><p>Larry makes a few big gestures, including insisting on re-doing his mother's headstone when he sees his father saved money on the per-letter charge, and offering to pay for his cousin's child's college education. Unfortunately, these are outweighed by some bad luck and bad behavior on the golf course that result in Larry being blamed when Norm has a heart attack and dies on the course, and Larry killing Mr. Takahashi's beloved black swan.</p></div>

Officer Krupke

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> David Steinberg</p><p><b>Written by </b>Larry David</p><p>During a fire drill at Banana Republic Larry meets a police officer named Krupke and is surprised he doesn't know the song from 'West Side Story.' When the drill takes too long, Larry takes off wearing the pants he was trying on and later has trouble getting his own pants back. Meanwhile, Susie finds panties in Jeff's glove compartment and Jeff enlists Larry to cover for him. Cheryl auditions for Larry and Jerry as a &quot;formality,&quot; but loses out to her friend Virginia (whose husband propositions Cheryl for a ménage a trios). When Virginia has to drop out because of a neck injury, Larry is suspicious of the cause, but Cheryl finally lands the role of George's ex-wife.</p></div>

The Table Read

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> Larry Charles</p><p><b>Written by </b>Larry David</p><p>The Seinfeld reunion kicks off rehearsals and Julia and George express their surprise that Cheryl landed the role of George's ex-wife. One of the producers introduces Larry to her 9-year-old daughter (who is suffering from a &quot;rash on her p*ssy&quot;) who strikes up an unwanted friendship with Larry via text messaging. Meanwhile, Larry enlists Leon to ease Michael Richards's fears about his newly diagnosed Groat's disease, but it backfires badly.</p></div>

Seinfeld

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b>Jeff Schaffer and Andy Ackerman</p><p><b>Written by </b>Larry David</p><p>Larry is hopeful that his plan is working when Cheryl invites him over to review the 'Seinfeld' reunion script. But when an attempt to right a wronged Mocha Joe causes Larry to miss the date, Cheryl ends up turning to Jason for coaching. A jealous Larry rewrites the end of the 'Seinfeld' reunion show and Jason quits in protest. Larry insists he can play George, but the cast hates his interpretation. Larry quits, Jason rejoins, and Larry watches the reunion show alone at home. He is stunned to discover that the role of Amanda is now being played by Virginia (whose neck is better). Just then the doorbell rings: It's Cheryl, explaining she quit too, because it wasn't the same without Larry. They watch the show together, agreeing that George and Amanda belong together -- as do they.</p></div>

The Divorce

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b>David Steinberg</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David, Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer<br></p><p>Larry and Cheryl's reunion is short-lived, as Larry discovers that Cheryl does not respect wood. When he presses her on it, she storms out of the house. A year later, Larry meets with his divorce lawyer, Randy Berg, and is confident about the deal he's getting. At lunch, Larry orders the buffet, and shares some of his plate with Jeff. When restaurant management asks him not to share, another lawyer, Hiram Katz, steps in to successfully argue Larry's case.</p><p>Larry agrees to buy Girl Scout cookies from the daughter of the owner of the Dodgers, who'd asked Larry if he was interested in going to a game in his box. The cookie purchase is interrupted by the arrival of the girl's first menstrual period. Larry does his best to help, reading the instructions off of one of Cheryl's tampon boxes. The Dodgers' owner is furious, and rescinds his offer to Larry. When the Girl Scouts come back to collect, Larry rescinds his order.</p><p>Larry finds out that his lawyer is not Jewish and fires him, saying &quot;You Sweded me!&quot; He hires Hiram Katz as his lawyer, and recommends him to the owner of the Dodgers. A month later, the Dodgers owner loses his team to his ex-wife<a></a>, and Larry loses his house to Cheryl. As Leon and Larry pack up to leave, a troop of Girl Scouts accost Larry, demanding their payment.</p></div>

The Safe House

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b>Bryan Gordon</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David, Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer<br></p><p>In the grocery store, Larry's path to the chubby hubby ice cream is blocked by a grieving woman being comforted by her friend. He feigns sympathy and tries to reach around the side and, in the process, falls into the freezer. At lunch with Jeff and Larry, Funkhauser discusses Lewis's girlfriend-a burlesque dancer with amazing breasts. They go watch her dance and Lewis catches them in the parking lot. The next day at lunch, Larry tells her and Lewis his &quot;breast-vision&quot; noticed she had a small mole.</p><p>In a restaurant, a white man asks Larry to watch his computer. After waiting awhile for him to return, Larry leaves it with a black man nearby. The next day, Larry realizes that the black man never returned the laptop, and Leon is deeply disappointed.</p><p>Larry catches a woman letting her dog go on his lawn and berates her. Later, another woman knocks on his door and informs him that she runs a safe house for battered women nearby-her group includes both the woman with the dog and the one who'd been standing in front of the chubby hubby. To make amends, he agrees to go speak to them. His apology goes increasingly awry-he wonders aloud whether Dale, a larger woman, is &quot;the capo that runs the show&quot;-but makes up for it by allowing the women to do laundry in his house.</p><p>Lewis's girlfriend has her mole checked and, while it's benign, decides she wants to have her breasts reduced. Lewis is outraged, but plans to take her out for one great last stand, which Larry dubs &quot;a breast blowout.&quot;</p><p>Watching Dale do laundry, Larry insinuates that she could probably take care of herself, and Larry ends up in the hospital. The doctor takes his statement, and recognizes Leon acting abusively towards Larry. When the police come to Larry's house to take Leon away, they instead nab the black man from the restaurant, who had come to return the computer.</p><p>At the grocery store, Dale is standing between Lewis and the freezer. When he's informed that she's from a battered women's shelter, he also tells her she could probably take care of herself. She crushes his hands in the freezer door. With his hands broken, Lewis is unable to partake in the breast blowout.</p></div>

