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Quotes

MAHERISMS:

"I love Halloween. I call it 'Atheists' Christmas.'" -Bill Maher

"Ted Cruz's dad said that Obama is an outright Marxist who seeks to destroy all concept of God, and he should go back to Kenya. In related news, scientists say they have discovered the gene for 'a**hole.'" -Bill Maher

"At the end of the day, if we had more women making policy and working together, and in positions of authority, then we'd be a lot further down the road."

ON HER BOOK, NEVER TRUST A LIBERAL OVER 3, ESPECIALLY A REPUBLICAN

"A lot of the Republicans I attack, I'm attacking because they're attacking other Republicans." -Ann Coulter

"Amnesty hurts the poorest Americans. It hurts the working class. It hurts African Americans most of all.  Romney got 20% of the young, black, male vote. That's higher than Republicans have gotten for 50 years." -Ann Coulter

"The point is, do we give them amnesty? My thought is it's a seller's market. Why shouldn't we be skimming the cream and getting the best immigrants in the entire world to come here, rather than 'lives within walking distance'? And point two, it really does hurt the poorest among us. Why are we getting people to compete with me, you, senators, governors?" -Ann Coulter

THE OBAMACARE "LIE:"

"Obamacare says basically if you have a really crappy plan, you can't keep it. That's the truth. I would say to some people, why do you want a crappy plan? But, some people want crap. What can I say? And, because of Obamacare, they are not being able to keep it. To me, that is a lie." -Bill Maher

"To me, it's not the issue, lie or no lie. To me, the issue is, you've got a huge piece of legislation, a very complicated piece of legislation that is going to do something that's been talked about since 1948, and whenever you pass anything like that, you need adjunct legislation to make it work." -Rob Reiner

"In ten years, it's not even a footnote." -Neil deGrasse Tyson

"As of January 1st, what Obamacare does is it gives the millions of people in this country -150 million people who have a pre-existing condition, the peace of mind that never again will an insurance company be able to drop off and deny coverage." -Debbie Wasserman Schultz

TED CRUZ & HIS DAD:

"I think if Ted Cruz decides to run for president, which he clearly seems to be doing, I think he's going to have a little bit more problem with Father Cruz than Obama had with 'Father' Reverend Wright." -Rob Reiner

"Obama and Clinton, they had absent fathers, and they came out pretty good. And so many Republicans like Bush, Bush Jr., Mitt Romney, this guy, they have these 'shadow father' issues that would make Oedipus puke." -Bill Maher

"Rafael Cruz's absolutely heinous, outrageous comments about the president are just another in a string of examples of the Tea Party and the stranglehold they have on the Republicans." -Debbie Wasserman Schultz

"This is why right-wing comedy doesn't ever work, because the premise is faulty. When I make fun of Sarah Palin, people of all stripes laugh because she is stupid." -Bill Maher

WOMEN IN POLITICS:

"If you just locked us all in a room, we could have probably gotten this whole government shutdown thing taken care of in a matter of hours. Because women, generally -- not all women -- but, generally, women want to get to 'yes.' They want to find a way to build consensus." -Debbie Wasserman Schultz

"Women outnumber men in the United States not only in total population, but as the electorate. So, let's do it then. What's not connecting there? If men are not going to put women in office, women can put women in office." -Neil deGrasse Tyson

"At the end of the day, if we had more women making policy and working together, and in positions of authority, then we'd be a lot further down the road." -Debbie Wasserman Schultz

"Women can make that happen overnight. Just vote all the men out and the women in." -Neil deGrasse Tyson

"I'm a huge fan of Hillary Clinton's. I'm a friend of Hillary Clinton's. I don't know what she's going to do. I don't know what her plans are, but if decides to run, you will have the single-most qualified person ever to run for president of the United States." -Rob Reiner

THE CUBAN EMBARGO:

"We have had this embargo with Cuba going on since 1962. That is a very long time to try to get a country to act exactly like we would like them to act, especially since other countries around the world act even worse than Cuba, and we're okay with them." -Bill Maher

"It's hard not to see it only as a legitimate grudge. Because every other country -- China, Russia -- whenever you've injected the free market freedoms, it eventually leads to the fall of those regimes. They can't withstand the inoculation of freedom." -Rob Lowe

"The reason that it's important that we leave the embargo in place is not because it's been so incredibly effective at bringing about reform. It's because a relationship with the United States needs to be earned. Cuba is a country that, in the recent past, and in October itself, had more political arrests than any time in recent history. They are getting worse, and cracking down on political dissidents." -Debbie Wasserman Schultz

EDWARD SNOWDEN & THE NSA:

"The more he releases stuff, the more people are going, 'Wow, this guy was right. They do anything.'" -Bill Maher

"We have four branches of government now.  We were meant to have three branches, with checks and balances. We have a fourth branch that operates on its own." -Rob Reiner

"If somebody comes into the Oval Office and says to President Obama, 'This is the information we have,' and to something regarding Germany, he's not going to say,
'How did we get it?' If he said, 'How did we get it?' Guess what? They'd say, 'We have her cell phone.'" -Rob Lowe

"The CIA was supposed to be set up as an apparatus that gave information to the president so he could make policy. Not that they make policy themselves and they carry out their own agenda. That's the problem." -Rob Reiner

Episode 299

November 1, 2013