Winston Churchill once said, “In wartime, the truth is protected by a bodyguard of lies.” In America today, Republican voters are protected by a bodyguard of “Duh.”
New Rule: If you get to send me a ticket with a photo of me running a red light, I get to pay that ticket with a photo of me writing a check. [laughter] [applause]
New Rule: Lady Gaga and Chaz Bono have to get married. [laughter] Do they even know each other? Who cares. The point is, Pat Robertson will get so confused trying to figure out what he’s angry about, his head will literally explode. [laughter] [applause]
New Rule: Now that we have elitist magazines like Wine Enthusiast and Beer Connoisseur, someone must publish a magazine for people who just like to get hammered. Presenting, Shitfaced. [slide of cover] [laughter] [applause] The magazine for the hopeless alcoholic.
And, finally, New Rule: You can’t have a dialogue with people who don’t speak your language. On the Internet this week, Al Gore presented the Climate Reality Project, a 24-hour marathon of global warming facts and figures designed to change the minds of climate skeptics.
Oh, Al, it’s going to take more than a Power Point presentation to convince Rick Perry that climate change is real. Rick Perry needs evidence, like a whale swallowing Jonah. [laughter] Or Moses parting the Red Sea. You know, facts. [laughter] [applause]
Which…which is why I urge the media to start referring to climate skeptics as what they really are: climate assholes. [laughter]
You know, Winston Churchill once said, “In wartime, the truth is protected by a bodyguard of lies.” In America today, Republican voters are protected by a bodyguard of “Duh.” A thick shell of super-hardened bullshit, a membrane so tough, the only thing that gets in is Fox News, and the only thing that comes out are misspelled signs and babies. [laughter] [applause]