No, I Don't Want a F**king Smiley Face
Written by Mark V. Olsen and Will Scheffer
Directed by Miguel Arteta
Sing-Sing inmate Crystal Buff is brought into Billy Barnes. Dennis is warned by her prison guard that the patient is a pathological liar and has an extensive history of escape. He handcuffs her to the bed, then takes away her prosthetic legs. Meanwhile, DiDi checks in on Birdy Lamb, who's battling pneumonia.
Dr. Alice Marvel meets with Dr. Jenna James and asks to speak on a panel at Jenna's upcoming symposium where a prestigious prize will be awarded. Dr. James is reluctant to allow any competition at the event, though she enjoys everyone vying for her attention.
Patsy begs Dawn to pretend that she's his fianc�. His mother is in town, and he never told her that he and Dawn broke up. Dawn agrees to the charade and finds herself enjoying the fantasy -- a little too much for Patsy's taste. When he gets up to get his mother a glass of water, Dawn blurts out that she has end-stage kidney disease and winds up sobbing in the woman's lap.
Jenna confronts Dr. Stickley about rumors that the hospital is closing. He claims not to know anything, then tries to persuade Jenna to allow Drs. Marvel and Killigrew to present at her symposium. Jenna continues to refuse, calling the two women "quacks" and "tar babies."
DiDi and her family admit her mother-in-law Vivian to Billy Barnes, following a stroke and a concussion at the main hospital. Yvette, DiDi's sister-in-law, still believes that DiDi made a big deal out of nothing and that Vivian should have never been removed from her nursing home.
Patsy confronts Dawn about getting carried away with his mother -- he's under the impression that her kidney disease is made up. Dennis then confronts Dawn about missing lunch with him, angry that she spent the time with Patsy's mother instead.
Yvette flies into a rage when she learns that she and Waylan are expected to foot half the bill for Vivian's extended care. While she claims to love her father-in-law's white "trophy wife," she refuses to give up $24,000 of her family's money for the woman's care. The others try to explain that there is no other viable option, but the explanation falls on deaf ears. Yvette demands that DiDi quit her job to care for Vivian, as she's the one who pulled her out of the government-funded nursing home in the first place.
Drs. Marvel and Killigrew confront Dr. James about not allowing them on her panel, accusing her of trying to "monopolize the vagina." They continue to tear into Jenna, calling her greedy and accusing the symposium of being little more than a vanity play after the hospice debacle.
Patsy's mom gives Dawn a teddy bear and an orchid, which serves as the final straw for Patsy. He pulls Dawn aside and confronts her about continuing what he believes is a charade. Seeing them together, Dennis demands to know if Dawn still wants to be with Patsy. Dr. James comes to Dawn's rescue, demanding that Patsy stop bullying Dawn in light of her "special circumstances," letting the cat out of the bag in front of everyone.
With the staff distracted, Crystal Buff takes the opportunity to escape the hospital. Dennis spots her shimmying down a sheet through a window and runs to catch her. The staff watches in awe as Crystal successfully rolls through four lanes of busy highway traffic.