Palestinian Chicken

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b>Robert B. Weide</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David, Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer<br></p><p>Larry, Jeff and their teammates Ron and Eddie prepare for their club's golf tournament. They like their chances, so long as they can get Funkhouser-who's been missing in action-to play with them.</p><p>Eddie has the team and their wives over for dinner, and Larry hits Ron's car on the way in. Funkhouser is there as well, sporting a yarmulke, as he's recently undergone a spiritual awakening in the wake of his divorce and mid-life crisis. At dinner, the table discusses the fact that the Al Abbas Palestinian chicken restaurant is opening up a second location next to Goldblatt's deli. Funkhouser is outraged and debate rages across the table.</p><p>The next day, Larry visits Ron to offer to pay for the damage to his car. Rather than accept payment, Ron offers Larry another kind of deal. He'll waive the fee if Larry will tell his wife Ilene to stop saying &quot;LOL&quot; instead of actually laughing. Larry confronts Ilene about her habit of &quot;verbal texting,&quot; but she quickly sees through the plan and berates her husband instead.</p><p>Larry and Jeff invite Funkhouser to join them for lunch at Al Abbas, but the newly devout Jew refuses to take off his yarmulke before entering. Larry ties to wrestle it away from him, and Funkhouser storms off. Applause breaks out as Larry and Jeff enter the restaurant, and Larry wins the adoration of the comely Muslim, Shara. At lunch, Larry spots Eddie and Ilene and gathers that they must be having an affair. He decides not to say anything, so as not to jeopardize his team's chances in the golf tournament.</p><p>Jeff's daughter Sami approaches Larry to enlist his services as a &quot;social assassin.&quot; She wants him to tell Susie not to make a noise-&quot;ah&quot;-every time she takes a sip of her drink. Larry turns her down, but when she threatens to reveal Eddie and Ilene's affair, which would cost him the golf tournament, he relents.</p><p>Funkhouser visits Larry, and overhears him having sex with Shara. Her idea of dirty talk is to call Larry a dirty Jew and moan &quot;F*ck me like Israel f*cks my people.&quot; When Larry emerges, Funkhouser tells him his rabbi won't let him play in the golf tournament because of the Sabbath, and Larry accuses him of &quot;Koufaxing.&quot; Larry goes to talk to the rabbi, and gets her to allow Funkhouser to play-for the price of a piece of Al Abbas chicken.</p><p>On the 17th hole of the tournament, Larry's team is about to win. Susie arrives during Larry's stroke, takes a sip of her drink, and lets out an audible, &quot;ah.&quot; At Sami's insistence, Larry takes the opportunity to confront her about her annoying habit. Susie blows up, not at Larry, but at Jeff who she presumes put him up to it. Distraught, Sami takes responsibility, but accidentally reveals that Eddie and Ilene are having an affair. Ron loses it-&quot;LOL, honey. LOL.&quot;-and storms off. The tournament is lost.</p></div>

The Smiley Face

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> Jeff Schaffer</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David, Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer<br></p><p>Larry's office is in disarray because his assistant is off taking care of her dying father. Dino, whose company just moved in down the hall, stops by to introduce himself and to ask if he can have a cabinet in the kitchen. Larry agrees, and Jeff admonishes him. &quot;You never give up a cabinet,&quot; he says.</p><p>At lunch, it becomes clear that Larry is dating the hostess, Heidi, and though Jeff can't believe he would &quot;shit where he eats,&quot; Larry is determined to be the first man to do it successfully. She sends him a text message with a smiley face, and he's put off by it. Larry and Jeff's friend Stu comes by the table and invites them over for dinner. Jeff says he would, but things aren't so great with him and Susie.</p><p>To Larry's horror, Dino has stuffed all of Larry's food into one cabinet and taken the other two. He calls Antoinette for help and she agrees to come in for one day. When she does, her father dies, his last words being, &quot;Where's Antoinette?&quot;</p><p>Stu and his wife stop by Larry's office to find out why things aren't so great with Jeff and Susie. They ask him if Jeff is having an affair, and though Larry says no, his voice goes up as he says it, and they take that as confirmation that he is.</p><p>Larry and Heidi argue as she applies sun screen to his head. He refuses to offer condolences for the death of her father two years prior, as the sorry window has closed. She breaks up with him, but not before leaving a smiley face of sun tan lotion on an oblivious Larry.</p><p>Larry arrives at Antoinette's father's funeral, a smiley face emblazoned on his forehead. While his assistant will require time to grieve, Antoinette's mother agrees to fill in for her.</p><p>When Larry sees Stu, he tells him that things aren't so great with Heidi. Stu figures out that Jeff was the one lying, but it's too late-his wife told Susie about the affair. Susie storms in and sees Jeff comforting Antoinette's grieving mother. Predictably, Susie freaks out.</p><p>Larry goes back to Heidi's restaurant, determined to eat where he once shat, but the food tastes funny. Larry asks if her if she put anything in his meal. &quot;Noooo,&quot; she says, her voice escalating.</p></div>

Vow of Silence

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> Alec Berg</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David, Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer</p><p>Jeff and Susie are having a goodbye party before moving to New York for the summer. There, Larry sees Susie's friend Vance, who has taken a vow of silence but still communicates by mouthing words. While waiting in line, Larry notices a woman sneaking in front of him under the guise of conversation with an old friend and he calls out her &quot;chat and cut.&quot; Larry's friend Tessler invites him to attend an event for special needs children, and needing an excuse, Larry claims that he'll be in New York.</p><p>Before they're supposed to meet for lunch, Larry visits Jeff at the vet, where he and Susie are taking care of their dog Oscar. The report from the vet is grim, and Susie wants them to pick up Oscar's favorite food for his last meal, Pinkberry frozen yogurt. Outside Pinkberry, Larry chastises a driver for his &quot;pig parking.&quot; Then, Larry sees Tessler approaching and tries to duck inside the store to avoid him, but the other customers accuse him of performing a chat and cut. He leaves the store and runs right into Tessler, who tells him that the event has been moved, and now Larry can attend. Larry lies again, telling him he's going to New York for three months to work on a show with Jerry. Tessler invites him to stay at a friend's apartment and offers to arrange it for him.</p><p>On the way back from Pinkberry, Jeff and Larry inadvertently finish Oscar's final treat, and Vance sees them. As Jeff and Susie sit shiva for Oscar, Susie recounts how Jeff went to get Oscar's last meal but Pinkberry was closed. Vance picks up on the lie, but is unable to say anything.</p><p>At night, Larry parks next to another pig parker and leaves him an angry note. The pig turns out to be Vance, who yells at Larry, Jeff and Susie from across the street, &quot;Larry ate Oscar's Pinkberry and Jeff was driving. Assholes.&quot; Enraged, Susie can't wait to go to New York to get away from Larry. <a></a>But as the plane departs from LAX, he's sitting across the aisle from her.</p></div>

