Maherisms:

After prayerful consideration and discussing it with my family, I will not run for the Republican nomination for president. I have decided I need to spend more time hating religion and taking drugs. - Bill Maher

If we're going to fire every Southern hillbilly who thinks Obama is like Hitler, who will be our Republican congressmen? Who will work at our Waffle Houses? - Bill Maher

What's crazy is to go to a place of worship where people retell nonsense stories written by men who wrote these books before we knew what a germ or an atom was. - Bill Maher

In Texas, even rocks are racist. - Bill Maher

On the GOP Candidates:

I think Republicans saw him as someone who would have been very exciting to watch go toe-to-toe with Obama. And I think that's the kind of contest that the country deserves. That's the kind of contest that certainly our party was itching for. - Nicolle Wallace

He projects fun. Fat people are jolly, right? - Jonathan Franzen

He would project an America as the way the world sees us: fat and rude. - Bill Maher

The Democrats were worried about Christie because he is "too big to fail." - Alan Grayson

On the GOP Candidates:

She said having a title is not necessarily the way that she could affect change the best. Yeah. Bitching on Facebook is better. - Bill Maher

On the GOP Candidates:

Romney's problem among Republicans is not that they're worried that he might not be a Christian. They're worried that he might not be a Republican. That's his fundamental problem. And that's why he's stuck at 25% in the polls. - Alan Grayson

On the GOP Candidates:

He's showed he has a heart and challenged other Republicans about that. That's the one thing they will not abide. - Bill Maher

On the GOP Candidates:

We've got 25 million people out of work, and five people applying for every job opening out there. This guy is so out of touch with reality...The irony of this is the system is going so far askew that they take this guy seriously as a presidential candidate. - Richard Trumka

I think it would be great, you know, if two black men were nominate by both parties for president. Every racist in the country would have to commit suicide. It would be so beautiful. - Alan Grayson

On Republicans:

If it weren't for Republican congressmen, who would be around to remind us that politics is stupid? - P.J. O'Rourke

On Unions:

Over 50 million people last year said they'd join a union tomorrow if they got the chance. Unfortunately, they don't get the chance because our laws are antiquated. - Richard Trumka

I think we need unions. But sometimes, they're their own worst enemy. Sometimes, I think they're protecting jobs that don't exist anymore. I think that's what a lot of people would say: they're not living in the real world. - Bill Maher

On the Occupy Wall Street Protests:

If I am a spokesman for all the people who think that we should not have 24 million people in this country who can't find a full-time job, that we should not have 50 million people in this country who can't see a doctor when they're sick, that we shouldn't have 47 million people in this country who need government help in order to feed themselves...okay, I'll be that spokesman. - Alan Grayson

On Capitalism And Greed:

We want greed, but greed, you know, it's like a rushing river. Communism tried to make the river run the wrong way. - Bill Maher

We need capitalism. That harnesses the power of the river: greed, selfishness. But you need dams and locks on that river or else it floods everybody. - Bill Maher