Crashing

The Atheist

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by: </b>Pete Holmes &amp; Judd Apatow</p><p><b>Directed by: </b>Ryan McFaul</p><p>In a dimly lit room, Pete sits in a beat up recliner, eating takeout Chinese food. Clearly at a low point, his state worsens when he opens his laptop to find a Facebook video celebrating his "friendship" with his now ex-wife, Jess. He changes gears and searches for"boobs," then "big boobs." As Pete turns off "safe search" and gets comfortable, Leif opens the garage door, exposing Pete in action. Leif implores him to "pull his weight" in their relationship and help pay the bills.</p><p>Pete mixes gummy bears into chocolate ice cream at his job at Cold Stone Creamery. When a satisfied customer gives Pete a tip, he and the other servers are forced to perform an embarrassing song and dance.</p> <p>A young woman, Ali Reissen, walks up to Pete outside The Boston and asks for a manager. She explains she's a comic and is looking for stage time so she can tape a set. Although she's not "passed" at the club, Pete is intrigued and gives her a slot. After Ali's set, Jason returns and barks at Pete to get back on his corner.</p><p>After doing a set at The Boston, Pete goes to The Village Underground where he catches up with a group of comedians all preparing to go to The Hole — a risqué burlesque joint — for Dan Naturman's birthday. The comedians agree Pete is too square to go to a place that raunchy, so they leave him behind. After sitting alone for a minute, Penn Jillette pulls up a chair, and discusses God and the universe with Pete, shaking him.</p> <p>Pete has an existential conversation with Doug Benson which gives him the nerve to argue his way into The Hole where he finds the other comics. Still shaken by his conversation with Penn Jillette, he decides to drink...a lot. As Pete parties, he becomes more carefree and even funnier. He returns to The Village Underground and joins Artie Lange and Dave Attell on stage.</p><p>At the bar after the show, Pete runs into Ali who is pissed Pete robbed her of stage time when he was goofing off with Dave and Artie. With his inhibitions lowered, Pete tells Ali she should take him home with her, and despite her initial pause, she agrees and they have sex.</p></div>

Pete and Leif

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b>: Judd Apatow and Pete Holmes</p><p><b>Directed by</b>: Ryan McFaul</p><p> </p><p>Pete wakes up in Ali's apartment. He tries to kiss her good morning, which she expertly dodges. As Ali gets ready for work, Pete sits down to pee without closing the door. After ignoring Ali's numerous hints to leave, he makes himself at home in her apartment.</p><p><br>With Ali gone, Pete raids her pantry, makes himself a hangover breakfast and settles in to watch TV. He places a hot casserole on Ali's glass coffee table, cracking it down the middle. Unable to conceal the damage, he waits for Ali to come home so he can explain.</p><p> </p> <p>Ali returns and is horrified to find Pete still in her apartment She tells him that just because they had sex does not mean they are in a relationship. She kicks him out and he blurts, "I love you," as she closes the door in his face. </p><p> </p><p>Pete meets Leif at his stand at the farmers market and apologizes for being late. Sensing Pete's tension, Leif rubs healing weed oil onto his forehead, getting him high. They get lunch and Pete tells Leif he had sex and isn't sure how to feel about it: it was his first time using a condom and he feels like he sinned. </p><p> </p> <p>They take a walk with no destination in mind, following the signals at the crosswalks. After ambling for a while, they come across an aspiring rapper who tries to persuade them to buy one of his CDs. Pete naively takes the CD and struggles to return it without paying. Leif flips the conversation on the musician, asking about his goals, which convinces him to let them go. </p><p> </p><p>Leif and Pete relax in a park where they play frisbee with two girls. At Leif's suggestion, Pete removes his wedding ring, storing it in Leif's duffle bag. As they lounge with the girls, Pete gets a call from The Dr. Oz Show asking him to do warm-up, and he and Leif rush to the studio. </p><p> </p><p>After Pete warms up the crowd he realizes he left his wedding ring in Leif's bag...which Leif left in the park. They rush back to find a bomb squad investigating the bag because it contains Leif's pressure cooker from the farm stand. Leif won't let Pete talk to the police because he has LSD in his bag. </p><p> </p><p>Leif wrestles to stop Pete and Pete is arrested. The police explode the bag. </p><p> </p></div>