The Hero

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> Alec Berg</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David, Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer</p><p>On the plane to New York, Larry sits next to an attractive woman, but is unable to strike up a conversation. He goes to use the bathroom in the coach section, and when he exits, trips over his extra-long shoelaces. He falls right on top of a drunk man, who had been acting abusive toward a stewardess, and tackles him to the floor. The stewardess and the plane's other passengers give Larry a round of applause for his heroism, and as he returns to his seat, the woman, who introduces herself as Donna, shows a much greater interest in him.</p><p>Jeff and Larry go to lunch, where they spot Ricky Gervais, whom Jeff would like to sign as a client. Larry offers to get him a bottle of wine, and Ricky orders the most expensive one in the house. Larry and Jeff's waiter is attentive to their conversation, but not to their food, so Larry gets up and gets the food himself.</p><p>Larry brings Donna and a stick of French bread to dinner at Jeff and Susie's apartment. Susie rebuffs his contribution-&quot;Don't impose your desires on my cuisine&quot;-and separates the couples in her seating arrangement. She then accidentally reveals in front of Donna that it was Larry's long-shoelaces that made him tackle the man on the plane.</p><p>At Ricky's play, Larry and Susie argue the entire time, throwing off Ricky's performance-he gives himself his lowest mark yet, a nine out of ten, though he can't identify the offenders. Backstage, Larry and Ricky exchange tense verbal jabs about paying for the tickets to the show, Ricky's ability to cry onstage, and the artistic merits of Rodgers and Hammerstein's &quot;Oklahoma!&quot;<i> </i>At lunch the next day, the same eavesdropping waiter from earlier reveals to Ricky that it was Larry talking in the audience the night before.</p><p>Larry spots Ricky and Donna entering the subway, and follows them with his baguette in hand. He sees them being robbed and intervenes, bashing the offender with his hard stick of bread. A heroic Larry walks off, but his laces are stuck in the closing subway doors.</p></div>

The Bi-Sexual

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b>David Manel</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David, Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer</p><p>At an art gallery opening, Larry hits it off with a woman and gets her number. He recounts the encounter to Rosie O'Donnell, who's just met someone herself. They piece together it's the same woman, Jane, and she's bisexual. &quot;What is this?&quot; Larry says. &quot;She has to sleep with everyone?&quot; Neither Rosie nor Larry will back down though, and the competition is on.</p><p>Larry goes back to the apartment and finds Leon waiting for him outside. His first date with Jane gets off to a rocky start, when the Japanese food Larry brought for dinner spills in the bag. The next day, he returns to the restaurant, tells the maitre d' to secure his food better in the future, and asks for an apology. The maitre d' not only apologizes, he bows. Larry is impressed.</p><p>Larry shows up to a softball game with Rosie. Things have been going well for her and Jane-Rosie's taking her to the Tony Awards that week. Larry goes home and bemoans Rosie's lesbian advantage to Leon. Leon refuses to let Larry back down, offering him a pep talk and a little blue pill. Larry's reluctant to start juicing, but desperate to win Jane's affections.</p><p>After her next night with Larry, Jane is so content she cancels her trip to the Tony's with Rosie. At softball, Rosie is perplexed. She's known Larry for four decades and Jane is the first woman to rave about him in bed. Something isn't adding up. Larry credits his improved performance to diet and exercise, but she's not buying it. He hits a home run and Rosie looks on incredulous as he circles the bases.</p><p>In Central Park, Larry sees a Japanese tourist give a full bow after a minor incident. He asks if the 90-degree bow is standard, and the man tells him anything less would be seen as dismissive. He calls the maitre d's effort-head and neck only-- &quot;a shit bow.&quot; Larry returns to the restaurant to let the maitre d' know.</p><p>Before his next date with Jane, a trip to the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, Larry needs more pills. Leon is out of them, so Larry secures two pills from an older-looking man in Washington Square Park. In Cooperstown, Larry bumps into Jane on the steps of the Baseball Hall of Fame, and she jokingly demands a full bow apology. Larry obliges, and a pill falls out of his shirt pocket. Larry makes excuses-he was leveling the playing field, it was for recovery, everyone's doing it-but Jane withholds his ticket. Larry's not getting into the Hall of Fame.</p></div>

Car Periscope

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> David Mandel</p><p><b>Written by </b>Larry David, Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer<br></p><p>Waiting for a cab on a New York City corner, Larry gets upstreamed, as a woman walks up the block and takes the cab in front of him.</p><p>Jeff takes Larry to meet Ira, an inventor. Ira shows them his latest invention, a car periscope. They like the idea, though they're hesitant to invest money with a total stranger. But when they meet Ira's homely wife, Gabby, they're convinced he must be a man of character. They agree to test drive a prototype and love the invention.</p><p>Larry, Jeff and Susie go to a party thrown by their friend Henry, and run into Wanda and Larry tells her about the trainer he's been working out with. Feeling he should for once act on his benevolent impulses, Larry visits Henry's father, the former television judge Carter Horn. Larry fills in for a one-armed man playing Scrabble with the old judge and realizes the judge is suffering from dementia and prone to racist outbreaks. Henry comes in and thinks that Larry has run up the score against his father and demands he leave. Larry maintains that a one-armed man did it.</p><p>In the park, Larry once again plays Scrabble with the old man and sees Wanda running with his trainer during what used to be his time. He confronts them, and Larry and Wanda set about resolving the situation. Larry suggests Judge Horn be the arbiter, knowing his racist tendencies.</p><p>Larry leaves his business manager after meeting his too-attractive wife. He moves his business elsewhere, to a man who is much better looking than his wife of 20 years.</p><p>Larry and Jeff agree to invest with Ira. At a movie with Ira and Gabby, Larry accidentally reveals that he considers Ira to be a man of character because of his ugly wife. Gabby goes after him, and Larry winds up with his arm in a sling.</p><p>The next day, Larry sees the one-armed man who'd ditched him with the judge. They upstream each other up the block, looking for a taxi. The one-armed man runs into and knocks over the judge and hops into a cab. Henry sees his father on the floor and asks who did this to him. He says it was a one-armed man - as Henry eyes Larry with his arm in a sling.</p></div>

