New Rule: Someone has to tell the housewives who are reading the "mommy-porn" trilogy, Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed, that there's a man with a hard-on in the bed right next to you.
New Rule: Stop laughing at "Northern Exposure" actress Janine Turner for her new career as a celebrity wing-nut. Instead, laugh at her for creating "Christoga" - Christian yoga--or as I call it, "Stretching For Jesus."
Finally, two great faith traditions come together in this workout DVD that will make your ass as firm and unyielding as St. Paul's Letter to the Galatians. That letter is a little harsh.
New Rule: The Spanish scholars who now claim Christopher Columbus was secretly a Jew have to provide better proof. Yes, he tithed ten percent, which was a Jewish custom at the time. And some of his letters did have a cryptic Jewish symbol. And in the ship's galley, he often complained about the portions. And he was briefly married to Joan Rivers.
And, just going by this painting, he looked exactly like Harvey Fierstein, but if Columbus really were a Jew, don't you think he would have landed in Florida?
New Rule: Tissue companies must stop trying to impress us by embossing their toilet paper with fancy paisleys and flowers. You know what we're doing with this stuff, right?