The Case of the Stolen Sperm
Bored to Death | Season 1 | Episode 7

The Case of the Stolen Sperm


Written by Jonathan Ames & Donick Cary
Directed by Nicole Holofcener

Jonathan helps Ray track down the lesbian couple, Lisa and Michelle, who have disappeared with Ray's sperm donations. Their search leads them to the Park Slope Co-Op, where they meet a young marijuana lover (who Jonathan is drawn to) who divulges Lisa and Michelle's real names and address in exchange for a few hits of Jonathan's organic hydroponic pot. After picking the lock of the woman's apartment, they discover it is empty - except for a bottle of Kombucha and a list, bearing Ray's name, and about thirty lesbian couples. Just as they realize Lisa and Michelle have been selling Ray's sperm, Jonathan and Ray have to flee when they're discovered by the Hasidic landlords.

Meanwhile, when Jonathan and George catch up over drinks at the Old Town Bar they are interrupted by Richard Antrem and Louis Greene, a critic who savaged Jonathan's novel in Slate. The interaction rankles George, and he later dashes off a slanderous editorial about Antrem, which Jonathan is unable to stop him from printing in Edition.

With his novel due in a month, Jonathan's editor calls again about his progress, and he again prevaricates slightly about his progress. Leah, feeling that she's been robbed (since Ray's sperm is her sperm), urges Jonathan and Ray to go door to door with the list to find the semen thieves. After a disheartening search, they discover that only one of Ray's sperm samples has resulted in a pregnancy - a couple in Ditmas Park. The mothers-to-be are disappointed to discover Ray is not a vegan with an average build and an advanced degree, so they order Ray to stay out of their lives. Still, Ray feels proud that he will be a papa.

When George's editorial is published, Antrem challenges George to a boxing match. George accepts the challenge; Jonathan challenges Louis; and Ray also begs to get in on the fight.