Bill Burr

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by:</b> Pete Holmes and Greg Fitzsimmons</p><p><b>Directed by:</b> Ryan McFaul</p><p> </p><p>Pete is released from jail and meets Artie for breakfast. He asks to crash with Artie again and Artie tells him to come to his show that night and he'll figure something out.</p><p> </p><p>At the New School, Joy Behar moderates a Q&amp;A with Artie and Bill Burr. Pete joins Artie and Bill for dinner after the show and explains his complicated relationship with Leif. Artie leaves to smoke and Bill tells Pete there's no way Artie is coming back. When Artie doesn't return, Bill reluctantly agrees to let Pete crash with him.</p><p> </p><p>Bill and Artie drive to Bill's home in New Jersey where they are greeted by Bill's wife and baby. Pete asks to hold the baby and inhales, noting "It's like life, itself." Bill sets Pete up on the pull-out couch and asks him to "guy it up," which he fails to do. They golf the next morning and get to know each other. They talk about abortion and Bill asks to use one of Pete's jokes.</p><p> </p><p>Chicken Wing shows up at Cold Stone and offers to manage Pete. Pete tells him he needs someone with connections and Chicken Wing mentions he only asked because he heard Pete would be opening for Nikki Glaser that summer. After taking in this new information, Chicken Wing agrees to represent him anyway.</p><p> </p> <p>Pete watches Bill do a set and films the part where he uses the abortion joke. Thrilled his joke was used, Pete uploads the performance to Instagram where it is covered in a feminist publication, painting Bill as anti-choice. Pete finds Porter at his day job and asks for help scrubbing it from the internet.<br></p><p> </p><p>After returning to Bill's to retrieve his stuff, Pete is subjected to "guy time" in Bill's man cave. Bill lights a cigar and tells Pete the thing that pissed him off about the article was that someone filmed his set and released it before he got to the point. Increasingly nervous, Pete admits he was the one who filmed the set and apologizes profusely. Bill tells Pete it's no big deal and that it'll blow over in a few days, but Pete still needs to leave to handle his sh*t and beat up Leif. Pete tries to take Bill's advice, but instead greets Leif with a "Hey, buddy."</p><p> </p></div>

Porter Got HBO

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b>: Judah Miller<br><b>Directed by</b>: Ryan McFaul</p><p> </p><p>Pete tosses and turns in Leif's garage. He wakes to the sound of Leif having sex and decides to take advantage of the opportunity to masturbate. The next morning, Pete greets Leif in the kitchen and is surprised when Jess emerges. Jess tells Pete that she and Leif are just friends and their relationship is purely physical.</p><p> </p><p>At the Boston, Russell tells Pete that Porter booked an HBO showcase hosted by Whitney Cummings. Pete can't believe that of all of them, Porter was the one Whitney picked. They all go out for drinks and Porter tells them the story of his rise to (near) fame. Porter accuses the comics of being jealous and only invites Pete to the taping.</p> <p>Attempting a friendship, Jess and Pete grab lunch at a food truck. Jess tells Pete she was the one who called Leif because she lost all her friends in the divorce; Pete assumed they were hanging out with her the whole time. It starts to pour and they end up back at Pete's garage where they watch Shark Tank. The power goes out and Pete tries to make a move. Jess rejects him and Pete offers to be her "sex sherpa"; when the power returns, they finish watching the show.<br></p> <p>At the taping of Next, the Whitney Cummings special, Pete hangs out with Porter in the green room and suggests he could trim his beard a bit. As Mo Amer and Emma Willmann do their sets, Porter messes up his beard beyond repair and ends up shaving it all off. He spirals into a panic because he lost his look and "shaved off his opener." Managing to get on stage, Porter riffs about the beard incident, winning over the audience.<br></p><p> </p><p>After watching Porter's set, Pete introduces himself to Whitney and asks what she sees in Porter. "Star quality," she replies, "some people are just born with it."</p><p> </p></div>

