Bored to Death

Escape from the Dungeon!

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Alan Taylor</p><p>Jonathan narrowly escapes pursuit by the wrathful philanderer he's been trailing, losing him just in time to duck into his new teaching job at Metropolitan Writers Workshop. Worn down by the mental pain of his students, Jonathan bemoans the trajectory of his thirties and his lack of success over drinks with George and Ray.</p><p>George faces his own trials. 'Edition NY' has been bought, and the new publisher, Katherine Joiner, lays down the law about cutting back on expenses: No more lunches at the Four Seasons; no more Orangina. Meanwhile, in spite of Ray's attendance at yoga, Leah breaks up with him, citing her need for time alone.</p><p>Jonathan tackles his new assignment from Officer Drake, a mounted policeman with a forced feminization issue: Find and destroy the hard drive of an S&amp;M dungeon he frequents (which is about to be raided). He books an appointment with Mistress Florence, the head dominatrix, and destroys the drive, but has to stay for his session to avoid blowing his cover. The raid interrupts them, and Jonathan manages to escape, clad in full body leather and a hood. Having left his wallet and cell phone behind, he calls Ray collect but, shaken by his break-up, Ray is too lachrymose to help. Jonathan races through Manhattan to 'Edition NY,' interrupting a meeting of the new board in order to get George's help cracking the lock on his hood.</p></div>

Make It Quick, Fitzgerald!

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Alan Taylor</p><p>Suspicious that his wife is having an affair due to her recent suppressed smile, Richard Antrem hires Jonathan to spy on Priscilla, arranging for him to hide in their bedroom closet. Jonathan is dismayed to discover that Priscilla is sleeping with George - and that they role-play Nosferatu.</p><p>Stella surprises Jonathan with a request to explore polyamory now that the love of her life has moved back to Brooklyn. After much cajoling, Jonathan agrees to an overnight group cuddle with Stella and Warren, a struggling comedian.</p><p>Following up on the sharp pain he experienced in his penis, George visits Dr. Kenwood, a female urologist with an innovative exam technique, who informs George he has bedbugs (forcing him to move into the Maritime Hotel). Over breakfast, Jonathan reveals to George that he was in the closet during the tryst with Priscilla and insists George end the affair since Antrem is ordering another closet stakeout.</p><p>Ray shows Jonathan the new comic he has created as part of his campaign to win back Leah. In spite of the fact that &quot;Super Ray&quot; got his power from his penis hitting the third rail, Jonathan is dubious the cartoon will adequately impress Leah.</p><p>The cuddle with Warren and Stella makes Jonathan self-conscious about the size of his penis. To try and stop himself from committing menticide, Jonathan convinces Ray to look at his penis to let him know if he's normal; Ray assures him he is.</p><p>That night in Antrem's closet, Jonathan blocks out the sounds of Priscilla and George's lovemaking but when he texts Antrem that everything is &quot;quiet,&quot; Antrem decides to return home. Jonathan is forced to announce his presence to prevent George and Priscilla from being caught. When Antrem arrives to confess his suspicions to his wife, he opens the closet door to reveal Jonathan - and finds George there as well. Disgusted, Priscilla kicks all three of them out.</p><p>When Ray lets himself into Leah's to surprise her with gifts, he gets an eyeful when he finds a naked man named Irwin in her bed and chases him to the street.</p></div>

The Gowanus Canal Has Gonorrhea!

