Episode 221

July 22, 2011



"Republicans would buy a flavor of ice cream if it were called ‘Dog Sh*t and Reagan.'" -Bill Maher

"Our news is so monotonous, when Rupert Murdoch taps our phones, he just lets the machine pick up." -Bill Maher

"I think [the Palins] think ‘abstinence' is Latin for ‘no anal.'" -Bill Maher

"It seems to me we've entered into this area where anything you say about Michele Bachmann or Sarah Palin is sexist, and I don't give a damn. I'm going to keep saying it." -Bill Maher

On the Heat:

"Twenty-nine states are under what they call a ‘heat advisory.' When I was a kid, this used to be called, ‘Get the fuck inside.'" -Bill Maher

"There are triple-digit temperatures. It was 123º in Minnesota. How far is Al Gore going to take this global warming hoax?" -Bill Maher

"In Washington, the air quality today was described as ‘red.'...You know what ‘red' is? It's bad for everyone. Not just old people, sick people and babies. When it's just bad for old people, sick people and babies, that's called a Republican budget." -Bill Maher

On the Debt Negotiations:

"This should be very reassuring to the markets: one side's policy in Washington is budget cuts and closing tax loopholes, and the other side's policy is, ‘I'll be at my mother's.'" -Bill Maher

"I don't believe that they are prepared to come to the table to compromise because, in their little world, ‘compromise' is a dirty word." -Donna Brazile

"Musicians have to listen to each other to create harmony and the melody. Otherwise, it doesn't work. And that doesn't happen in the political arena." -John Turturro

"We have to stop spending, period." -Nick Gillespie

"Eric Cantor thinks he's King Leonidas, and the freshmen are the 300 Spartans. You know, it's needlessly melodramatic." -Myr. John Fetterman

"It's all bullsh*t political theater...it's all posturing." -Myr. John Fetterman

On Revenue:

"I feel like the American worker has been conditioned to feel like there is no such thing as revenue...because the American worker has seen no revenue increase for 30 years." -Bill Maher

"I'm for [legalizing marijuana]. I think we have far too many people in prison today, which is also a big expense." -Donna Brazile

On Rupert Murdoch:

"Australia...was a penal colony. I mean, we basically sent our pickpockets and our sheep-shaggers there in the 17th century. And now they come back in the form of the BeeGees and Rupert Murdoch." -Martin Lewis

"The Australia that Rupert Murdoch was reared in, in the ‘30s and ‘40s, really was very backwards, and was not enlightened. And he got a chip on his shoulder about England." -Martin Lewis

"There was nowhere in the rule book that it said you can't put naked women or semi-naked women in a family newspaper. This is something that is seen by the whole family. And it simply became part of the British culture. And [Murdoch] did the same thing, of course, with Fox News. Because it didn't say anywhere in the rule book that you have to be politically nuanced and in the center." -Martin Lewis

"I've heard people say, you know, Rupert Murdoch doesn't really have any ideology; he's just greedy. Greedy is an ideology." -Bill Maher

"Berlusconi is the Rupert Murdoch, the media tycoon, of Italy...he's almost like a dictator, because he controls the media." -John Turturro

On Royalty:

"I think you Americans are suffering from what we call ‘winner's remorse.' I mean, you kicked our butt in 1776, but you've been regretting it ever since. You're missing the class." -Martin Lewis

"It just sticks in my craw that any human being in the 21st century would make another person say, ‘Your Royal Highness.'" -Bill Maher

"I bow to no one." -Bill Maher

On Sacrifice:

"People have to be asked. People aren't asked to do that, so they're not ready for it." -John Turturro

"When 9/11 happened, everybody wanted to do things. And what were people asked to do? People were asked [to] go back to normal." -John Turturro

"Every time you make a public plea to sacrifice, it turns into a political football and you're either labeled a communist or a socialist. And who wants to get into that?" -John Fetterman

On the Draft:

"I think if you have wars, you should have a draft. Then you wouldn't have wars." -Bill Maher

"I don't think we would have had the Iraq War if we had a draft." -John Turturro

"It's always great when somebody else is going to sacrifice." -Nick Gillespie

On Independent Voters:

"I don't think there are such a thing as independents." -Bill Maher

"People don't want to be associated with the Republicans or Democrats. Which strikes us as eminently sensible and totally believable." -Nick Gillespie

"We're not going to buy a Michele Bachmann platform that says you can reduce taxes but you also have to hate gay people." -Nick Gillespie

On Financial Protection:

"You know what's a serious threat to our financial system? Our financial system." -Bill Maher

"Congress punted on actually spelling out the regulations, and they gave it over to regulators." -Nick Gillespie

"The problem with our financial crisis was that we de-linked your risk with your responsibility." -Nick Gillespie

"The problem is, we repealed Glass-Steagall." -Myr. John Fetterman

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