Too Good

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by:</b> Pete Holmes &amp; Beth Stelling</p><p><b>Directed by:</b> Jude Weng</p><p> </p><p>Pete returns to barking and runs into the Lucas brothers at a pizza shop. He tells them they can go up at The Boston, but they explain they're "alt" guys — alternative comics, meaning they don't do clubs. Pete considers exploring this new avenue and tells Jason he won't be at the club the next day. Jason tells Pete the alt scene is "comedy terrorism." </p><p> </p><p>At an alt show in Brooklyn, Pete runs into Ali who is still trying to make her tape. He apologizes for his behavior at her apartment, and she invites him to her next show. As they wait for the train, Ali tells Pete he has a "dorky dad at a barbecue" essence. Discussing why they got into comedy, Pete admits he's never done more than one show a night.</p><p> </p> <p>Ali and Pete go to The Apartment—another alt venue—and Ali helps him get stage time. Pete goes up and the audience loves him. Ali tells Pete she didn't get her tape because she flubbed a bit but she did tape his. They get to know each other by the water and Pete talks about the end of his marriage.</p><p> </p><p>At the next venue, Rififi, Ali gets bumped by John Mulaney. Pete tries to impress Ali by asking Mulaney to go after her so she can make it to her next spot on time. Mortified at Pete's attempt at chivalry, Ali tells him off. Despite the awkwardness, Ali kills her set. She watches the tape on the train home, but Pete's laugh (and his exclamation of "too good!") ruins her tape. Ali tells Pete she doesn't need his help and tells him to leave her alone. The train is held underground, giving Pete the opportunity to make things up to Ali: He helps her walk through the train cars so she can make it to her next show on time.</p><p> </p><p>Pete and Ali arrive at Upright Citizens Brigade right on time and Pete tapes her set. After the drama of the night, they return to Ali's apartment and have sex. </p><p> </p></div>

Artie

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by: </b>Pete Holmes &amp; Judd Apatow</p><p><b>Directed by: </b>Gillian Robespierre</p><p> </p><p>Pete sits down at the comedian table at the Comedy Cellar and is immediately told off by Artie and Robert Kelly because he hasn't earned the right to sit there. Wayne Federman walks up to the table and forces Pete to move. </p><p> </p><p>Pete writes jokes at his own table when Wayne calls him over and invites him to share his plate of chicken wings. They talk about the business and Wayne mentions he's been diagnosed with Hodgkin's and can't afford his medical treatment. Determined to help, Pete asks Artie to headline a benefit. Arte agrees, but only if Pete handles the rest. </p><p> </p><p>Ali meets Pete at Cold Stone and they share an ice cream, talking about Pete's inability to grow a beard. Pete gets a text that he's booked Rififi and Ali admits she might have put in a word. That night, Pete uses the beard bit in his set. </p><p> </p><p>The next day, Pete goes to Artie's apartment and a strange man answers the door. He tells Pete Artie's not there but invites him in to wait. Inside, Pete is greeted by another friend of Artie's from "the neighborhood"; he notices hypodermic needles on the coffee table and assumes Artie is using again. Pete leaves the apartment and checks the clubs for Artie, with no luck. </p><p> </p><p>When Artie finally picks up the phone, Pete goes to see him; Artie is in bad shape but insists he's not using — he's in active recovery. Still, Artie agrees to let Pete help him stay on the right path. They spend the afternoon together and wind up talking about God, inciting Pete to wonder if he missed out on life because of his fear of a higher power. They part ways and agree to catch up that night at the benefit. </p><p> </p><p>Pete kicks off the benefit and catches up with Wayne at the bar. When Artie doesn't show, Pete sprints from club to club to find comics and buy time. Artie never shows up and Pete gets heckled by the irate crowd. </p><p> </p><p>Moping at the bar, Pete looks out the window and spots Artie smoking a cigarette. He confronts him and Artie offers a hollow apology, admitting he was out trying to buy drugs. Artie tells Pete to leave him alone and walks away. After watching Artie do a set, Pete enters a church and prays. </p><p> </p></div>

NACA

On a trip to NACA, a comedy conference to book college gigs, Pete and Ali clash over what is the best strategy to appeal to the college crowd.