Mister Softee

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b>Larry Charles</p><p><b>Written by </b>Larry David, Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer<br></p><p>Dining al fresco in New York City, Susie asks Larry to get Jeff a ball signed by Mookie Wilson for his birthday. Larry is distracted by a nearby Mr. Softee ice cream truck. He unloads to his therapist about a childhood incident playing strip poker inside a Mr. Softee truck, which ended up with him naked in front of the whole neighborhood.</p><p>Before the championship softball game, the team sponsor Yari the mechanic gives a profanity-laced pep talk in the spirit of George Steinbrenner. With the game on the line, Larry gets distracted by the sound of a Mr. Softee truck, and the ball goes right through his legs.</p><p>The next day, Larry goes to Yari to pick up his car, but it's not ready yet. A disgusted Yari says he &quot;made an error&quot; and &quot;dropped the ball.&quot; He sends Larry off in an unrepaired car with a broken front seat.</p><p>Larry sees Leon standing outside the apartment building-the doorman won't let him in. After apologizing on behalf of all Caucasians, Larry tells Leon to wear glasses if he wants respect. When they arrive at the trade show to get Mookie Wilson's autograph, Larry gets turned away, but a bespectacled Leon is able to get them both in. There, Larry sees former Red Sox first baseman Bill Buckner at a table and shares that he made a devastating error of his own. They leave together, and Buckner is constantly heckled by people on the street.</p><p>That night, Larry brings Jennifer home, and she rides in the broken front seat. When they get to the apartment, she decides not to come up. The next day, Leon rides shotgun, and he realizes that the vibrations in the front seat were the reason Jennifer didn't want to go up. She didn't come upstairs, Leon says, &quot;because she was coming downstairs.&quot;</p><p>Susie spots Larry driving alone, and asks for a ride uptown-her cousin's building is on fire. Larry, now aware of what his front seat can do, does whatever he can to keep Susie out of it. When she insists, he has no other choice and lets her ride. As Susie gets increasingly excited, Larry gets more and more disgusted, and he crashes into a parked Mr. Softee truck.</p><p>At the fire, a woman has to throw her baby to the firefighters. The baby bounces away from them, and Buckner makes a diving catch. He's a hero.</p><p>That night, Larry sleeps with Jennifer. He's satisfied with his performance, but Jennifer isn't. She wants to go for a drive.</p></div>

Larry vs. Michael J. Fox

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by </b>Alec Berg</p><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David, Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer<br></p><p>While waiting for his girlfriend Jennifer to get ready, Larry doodles a Hitler mustache and a swastika on a figure in one of her magazines. Her young son Greg arrives and introduces himself to Larry. Greg, who has just come from watching Project Runway and is rather effeminate, loves the design element of the swastika, and asks for one for his birthday.</p><p>At the bar, Jennifer plays background piano for the patrons, but Larry insists on shushing everyone who is talking, including Larry's upstairs neighbor Michael J. Fox. Fox shakes his head in Larry's direction as he exits, and Larry wonders if it was a statement or a product of Fox having Parkinson's disease.</p><p>Larry goes to Fox's apartment to apologize for shushing him. Telling him not to worry, Fox hands Larry a soda, which explodes all over his clothes when he opens it. Fox says it was shaken because of the Parkinson's. Later that night, Larry and Leon can't sleep as Fox is clomping on the floor in boots. When Larry confronts him, Fox again pins it on the Parkinson's.</p><p>For Greg's birthday, Larry brings him a sewing machine. While Greg is thrilled with the gift, Jennifer is not, and accuses Larry of turning her son gay. Susie tells Larry he needs to buy Greg another gift to make it up. The conversation turns to Fox's devotion to his wife and Susie asks Jeff if he'd take a bullet for her. He says he would, but she doesn't believe him.</p><p>In the lobby of the apartment building, Larry collides with Fox. As their tensions reach a boil, Fox tells Larry to take it up with the board. He does, and the board puts Larry on probation, recommending he attend Fox's Parkinson's foundation fundraiser to atone.</p><p>In the park, Larry brings Greg another gift, a violin. Greg tells Larry how much he loves the sewing machine; he even used it to make a gift for Susie. He hands her a pillow sham embroidered with a swastika, which Greg says Larry taught him how to make. As an enraged Susie confronts Larry she steps into the path of a speeding biker. Jeff<a></a> throws himself in front of Susie, absorbing the crash. Lying on the floor, he tells his wife, &quot;I took a bullet for you.&quot; &quot;It was a bike, technically,&quot; Susie responds.</p><p>Larry and Jeff attend the fundraiser and get shushed for talking too loudly. Jeff asks what gift Larry got Greg, and in response, Larry mimes playing the violin. On stage, Fox calls out Larry for making the violin gesture during the speech and the crowd is outraged. Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who is in attendance, stands up to the podium and tells Larry he wants him out of the city.</p><p>Back at the apartment building, Fox sees Larry and wants to bury the hatchet. He invites Larry to join him in attending an event for sick children. Larry thinks it over, but tells Fox he's going to be out of town that day.</p><p>When the day comes, Larry and Leon are walking the streets of Paris. A man pulls his car in between two spots, and arguing in French, Larry calls him a <i>pig parker</i>.</p></div>

Foisted!

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Directed by</b> Jeff Schaffer<br><b>Written by</b> Larry David and Jeff Shaffer</p><p>Larry heads to show Jeff the script for his newly-finished musical, Fatwa! – the story of Salman Rushdie's life. In the lobby of Jeff's office, Larry has an unpleasant run-in with a woman when, factoring in her masculine look, he decides not to hold the door for her. As luck would have it, the woman is Jeff's barber – Betty. The two make amends, and Betty goes so far as to offer to cut Larry's hair at the next opportunity.</p><p>Larry is dismayed to discover that his assistant didn't come to work for two days because she was constipated. He vents to Leon and wonders why she came so highly recommended by her previous employer, Jimmy Kimmel. Leon realizes that Kimmel "foisted" the assistant, pretending she was a star-worker in order to pass her on to Larry. At the first possible opportunity, Larry decides to foist the assistant onto someone else. The lucky recipient: Susie.</p><p>Cutting Larry's hair, Betty excitedly chats about her upcoming wedding to her girlfriend, Numa. When Larry finds out Betty is going to be the "bride" to Numa's "groom," he gets into hot water again when he says he's "not getting bride vibes" from her. He inadvertently sets off a household feud when Betty tells her girlfriend she wants to switch roles for the wedding.</p><p>Going on Jimmy Kimmel to promote Fatwa! Larry makes the mistake of doing an impression of the Ayatollah. The next day, the news breaks that the real Ayatollah of Iran has issued an actual fatwa on Larry in response to his impersonation. In fear of retribution, all the prospective producers of the musical back out, effectively killing the project. Larry has a more immediate threat to worry about, when Susie gets wise to the fact that he foisted the incompetent assistant onto her.</p></div>

