On two different sides of the country
However we share a connection that drives us further apart
I called you brother, you said "don't call me that"
You told me, " Your father, pastor should've never had a child out of wedlock,
So bastard, we were never meant to be brother and sister"
And I could have fucked you up for that
I don't know you
You don't know me
We were our own two forced to become 1 family
Like defying our own gravity
A magnetic connection that disconnected and bounced back
And now you are dying
In need of a kidney,
If I were in some bad situation, you wouldn't come to my rescue, wouldn't bail me out,
I haven't talked to you in 8 years , Instead you shut me out
But still, im finding myself on this road, on this journey to you
Even though you hated me , before you got to know me
So used to being the only child, how selfish you are
When I came into the picture, I imagined that I would fit perfectly in the frame
But all traces of me have been cut, burned, and photo shopped out of shame
I still feel the burning as our relationship turns into ashes, crumbling, decaying, like you are about to do if I don't get to you
Im so easily forgotten,
like the secret I was told to take to my grave about you
Hush.hush. don't say anything jasmine ...he's gay
He told me not to tell you
And I couldn't help remembering that " a pastor should never have a child out of wedlock"
Well some people think, its wrong for pastor's son's favorite color to be pink
Im not pointing fingers, Im proving we both have skeletons in our closets that have more in common than you think
And now, im on this everlasting lasting journey, to save your life
I have been on this expedition , traveling for 8 years of wasted time to get you
My feet are tired
My legs are giving up on me
My arms are swaying
My heart is aching
Are you afraid , that when I reach you, I will judge you ?
That I would disown you,
Are you afraid of being gay ?
That I would call you a faggot
That I would cut , burn, and photoshop, you out, like you did me, are you afraid of showing affection to a man in front of me?
You said nothing would come between us, but over 3 thousand miles of distance did
When will you grow tired pretending to be someone you are not?
I called you brother, you said don't call me that
"Don't call me beautiful
Real men don't wear pink, "
but were pretending
That's why death found a way to dance a pink ballerina plea around you
And I will stop frontin like I don't need my big brother
Stop pretending like your favorite color is blue
I will stop pretending
Like I don't miss you
Like I don't love you
This is the thin line between love and hate
I hate it when I hear your name spoken from others in the family because
My heart starts being fast
My face lights up in hope , that you will ask about me
I hate you so much that I could rip out my kidney to save your life
I hate all this time we wasted , pretending like we aren't related
I love you
we are kin
Im not asking that you come out to me
Im fighting for you to let me in
Im not judging you
I don't care who you choose to love
As long as you will love me
I running to get to you ,
So what if the paths we travel are different
Even though my road I take may be labeled as straight,
I'm not afraid of bumbs, curves, or left turns along the way
I am sprinting to get to you , so that you can live
Where we can reclaim our loss of time
I always cared about you, that is fact
I am on the way
To give you another chance, to become a legend on my map
I love you big brother , and I will always call you that.