Episode 249

May 18, 2012



"[Facebook] is worth $104 billion, Facebook. There has got to be a cheaper way to find out if your ex-girlfriend got fat." -Bill Maher

"It was reported this week: more minority children were born in America than white children. And, today, the 'Octomom' said, 'I'm on it.'" -Bill Maher

"I would like to get out of the business of calling the Republicans racists, but they keep pulling me back in." -Bill Maher

"Ron Paul did not endorse Mitt Romney. And this happens to a lot of people. They say his hatred for Romney comes from a phenomenon called 'meeting him.'" -Bill Maher

"I think we need Newt Gingrich to do a blue-ribbon panel to investigate which breed of dog Obama ate in Indonesia. Because, then we're going to get to the bottom of what matters in this country." -Jeremy Scahill

On the Media:

"Very big business is in bed with very big government in Washington, and has more to do with what the average person sees, hears and reads than most people know." -Dan Rather

"The corporatization and politicalization of the news has led in no small way to the trivialization of the news." -Dan Rather

"In American politics, we have what we call, 'the bullsh** season.'" -Bill Maher

On Billionaire Campaign Donors:

"I would rather have nurses and steel workers and working-class people making decisions on who to support rather than Sheldon Adelson and the Bizarro superhero Foster Friess." -Jeremy Scahill

 "If I had a billion dollars, I would just enjoy it. Why are these people so pissed off? They obviously won at the American game." -Bill Maher

On Masculinity:

"I saw the penis on the sonogram and I panicked. Because I pictured, like, having to take that penis camping and teach that penis how to play baseball, and a penis who is going to want to fight. And I can't do any of that stuff." -Joel Stein

"It's masculine if you slap someone's a**; it is not masculine to get your a** slapped. It's an unfair dynamic." -Joel Stein

On Wall Street:

"It seems like there is a moral failing that is going on now in our financial markets that wasn't there before." -Bill Maher

"You got to go back to the way it was before the repeal of Glass-Steagall. You have investment banks that spend their own money, risk their own money." -Bill Bradley

On Violence in Mexico:

"Iran's nukes, maybe they exist, maybe they don't. Mexico really does exist. I can get it on my car radio." -Bill Maher

"I think a much better answer instead of helping them fight that war would be to legalize drugs." -Michelle Caruso-Cabrera

"We've militarized drug policy in this country the same way that we militarize our counter-terrorism...The weapons are flowing across the border from the United States into Mexico." -Jeremy Scahill

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