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Quotes

MAHERISMS

"And then Mitt Romney came to the rescue and reminded crazy Christians, crazy Jews and crazy Muslims, you know who's really crazy? Mormons." -Bill Maher

"If anybody has credibility as a badass, it's Obama. He's the one who decimated Al Qaeda and got Bin Laden. I would think if they were afraid of anybody, they would have been afraid of him." -Bill Maher

"As a comedian who wants a buffoon in the White House, I'm totally for Mitt Romney." -Bill Maher

I think this is the week Mitt Romney lost the election. I do think he kind of made himself toast."

VOTERS SUPPRESSION

"Republicans are pretty much being known as the party that doesn't want people to vote so they can win." -John Legend

"In-person voter fraud just doesn't exist. Just think about the mechanics of in-person voter fraud and how useless it would be." -John Legend

CHICAGO TEACHER STRIKE

"They need great teachers in the classroom. And they need a system that is ready to reform itself." -John Legend

"When I was a kid, you could not get a wedge between the parents and the teachers.  And now you could drive a truck through it." -Bill Maher

ROMNEY AND THE MIDDLE EAST

"I have a rule, and that is, never put out a press release at midnight." -John Feehery

"I think this is the week Mitt Romney lost the election. I do think he kind of made himself toast." -Bill Maher

"Well, the other thing is -- the specific wording of -- "he 'sympathized' with the attackers." I mean, that's a really disgusting word to use, frankly." -Chris Hayes

CURRENT POLLS

"Let me say, if you -- if you right now -- if you are engaged in the process of litigating polling right now, you're looking at a long election." -Chris Hayes

DEBT AND THE ECONOMY

"I think this country is the "least dirty shirt in the laundry basket." You know, there's...it's not as bad as many other places. We're not turning into Greece. But, I think stuff needs to be done." -Zanny Minton Beddoes

"Is America in decline? I can't get a straight feeling from the Republicans. Because, on the one hand, "America is the greatest place it's ever been." On the other hand, "We're eating slugs and wiping our a** with bark because Obama has taken it to this horrible place." -Bill Maher

"I think the narrative -- the narrative that, you know, somehow Obama is what managed the decline of this country, I think that kind of narrative is completely wrong, in the sense that he inherited an economy in cardiac arrest." -Zanny Minton Beddoes

"They want to massively, massively cut taxes. All of which leads you to the conclusion that they don't actually care in any discernible way about the deficit and debt." -Chris Hayes

NFL SAFETY

"When I see the players, they play with such joy. They don't seem -- they seem so happy about the whole event. Of course, they're -- they're up on "go-go juice" or something." -Bill Maher

"You put 100 neurologists on the sideline, you know, you're not going to change the laws of nature. Density of bones doesn't change." -Bob Costas

THE NFL AND GAY MARRIAGE

"They may be less progressive than their peers, but they're still moving, even if it's glacially, in the same direction." -Bob Costas

CONDOLEEZA RICE AND 9/11

"I think she is, without a doubt, the worst national security advisor in the history of America." -Bill Maher

Episode 259

September 14, 2012