Written by Jay Duplass, Mark Duplass & Steve Zissis
Directed by Jay Duplass & Mark Duplass
Brett Pierson wakes up his wife, Michelle, in the hopes of having morning sex. Exhausted, she shuts down his advances. Brett opts to take care of himself, but the act disrupts Michelle's sleep. "Take it outside," she admonishes him, handing off the baby monitor as he leaves.
Brett finds several frantic messages from his best friend, Alex, who is being evicted. Brett bails out Alex with a U-Haul and tosses out the donuts Alex is gorging. Fed up, Alex announces that he's giving up on acting and moving back to his hometown of Detroit: "I can't take skinny, beautiful L.A. people looking at me like I'm a f**king whale." Brett begs him to stay, if only to support him through the next, dreaded 24 hours -- family day at the beach. Alex reluctantly agrees.
With Alex in tow, the Piersons pick up Tina at Craig’s house, where she’s been staying. It's the first time Tina's seen Alex since Brett and Michelle's wedding, but he's uninterested in making small talk with her. Michelle asks Brett if they can take Frank, their baby, into the ocean together for the first time for some "half baby, half dolphin action." Brett agrees, and later Michelle is disappointed when Brett and Alex take Frank into the water without her. Later, Tina sends a picture of her panties to Craig and tells Alex about the whirlwind, week-long fling.
Back at home, Tina gets ready for a night out with Craig and asks Alex if her look is right. "You nailed it," he replies. Brett surprises Michelle by walking in on her pleasuring herself with a vibrator, '50 Shades of Grey' and some clothespins. "I thought you were taking a nap," he exclaims. "You're having a f**kfest by yourself!" Brett is offended; he's been "depriving himself of the internet" in hopes of revving up their sex life. "The cache is always clear!" Michelle retorts. Their argument is interrupted by hysterical screaming; Craig has dumped Tina…via text message.
Michelle tries to comfort Tina, but her distraught sister is genuinely concerned she will end up alone, something Tina says Michelle can't comprehend since she "has everything." Michelle admits that appearances are deceiving; she reveals that Brett caught her jerking off. At Michelle's pleading, Tina agrees to join Brett and Michelle's date night. "I've got your masturbating, f**king slutty back," Tina pledges.
Brett, Michelle, Alex and Tina go out. Tina spots Craig with another girl and confronts him on the street. Craig gets defensive, claiming they were never even together: "You are batsh*t crazy!" Seeing Tina's predicament, Alex defuses the situation by publicly embarrassing himself. Whisking her away, he explains, "You gotta know when to fold 'em. You gotta know when to kick them in the nuts."
Alex and Tina run into a gas station, where they buy toilet paper, donuts and two bottles of Strawberry Hill wine, which the group drinks in the car before heading to Craig's house. Tina and Alex team up to teepee the house with toilet paper, while Michelle and Brett wait with the car. Later, the group grabs tacos. Embracing her fresh start, Tina asks Brett and Michelle if she can crash with them for a while. "Of course you can stay," Brett says. "You're family."
Brett takes care of a drunk and appreciative Michelle; he tucks her into bed and asks why she is resisting sex. "I don't know," she whispers. Tina learns that Alex does not have plans to leave, making them de facto roommates. He assures her they will have fun and proves it by shoving an Oreo into her mouth.