New Rule: Before the Wall Street Journal publishes another editorial by "healthcare expert"--Suzanne Somers, claiming Obamacare is a "socialist Ponzi scheme," they have to find one person who actually lost weight using a "ThighMaster." She sells a metal spring for thirty bucks and Obamacare is a scam?
New Rule: Just because you're a city doesn't mean you have to have a film festival. Film festivals exist to show the same four movies every year: a road trip with someone's ashes, lesbians find love, French people cook a duck, and a documentary called 'Return to Poison Dirt High.'
And they don't need a festival. Thanks to Netflix, we could ignore them at home!
New Rule: [slide of Pope Francis with his hand on the head of a little boy] No, Pope Francis! I thought you were different!"
New Rule: The Saudi sheik who says women shouldn't drive because it affects their ovaries need to ride a few hundred laps with Danica Patrick and then tell us how it affects his testicles.
New Rule: Now that Amazon is also delivering groceries to your door, and America never has to get up again--they have to change their name from Amazon Fresh to "Hospice Care."
Seriously, you want to cut healthcare costs? Have people go on Amazon and one-click order this bedpan and then order a case of pureed vegetables, turn on 'Judge Judy,' presto! You've got yourself a nursing home.