Episode 220

July 15, 2011



“I think I know now why we are occupying Iraq. In case we have to sell America and move to a smaller country.” –Bill Maher

“Aren’t [the Tea Party] exactly what the founding fathers feared most? Which is, people who are ignorant about how the way the world works, come to power.” –Bill Maher

On ‘Carmageddon’:

“Traffic all around the city, because of this, is going to be tied up all day and all night. They say, people who have road rage, bring extra ammunition.” –Bill Maher

“They’re fixing a stretch of the roadway. It’s an unpleasant bit of business that we have to get through. Sort of the way Michele Bachmann’s husband thinks about sex with his wife.” –Bill Maher

“We need a ‘Carmageddon’ in every city all the time. Because we need to repair our infrastructure.” –Bill Maher

“You can’t be concerned about climate control and then expanding roads and making them bigger for more cars.” –Mark Cuban

“We need to build a new infrastructure for a new kind of economy and a new way of living. And we need mass transit and fixed-rail. And not goddamn roads.” –Dan Savage

On ‘Forks Over Knives’:

“I don’t use meat, right. Or animal foods of any kind.” –Dr. T. Colin Campbell

“We’ve been bombarded with so much information from so many different directions, and…we think in such a reductionist way.” –Dr. T. Colin Campbell

“As far as I’m concerned, [the food pyramid] is a joke.” –Dr. T. Colin Campbell

“I don’t trust the government, because the government, I think, is bought off by the lobbyists from the food industry.” –Bill Maher

“I saw, face to face, firsthand experience, where science meets, basically, politics and industry.” –Dr. T. Colin Campbell

“One thing that I think the public tends not to know is there’s not a medical school in the United States that teaches nutrition.” –Dr. T. Colin Campbell

“When you try to tell people what to eat, somehow it got political.” –Bill Maher

On The Debt Ceiling:

“I can understand the Republicans’ frustration. They came in there pretending to negotiate. The least Obama could do would be to pretend to listen.” –Bill Maher

“The Republican economic plan is like, “We’re hitchhiking to a Phish concert and if we get a ride from a trucker and he asks us to chip in for gas, we just give him a hand job.” –Bill Maher

Moody’s…will cut our credit rating. They will downgrade us from Triple-A to ‘Ghetto Fabulous.’” –Bill Maher

“[President Obama] got a lot of flak a couple of weeks ago when he compared the Republicans to his ten-year-old daughter. Which I think is an insult to ten-year-olds all over the country. –Bill Maher

“It’s stupid’s economy still.” George Bush drove the country off the cliff.” –Dan Savage

“I don’t think George Bush did us any favors.” –Mark Cuban

“[The Republicans] make it sound like Obama is Newt Gingrich’s wife in Tiffany’s.” –Bill Maher

“In 50 years, taxes have never been lower. If the Republican theories about the economy worked, we would be having a boom right now.” –Dan Savage

“There’s always something that accelerates job creation and growth. Right now, we have nothing.” –Mark Cuban

“What is mystifying to me is why the Republicans aren’t taking this deal. I mean, Obama right now is willing to sign up to a rather right-wing agenda.” –Chrystia Freeland

“You can’t run around for three years claiming that Obama is a socialist and the anti-Christ, and out to destroy the country, and a Kenyan and an anti-colonialist, and then say, ‘Oh, but he’s got a good idea.’” –Dan Savage

“If the U.S. government stops paying its bond-holders, I think that that is a credit event equivalent to Lehman Brothers.” –Bill Maher

“Look, if we don’t raise the debt ceiling, there are going to be issues, but what are the alternatives? Where else are people going to put their money? Australia?” –Mark Cuban

On Sacrifice:

“Obama is trying to make this grand bargain right now with the Republicans about how we’re going to solve our fiscal problems. Isn’t the reason we can’t make a grand bargain because these people will not sacrifice anything? They love the country. They love the guys who pick up grenades for it. But they won’t give up an inch.” –Bill Maher

“In America, if you ask for a show of hands, who will risk their life and fight for America and give their lives for their country, everybody raises their hands.” –Mark Cuban

“It’s only poor people’s kids who are serving in these wars.” –Chrystia Freeland

“The reason why our wars are off our radar is because we don’t have to fight them…there’s no draft.” –Bill Maher

On Liberals:

“It’s weird with the liberal sense of humor. It’s hard to identify sometimes.” –Marc Maron

“Very often the people at charity events are liberals, because, you know, they’re willing to part with their money.” –Bill Maher

“Liberals are just the worst audience in the world. They’re just too politically correct.” –Bill Maher

“It’s never enough for a liberal…it’s like, ‘Yeah, the talk about the economy was great, but, you know, what you said about the bluefin tuna was an issue.” –Marc Maron

“You can think for a long time that you’re angry for a reason. But, a lot of times, if you just do a little more thinking, you’re probably just f**kin’ angry. Politics becomes a template for your fury.” –Marc Maron

On The Environment:

“If you live in L.A., you know there’s global warming, because you know you’re not supposed to taste air.” –Marc Maron

“Surely green technologies could be that new thing that people are looking for, but it’s going to take government spending.” –Chrystia Freeland

“I think we should look to the future not in hopes that our children or grandchildren have better lives, but in hopes that perhaps they’ll regrow gills and be able to enter the ocean again.” –Marc Maron

On ‘Praying Away The Gay’:

“Every responsible psychological, psychiatric, mental health organization in the country calls it ‘abuse,’ what they engage in, spiritual and psychological abuse.” –Dan Savage

“You can’t pray away the gay, but you can torture a conflicted closet-case to death.” –Dan Savage

“They’re grifters and scumbags, the Bachmanns.” –Dan Savage

“I just hope that Marcus Bachmann takes all that, you know, that rage that comes from repression and denial, and brings it into the bedroom with [Michele].” –Marc Maron

“I sometimes think about fuckin’ the shit out of Rick Santorum. Just because I think he needs it…I’ll go up for whipping up some Santorum, in Santorum.” –Dan Savage

On Rupert Murdoch

“What’s the difference between Rupert Murdoch and Larry Flynt?” –Bill Maher

“The big difference is that the Murdochs have huge political influence.” –Chrystia Freeland

“The British political class, they lived in terror of News International. And Fox, I think, has that same power over the Republican candidates.” –Chrystia Freeland

“Both Tony Blair from the left and Margaret Thatcher from the right, they all kissed his ass.” –Bill Maher

“Murdoch had the politicians in his pocket, like so many nickels and dimes.” –Bill Maher, referencing The Godfather

“Karma’s a bitch.” –Mark Cuban

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