Looking for Results

Written by Michael Lannan
Directed by Andrew Haigh

Lying in bed with Kevin, Patrick recounts his childhood love for the Solid Gold dancers and his father's best friend Tony. Kevin counters with his past affection for Take That and their video for "Do What You Like." He made up a whole dance routine to the song as a kid but is too embarrassed to show Patrick. Kevin gets out favorite card game, Top Trumps, which is a war-like game in dozens of categories. "I'm surprised there isn't a gay one," Kevin says later on the bus. That sparks an idea from Patrick. "Why don't we make a gay game like this? For iPhones?" he says. "It could be like a cage match for gay archetypes. You'd have the hot jock versus the drag mother and then you could have the lusty lads of London against gay for pay."

Patrick reveals that he told Dom and Agustín about their secret secret relationship. Kevin immediately becomes paranoid. In the office, Patrick lies about where he was to Owen, saying he was at a revival of 'Showgirls.' Kevin calls him into his office, nervous that he just told Owen about their relationship, too.

Patrick relays details about his secret relationship to Dom and Agustín, adding that Kevin and Jon are having problems. "All we can do is live in the moment and stay open with each other," Patrick says. Agustín says he's "like Julia Roberts in ‘Pretty Woman.'" Dom adds: "Shine up those fierce thigh-highs, Patty, you're his dirty little secret."

Dom, Agustín and Patrick walk toward the storefront where Dom wants to open his chicken window, a location that will require $80,000 of seed money. Upon meeting Doris for margaritas, she immediately asks Patrick about "the affair." Patrick and Dom examine a rash on his stomach -- Patrick thinks it could be from bed bugs. "It's definitely not AIDS, right?" he asks. Dom rolls his eyes. "Have a margarita and enjoy the evening -- your AIDS crisis is over," he says. Malik, who'd been watching from across the room earlier, comes over and hits on Doris.

Agustín heads off into the night to "find Eddie and dance with some bears." Patrick lingers in front of an HIV-testing truck, then heads home to look at images of rashes online. Dom recounts Patrick's HIV panic to Lynn. "That doesn't offend you?" he asks. "Irrational AIDS panic?" Dom asks Lynn about his deceased boyfriend, but Lynn quickly changes the subject to the Russian River. "F**k anyone?" Lynn asks him, suggesting that they talk about their out-of-relationship escapades if they're going to be open. Agustín can't find Eddie on the dance floor but runs into Scotty -- the third in his past threesome with ex-boyfriend Frank -- who shares his supply of GHB. Agustín quickly spirals onto the dance floor shirtless. Richie finds Agustín passed out on the streets of SoMa later.

Patrick talks with a hotline operator, asking about his chances of having HIV. "Have you had unprotected anal sex?" she asks. Patrick is quick to reply no. Patrick, wearing underwear, answers his door to find Richie there with Agustín in tow. Patrick and Richie make small talk over tea. "Are you seeing anyone?" Patrick asks before backing away. "No -- delete, delete, delete." Patrick says he's "not really seeing anyone," and Richie declines Patrick's lunch invitation before saying he'll consider it.

Patrick goes to Out of the Closet, a thrift store that also tests for HIV. As the nurse draws blood, he makes a confession. "I lied on the form outside," he says. "I have had unprotected sex." Back at the office, Patrick tells Kevin about getting the HIV test. "This is clearly freaking me out," he says. "This -- us. Sitting in this glass box pretending we're not fucking." Kevin admits to getting migraines he hasn't had since he was a kid. "You're not alone in this," Kevin says. "Next time you freak out don't f**king panic and have an AIDS test. Just call me, okay?" Kevin sings and performs his dance moves to "Do What You Like" for a very amused Patrick.