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Martin Gero &amp; Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Michael Lehmann</p><p>George returns to Dr. Kenwood's for his test results and receives the news that he has stage two prostate cancer. As a hoarder, George is upset that the suggested treatment is to remove his prostate - and is stunned to hear the phrase &quot;mortality rate&quot; - but is comforted by Dr. Kenwood's embrace.</p><p>At a club watching a naked women insert herself into a balloon, Stella announces to Jonathan that their polyamory experiment isn't working - and he is surprised to learn she has chosen her first love, Warren, over him.</p><p>On the heels of his breakup, Jonathan is jumped by a pair of Zipcar-driving thugs who dangle him over the gonorrhea-ridden Gowanus Canal to make him turn over the hard drive he stole from the dungeon he penetrated while working the case for Officer Drake. He informs them he destroyed the drive and won't reveal his client's name, insisting it wouldn't help them because he's a cop and they can't blackmail a cop. While one of the thugs (Jim), wants to kill Jonathan, the other (Eric), suggests they hold him for ransom and use the money to open their own dungeon in Boston. Jonathan calls George asking him to deliver $20,000 cash at 2 AM to the Brooklyn warehouse where he's being held. Although George is already very stoned (in response to the news of his diagnosis), he agrees to these terms.</p><p>George enlists Ray's help, and they head to the spy shop where Howard lets them in after hours to stock up on equipment for their rescue mission. Armed with Rohm Rubber Bullet guns, Flashbang grenades and walkie-talkies, George and Ray head out. Back at the warehouse, waiting to attack, George confides to Ray that he has prostate cancer and that he made out with his doctor: &quot;I may be dying and falling in love at the same time.&quot;</p><p>Waiting for the ransom, Jim confides his affinity for Oscar Wilde, relating to his quote that he had &quot;a love that dare not speak its name.&quot; Eric retorts that Jim's love has a name: &quot;tranny chasing.&quot; As the two rumble, Jonathan makes a break for it, but fails. Meanwhile outside, as they launch their rescue operation, George misfires, hitting Ray in the head. They are captured by Jim and Eric who are riled because George didn't bring the money. Jonathan makes another call, and they drive to New Jersey where his parents are waiting with $2,000. Disgusted with the paltry sum, but not able to kill anyone in the bright light of day in the suburbs, the thwarted thugs take off. Jonathan's mother prepares George, Ray and Jonathan a breakfast of eggs, white fish and herring.</p></div>

I've Been Living Like a Demented God!

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Donick Cary &amp; Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Michael Lehmann</p><p>George discusses his mortality with Jonathan, believing that his prostate cancer is payback for &quot;living like a demented God.&quot; After countering with complaints about his own lack of success, Jonathan insists they focus on the positive.</p><p>At Midwood College, Jonathan meets with a new client, fiction writing Professor Hawkins, a wheelchair-bound junkie who paid his dealer with a signed first edition of 'On the Road' before realizing it was worth $75,000. Now he wants the book back.</p><p>The next morning, while waiting for Jonathan outside the comic book store, Ray comes across Leah and, after apologizing for his run-in with Irwin, enquires whether she's read his comic book or listened to the mixed CD he made for her. She says she hasn't and beats a hasty retreat just as Jonathan shows up. Ray and Jonathan head inside, where Ray gets the surprising news that 'The Birth of Super Ray' is selling like crazy. He is approached by a female fan with elf ears who asks for his autograph. Unsure of whether his recent good fortune is due to psychic transference with his super hero alter ego or the positive visualizations he's been doing per a pamphlet from his mother, Ray heads to a bar to celebrate. Jonathan cannot join him, as he must attend to his new case.</p><p>George learns from his new publisher Kathryn Joiner that all 'Edition NY' employees will have to undergo a drug test that afternoon. Meanwhile, at Midwood College, Louis Greene spies Jonathan on his stake-out. Jonathan is jealous of Greene's adjunct position, but when he gets the pre-determined signal from Professor Hawkins he heads off to tail the dealer.</p><p>Drinking his profits at a bar, Ray meets Jennifer Gladwell (one of Jonathan's first clients, the alcoholic who suspected her boyfriend of cheating). After several whiskeys, they end up in bed together at Ray's for an afternoon of intense sexual play. </p><p>Not being able to convince anyone to give him clean urine, George tries to temper his sample with soap, but it still tests off the charts for THC. Katherine relays the news that he will have to go to rehab. But George gets himself off the hook explaining he has prostate cancer and has been smoking marijuana for medicinal purposes.</p><p>Tailing the dealer, Jonathan spies the first edition through a basement apartment window but is nabbed by one of his drug-running colleagues and hauled inside. Jonathan insists he's a voyeur, not a cop. But when they spot Louis peering in the window (having followed Jonathan), they capture Louis as well. When Louis refuses to snort cocaine to prove he's not a cop, Jonathan causes a distraction and they make a run for it, grabbing a bag of marijuana and the book. Running through the woods of Prospect Park, Louis is injured, and Jonathan leaves him to get help. But the dealers spot Louis and begin to beat and taunt him and, hearing his cries, Jonathan comes to his rescue, single-handedly fending off Louis's attackers with a big stick.</p><p>Back at George's Maritime Hotel room, Jonathan re-enacts his rescue of Louis and talks up the power of positive thinking, urging George to visualize his prostate as cancer free, and vowing to visualize three delusional jobs for himself: successful writer, detective and college professor. &quot;I like all those professions for you,&quot; says George, encouragingly.</p></div>

Forty-Two Down!

