Episode 236

February 3, 2012



"Every leader has to have a little Nazi in him. I mean, you've got to make the trains run on time." -Bill Maher

On the Republican Race:

"Apparently, being the frontrunner again gave [Romney] the confidence to announce that poor people can kiss his white a**." -Bill Maher

"Who better, when you have a week when they're doubting whether you're the common man with the common man's touch, than to get Donald Trump’s endorsement." -Bill Maher

"I don't know if this is connected, but I think I can prove that Mitt Romney is the whitest man ever because he won Florida, became the undisputed frontrunner, and the next day, the host of 'Soul Train' killed himself." -Bill Maher

"Newt Gingrich…loves the very poor. In fact, under his plan, poor black people would be the first ones he’s sending up to the moon colony." -Bill Maher

"People who are billionaires are much more likely to be with Obama." -Rick Lazio

"No one really thinks that Mitt Romney has any ideological moorings or principles. If Mitt Romney found out today that 100% of Tourette's patients voted, his new campaign slogan would be, 'F**K!!'" -Bill Maher

"42% of Mitt Romney supporters say they want someone else in the race. Mitt Romney, by the way, said, 'I can be another guy.'" -Bill Maher

"I hope [President Obama] does run on his record. Listen, I think that's what the election should be about." -Rick Lazio

On Apple Manufacturing:

"One of the reasons you set up your companies in an authoritarian country, in a fascist country run by thugs, is so that you don't have pesky reporters wandering around, finding out stories that then make people upset." –Mike Daisey

"China has labor laws, too. We helped draft them. They're almost the same as ours. It's just that Apple and the other companies simply ignore them completely." –Mike Daisey

"You would think in this day and age things would be, you know, automated…But, I guess it's cheaper to make them by hand." –Bill Maher

"Apple is the most profitable company in the history of the world, and they have this huge ball of money that they don't even know what to do with. It just sits in the bank. So, if they wanted to do something, they could." –Mike Daisey

"The bullsh** part isn't that everybody goes through an industrial revolution. That's not the bullsh** part. The bullsh** part is that it doesn't have to be this way." –Mike Daisey

On the Economy:

"For the fifth straight month in a row, a big leap in jobs, in employment in this country. Or what Republicans call 'devastating economic news.'" –Bill Maher

"Four years ago, I was sh**ting in my pants! Remember four years ago? I mean, we were losing 750,000 jobs a month. I was pointing my guns at shadows and noises. I was taking money out of the bank and putting it in my mattress!" –Bill Maher

"We now have an America that doesn't even think that they want to own a home anymore." –Suze Orman

"The American dream has changed so dramatically. So, it's not the haves and the soon-to-be-haves. America just wants to say, 'Can I have a roof over my head; can I have money to feed my kids; can I go to school and get an education; can you just give me something?'" –Suze Orman

"Not everybody wants to be rich. We want to be secure. We want to be safe. We want good schools." –Wes Moore

On Hope:

"I'm honored that my daughter can look at the President of the United States and say to herself, 'I can do anything in this country.'" –Wes Moore

"Mitch Daniels…was, you know, the big hope there for a while for the Republicans…he was, like, you know, Rick Perry, who can count to three." –Bill Maher

"What happened in real estate was not the fault of President Obama. And until real estate comes back, this country will never come back." –Suze Orman

On Afghanistan:

"In Iraq, they added 20,000 troops; in Afghanistan, they tripled the number of troops. It's a surge on an entirely different scale, the surge in Afghanistan." –Michael Hastings

"I read the story in the paper this week about an Afghan man who killed his wife because she bore him a daughter. He was hoping for a son, was a little disappointed, so killed her. How…I mean…let's get the f**k out of there." –Bill Maher

"The Taliban have been hurt by the special operations that have gone on, but they know it's a long game." –Michael Hastings

"You're not getting any votes for sending more troops to Afghanistan. I mean, that is not a winning argument." –Michael Hastings

"We did the Metallica treatment to the top brass. And these guys are bad-a** killers. I mean, they're the craziest motherf**kers…" –Michael Hastings

"I wanted to tell the real story of what it was actually like and who these guys were. And we did, and the country couldn't handle it." –Michael Hastings

On "Occupy Wall Street":

"Similar to Afghanistan, when you occupy anything for too long, people do get pissed off." –Bill Maher

"The people who originally started, I think they went home. And now it's just these anarchists, stragglers. And this is the problem when you –- you know, when your movement involves sleeping over in the park. You wind up attracting the people who were sleeping over in the park anyway." –Bill Maher

"I went to an 'Occupy Brooklyn' event last Saturday night that quickly became 'occupy the nearest bar.'" –Michael Hastings

"The movement, I think, is going to have a resurgence once the Democratic and Republican conventions come along." –Michael Hastings

"One thing that I remember I learned from when we were fighting overseas, it's amazing how many people can call themselves Al Qaeda or call themselves Taliban, because it takes on something much larger than just the original unit, where it becomes a much bigger movement." –Wes Moore

On Education:

"Republicans really ought to be addressing [wealth inequality] by saying, 'Our educational system is totally inadequate.'" –Rick Lazio

"Education, you're absolutely right, it is the absolute core of who we are and the core of who we're going to be." –Wes Moore

"If you spent the money that we're spending to send people to prison on schools, those people wouldn’t wind up going to prison." –Bill Maher

"For a lot of people who are poor, the safety net is prison." –Bill Maher

"When I was a kid, there was no daylight between parents and teachers. Now...you can drive a truck through it. The parents always defend the kid instead of the teacher." –Bill Maher

"In cases of, particularly, early childhood education…it's so important to make parents part of that process, and why they can really make a huge difference. They are the child's first and best teacher." –Wes Moore

"I think, in America, that have more than half of the people are not graduating, more than half of the students are not graduating. It is an absolute national disgrace." –Rick Lazio

On Facebook:

"I should be on Facebook more than I am. I just never find a moment in the day where I give a sh**." –Bill Maher

"If it wasn’t Facebook, people would find another way to waste time." –Bill Maher

"Zuckerberg did a smart thing. He found a way to make money off Americans f***ing off." –Bill Maher

"It's sort of like more of the old days when people didn't move away when they grew up in the same town, and then they would see the person they went to grade school with. They wouldn't have to reconnect this way. But, I still don't want to." –Bill Maher

"Facebook, in many ways, has been one of the greatest inventions for the actual democratization of information." –Wes Moore

"The [Facebook] platform has actually allowed access for people to raise millions of dollars for charities. The platform has allowed you to connect with people all around the world, friends and family. The platform has allowed for the democratization of the information that news networks has not been able to capture…" –Wes Moore

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