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Quotes

MAHERISMS:

"People are furious at Rolling Stone magazine for putting the Boston bomber on the cover. They say it's not appropriate because he looks like a rock star. Yes, because so many rock stars look like psychopaths, that's why!" -Bill Maher

"He doesn't think that he can just walk down the street now because there are people who look at him and see an obviously guilty man and might try to take matters into their own hands. Hmmm. Gosh, I wonder what THAT feels like, huh, George?" -Bill Maher

"I think we all know what's in store for George Zimmerman now. After 'The O'Reilly Factor,' coming up, 'Stand Your Ground with George Zimmerman'!" -Bill Maher

"At some point, the animal goes, 'You know what? I want to break up.' You know, like Siegfried and Roy."

SEA WORLD'S INDISCRETIONS:

"I've been disenchanted with SeaWorld and decisions they have made for years. But, really, the catalyst was the way they handled Alexis Martinez being killed by Keto in Spain. But, it was our whales and our supervision which a lot of people don't realize that. And also how they handled Dawn Brancheau being killed. And then also how they testified in the OSHA hearings, that they were unaware that we even had a dangerous job. Which is total bullsh*t." -John Hargrove

"When I started my career in '93, back then, we didn't really think about animals in captivity as being wrong. Now, with, like, every successive generation, or, you know, from the seventies, eighties, nineties and on, we think about these issues a little better." -John Hargrove

"At some point, the animal goes, 'You know what? I want to break up.' You know, like Siegfried and Roy. I mean, you know, they had a relationship with those tigers. And then, at one point, the tiger said, 'If you make me do one more trick, I'm going to bite your f*ckin' head off.'" -Bill Maher

OBAMA'S SPEECH ON RACE; THE ZIMMERMAN VERDICT:

" I think what he was trying to teach -- a teachable moment for the American public -was that the frustration of the black community here is not just about the verdict. It's about this culture of suspicion that follows black people around." -Bill Maher

"I think it's uncomfortable. I think it's uncomfortable for everybody. But, a lot of topics are uncomfortable. If we don't talk about them, we're not going to get better." -Connie Mack

"The president said a number of interesting things, but at the end, there was the sort of uplifting thing where he did point out, guys, we've made significant progress over the years, and each generation is getting better. And I thought that was well put. I think there's a lot of stuff we can do." -Grover Norquist

"What about the justice system? I'm sorry, I mean, we are talking about this huge case. What about law enforcement, the justice system, the part of America that still view traits, stereotypes and actually profiles African Americans in a different way?" -Rula Jebreal

"In Florida when this 'Stand Your Ground' law was passed in 2005, it was passed with bipartisan support. There was not one Democrat who voted against the bill. And so, look, if there are things that have to be done to the law to try to address problems that exist, then we should have that debate." -Connie Mack

ANTHONY WEINER AND ELIOT SPITZER:

"When you are mayor of New York City, and you are in charge of a lot of the money and responsibility and public responsibility -- if you are easily blackmailed, I don't want you there." -Rula Jebreal

"The reason those two gentlemen have problems is not necessarily the act in which they got in trouble for, but they lied about it. The same thing with President Clinton. It's the lie that people have the problem with, I think." -Connie Mack

"There's some things that you kind of have a right to draw a veil of privacy around. And if some d*ck-bag like Ken Starr asks you a bunch of inappropriate questions that nobody should be asked or have to answer, under those circumstances, you can lie." -Dan Savage

THE ROLLING STONE COVER:

"Did anybody notice that the fact that the guy on the cover, the bomber, looks cute, that's the point of the story: that the devil sometimes looks cute. They're making a point. And, to depict something is not to endorse it. " -Bill Maher

"I understand why some people might think it's, you know, tasteless. But, at the same time, it's about freedom of speech. And they're asking actually a very legitimate question." -Rula Jebreal

"I think that it was incredibly insensitive for them to put that picture on the cover of the Rolling Stone. Having said that, in America, we have freedom of speech. They have the absolute right to do so. And the public and businesses have the right to react the way they want to." -Connie Mack

"I have the DVD of 'Jaws.' There's a shark on the cover. I never thought the shark was the hero of the movie." -Bill Maher

"Time magazine not only put Hitler and Stalin on the front cover-they put them "Man of the Year."  So, it's not exactly an endorsement of somebody to put their picture on the cover of a magazine." -Grover Norquist

ON HIS ARTICLE "I CAN DIE NOW, DOMA AND GAY PROMISCUITY:"

"What happened when the Supreme Court overturned Section Three of DOMA, was that weight was lifted from my shoulders that morning. I no longer had to fear that if something happened to me, my husband and son would be made to suffer unnecessarily." -Dan Savage

"It goes like this: gay male couples, least likely to be monogamous; more likely to be monogamous successfully, straight couples; most likely to be monogamous successfully, lesbian couples. Clearly the problem with monogamy is d*ck." -Dan Savage

"Tony Perkins went on television and said that lousy, bad straight parents make gay kids. I have three straight siblings. How is it that my parents were great parents to my straight siblings and sh**ty parents for me particularly to make me gay? " -Dan Savage

Episode 290

July 19, 2013