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Tami Sagher &amp; Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by </b>Troy Miller </p><p>Ray has a new alter-alter ego: Kevin Bacon wants to play Super Ray. Wanting everything to be in order before he meets the movie star, Ray decides to break up with Jennifer Gladwell because he likes to be the heavy drinker in a relationship, and because she is crazy. When he tries to ease her hurt by quoting Bob Dylan, she storms out: &quot;This is now the most disgusting break-up of my life!&quot;</p><p>Jonathan meets with his new client, Lakshmi Bhargava, the owner of an Indian restaurant who suspects her husband, a limousine driver-poet, is having an affair because she can smell bacon on his person. But when Jonathan follows her husband (Vikram), he discovers he is actually spending his days at a greasy diner to avoid telling his wife he lost his limo-driving job. Thinking he can smooth things over, Jonathan brings the couple together to reveal the truth, but Lakshmi tosses Vikram out, viewing the lost job as worse than an affair.</p><p>Before his writing workshop, Jonathan's attractive blonde student Nina comes to discuss her story, and they nearly kiss but are interrupted by George, who is there as a guest speaker. Due to his prostate cancer and the news that his column is being cut from the magazine, George's talk is bleak. After class, George apologizes for his muddle, and voices his concern that he is addicted to marijuana and it has affected his driving. Jonathan suggests that George hire Vikram to be his driver.</p><p>Jennifer interrupts Ray's meeting with Kevin Bacon and accuses Ray of assaulting her - and giving her oral chlamydia of the mouth. The bartender intervenes in the argument on Jennifer's behalf and tries to eject Ray, not wanting any STD carriers in his establishment. Defending himself, Ray inadvertently punches Kevin Bacon, and decides the actor is not cut out to play Super Ray after all.</p><p>When George and Jonathan arrive at the diner, Vikram pulls a gun in an attempted robbery. Jonathan and George eventually talk him down, commiserating about their feelings of worthlessness. George offers Vikram a driving job, but then inadvertently shoots off Vikram's gun and the three have to make a break for it. They careen off into the night, with Vikram at the wheel of George's orange Mercedes.</p></div>

The Case of the Grievous Clerical Error!

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Sam Sklaver &amp; Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Tristram Shapeero</p><p>Leah comes to Jonathan for help finding her dog, Little Ray, who is being held for ransom. Discussing the case over white wine, Leah and Jonathan nearly kiss but stop themselves. Leah is wracked with guilt, but Jonathan assures her it was only a lean and they were simply projecting their love for Ray onto each other.</p><p>Over drinks with Jonathan, Ray confides his ambivalence about dating the girl with elf ears. When he learns that Jonathan is searching for Leah's dog, Ray insists on helping, touched that her girls named their pet after him.</p><p>Jonathan visits George at his hotel the morning of his surgery and runs into Dr. Kenwood, who George is sleeping with. Their visit is interrupted by a caller with a tip about Little Ray. Jonathan and Ray have tea with the older woman, who saw their flyer and informs them that they are looking for the Nevins Street Dog Man, a pooch-peddler who tried to sell Little Ray to her for $200.</p><p>Jonathan and Ray find a locked yard filled with small dogs, and Ray leads the charge to find bolt-cutters. Guilt-ridden by Ray's drive to rescue Little Ray and win back Leah, Jonathan confesses his near kiss. Ray runs off, but Jonathan gives chase, begging for forgiveness. Ray agrees to forget about it, understanding Jonathan's impulse since Leah is the most beautiful girl in the world.</p><p>At the hospital, George's anxieties are further heightened by having his pubic region shaved. He is cheered by a visit from Priscilla who admits she misses him. As she climbs on top of George, he professes his happiness that possibly the last erection of his life is with her - but Dr. Kenwood walks in and notes he used the same line on her that morning. George explains that Priscilla is his ex wife, and Dr. Kenwood assures him that the surgery should go well. She hopes.</p><p>Jonathan and Ray stake out the Nevins St. Dog Man but Jonathan has to leave before their mission is accomplished so he can visit George before the surgery. Ray insists on staying. When the Dog Man leaves, Ray lets the dogs out. </p><p>At the hospital, George bemoans his stupidity and utter confusion about life. When the nurse comes to take him to surgery, she calls him Mr. Christiansen, again. Jonathan tells George he loves him and when the nurse asks if Jonathan is his son, George says, &quot;Yes.&quot; Pacing in the empty room, Jonathan glances at George's chart and notices that it, too, says &quot;Christiansen,&quot; and that he lives in &quot;Queens.&quot; He races through the hospital to alert them that they have the wrong George. After busting into several wrong operating rooms, Jonathan is tackled just as George is putting being put under, but not before he is able to yell: &quot;He doesn't live in Queens!&quot;</p><p>After returning Little Ray to a grateful Leah, Ray continues on into the night to return the other dogs to their rightful owners. With a new lease on life, George thanks Jonathan for saving him and his prostate.</p></div>

