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Quotes

Maherisms:

"Cher's gay-dar,' I've got to say, is the one that I trust." -Bill Maher

"I'm not against all wars. Like Obama said, I'm against dumb wars." -Bill Maher

"I have greater hatred for idiots." -Bill Maher

"To me, one of the most important things on who is sane is if you have a sense of humor." -Bill Maher

On the Casey Anthony Verdict:

"We were off for a week; I was on the road doing stand-up. I must say, I killed. Which is legal now in Florida." -Bill Maher

"That jury deliberated for only 11 hours and didn't ask to review a single piece of evidence. I have spent more time in an elevator trying to figure out who farted!" -Bill Maher

On Jobs:

"The unemployment rate is now at 9.2%, which is scary, because experts say 9.5 is the point at which people are desperate enough to consider Michele Bachmann." -Bill Maher

"Isn't that John Boehner's fault that there aren't jobs, that he won't vote for any jobs-creating program?" -Bill Maher

"John Boehner himself said before the election, Jobs, jobs, jobs.' There has not been a single jobs bill in this Congress." -Chis Hayes

"I'm sorry. Government doesn't create jobs. It doesn't. No. Ideas create jobs. Innovation creates jobs." -Amanda Foreman

"It's worse than not having a job, having a government job, because you're doing something nobody wants." -Ann Coulter

"You have 88% of the income in this economy has gone to profits, and one percent to wages." -Chris Hayes

"I think it was Apple, that if they made everything here in the United States, they'd still make 50% profit, which is like what cocaine dealers make." -Bill Maher

"There are 500,000 less government employees in this country than when Obama took office." -Chris Hayes

"I can't even believe that we have 500,000 government jobs. Could we go back to the Washington era?" -Ann Coulter

On Cher:

"Cher tweeted that she thought maybe Mr. Bachmann was gay. And Mr. Bachmann was so outraged, he threw out his vast collection of Cher albums and memorabilia." -Bill Maher

On Drugs:

"Support for legalizing marijuana is rising incredibly rapidly; almost as fast as public opinion is changing on issues like gay marriage." -Ethan Nadelmann

"The hypocrisy on this issue is mind-boggling." -Bill Maher

"There's a lot of wind at our back now. But, victory is not inevitable." -Ethan Nadelmann

"The reason why it might not change is because the DEA, prisons, prison guard unions, all of this stuff, it's a big money business to throw people in jail for doing drugs." -Bill Maher

"The economic argument in favor of legal regulation as opposed to prohibition is overwhelming." -Ethan Nadelmann

"The last three presidents have all used [pot] in one way or another." -Ethan Nadelmann

"I have to stay with Obama. The first 18 months, I felt fairly good about him on the drug issue...but, since that time, it's like the drug czar's office has been captured by the old anti-drug crazies of the past administrations." -Ethan Nadelmann

"Really, the way the criminal justice system works is that it's so overloaded by the drug war that people come in and they plea, and nobody has time ever or the resources to go to trial. So, we see the rare cases in which a trial actually happens." -Chris Hayes

On the debt ceiling:

"Republicans brought [the debt ceiling] back. And they...now are using it in this completely unprecedented way, a way that's never been used before in the history of the American republic." -Chris Hayes

"[The Republicans] are kind of saying, If you don't agree to our demands, we will destroy the world economy.' Which, I think, is what Dr. Evil says." -Bill Maher

"The Republicans won't cut spending. They certainly won't raise taxes. The Democrats are raising the spending. So, we're just spending. We have no money left. And that's why you need a debt ceiling." -Ann Coulter

"People say this a lot. They say we have no money left, or they say we're broke. We're not broke. And we have money left." -Chris Hayes

"Social Security and Medicare are Ponzi schemes. It is the textbook definition of a Ponzi scheme." -Ann Coulter

"I am telling you something that apparently you're all unaware of - Republicans don't want to cut spending either." -Ann Coulter

On Manhood:

"John Wayne could have written that book called The Story of How I Became a Man, and it would have been about how he found his bravery or his honor." -Bill Maher

"[My book] is really about overcoming fears and obstacles in order to be my true self. And I think that's something, in many different ways, we all go through." -Chaz Bono

"The best thing for me is just feeling comfortable in my body, and having the way that I look physically reflect how I feel on the inside." -Chaz Bono

"Our [LGBT] community is thrown into politics and used as a divisive, hateful issue." -Chaz Bono

On Speaking With God:

"Isn't that a little scary, that someone wants to be president, who hears God talking to her?" -Bill Maher, on Michele Bachmann

"God told me to stop being a lawyer." -Ann Coulter

"I think everybody's religious beliefs seem totally crazy if you're outside their tradition. Which is why the founders came up with this brilliant idea about separation of church and state." -Chris Hayes

"Sam Harris made that great analogy. He said, If someone was talking into their hair dryer and claiming that they were speaking to God, they would call Bellevue. But, take away the hair dryer, it's just praying.'" -Bill Maher

"What's actually really crazy is not that; it's calling homosexuality the work of Satan. That is pure craziness." -Amanda Foreman

On News of the World:

"In England, British tabloid journalism is so bad, I promise you it isn't just the Murdoch empire. It would be the Daily Mail. It would be all of them. They're all at it." -Amanda Foreman

Episode 219

July 8, 2011