Hella LA Recap
Written by Laura Kittrell
Directed by Prentice Penny
Night Plans: Issa shows up to Molly’s place, where Kelli is already waiting, cause the girls are going to kick it at a party called “Kiss ‘n Grind.” Issa’s main aim is to build her man roster, and she’s already gonna be meeting up with some cat (hee) named Felix. After lollygagging as she gets dressed and being pressed by a parched Issa, Molly is ready and they leave.
Lawrence got his own place now, y’all! He’s getting ready when Chad calls him to coordinate their night plans. It’s gonna be a wild one, cause everybody’s ready to be in these streets.
The girls show up to Kiss n’ Grind and it’s popping. Issa is turnt and ready to bed any and everything. Their table is ready, and even though it’s in the cheap seats, it’s still good for people-watching. Dro, Molly’s married friend from college, comes over and she leaves to go to his table since he got food. Kelli leaves to go guy hunting, leaving Issa at the table to look around. That is when she sees Daniel across the room at the bar.
Close Call: Lawrence is stuck in traffic when he busts a U-turn and gets pulled over by police. He’s nervous as the cop asks him all these questions and asks him for his license and registration. Cop comes back and tells him he’ll let him off with just a warning. And then tells a joke about being a Hoya and how Villanova beat them. No one gives a damb, sir. Am I free to go? That’s what I was thinking. Kiki-ing a** cop. Sir, don’t be letting these jokes out as if this is a situation where someone would like to hear it.
Hey Stranger: Issa tells Molly she saw Daniel, and she talks herself into going to say “hi” to him. She goes to where he is hanging and gets him away from his crew. Things are awkward AF as she tries to explain that she didn’t handle their situation well. He shrugs it off and says he’s fine. That convo painfully ends and it was truly pointless. Nothing got accomplished besides the internal cringing that had to have happened as it all went down.
Pick Up: Lawrence is at the grocery store picking up drinks for the evening and about to check out when he realizes that he can’t find his debit card. Two young women behind him in line insist on covering his $46 bill, so he let them. As he’s walking to his car, they follow him and flirt up a storm until he falls right into their hands. One is white and the other is Asian and they’re cute so of course Lawrence’s interest is piqued. It doesn’t take much for him to ditch his plans with Chad when they press him. Flakey McFlakeson tells the girls he’d rather hang with them.
Treated: Issa texts Felix and they meet up in the courtyard. Too bad he ain’t sh*t cause within seconds of them meeting, he disses her hair and her voice. And then quickly ditches her. To add insult to injury, Daniel sees it all go down. Ouch.
Open: Molly’s friend, Dro, is playing wingman and trying to pick out dudes for her but she shuts every one of them down with an excuse as to why they won’t work. Either way, they’re having a ball. They have a dance battle, reminisce about college and have an amazing time. There is chemistry here and this is getting dangerous, especially when the dance turns to a grind. Abort mission. Molly stops, because she realizes it’s now inappropriate and disrespectful to his wife, Candice. Dro says it’s really not because him and Candice have an open marriage and have for the last year. Apparently, there’s too much pressure in monogamy, and stepping out is not cheating when it’s an agreement. Bruh!
Kiss ‘n Grind: Lawrence is at the girls’ apartment, looking out of place. He’s texting Chad as one of the girls takes a selfie of her licking his face and sends that as the text. Chad is, of course, approving of it, in GIF celebration form. So these girls don bought Lawrence’s time for a $46 grocery bill. We gon’ pray for him, lawd. Anywho, Becky with the good hair is up there doing a non-sexy dance when she jumps on him and starts kissing him. And then her roommate joins them and it is just too much for me.
At Kiss ‘n Grind, Kelli and Issa are sitting down swiping on Tinder. Molly shows up and tells them what Dro said, about his open marriage. We thought that was a Caucasian thing to do but I guess not. Issa says if it works for them, then cool. Is Molly considering it? She says no because Dro isn’t some random dude. That’s her long time friend. Mmm-hm.
Threesome Fail: The threesome is in full fledge, with all parts of Lawrence busy pleasing the girls. Becky is enthusiastic about this conquest too. When her and Lawrence finish, her roommate tries to take a turn but Lawrence’s junior doesn’t coorperate. Womp! And then she gets mad, especially since they’ve apparently been with Black dudes who don’t need a break between their… breaks. They turn their backs on him and start acting like he’s not even there. Lawrence. Why are you here? Why is this your life?
New Place: As the girls leave Kiss ‘n Grind, Molly goes to say goodbye to Dro and he says he’ll text her later. There’s mischief hanging in the air. Kelli, Issa and Molly meet up with some dudes for food. Turns out, Daniel is at the same restaurant, sitting at a table across from them.
Lawrence calls Chad after his adventure, and of course he’s hype for him. But the way he describes the night shows that it wasn’t the great time he anticipated or the great night you’d think he had. He just had a threesome with two girls who have no strings to attach to anybody. Yay? Nah. I think that was the voice of someone who is wondering what he is doing out here. It was the reaction of someone who wants something more from sexual experiences besides the momentary bliss. When he hangs up, it turns out he’s parked in front of Issa’s apartment building. He drives off, looking longingly.
Mischief Managed: Dro texts Molly and asks if she wants company. At first, she’s about to reply in the affirmative and then she changes her mind to say she’s tired. Good job, girl.
Kelli and the dude she came to meet are flirting heavy, when all of a sudden, she gets quiet. Issa is sitting next to Kelli and she gets uncomfortable immediately because she knows why. Daniel is watching the whole thing and he texts Issa. Yes, her girl is definitely getting finger (cough) explored under the table. Issa takes her food and joins Daniel at his table, laughing about the absurdity of it all.
At this point, I want both Issa and Lawrence to sit down. Both of them are trying to do the most, when it clearly isn’t who they are. This is what they’ve learned will help them move on: by forcefully sexing their hearts into healing and neither is finding any fulfillment in it. Issa is over there swiping so hard her thumbs must have carpal tunnel, and she has Kelli cheering her on in it. And Lawrence is getting into these “raggelly” shenanigans he can’t keep up with as Chad gives him all the high-fives. What they really need to do is sit down, throw ego out the door and be honest. Their hearts are broken and they’re trying to mend them through their vagina and penis and it is not working. It just ain’t working.
And Molly. Girl, do not sleep with Dro. It is tempting and he is fine. But don’t do it, Miss Celie. It ain’t worth it. What’s the best case scenario in all this? That they sleep together, it’s really good and she has a regular f**k buddy. That is it. That is the best thing that can happen in this case. Meanwhile, the worst case scenario could be catastrophic. What if Dro is lying about having an open marriage? Hell would break loose as his wife comes after her, her good name is sullied and she gets to be known as a homewrecker. Or she develops romantic feelings for this married man and gets her heart broken. Nothing about the best case makes worst case even remotely worth it.
They all need to get their s**t together.
— Luvvie Ajayi