Escape From the Castle!

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Donick Cary &amp; Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Adam Bernstein </p><p>Jonathan meets with a new client, Dr. O'Connor, a virgin dermatologist who needs a letter delivered to his fiancée Hee Cho at the Spa Castle in Queens. Hee's family is against him because he's Irish and they have blocked all communication, but Dr. O'Connor needs to get word to Hee that he has taken a position as a ship's doctor and wants to set sail with her for a new life in Argentina.</p><p>At his writing class, Jonathan learns that Louis Greene won the New Yorker 35-and-under fiction contest, with a story based on Jonathan. When Nina comforts him after class, they kiss, and she asks Jonathan to engage in some spanking role-play.</p><p>Vikram drives George, Jonathan and Ray to the Spa Castle, ostensibly to celebrate Ray's birthday. But when Ray realizes Jonathan is on a case, his feelings are hurt. George tries to cheer Ray up by getting him stoned while Jonathan delivers the letter.</p><p>Since the Spa Castle has separate bathing areas for men and women, Jonathan has to go undercover in the women's locker room, in search of Hee. He's spotted as an imposter but begs for help finding Hee. A young man approaches claiming to be Hee's friend and promises to deliver the letter. </p><p>When the three friends are having massages later, the boy Jonathan gave the letter to busts in, now dressed as a beautiful woman, and Jonathan realizes that Hee is actually a he who is also a she. Security guards come knocking, and a mad-cap chase ensues. They make it to George's car just in time for Vikram to spirit them away. Geroge's car breaks down, forcing them to flee on foot through a graveyard. Jonathan tries to lure the spa security guards away with Hee's bag of money, but when one pulls a gun, Ray runs to warn Jonathan and falls into an open grave. George and Vikram come to the rescue with shovels, knocking out the guards.</p><p>The three friends and Vikram deliver Hee to the dock just in time to shove off with her doctor. Jonathan tries to alert Dr. O'Connor that Hee's not a she, but the doctor sees Hee as perfect. As the tug boat pulls away, the friends and chauffeur head off to continue their celebration of Ray's birthday.</p></div>

Super Ray is Mortal!