The Pickle Gambit

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Created by </b>Larry David, Jeff Schaffer and Justin Hurwitz<br><b>Directed by</b> David Steinberg<br><br>nLeon and Jeff visit Larry, who's holed up at a hotel, convinced he's in danger due to the fatwa. The two prevail over Larry's anxieties and convince him to return home. Heading to check out (disguised in a wig and mustache for safety), Larry runs into an off-duty hooker and convinces her to try a wholesome outfit to drum up more business. <br><br>nAt check out, Larry's opining rubs the hotel concierge the wrong way. The two argue over the hotel policy regarding the use of tongs when selecting cookies in the lobby; Larry opts to use his bare hands. Later, when Larry later returns to the hotel in search of a pair of missing pj bottoms, he gets in another cookie confrontation and is banned from the hotel.<br><br><br>nMarty Funkhouser goes to visit Larry at home, bringing along his nephew Kenny, high school All-American pitcher and valedictorian of his class. Things take a turn for the worse when Leon, Funkhouser, Larry and Kenny all head to make sandwiches. A pickle jar proves difficult to open, and everyone wants to be the "hero of the pickle jar." Larry grabs the jar from Kenny, causing the young man to hurt his elbow.<br><br>nRecently separated from Mary, Ted swings by the house to ask Larry's permission to date Cheryl. Miffed that Ted didn't just go behind his back, Larry calls Mary on the spot to see if she's interested in going out, given that Ted and Cheryl want to start seeing each other. She lets him down easy. <br><br>nLarry learns from Funkhouser that Kenny broke his elbow and is now a completely different kid. His injury is preventing him from masturbating and relaxing, transforming the golden boy into a monster. Larry comes up with a solution: He'll hire the prostitute from his hotel stay to help Kenny. He arranges for the two to meet at his home.<br><br>nAt his favorite Palestinian chicken spot, Larry seeks out the help of his old friend Shara, who puts him in touch with the Consul of Iran. But Larry's new security guard, Swat, mistakes Kenny and the prostitute's assignation for a fatwa attack and storms the room. While Larry video conferences the Consul of Iran, Swat is visibly chasing the half-naked duo around the house — followed by Leon screaming, "Just get rid of the Muslims." Needless to say, the Consul isn't interested in helping Larry.<br></p></div>

A Disturbance in the Kitchen

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Larry David and Jeff Schaffer<br><b>Directed by </b>Jeff Schaffer<br><br>nDining out, Larry and Jeff learn there's been a "general disturbance" in the kitchen. To their frustration, the restaurant manager is doggedly evasive when asked for specifics. Larry goes to investigate but rather than get to the bottom of the situation, he gets into an argument with the chef. <br><br>nSusie is beside herself with worry when her "little sister" in a Little Sister program doesn't come home. Ted, Cheryl and Jeff form a search party, and Larry borrows Ted's new Tesla to look for the kid. The new car's aggressive horn gets him into hot water when he honks at a cop. <br><br>nTired of hiding in disguise, Larry goes to visit the one person who can help him: Salman Rushdie. The author encourages the comedian to adjust his perspective on the whole predicament. With a death sentence hanging over his head, Larry is now a man of danger, and as such, incredibly attractive to women. Larry removes his disguise and heads out for a bite to eat. He promptly runs into Elizabeth Banks, who's drawn to his fatwa mystique, and the two strike up a flirtation.<br><br>nTaking Elizabeth to meet Susie and Jeff, Larry runs into the police officer he beeped. The cop has located Susie's "little sister" — at her boyfriend's house. While the cop returns the kid, Larry notices Jeff's baseball cap on the roof of Susie and Jeff's house. He tries to retrieve it with a rake but accidentally drops the rake on the hood of the officer's cruiser, quickly hightailing it from the scene of the crime. The officer catches up with Elizabeth and Larry and, much to Larry's distress, Elizabeth botches his alibi. So ends their short-lived romance.<br></p></div>

Running with the Bulls

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Larry David and Jeff Schaffer<br><b>Directed by </b>Bryan Gordon<br></p><p> </p><p>In therapy for his fatwa, Larry hashes out a recurring nightmare: he's in a room full of virgins who want to have sex with him, but he's more preoccupied with counting them. Dr. Templeton begins to offer analysis, but Larry turns his attention to the disparity between his and the therapist's chair. It's clear the doctor has given himself the superior seat. When Larry suggests they go chair shopping, the therapist is less than interested. He reveals he and his wife are planning to eat at restaurants for the next week to enjoy truffle season.</p><p><b>"What do you talk about in your sessions?" — Cheryl</b></p><p>Jeff and Larry attend an art opening for Richard Lewis. The big news of the evening is Marty Funkhouser's nephew, Kenny, followed a certain prostitute to Spain and got trampled to death by a bull. Larry remains mum on his involvement, introducing Kenny to the prostitute. He's eager to ask Cheryl if she, as a fellow patient, has ever noticed the inferior seating at Dr. Templeton's office. He also mentions in passing that Dr. Templeton is a huge fan of truffles, which inspires Cheryl to later gift the therapist with an assortment of truffle oils.</p><p>Jeff strikes up an affair with a real estate agent he meets at Richard's art opening. He basks in his genius discovery of open houses as a setting for romance. What's more, when Susie confronts Jeff, saying someone spotted him in a car with another woman, he claims that he's house shopping. The one hiccup in Jeff's arrangement: Susie decides they buy one of the houses on the market.</p><p>At his next session, Dr. Templeton confronts Larry about breaching "patient-doctor confidentiality" by telling Cheryl about his love of truffles. Skeptical such a thing exists, Larry nevertheless apologizes. He then raises a pertinent issue in his life: he's discovered that the fly on a pair of pants is too short and he's having trouble peeing. Dr. Templeton advises Larry check out a Barney's warehouse sale.</p><p><b>"You're the last usher I ever bribe." — Larry</b></p><p>Attending Kenny Funkhouser's memorial service, Larry pays an usher to reserve the chair in the last row and closest to the door. But when Larry goes to take his seat, he discovers Richard has ignored the "Reserved" sign and stolen the seat. Larry is forced to sit middle aisle, middle row. With the service underway, he notices a man lurking in the wings and mistakes him for a fatwa assassin. He cries out to raise alarm in the room and instantly causing a stampede of mourners trying to escape. As it turns out, the man was just a late attendee to the memorial. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p></div>

