Teleplay by Roger Drew and Ian Martin
Story by Roger Drew, Armando Iannucci and Ian Martin
Directed by Chris Morris
"How did this get out there? It's called the Secret Service. Secret as in ‘shut the f*ck up.' And service as in ‘you work for me so shut the f*ck up.'" - Selina
News of the Vice President and Amy "Blame Me" Brookheimer firing (or "reassigning") the smiling secret service agent is now a joke on the morning radio shows. Sharing a "schaden-boner" with Dan over Amy's public humiliation, Jonah reports rumors are "flying around like the contents of a broken f*cking condom," that the Veep is pregnant. And the press is asking: should Amy be fired?
Back at the office, having suffered through the Inter State Police breakfast with "a room full of bacon" laughing at her, Selina wants someone's head. Amy isn't the only one in trouble - there are whispers that Dan back-channeled the Macauley amendment against the President's wishes and policy.
Gary informs the team that the Veep had a miscarriage. Dan celebrates the sad news as one less political headache to deal with. But the hits keep coming when Jonah barges in with a copy of "Selina Sell-outta" - the viral video satirizing the Veep's integrity and her team's competency.
"So by showing that we have nothing to hide, we could actually be able to hide some stuff." - Amy
When the White House orders the Veep release all Secret Service records, Amy suggests they do a press dump of all their correspondence -- which no one will have time to read all of. Over Dan's objections, the Veep gives the okay. But it will be a "partial disclosure lite," with no paper trail of Sydney Purcell's access to the Clean Jobs task force and only tidbits, like the Veep's "b-acne," will not be redacted. The entire office will have to pull an all-nighter.
"See this is what happens when you tell the truth, nothing good comes of it." - Dan
After Selina threatens Dan's job should anyone ever connect the Macauley amendment to the Veep, she confides to Amy she thinks Ted is going to dump her. Already on thin ice, Amy makes things worse by suggesting "the thrill of the whole power thing wore off" and Ted doesn't like what's underneath.
Mike creates more problems by snapping at re-assigned Secret Service agent Martin Collins, "security guys are supposed to be like wallpaper, they're not supposed to be grinning like some ape."
Reports on the document release are flooding in. A list of Birthday gift suggestions for "dick cake" Jonah is on page 17 but Ted's overnight visits to the Veep residence are giving truth to the rumors of Selina's pregnancy. And news of Mike "bullying" Collins raises questions of who's responsible for the Veep's failing image campaign. To save face, Selina must decide who of her top aides Amy, Mike or Dan will be fired.
"I'm not going to be the dump-ee. I'm going to be the dump-er." - Selina
Gary offers his home for Selina's secret rendezvous with Ted. After Ted loses his cool on the phone with a journalist, the Veep assigns Gary the task of ending her relationship - sensitively and without repercussions.
Unsure who the Veep will let go, Dan proposes a suicide pact with Amy: If one is fired the other walks, reasoning she couldn't fire them both or it would look like a crisis. Mike gets in on the deal by threatening to un-redact an email linking Dan to Sen. Macauley. However, when Selina calls their bluff they all fold.
"I have loved this job more than life itself. Or, equally - because it's been my life." - Gary
A remorseful Gary offers his resignation when he learns he's responsible for the pregnancy story getting out. Selina won't hear of it. He's the one person who actually cares about her - after all, he dumped Ted for her. The Veep sends everyone back to work except Amy, asking, "What are we going to do with you?" Scrambling, Amy suggests telling a sympathetic reporter about Selina's miscarriage but that doesn't work for the Veep. Finally, Amy offers a solution, "We could say the pregnancy test was for me." Selina sparks to this idea, suggesting they could also claim Amy's pregnancy caused her to misjudge when she fired Agent Collins.
"Some things you just have to get over, like they never happened." - Amy
The next day, the concerned WP reporter who is interviewing Amy asks if it's too soon for her to be back at work, and wonders if Dan, playing the part of concerned buddy, was the father. Amy explains, "No, no, he can't."