"Thinking the Second Amendment can protect you from tyranny. It's like thinking the First Amendment protects you from Thor."
"He's now back in the Vatican. It's the first time two popes have ever lived together in the Vatican. There's some crazy mix-ups, but they have a chart on the refrigerator to tell each one whose turn it is to be infallible." -Bill Maher
"There's actually a new study out that says, if you believe in End Times, and that Jesus is coming back, you are much less likely to believe that global warming is real. This was published in the New England Journal of Have You Not Been Watching My Show?" -Bill Maher