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Quotes

Maherisms

"Do you know that these fools actually went ahead this week and voted to sue the President of the United States?  Yeah, it's so desperate. They said he spilled McDonald's coffee on their lap." - Bill Maher

"I doubt anything will really come of this lawsuit. First of all, it's a lawsuit. It involves a subpoena. And try to find a Republican who will be willing to be seen serving a black man." - Bill Maher

"The Republicans claim that some of Obama's executive orders are illegal because it's the job of Congress to make the laws, and one of these days they might just want to make one." - Bill Maher

"This party is just full of children, and someone needs to leave them in a hot car." - Bill Maher

Do you know that these fools actually went ahead this week and voted to sue the President of the United States? Yeah, its so desperate. They said he spilled McDonalds coffee on their lap.  Bill Maher

Republican & Democrat Congruency, Antitrust Laws

"That's where left, right agree. They want to put those crooks on Wall Street that crashed the whole economy in jail. Jail time, no bail time." - Ralph Nader

"The alternative universe is very different. Ted Nugent would be on the Supreme Court. We'd be having wars in nine different countries. The auto industry would have been allowed to die. Tax rates for the rich would be at three percent. You can't deny that there also is a difference." - Bill Maher

"It's down to five giant media conglomerates controlling most of the circulation viewers, listenership in America. You know, 40 years ago, there was 50 companies." - Ralph Nader

"HBO is part of Time Warner. Rupert Murdoch could be my boss any minute now.
So, I have two questions for you. One, if they do take this over, I mean, isn't this the end of what we really would call media democracy in America? And, two, do you have the number of the guy at Netflix?" - Bill Maher

"The more the big guys swallow everything, they're going to be more suppressive of diversity and creative artistry. They're going to be more top-down. They're going to be short-sighted. They're going to be more attuned to their advertisers. And, you're not going to have anything left except blah-blah-blah; the kind of stuff they pump into the minds of little kids, they'll starting pumping totally in the minds of everyone." - Ralph Nader

The American Economy

"We've created over 200,000 jobs every month this year. Hasn't happened in 17 years. I guess my first question is, when do the Republicans stop calling it 'Obama's economy'?" - Bill Maher

"They kept saying, 'Where are the jobs? Where are the jobs?' I haven't heard them say that in a long time." - Reza Aslan

"This was good news, and we should be excited that we've got job growth.
But, there are still too many Americans who are hurting. There's too many families who are struggling. And Congress has to address that." - Doug Heye

US Aid To Israel

"We give Israel $3 billion a year, and we pay three-quarters of the tab for NATO, who is supposedly fighting Putin.You know what? Putin is Europe's problem. Israel can take off the training wheels. We've got Guatemalan kids and Ebola on our border. We just can't afford this shit anymore." - Bill Maher

"It's not like we're giving them money to build schools or hospitals. We're giving them money in order to buy weapons from us, which is the worst business plan ever. What business gives its customers money to buy its stuff?" - Reza Aslan

"They don't need the money, but what we're doing is we're buying friends. That's what we're doing. We're buying friendship." - Andrew Ross Sorkin

"We need to show leadership for Israel. While we're on this program, the House is going to vote on 'Iron Dome' funding on the supplemental. It may be happening right now. 'Iron Dome,' as we've seen, has been a massive success for Israel. Israel depends on us for its very existence. Their existence is threatened every day." - Doug Heye

Social Media's Effect on Humanity

"As much as the Internet has connected, and basically turned the world into a local community, I do believe a lot of times that, as connected as we are, it's actually very isolating the way that we interface with the Internet." - Chris Hardwick

"People just sit there and lay in wait for somebody to say something politically incorrect, and then pat themselves on the back that 'I'm the good person and I'm going to go after this person who is the bad person because he said THIS thing that's wrong, and this thing that's wrong.' Like it's Galileo against the Church, or something." - Bill Maher

"I like to seek understanding first. Even if someone is attacking me, I don't punch back harder. I just go, 'Hey, let's talk about this on a human level.'" - Chris Hardwick

"Once you start fighting, then your points, they're not even reaching the common ground. You're not understanding each other. And, so, I'm hoping that a lot of it is just relieving tension for people, and they don't really seem as angry as you think." - Chris Hardwick

Pot & The REDEEM Act

"If Republicans wanted to talk about family values and be pro-family, they could start with incarceration for non-violent pot offenders. If we're taking a mother or father away from their kids because they had too many ounces of an illegal substance, is that the best way to take care of that kid? Probably not." - Doug Heye

"They want to stop counting the weight of edibles. You know, when you sell an edible that only has five grams of pot, but it weighs two pounds, they prosecute based on on all the other crap in it, when it's really only five grams... and didn't even give me a buzz." - Bill Maher

"They came out strongly against the New York Times. And the reason that they said that marijuana should not be legalized or decriminalized is because of its health-adverse possibilities. This is a White House that brews its own beer. Alcohol, which is so much more dangerous to health than marijuana is, that's okay. It just seems like the arguments against decriminalization are falling apart." - Reza Aslan

"We have five percent of the population in the globe...we have 25% of all the people in prison right here in the United States.  And that's the number you've got to work on." - Andrew Ross Sorkin

Episode 327

August 1, 2014

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