Roast Battle

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by: </b>Pete Holmes &amp; Judd Apatow</p><p><b>Directed by:</b> Gillian Robespierre</p><p> </p><p>Pete and Artie have breakfast and Pete tells him he's "freaking out" about the roast. Artie, a judge on the show, tells him he can't help, but says Pete should come prepared with some general "ammo": "fat guy stuff; ugly guy stuff; gay stuff; fat, ugly, gay stuff."</p><p> </p><p>The crowd at Gotham Comedy Club gets riled up for the roast battle, hosted by Jeff Ross, Beth Stelling <g class="gr_ gr_38 gr-alert gr_gramm gr_inline_cards gr_run_anim Punctuation only-ins replaceWithoutSep" id="38" data-gr-id="38">and</g> Artie. The audience eggs on Sarah Tiana and Mike Lawrence as Pete and Ali prepare at the bar. Ali goes up against Damien Lemon and wins the round.</p><p> </p> <p>At the bar, Pete introduces himself to Tony Hinchcliffe — the comic he's roasting. Tony ignores Pete at first and tells him he should stop talking because he's just giving Tony more ammo to use against him. Jess and Leif show up and wish Pete good luck; Tony introduces himself and gains insight into Pete's complicated relationship with his ex. Pete and Tony roast each other, and after some initial discomfort, Pete ekes out the win and moves on to roast Ali. <br></p><p> </p><p>Pete nervously thinks of ways to target Ali, and both she and Anaya try to give him advice. Anaya tells Pete he needs to "sh*t all over" Ali if he really loves her and <g class="gr_ gr_24 gr-alert gr_gramm gr_inline_cards gr_run_anim Grammar multiReplace" id="24" data-gr-id="24">treat</g> her like an equal. Pete and Ali go up and the jokes get personal, fast. Pete starts to panic but gets back on track and ends up winning.</p> <p>Outside the club, Ali congratulates Pete and tells him she had a great time with him on stage. Pete, on the other hand, is extremely hurt that Ali used so many things he told her in confidence. He tells her he didn't write most of the mean jokes ahead of time; he was just retaliating because she started being mean first. Pete breaks up with Ali and goes inside to roast Mike Lawrence in the finals. He ends up back on Artie's couch, tossing and turning.<br></p><p>After leaving Artie's, Pete starts his campus tour and does his first cafeteria show.</p></div>

Jaboukie

Season Three Premiere. As his successful two-month college comedy tour comes to an end, Pete, donning a new look and confidence to match, takes a college-aged aspiring comedian, Jaboukie, under his wing. But Pete's return to New York finds him having an awkward reunion and a big audition at the Comedy Cellar that could change everything.

The Temple Gig

Feeling like his time away from NY has taken him out of the scene, Pete takes an offer to perform at a Jewish show where Elon Gold and Modi question Pete's impulsive behavior with a woman he met earlier that day.

The Secret

Pete falls headfirst into a relationship with his new girlfriend Kat, who encourages him to be more aggressive in his career. On the night of their three-week anniversary, things amp up after a visit to a sex shop and a comedy show that morphs into a night all about Pete.

MC, Middle, Headliner

Pete travels to New Jersey with Jason to do a weekend of shows at a big corporate comedy club and is surprised to find his ex Ali staying at the comedy condo with them. Jason's misogynistic act and point of view causes Pete to question his path in comedy.

Mom and Kat

During a tour stop, Pete pays a visit to his parents and introduces them to Kat, who notices the uncomfortably close relationship he has with his overbearing mom. As he tries to keep the peace, Pete grows increasingly trapped between the two most important women in his life.

The Viewing Party

Pete and Kat attend a viewing party for Ali's late-night spot on Seth Meyers. Tensions mount as Ali is nervous about how her set went and Kat becomes jealous of Pete's friendship with his ex.

The Christian Tour

While enjoying the perks of being on a Christian comedy tour, Pete feels busted when he runs into NY Cellar comic Jessica Kirson in Charleston. After ghosting Kat while on the road, Pete finally sits down to talk about their relationship.

Mulaney

Season Three Finale. Pete jumps at the opportunity of a lifetime to open for John Mulaney at Town Hall, but the gig leaves him in an awkward situation.