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Quotes

Maherisms:

"I am here to tell you the state of our union is ridiculous!" -Bill Maher

"It's very hard not to be condescending when you're explaining something to an idiot." -Bill Maher

"Everybody got what they wanted this week. Liberals got a homerun State of the Union from their President of the United States. And conservatives got Heidi Klum back from Seal." -Bill Maher

"You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking, what he secretly wants to change. Anger with Bush was based on what he actually did. What Bush was thinking didn't matter. Because he wasn't." -Bill Maher

On the GOP Race:

"Mitt Romney, said he loves Florida! All the sunshine and the sandy beaches reminds him of the country where he keeps his money." -Bill Maher

"Newt is able to stir up a crowd. He is one of the brightest men I've ever worked with in politics. Problem is, he takes it a step further and makes you believe...a colony on the moon is getting close." -Mark Foley

"Ron Paul was always one of the honest guys on the House floor." -Mark Foley

"When these longshot candidates get close to the prize, something takes over them. It's like in 'Blue Velvet,' you know, it's like the mask. They're huffing the power and they get drunk on it." -Kennedy

"I served [with Newt Gingrich] and I was one of his loyal lieutenants. And I know his weaknesses. And now, after these debates, the whole country knows his weaknesses." -Rep. Dana Rohrabacher

"I think that the kind of humorous way that we're looking at this only really belies the fact that the Republican primaries are irrelevant. The election is already won. We know that Obama is going to take it." -Mario Batali

"Mitt Romney got elected in Massachusetts as a Mormon Republican. So, yes, I do not underestimate him." -Bill Maher

On Foreign Policy:

"We shouldn't allow the passion of the moment to dictate foreign policy and allow it to run amok." -Mark Foley

"Every election needs someone that the presidential candidates can claim they will beat. Whether it's Milosevic, whether it's Castro, whether it's the Iron Curtain, it's an interesting thing about politics. You find a saber-rattler among the bunch that decides he's going to take out someone. It's fine, in theory, but it's destabilizing in the world." -Mark Foley

"I happen to agree that we should make reasonable cuts in the military, and it's difficult for Republicans to do that. But, I can't sit up there and listen to the President of the United States who has made it part of his platform...to make major cuts in the military." -Rep. Dana Rohrabacher

"The next 13 navies combined do not equal ours. How paranoid do you have to be to say that [President Obama] is gutting our military?" -Bill Maher

On President Obama:

"This president talked about every issue that you can imagine, and he was on both sides of every issue. Of course we're being sullen. He was condemning bailouts by the end of the speech, and he began by bragging about bailouts!" -Rep. Dana Rohrabacher

"It doesn't matter if it's this administration, a future administration or the two administrations before that, they're all figurehead douchebags." -Kennedy

"Newt Gingrich calling Obama the 'food stamp president' because he took office in a recession when people were needing more food stamps...is like calling George Bush the 'planes crashing into buildings' president." -Bill Maher

On Gov. Jan Brewer's Confrontation with President Obama:

"I think this is unprecedented. I don't know of any other instance where someone has been this disrespectful to the president." -Bill Maher

"What [Gov. Brewer] did was the ultimate outcome of behavior and beliefs that have been allowed to spread and continue." -Martin Bashir

"I'm not an American citizen yet. And yet that was profoundly offensive." -Martin Bashir

"Unlike in monarchies, it's expected you can aggressively argue your point." -Rep. Dana Rohrabacher

"I think if it was a man, the president might have thrown a haymaker." -Martin Bashir

"I think when you're the president, you get a little extra respect. I do. That's why we call him 'Mister President.'" -Bill Maher

"Go ahead and vote for liberals if you want to give education, healthcare and money to people who've come here illegally." -Rep. Dana Rohrabacher

On Race:

"The one complaint [conservatives] have is they really are sensitive about the idea that they are racist. And not all of them, of course, are. But, then they do, like, nine racist things every week." -Bill Maher

"I don't think it needs to be an issue about race every time someone disrespects or disagrees with the president." -Kennedy

On Food:

"I am not a foodie...I think there are two kinds of people in the world. There's a kind of person who thinks food is just as good, if not better, than sex. And a kind of person who just laughs at that notion." -Bill Maher

"Food can be pleasure. It can be nourishment. It can be a lot of things. It certainly can be politicized." -Mario Batali

"I think balance is what it all comes down to. And understanding that is the crucial part of the politics." -Mario Batali

"However you're diagnosed with whatever you get, my first thought is always sympathy, not one of beating her with a stick with her diet." -Mario Batali

On Religion:

"Mitt Romney released finally one year of his tax returns. And it turned out that he gave more to the Mormon Church than he did to the United States government. And this goes under the category of 'charity.' And I am just so sick of subsidizing other people's myths and cults." -Bill Maher

"It does not speak well of someone's character to belittle someone else's faith." -Rep. Dana Rohrabacher

"If you believe in a talking snake, I'm sorry, I've got to say, that's silly." -Bill Maher

Episode 235

January 27, 2012