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Martin Gero &amp; Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Adam Bernstein </p><p>After spending the night with Jonathan following their first date, Nina announces she wants to move in since she's losing her apartment and her job. Before they can resolve the issue, Ray calls Jonathan in a crisis and Jonathan rushes over to learn that Ray's stalker has sent him 12 emails and a Super Ray voodoo doll with a vagina. </p><p>At Edition New York, Katherine informs George that since he doesn't have cancer, he must be re-evaluated by their substance abuse experts. George prefers a sanitarium, as that is more Zelda Fitzgerald, but after an evaluation, George is prescribed two months of rehab in Arizona. </p><p>Jonathan enlists the help of Officer Drake (Jonathan's client with forced feminization issues) to find Ray's stalker. Ray and Jonathan convince Drake to track the stalker's emails to a specific computer, in exchange for forgiving his debt for the dominatrix case and letting him keep the transgendered Super Ray doll.</p><p>Jonathan and Ray locate the computer - in the public lobby of a hostel. They bribe the desk clerk to watch the videotape of the security camera, and he recognizes the telltale hat of a hostel guest. They get the room number for John Doe-Smith and pick the lock to his room to discover that he has papered his walls with Super Ray comics.</p><p>Repulsed by a new right-wing political cover for the magazine, George goes to the top, demanding they revert to the original Opera-themed issue. When he's denied, George quits, vowing to drink and smoke as much as he wants. Katharine approves of his decision - and asks him on a date now that they are no longer working together.</p><p>Ray's stalker returns to his room, where Jonathan and Ray are waiting. He makes a run for it, and Jonathan chases him, jumping over a rooftop and twisting his ankle. Back at Midwood College for a job interview, Jonathan bumps into Louis Greene, who is interviewing for the same creative-writing job. Spying on Greene's interview, Jonathan hears Louis tip the Dean off to Jonathan's private detective work. Furious, Jonathan busts in and chases Louis around the Dean's office.</p><p>The newly unemployed George and still unemployed Jonathan meet up to attend the Brooklyn Comic Convention, where Ray signs Super Ray comics. Jonathan asks George's advice about letting Nina move in after one date, and George urges him to take the chance. Jonathan spots Ray's stalker clutching an Exact-o knife, chases after him and pounces - but not before the stalker stabs Ray. Later, at Ray's hospital bedside, George and Jonathan learn the true history of his stalker -Irwin, the guy Ray found in Leah's bed. Leah runs to his bedside, apologizing for Irwin and showering Ray with kisses. Ray waves Jonathan and George off as he and Leah declare their love. Limping off into the night, Jonathan and George discuss their futures.</p></div>

The Blonde in the Woods

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Michael Lehmann </p><p>At the signing for his new book, ‘The Blonde in the Woods,' Jonathan is approached by a mysterious pint-sized man who notes his weak grip. Continuing the celebration at George's new restaurant, George on Jane, Jonathan toasts Ray, who will be meeting his son for the first time, now that the lesbian couple from Ditmas Park, who conceived with Ray's sperm, is getting divorced. Hearing about Ray's son Spencer, Jonathan's parents reveal that Jonathan, too, was conceived from a sperm bank deposit (albeit someone from Mensa). Jonathan is stunned.</p><p>George tags along with Jonathan on his case to tail a tall woman in a distinctive yellow hat, but is quickly distracted by another beautiful woman. Jonathan follows his mark to a hotel room at the Iroquois where he is knocked unconscious. When he awakes, he is on the floor of the hotel room with his pants down, a gun in his hand, and a dead body on the bed. Realizing he's been framed, he flees when the police bang on the door. </p><p>Ray is overcome with love for Spencer when they meet. Later in the day when Spencer won't stop crying, he seeks advice from his mother who says she used to put whiskey in a nipple for baby Ray. Ray puts whiskey on his own nipple, which does sooth Spencer.</p><p>George reunites with his daughter Emily who is now in AA and dating Bernard, a sixtyish man with a penchant for cycling unitards. When Bernard asks for George's blessing to marry Emily, George asks for some time to think about it.</p><p>Jonathan makes it to his new apartment in the Williamsburg bank building but the police are on his tail. As they bang on his door, he escapes out the window. Hanging from the clock tower, he phones Ray - who is getting romantic with his girlfriend Leah - for help.</p><p>To be continued...</p></div>

Gumball!

