New Rule: [slide of “Pussy Riot” graffiti] I’m still not exactly sure what “Pussy Riot” is, but count me in.
New Rule: Scientists must explain how it’s possible that the tiny island country of Jamaica can, at the same time, possess all the most stoned people in the world and all the fastest people in the world. [slide of Olympic runner]
New Rule: Until every charity in the world has all the money it needs, you cannot pay someone to tattoo your boyfriend’s name on your butthole. [laughter] We’re a jealous, violent, heavily-armed society. The last thing we need is two guys meeting for the first time, and one saying, “Adam Felber…Adam Felber…where have I seen that name before? Of course, ‘Felber.’ It was right on the tip of my tongue!”