Thank You for Your Service

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b style="font-size: 0.8125rem;">Written by</b> Larry David and Jeff Schaffer<br></p><p><b>Directed by </b>Bryan Gordon</p><p>Having made the mistake of rolling down his car window at the golf club security gate, Larry's fallen into the unfortunate cycle of chatting with a long-winded security guard, Sal. Larry struggles to keep the latest conversation brief, but Sal is insistent on displaying his range of British accents — prep-work for a Revolutionary War Reenactment he plans to participate in.</p><p> </p><p>At his golf club restaurant, Larry specifically asks the waiter to report back if the chef makes a face when asked to alter an order of fish. He wants to asses whether or not he should stick with the meal as listed on the menu. The waiter returns with news: the chef didn't make "much of a face" — Larry proceeds with the modification. Meanwhile, a fellow club member, Ken, swings by to show off pictures of his new baby. Larry's passing remark that the kid "looks a little Asian" strikes the member as odd, given neither he nor his wife are of Asian descent.</p><p> </p><p>Larry asks a beautiful mailwoman in the neighborhood on a date. Things go south at the movies when Larry struggles to find her in the darkened theater. She explains she didn't want to make a scene and Larry chastises her for not "beckoning." At the end of the date, Larry asks if they can reset to their original relationship of "homeowner and mailwoman."</p><p> </p><p>Returning to the golf club, Larry decides to press the reset button on his relationship with Sal. Unfortunately, his request to no longer converse with the security guard doesn't go over too well. Inside the club, Larry runs into the chef, who says he did in fact make a face when asked to modify the meal. To make matters worse, Mr.Takahashi has caught wind of Larry's remarks about Ken's child. He tells Larry to expect a letter in the mail detailing punitive action. Unfortunately, hell hath no fury like a mailwoman scorned. Larry's one-time romantic interest stops delivering mail to the house, and he doesn't receive notice that he's banned from the club.</p><p> </p><p>Jeff and Susie host a dinner party with Sammi and her fiancé, Victor. A war veteran, Victor graciously acknowledges the other guests' praise and "thank yous" for his service. The only guest to not acknowledge Victor's heroism — Larry. It doesn't go unnoticed, and Victor storms out of the party. To make it up to the guy, Larry asks him to participate in a Revolutionary War reenactment. Participating as Blue Coats, Victor and Larry get into hot water when Sal, playing a Red Coat commander takes aim at the pair with live cannon balls. The whole affair triggers Victor's war memories and the two men hightail it to the parking lot. In the lot, Larry discovers Mr. Takahashi in a compromising embrace with Ken's wife. Safe to say, his golf-club ban is no longer an issue.</p><p> </p></div>

The Accidental Text on Purpose

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b style="font-size: 0.8125rem;">Written by </b>Larry David, Jeff Schaffer and Jon Hayman</p><p></p><p><b style="font-size: 0.8125rem;">Directed by </b>Larry Charles</p><p> </p><p></p><p>Traveling, Larry misses his plane by moments. He tries to explain to a flight attendant that he was delayed because of a Sophia Loren movie, but she's having none of it. Larry's forced to take a coach seat on the next plane out. He graciously offers up his aisle seat to a woman who claims to have a bladder condition. As luck would have it, he's seated next to a doctor and fellow member Larry's golf club — Dr. Winacur. During the trip, the doctor decides not to heed the call of duty when a passenger gets sick.</p><p></p><p>Funkhouser and his new girlfriend, Marilyn, throw a dinner party, hosting Larry, Jeff and Susie, Richard and his girlfriend Rhonda. Larry notes Richard give his girlfriend a "premature honey," but his warning to his friend falls on deaf ears. Over the course of dinner, Larry offends his hostess when he calls her out for serving tap water. She promptly kicks him out of the party.</p><p></p><p>At lunch, Richard acknowledges Larry was right to warn him about the premature honey. Rhonda has texted saying they need to talk — clearly the relationship is on its last legs. Larry hatches a plan: invite Rhonda to their lunch and start calling everyone honey, thereby removing any weight from the word. The plan works seemlessly.</p><p></p><p>Jeff, Larry, Funkhouser and Winacur all go golfing. Jeff explains he's stuck driving Susie to the airport and Funkhouser bemoans Marilyn's chilliness since the unfiltered-water debacle. Larry advises both men to send an "accidental text on purpose." Jeff texts Susie a note pretending he's writing to Larry about prioritizing Susie's trip, all in the hopes she'll let him make plans with Larry. Funkhouser sends Marilyn a note pretending to call Larry out for being an asshole. Susie isn't fooled, but Marilyn is immediately won over. Meanwhile, Winacur isn't playing his best game and manufactures a medical emergency he must attend to.</p><p></p><p>In need of new pants, Larry meets with Richard's girlfriend Rhonda, who happens to be a saleswoman at Neiman Marcus. Things get awkward when Rhonda stays in the dressing room to observe Larry get undressed and try on the pants. To make matters worse, on a return trip to try on the pants once they're properly altered, Larry receives a text from Leon<b> </b>— a video of Sophia Loren undressing. As Rhonda neals to check the hem on the pants, Larry watches the video and gets an "accidental erection." Despite Larry's attempts to explain, Rhonda is mortally offended. </p><p></p><p>Both Funkhouser and Richard recieve ultimatums from their girlfriends: they have to choose between Larry and their romantic relationships. Both men pick their girlfriends. Unfortunately, everyone is seated at the same table during a golf club event. Over the course of the evening, Richard calls Rhonda his girlfriend prematurely and Marilyn gets wise to the fact Funkhouser sent an "accidental text on purpose." Both relationships come to abrupt ends. </p><p></p></div>