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by </b>Martin Gero &amp;<b> </b>Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Michael Lehmann </p><p>Jonathan is hanging on the clock of the Williamsburg Savings Bank. Finally, Ray arrives on the scene and urging Jonathan to let go, pulls him to safety.</p><p>In the safety of George's West Village loft, Jonathan recounts to George and Ray how he was framed. They urge Jonathan to go to the police and tell them everything, as innocent men don't run. But Jonathan fears he could end up in Rikers and doesn't want to miss his appearance on ‘The New Dick Cavett Show.' George insists they get some sleep. In bed, George confides that he doesn't like Emily's fiancé, Bernard. </p><p>The next morning, they are awakened by a call alerting George that the police are on their way. Ray and Jonathan escape down the dumbwaiter. They make their way to the spy shop, where Howard provides them with airline pilot disguises. Jonathan asks Howard to run the cell phone number of the man who framed him so he can get the name and address. </p><p>George, a little paranoid after a morning hit from the vaporizer to calm his nerves, runs into Bernard, who asks for an answer about marrying Emily. Suspicious of a nearby mail man, George snatches Bernard's bike and rides off, asking for an extension on his reply.</p><p>Ray and Jonathan arrive at the address where they confront the blonde Jonathan was hired to tail. She claims it was her boyfriend Sid who pulled the trigger when he discovered she and Schwartz (the dead jockey) were having an affair. She tells them Sid can be found at the Prospect Park Carousel - where all ex-jockeys end up.</p><p>George meets Jonathan and Ray at the carousel where they seize Sid but when he hears Kitty (the blonde) turned him in, he tells them that it was her idea to frame Jonathan and paint the picture that Jonathan and Schwartz were lovers. Kitty was the beneficiary of Schwartz's life insurance and she and Sid were going to take the money and run. But Kitty shows up and shoots Sid, tossing the now-empty gun to Jonathan who catches it: Framed again! She heads towards the guys with a loaded gun, intending to kill them and make it look like a shootout with Sid. As she starts to fire, they jump on the carousel, ducking the bullets....just as the police arrive on the scene.</p><p>After a long night at the precinct, Officer Drake thanks Jonathan for his legwork in getting the confession from Sid and Kitty. Ray urges Jonathan to retire; being a detective is too dangerous. But Jonathan insists he has one more case he needs to solve: finding his real father. </p></div>

The Black Clock of Time

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Michael Lehmann</p><p>Jonathan discovers that his sperm bank of origin was burned down, along with the records. But he has to prepare for The New Dick Cavett show.</p><p>George relays the story of the carousel shootout to Emily and Bernard. The couple reveals that they are engaged, having been unable to wait for George's permission.</p><p>Later George meets with Jonathan to help him prepare for his Dick Cavett interview, and confides his concerns about his daughter's fiancé. At Jonathan's urging, George tells Emily he fears she's with Bernard as a weird Freudian substitute for him. She insists her heart wants what it wants and asks that he respect her feelings. George acquiesces.</p><p>Ray takes Spencer to the park and tries to join a breastfeeding support group but is denied. Leaving the park, he doesn't realize that he's taken the wrong stroller - with the wrong baby inside. The mother of the missing child calls the police when a Google search reveals Ray's Super C*ck drawings. An amber alert goes out for Ray, who is back at Leah's, unaware of his mistake. The police show up and arrest Ray.</p><p>Backstage at Cavett, Jonathan is stunned to find Louis Greene in the green room. He is there to try to get interest for his unpublished novel, ‘The Black Clock of Time.' Extremely nervous, Jonathan starts down the wrong path with Cavett, trying to be like Robert Mitchum. But Cavett puts him at ease and when the interview turns to Jonathan's search for his biological father, Cavett bumps Greene to continue the conversation. Jonathan speaks of Green's odd childhood and tries to bring down the curtain in a fit of rage, but instead cuts down a sandbag, narrowly missing Cavett.</p><p>As Louis is escorted into jail, he sees Ray on his way out. Ray is greeted on the outside by George, Jonathan and Leah. She assures him Spencer is okay - but gives him the news that Spencer's mother wants to reconsider their visitation arrangement.</p></div>

