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Quotes

MAHERISMS

"I would pay to watch Rick Perry defend himself against a school shooter with prayer." -Bill Maher

"I want to make this very clear about Lance Armstrong's admission: it does not in any way change my feelings about the sport of cycling. I still don't give a sh**." -Bill Maher

"The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama, thinking his family needs special protection." -Bill Maher

"I wish somebody would make a connection between constantly writing blank checks for weapons and the fact that we have no money."

CHUCK HAGEL AS SECRETARY OF DEFENSE

"I think it's very helpful in both State and Defense to have somebody that has been in a war that was unpopular." -Bob Kerrey

"I think the other thing Hagel might want to do is cut defense a lot. Which I, you know, think is the most important thing we should do now." -Bill Maher

"I wish somebody would make a connection between constantly writing blank checks for weapons and the fact that we have no money." -Bill Maher

THE REPUBLICAN PARTY

"I think the crazies take over for a while, then suddenly they don't get any traction, and the pendulum will go back." -Martin Short

"I think the average American is actually a fiscal conservative and a social liberal. 'Stay out of my pocketbook; stay out of my private life.' And somehow the Republican Party has gotten away from that." -Michelle Caruso Cabrera

AMERICA'S GUN PROBLEM

"I'm all for shrinking the tumor that is the National Rifle Association. But, the problem in this country, to me, is that Democrats love guns, too." -Bill Maher

"This notion that if you own guns, therefore you have these issues in a country, are not the case in other countries." -Martin Short

"The NRA does acknowledge certain things that are credible: violence in movies, violence in video games. These are real things." -Steve LaTourette

"I'm a gun owner. I'm not a proud gun owner. That's so stupid. I'm not proud of it, because it's not an accomplishment. My gun didn't get sent to college." -Bill Maher

"If you look at all of these mass shootings, save one, in the last five years, they've all been committed by a young, white man." -Steve LaTourette

"Our first intent is always to try to control the supply. What you need to work on is controlling the demand. We did this with alcohol and prohibition." -Michelle Caruso-Cabrera

ISRAELI-PALESTINIAN RELATIONS

"The day that there will be more settlements, that day -- when the green line will disappear, which is the border between Israel and Palestine, the Jewish identity of that state will disappear with it." -Rula Jebreal

"Sooner or later, people revolt and they want their own rights. They want to live as free citizens. And they want democracy, and they want to be considered citizens." -Rula Jebreal

TORTURE

"No one should be torturing at all. And especially the United States, which supposedly, we take 'exceptionalism' as the motto of the country." -Martin Short

"I've always believed that you get treated the way you treat people. And if you torture, you have no reason to expect that your combatants aren't tortured as well." -Steve LaTourette

"I'm sure torture would come in handy for all our wars. George Washington could have used it to find out where the British were hiding. He didn't. I'm sure Eisenhower could have used it against the Nazis. He didn't use it. Isn't that something that should be in the mix?" -Bill Maher

"You cannot promote democracy and then you close a blind eye on these issues." -Rula Jebreal

Episode 268

January 18, 2013