Namaste

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b style="font-size: 0.8125rem;">Written by </b>Larry David and Jeff Schaffer<br></p><p><b>Directed by </b>Jessie Nelson</p><p>Larry gets in trouble with his yoga instructor, Tina, for refusing to say "namaste" at the end of class. She argues it's important for Larry to allow the "light within" to greet the light within his fellow yogis. When Larry won't comply, Tina bans him from class. Leon fares better, managing to get her phone number. After class, Larry hits a car parked behind him and, against Leon's advisement, leaves a note apologizing, along with his contact info.</p><p>One of Susie's friends, Bridget, is interested in dating Larry — despite Susie's best efforts to persuade her otherwise. Larry's intrigued, but wants to see a picture before he asks her on a date. Susie is incredulous, sparking a debate over where Larry stands on an Uber-rating scale. According to Susie, he's a measly two. Later, Larry asks an Uber driver to give an honest "Uber rating" of his looks. The driver confirms Susie's assessment of two stars.</p><p>Jeff refers Larry to his mechanic friend, Greg, who offers to help fix Larry's bumper (dented from the parking lot incident). At the body shop, Larry immediately puts his foot in his mouth, noting aloud that Greg is black. He tries to explain his remark was one of surprise because Jeff hadn't mentioned it, not a discriminatory remark. Greg doesn't see Larry's logic and becomes chilly and unhelpful assessing the car.</p><p>Larry gets a call from the guy whose car he hit<b> </b>— Justin. The two exchange harsh words, and Larry tells him to come by the house to figure out proper payment for the damage. When Justin comes by, Leon answers the door. Mistaking Leon for Larry, Justin immediately becomes amenable, offering to take on all costs for his car repairs.</p><p>Larry goes on a date with Susie's friend Bridget, and the two immediately hit it off. The one hitch is Bridget's son, Eddie. He makes his dislike for Larry very clear. Bridget explains that he has Asperger's, hence the rude behavior. Realizing people with Asperger's get a lot of leeway for rudeness, Larry swings by Greg's shop and claims he's on the spectrum. Their previous interaction suddenly makes a lot more sense, and Greg instantly accepts Larry's apology. He also says he'll fix the car in a day, free of charge.</p><p>Larry gets a text from Bridget: Eddie is at a lesson for an hour, and she wants Larry to come over. The only hitch: Larry's Uber rating is so low, he can't get a ride. He opts to take a bus, but ends up heckling the driver so much that the other passengers kick him off. Romance will have to wait. </p></div>

Never Wait for Seconds!

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b style="font-size: 0.8125rem;">Written by </b>Larry David and Jeff Schaffer<br></p><p><b>Directed by</b> Robert B. Weide</p><p>Caesar, a handyman, fixes a humming coming from the lights in Larry office. Larry offers a tip in gratitude, but Caesar refuses. The handyman's amenableness turns calculated when he calls in favor after favor, which Larry feels obligated to fulfill. He's "flipped the tip," so Larry, the would-be tipper, is indebted to him, the would-be tip recipient.</p><p>Larry and Bridget are still going strong, as is her son Eddie's rude behavior. Bridget mentions she's considering sending him to boarding school, and Larry (eager to get the kid out of the way) immediately offers to put in a good word.</p><p>In an effort to start fresh, Marilyn, Funkhouser, Larry and Bridget go to a buffet brunch. Feeling celebratory, Funkhouser orders an expensive bottle of champagne. Things quickly sour between Marilyn and Larry, when he notes her excessive use of ketchup. She accidentally spills some on her blouse and decides to leave, taking Funkhouser with her and landing Larry with the check. One good thing out of the brunch: while waiting for food, Larry defends a man who cuts the buffet line to get a second helping of potatoes. As it turns out, the man in question is a devout Muslim and well-connected within the community. Moved Larry would come to his defense on the buffet line, he decides to help the comedian revoke the fatwa.</p><p>Larry meets with admissions representatives at Pembleton Academy. As they consider accepting Eddie, they're curious to know the nature of his relationship with Bridget and whether he sees a long-term future with her. Larry assures them, "I can give you nine happy months, then I can give you years and years of being miserable, but we'll be together." The admissions reps are mollified. Larry asks one additional favor: permission for Caesar and his family to use the Pembleton swimming pool. Unfortunately, the handyman's son, "Little Caesar," leave the pool "befouled." The admissions reps inform Bridget, due to the conditions of the pool, they've decided to deny Eddie's application.</p><p>The Muslim gentleman Larry advocated for makes inquiries into Larry's character. He interviews people from Larry's past encounters (everyone from Denise Handicapped to Michael J. Fox) and, in all cases, sees Larry's side of things. He takes Larry before a panel of muftis, who agree to recommend the Ayatollah rescind the fatwa.</p><p><b> </b></p></div>

The Shucker

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Larry David, Jeff Schaffer and Justin Hurwitz<br></p><p><b>Directed by</b> Jeff Schaffer</p><p> </p><p>According to the panel of muftis who helped revoke the fatwa, Larry's musical Fatwa! can continue, only if Lin Manuel Miranda is involved. In hopes of getting the play off the ground, Larry and Jeff schedule a meeting with the Hamilton star.<br></p><p>Hosting a dinner party, Larry regales his guest with a story about falling asleep during Hamilton. He realizes the oyster shucker hired for the party might not keep the anecdote to himself -- the shucker demands tickets to Hamilton in exchange for his silence. Returning to the table, Larry is disturbed to hear Bridget telling tales of sexual encounters with past boyfriends. He begins to have anxiety he'll be the next butt of her dinner party jokes. Heading out from Larry's dinner party, Jeff comes upon the shucker's forgotten cowboy hat and decides to keep it.<br></p><p>Meeting Lin, Larry finds it impossible to say no to any of his suggestions for Fatwa! He realizes it's because Lin has the power seat behind his agent's desk. After two meetings, both of which consist of Lin making creative notes and Larry acquiescing, Lin agrees to do the musical. He also tells Larry he's not able to get the requested Hamilton tickets for the shucker. Larry tries to outsmart Lin by claiming the tickets are now for him. The only hiccup is Lin later calls to say his wife will be attending the same performance.<br></p><p><b style="font-size: 0.8125rem;">"Wearing that hat has been nothing but a curse for me." — Jeff</b><br></p><p>Susie can't get enough of Jeff since he's taken to wearing the cowboy hat. What starts as a novelty takes a serious turn, when she manages to break Jeff's penis. Larry seeks out the shucker to return the hat and reclaim the Hamilton tickets, which he's successfully able to do — for the price of $2,500.<br></p><p>Reunited with the hat, the shucker strikes Susie's fancy, and the two have a short affair.<br></p><p>The previous owner of the house, Mrs. Shapiro, begins to plague Larry, returning to water the plant in his front hall and later stealing the plant to care for it in her new home. Incensed by the intrusion, Larry takes Mrs. Shapiro to court. The two appear on an episode of Judge Judy. Sadly for Larry, Judy sides with Mrs. Shapiro, as the plant is now in much better health than it was in his home.<br></p><p><b style="font-size: 0.8125rem;">"There is no boilerplate, Larry. This has never existed before." — Bridget</b><br></p><p>Still anxious over the possibility that Bridget will reveal intimate details about their relationship should they ever breakup, Larry asks her to sign a non-disclosure agreement. His request does not go well. Incensed, Bridget storms out of the house, definitively putting an end to their relationship.<br></p><p>Attending the Hamilton performance, Larry takes painkillers just before lights go down and ends up falling asleep on Lin's wife's shoulder.<br></p><p> </p></div>

Fatwa!