We Could Sing a Duet

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Luke Del Tredici &amp; Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Michael Lehmann</p><p>George enlists Jonathan to sabotage Emily and Bernard's engagement by taking her out and showing her a youthful time. Ray, feeling a surge of creative energy, stays home to draw but Leah reminds him he has to do his chores. He wrenches his back cleaning the toilet and doesn't do a thorough job with grocery shopping. Later, Leah discovers he has fed the girls non-organic chicken. Furious, she throws him out.</p><p>That night, Emily compliments Jonathan on his detective slogan, &quot;Need a Dick?&quot; Jonathan, not having a slogan, realizes he has a double. He and Emily make an appointment with the other Jonathan Ames and confront him. Faux Jonathan is on his way to a stake-out, and real Jonathan and Emily join him.</p><p>On their boys' night out, Bernard brings George to Richard and Sons, not realizing it is Antrem's new restaurant. Louis Greene is their waiter (part of his prison work-release) and Antrem informs them that all of his artisanal food comes from within a fifty-mile radius of the city, beating George on his restaurant's 100-mile radius. During Richard's speech to the patrons, Bernard shouts that he's spotted a rat. Mayhem ensues, and a grateful George is won over by Bernard's gesture.</p><p>Meanwhile, Jonathan and Emily learn the stakeout is of a plushy rendezvous, trying to catch the tiger in the act. As they wait and watch, faux Jonathan and real Jonathan drink and get stoned, and Emily falls off the wagon. Emily slips out and busts in on the plushies to help the case along. The two Jonathans rush to her rescue, but not before she is knocked in the nose.</p><p>While giving Leah &quot;space,&quot; Ray runs into Belinda, the older woman he met last year while searching for Little Ray. Their attraction is palpable and they end up back at her place, in bed together.</p><p>George, furious at Jonathan for the damage done to Emily's nose and sobriety, tells Jonathan that since Emily is taking a break from George, he, in turn, is taking a break from Jonathan.</p></div>

I Keep Taking Baths Like Lady MacBeth

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Sam Sklaver &amp; Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Tristram Shapeero</p><p>Caught off guard by his &quot;elder love,&quot; Ray feels guilty about cheating on Leah with Belinda. He tries to break it off, but can't.</p><p>George and Jonathan attend friendship counseling and Jonathan expresses concern for George's restaurant troubles, brought on by a rave review for Antrem's Richard &amp; Sons and its fifty-mile radius for local food. Trying to make things up to George, Jonathan turns his detective skills to digging up the local farm Antrem is using. He enlists Ray's help to plant a tracking device on Louis Greene and they track him...to a supermarket in Harlem.</p><p>George can't resist being seduced by his pot-smoking singing teacher, Josephine, who is coaching him to sing &quot;To Dream the Impossible Dream.&quot; He warns her that he is emotionally unavailable. Their tryst is interrupted by a call from Ray who tells George he has been falsely accused of shoplifting and needs his help (but is really luring him to the grocery store stake-out).</p><p>George is furious to see Jonathan at the supermarket, but when he realizes what Greene is up to, he joins the sting operation. Later, George presents Antrem with the video evidence of Greene's supermarket spree. Antrem claims ignorance and vows to call the New York Times and get a retraction of the positive review that hurt George on Jane. </p><p>George and Jonathan make up, vowing never to break up again.</p></div>

Two Large Pearls and a Bar of Gold

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Mike Schwartz &amp; Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Tristram Shapeero</p><p>Jonathan tries to track down information about the burned-down New Jersey sperm bank, but hits a dead end. Patti, the woman who deflowered Jonathan at Princeton (and vice versa), has her father hire Jonathan to guard her family jewels at her pre-wedding festivities.</p><p>Leah walks in on Belinda giving Ray a bath and Belinda blurts out that they committed adultery. Leah kicks him out and Ray takes refuge at George's.</p><p>Jonathan brings Ray and George along on the jewel-guarding job. Patti is intent on making Jonathan adhere to their college pact to sleep with each other once more before she marries.</p><p>Ray and George wait in the jewel-guarding room, and Ray bemoans how he ruined things with Leah. Jonathan meets up with Patti but is impotent, and somewhat relieved. When the lights suddenly go out, Ray and George try to find the circuit breaker. Jonathan and Patti creep along the hallway and when the lights go on, they are face to face with a masked burglar. Jonathan fights him off with a sword (yanked from the wall), piercing the man in his side. As they battle, the necklace flies free of its protective briefcase and the burglar escapes with it.</p><p>When they report the robbery to Patti's father, Jonathan realizes that Mr. Stevenson, who has a wound in his side, was the burglar. Stevenson comes clean: He stole his own family necklace so he could get the insurance money.</p><p>As they are leaving, Patti runs out to thank Jonathan. Their unsuccessful tryst made her realize she loves her fiancé. Jonathan gets a call from a woman, telling him she has information about his biological father.</p></div>

