Written by Carson Mell
Directed by Mike Judge
Richard attempts to address his new employees to kick off the first day of orientation. Rather than inspire faith in his leadership, he panics and rushes to vomit. In his delirium, he runs face first into the glass wall of his office — leaving him with a bloody nose and a bruised ego.
To Richard’s horror, Jared reveals he’s planned three more days of orientation. Jared explains these activities will unite the teams and promote productive working relations, thus saving time in the long run. More concerned with avoiding public speaking, Richard decides to instead utilize the Optimoji and Sliceline coders to separately divide and conquer coding tasks, rather than unite them under a common “Pied Piper” identity.
Gavin questions the design for the upcoming Gavin Belson Signature Box III. His main concern: It doesn’t feature his actual signature. It turns out Hooli’s market researchers found his signature did not perform well with consumers, and his penmanship indicates sociopathic tendencies. He decides to crowdsource the design of his signature to Hooli employees — the winning design has a phallic flourish.
The Optimoji and Sliceline coders are making great progress, until it’s revealed each team has been using different coding metrics, rendering half the work useless. Richard compromises with the Optimoji and Sliceline leaders on office culture issues, quickly switching coffee providers to please one team and waiving the no dog policy to mollify the other. The dog concession quickly backfires: The next day, a chaotic pack of dogs swarms the office.
Jian-Yang convinces a judge that Erlich left no will or next of kin, making him his defacto heir. But in order to legally own the Hacker Hostel and acquire 10 percent of Pied Piper, Jian-Yang must settle all of Erlich’s debt.
Dinesh purchases a Tesla to celebrate Pied Piper’s recent successes, giving Gilfoyle the opportunity to dig into tech’s eco-friendly craze. Dinesh argues, not only is the car good for the environment, it affords him access to a prime parking spot at work. It’s a benefit Gilfoyle quickly thwarts when he buys an electric bike off Craigslist and begins scooping Dinesh’s preferred spot in the lot. Hoping to get to work early enough to nab the space, Dinesh puts his Tesla in “insane mode,” but instead loses control of the car and ends up crashing into a truck — racking up $17,000 in damages.
Richard begrudgingly attempts another speech to unite the company. He proposes they should all be inspired to build a new internet. If they aren’t motivated by this mission, he tells the coders, they should leave. His speech backfires when the entire team exits, except for Dinesh and Gilfoyle.
The next day, Dinesh and Gilfoyle get to the office to find an exhausted but elated Jared, plus Optimoji and Sliceline coders — all wearing Pied Piper sweatshirts. Richard completed work that would’ve taken the whole team four days. The Optimoji and Sliceline coders came back to witness the coding feat and were inspired to stay on staff.
Weak from his coding marathon, Richard walks out from his office and suddenly feels sick — again. Instead of merely running into the glass wall, he falls and breaks through it completely.
After a long and exhausting day, the guys arrive back at the Hacker Hostel, only to discover they’re locked out. Jian-Yang opens the door to inform them he now runs Erlich’s incubator and the guys are officially evicted.