Insecure as F**k Recap

When we begin, Issa Dee is a 28-year old Los Angelina who has been in a relationship with a dude named Lawrence for 5 years, and works at a small nonprofit called “We Got Y’all.” It was founded by a white woman who wants to help kids from the hood who thinks she gotta dap her Black employee when she dismisses her. The staff is all white and Issa’s the token Black. It is a shitstorm of what happens when awkward white women do the absolute most with the least

Issa is at a crossroad in life, and she seems to just be coasting, instead of being really content. How does Issa cope with all that life throws at her? Well, being “aggressively passive” is her super power. That, and terrible rapping. Her best friend is a high powered attorney named Molly, and one of her super powers is making terrible relationship decisions.

Let’s get into Insecure, episode 1!

Awkward Minds – Issa Dee is standing in front of middle schoolers telling them about the afterschool program she runs at We Got Y’all, and they are looking mad unimpressed. One of them asks her why she talks like a white girl and another points out her natural hair, as if it must be an accidental choice. And another asks her if she’s single and she goes into a mini rant about “Black women aren’t bitter. They’re just tired of being expected to settle for less.” In which a girl replies by ethering Issa with “her outfit settled for less.” Poor lil tink tink. She can’t even get away from being awkward in front of people half her age.

Bathroom Mirror – Issa is mostly at home when she’s spitting lukewarm raps at her bathroom mirror. This time it’s 50 Cent’s ‘In Da Club’. It actually is her birthday (she turned 29) and she gets a Facebook message from one of her FAHN ass exes, Daniel. As she’s about to respond, her longterm boo stirs in the bed they share. Unintentional co*k-blockage!

Who is Molly? – Molly is the best friend who looks like she got her shit together. There isn’t much awkward to her, as she fits in everywhere she goes. And she’s this BAWSE ass corporate lawyer, but she stays getting her feelings hurt by dudes who look at her as a temporary situation. Her office mate is an Asian girl (Diane) who is happily dating a dude named Jamal. Meanwhile, Molly’s latest dude sends her a text saying he is not looking for a relationship and she dives into an ocean of her feelings. WOMP!

BFFs at Dinner – Over a dinner that is supposed to be celebrating Issa’s birthday, Molly tells her girl about the latest dating fail. She’s frustrated because no matter what she does, she can’t win with the plethora of petty penises she deals with. Issa’s retort? “I think your pus*y’s broken...” LMAO cold-blooded! They finish eating and Molly bodyrolls for the birthday sex (hey Jeremih) that Issa’s gonna go get at home. Except no. She wants to break up with her boyfriend. He is boring AF and she knows he’s not Forever Bae soooo what’s the point? Molly, in all her single glory, calls bullsh*t.

Birthday Fail – Issa gets home and finds Lawrence sitting on the couch like the hapless fool he is. What happened to them going out to celebrate her birthday? When you’re Jobless Joshua and you fail your job interview, you might not feel like being jubilant. She texts Daniel as Lawrence goes back to watching TV and being the useless goat he is.

Speaking Up - At work, Issa’s white a*s coworkers are talking about how to help the kids in the hood, when she finally speaks up and says she wants to design the program. “Nothing is gonna change for these kids if they feel like they’re stuck in the same shitty place. They need to know what else is out there for them.” Issa might be talking about herself there, more than the kids. Still, valid.

Put A Ring On It – Molly walks into the office as Diane is crying tears of joy as other coworkers form a circle around her. Jamal put a ring on it in the most romantic, sappy, make your teeth rot with the sweetness way. Molly’s face is CRACKED like a dropped phone screen. She can’t even be fake happy about it even though she tries. Instead, she goes into the bathroom, sobbing to Issa that this girl found her a Black man to settle down with. “I’m not trying to be shady but why does she deserve to get married and I don’t?” Issa is FB stalking Dan the Ex, and sees that he will be going to an open mic that night. She tells her bestie that they need to have a girls night. 8pm. BE READY.

Girls Night Out – Issa is in her bathroom mirror, getting ready and being indecisive AF about her lipstick of the night. I will say that I wanted to know the name of every color she tried on. For reasons, like my lipstick obsession. Our awkward bae is trying on pick up lines for size and they are all terrible. “You want some of this pu*sy pot pie?” was especially laughable. Bless her heart.

Unemployed Ulysses (Lawrence) is sitting around eating cereal as she heads out and has the nerve to shade Molly’s singleness talmbout “her standards are way too high.” Issa stands up for her bestie and says “yeah maybe she should lower them like I did.” Listen closely. That sound you hear is the sound of Lawrence’s ego breaking in two. He gotta keep it cute because he ain’t got NO room to talk about standards. It prompts Issa to say what she’s been meaning to say to him. “I don’t want to just sit on the couch with you for the rest of my life and wait for something to happen.” Real talk. She walks out after dropping a quick dime about maybe they should break up. BLOOP.

Broken Pu*sies – Molly is not pleased to be at this club that Issa dragged her to. The mission is to get Molly a bae so they dancing as bad rappers come up to the open mic. First dude that approaches them is only there for Molly and they hit it off. Right then, Daniel sees Issa and is shocked to see her, while she acts like this was some accidental run-in. She tells him she still writes raps and he dares her to get on the stage. LAWDDD. She does and raps “Maybe it’s dry as hell. Maybe it smells. Broken pu*sy.” Molly realizes out loud that her bestie is talking about her and the dude she was talking to walks away.

Molly is PISSED as they drive home and Issa is geeked about her performance. She deserved the cussout Molly gives her when they get to the front of her house. Like… straight earned it. You will not write a rap about your BFF’s Struggle Love Pocket and think she’d be fine with it. Right then, Daniel texts Issa and she responds even as Molly is going off. That is the thing door slams are made of. “Fu*k you! You’re as much of a dumb b*tch as I am.” Broken Pu*s, I mean Molly, gets out the car.

Seeing Daniel – Issa drives to go see Daniel and he gifts her with a bottle of Moscato because that would be some shit Drake would do. How does he know she likes Drake? “Every Black girl that went to college likes Drake.” YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE WHEN YOU DO. I mean, Drake just behaves like he took some women’s studies classes in school and understands how we need to dismantle the patriarchy. There’s a lot to love. Daniel leans in to kiss her and she pulls away and says she can’t jump from one bae to another. He stops her real quick because she went from A to Z when all he wanted to the V. He ain’t come for her heart. He just wanted her vagina. Issa realizes that this ain’t what she wants. He is not her guy.

Making Up – Molly (in her bonnet because: real Black girl) opens up her door and an apologetic Issa is standing there with chips and dip. They make up, through eyerolls and throwing shade and Bestie Goals is back together.

So what now? Will Issa dump Lawrence the Lousy? Can she forget Daniel completely? Will the God of Eve find Molly her Adam?

I’m looking forward to what’s to come, and excited that Insecure is finally here!

— Luvvie Ajayi