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by Larry David, Jeff Schaffer, Justin Hurwitz and Jon Hayman</b></p><p><b>Directed by Jeff Schaffer</b></p><p>Rehearsals for <i>Fatwa! </i>are in full swing. Larry proposes a fun paintball outing for the cast in advance of previews. Everyone's over the moon and effusive with thank yous.</p><p>Larry has reservations for dinner with Jeff, Susie and Funkhouser. When the hostess refuses to seat the party, because Funkhouser is running late, Larry asks a random woman at the bar to join them. It turns out she's a stand-in actress. Once Funkhouser arrives, the woman's stand-in services are no longer needed, and she subs out.</p><p>Lin and Larry get into a creative argument over a scene. Lin doesn't think one of the scenes is working, but Larry thinks everyone is distracted by the presence of a buxom signer they've hired for hearing impaired audience members.</p><p>As a favor, Larry agrees to house Lin's cousin, Valentine, and her husband, Ernst, when they come to town for the first preview. It turns out the couple are swingers and trash the place during an orgy.</p><p>Susie and Jeff host a dinner party in advance of Sammi and Victor's wedding, including Victor's parents, who are both deaf. While Victor's mother goes to the bathroom, Larry falls into conversation with his father. Larry explains the <i>Fatwa! </i>interpreter's breasts are causing serious problems, distracting everyone from the main performance on stage. Later, Victor's dad suggests they hire the interpreter for the wedding.</p><p>At the paintball excursion, Larry and Lin get into a heated argument. Larry's frustration with Lin and his family boils over, as he goes on a rant about Valentine and Ernst's abuse of his hospitality. Lin calls him out, and the two commence a paintball duel. Intending to aim his pistol in the sky, Larry accidentally shoots the paint pellet into Lin's mouth as he makes to pull up his pants.</p><p>Accompanying Lin to the hospital, Larry misses Sammi's wedding. He tries to rectify the situation by hiring the stand-in actress to give his speech, but Susie is having none of it. Due to the paintball injury, Lin won't be able to perform for sixth months. His injury puts an end to <i>Fatwa!</i> the musical.</p><p><b> </b></p></div>

Happy New Year

Season Ten Premiere. Larry kicks off the new year with a new rival--Mocha Joe. Later, at a cocktail party hosted by Jeff and Susie, Larry gets roped into lunch plans and has a misunderstanding with a caterer.

Side Sitting

Larry's lawyer tries to resolve the situation with his assistant, Alice. Larry surprises Susie with an impressive birthday gift and comes one step closer to exacting revenge on Mocha Joe.

Artificial Fruit

Larry drops the ball when he gets the chance to make amends with Alice. Larry and Richard go to extreme lengths for their upcoming lunch date.

You're Not Going to Get Me to Say Anything Bad About

Travel plans go awry when Larry brings an impromptu date to a destination wedding. At the hotel, Larry finds himself in a sticky situation when he goes searching for a toothbrush.

Insufficient Praise

Larry receives a problematic gift from Freddy Funkhouser, causes trouble with Richard’s new girlfriend, and offends one of Jeff's A-list clients.

The Surprise Party

When Susie plans a surprise party for Jeff, Larry suspects she has ulterior motives, and enlists the help of his new friend Wally to ensure things don’t go awry. Larry connects with a problematic inventor to develop an innovative new product.

The Ugly Section

Richard has a suspiciously good day on the golf course. Later, Larry attempts to capitalize on a friend's unexpected death and takes issue with a pattern of discrimination at a trendy restaurant. Larry offers his dermatologist's son a job.

Elizabeth, Margaret and Larry

A prominent actor shadows Larry to prepare for an upcoming role. Larry meddles in the sale of Cheryl's sister’s house, helps Leon grow a new business and stirs up trouble at a dinner party hosted by Richard's girlfriend.

Beep Panic

Mocha Joe hatches a plan to sabotage his adversary. Larry develops a debilitating habit and takes pity on a waitress. Richard prepares for a career-defining role.

The Spite Store

Season Ten Finale. Larry runs into an unwelcome familiar face, seeks a second opinion on his knee injury and causes a rift between expectant parents.

The Five-Foot Fence

A discovery in Larry’s backyard threatens to derail his latest creative venture, while a clumsy mishap threatens the future of his latest romance. Albert Brooks hosts an unprecedented event, and Leon makes arrangements for an upcoming trip.

Angel Muffin

Larry is forced to attend an ill-fated work meeting and investigates the truth behind a faulty toilet. Determined to unravel a mystery of his own, Jeff employs Larry’s detective skills.

The Mini Bar

In a last-ditch effort, Larry enlists Cheryl’s help with a project and, later, concocts a plan that could finally save his newest creative venture.

The Watermelon

After agreeing to take Susie’s new rabbi golfing, Larry then cashes in on her favor. Later, Larry’s appeal to Woody Harrelson’s animal rights activism comes with unexpected consequences.

IRASSHAIMASE!

While he and his date swap secrets, Larry runs afoul of the rules and regulations at a sushi restaurant. No good deed goes unpunished for Freddy Funkhouser.

Man Fights Tiny Woman

Larry navigates the complexities of requesting a new chauffeur, letting his roofer do his job, and imparting some constructive criticism to his chiropractor.

Irma Kostroski

Ahead of Election Day, Larry befriends City Councilwoman Irma Kostroski while mediating a conflict between a difficult actor and his prop master.

What Have I Done?

Larry does damage control to remain in Irma’s good graces while encouraging Leon to monetize his knack for husbandly counsel.

Igor, Gregor, & Timor

Larry does the right thing (and regrets it) while seizing an unprecedented opportunity to avoid Irma. Jeff seeks out a pricey peace offering for Susie.

The Mormon Advantage

With the city council vote rapidly approaching, Larry gives some unsolicited marriage advice and hosts an event for an American hero.