New Rule: Stop showing me that picture of Rupert Murdoch where the collar of the guy behind him makes it look like he has devil horns. Although I would like to see the replay of Rupert blocking that cream pie with his "tail." [slide of Murdoch's wife]
New Rule: If your museum hosts an exhibit on Gertrude Stein, you must prepare your staff for the likelihood that lesbians will show up. Yes, this week, two women were removed from a Gertrude Stein exhibit in San Francisco because they were holding hands. It's like if a family was removed from a pro-wrestling match for acting too white trash. Who do you imagine goes to Gertrude Stein exhibits? The Duke lacrosse team? Their giveaway wasn't the holding-hands part. It was the part where they were at a Gertrude Stein exhibit in San Francisco...
New Rule: Now that Disney is bringing back Winnie the Pooh, they have to explain why he wears a shirt but no pants.
New Rule: Climb down off that kid's ass who asked his parents if he could throw a party and then murdered them with a hammer when they said no. Hey, man, you've got to fight...for your right...to PARRRRTY! And the best part: he's from Florida. Wake up, eHarmony, we've got a perfect match for Casey Anthony! They could start dating right after a jury takes five minutes to acquit him. Right, that was controversial.
New Rule: Vaginas should be seen and not heard. Summer's Eve has a new ad with a talking hand-puppet vagina. Just what men need, another voice in the room asking, "What are you thinking?" Here's the deal: You retire the "verbose Va-J-J," and we will get rid of the "talking prick." [slide of Eric Cantor]