Forget the Herring

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Rachel Axler &amp; Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Adam Bernstein</p><p>Jonathan meets with Rose, a woman who informs him that she, too, began life at the Hudson Sperm Bank. Her own investigation has lead her to a prison inmate named Fishman, a professional fire bug hired by &quot;Donald Stark&quot; (the alias for the sperm bank owner) to torch the place. Jonathan and Rose visit Fishman in prison and Rose convinces the arsonist to give up Stark's real name: Harry Bergeron.</p><p>Ray has a breakthrough when his back pain is cured by the book George gave him. But he is still not sure what emotion he's been suppressing.</p><p>Jonathan and Rose confront Harry Bergeron at his hat shop in Coney Island but come up empty. They cheer themselves up with a Wonder Wheel ride and end up in bed together back at Jonathan's clock-tower apartment. </p><p>Just before George's performance of ‘To Dream the Impossible Dream,' Jonathan gets a call from Bergeron to meet at the Aquarium: He has some information after all. As George belts out his number, in full-Quixote costume and under the influence of a pot cookie, he gets emotional about Emily who hasn't shown up to see him sing. He stops mid-performance to sally forth to her apartment to make things right, and Emily invites him inside. Meanwhile, Ray realizes he has been suppressing his pain over losing Leah and sets out to reconnect with her, but she insists they must let each other go.</p><p>In front of a glowing tank of fish, Bergeron informs Jonathan that he was the sole sperm provider at the bank. As his biological father embraces him, Jonathan takes in the most shocking implication of the news: Rose is his sister.</p></div>

Nothing I Can't Handle by Running Away

<div class='episode-body-left-aligned' style='text-align: left'><p><b>Written by</b> Jonathan Ames<br><b>Directed by</b> Adam Bernstein </p><p>Emerging from his embrace with Bergeron, Jonathan learns more upsetting news: his biological father is neither Jewish nor a member of MENSA.</p><p>Having made amends with Emily, George is disappointed to hear that she and Bernard plan to elope to City Hall. He offers to throw an alcohol-free reception at George on Jane.</p><p>Ray lectures Jonathan about his incest and urges him to give Bergeron a second chance. Jonathan asks Ray to accompany him to Coney Island but he has to attend a signing for the one-year anniversary of Super Ray.</p><p>At the Susquehanna Hat Company, Jonathan finds Bergeron with his bag packed: He is running away from a bad debt with some groundskeepers. He gives Jonathan a small revolver as a keepsake, ushering him out just as a couple of groundskeeping thugs arrive. Jonathan tails Bergeron and the thugs. When they threaten to pop his father, he leaps out brandishing his new gun, but it jams. The groundskeepers decide to kill father and son but Bergeron insists he can get the ten grand he owes them. He heads out while they hold Jonathan as insurance.</p><p>Running out of time, the thugs order Jonathan to call his father to turn up the heat. Jonathan calls George instead, who leaps into action. George calls Ray who leaves his signing to join the rescue operation, getting a ride to Coney Island from his Super Ray fans.</p><p>George and the League of Rays (or Rayvengers, the name is still under discussion) break into Wonder Stadium. The thugs lead Jonathan out onto the field to his destiny, when suddenly, from the announcer's booth, George demands Jonathan's release. Ray leads the Super Rays in a charge. The thugs start shooting in the air. Jonathan grabs a bat and takes the thugs out from behind. He races to help Ray, but now the thugs start shooting at Jonathan. He runs, serpentine, and slides into home base like Jackie Robinson, getting to the gun first. He is safe!</p><p>George, Ray and Jonathan pull away from the stadium, just as Bergeron arrives with the money. Too late.</p><p>George is prodded, mid-toast, by Jonathan to refocus his speech to be about Emily (rather than himself). Enjoying the celebration, Ray dances with his new elder lover, George dances with his daughter and Jonathan kisses Rose - not yet able to break the news that she is his sister.</p></div>