Episode 207

March 25, 2011



"Michele Bachmann this week threw her hat into the ring, kind of. We think she's going to be running president. For those who find Sarah Palin too intellectual." -Bill Maher

"In this country, we have no good role models for anyone under 20, especially females, you know. And I look at you as, like, the anti-Kardashian." -Bill Maher, to Ellen Page

"I know you [Republicans] hate the media; it doesn't mean your image doesn't appear on videotape. You're hypocrites, not vampires." -Bill Maher

"People in America, throughout history we have not been really good at knowing stuff. The difference now is that the dumb people are 'arroganter.'" -Bill Maher

On Libya:

"For once, we're not coming off as the big, swingin' dicks who are going to tell everybody else what to do. We're trying to get results without incurring all the costs and all the bad will. Or, as Fox News calls it, 'reckless.'" -Bill Maher

"Now that Obama has got three wars going, they've been asking him about his Nobel Peace Prize. And he said he's going to keep it, but he would only wear it with his tie that looks like a keyboard, so people know it's ironic." -Bill Maher

"I heard Moammar Gaddafi was not available tonight. That's why I'm here." -Jeremy Scahill

"The great thing about this is that it's brought together discredited neocons and Cruise-missile liberals in a war that they love and can all get behind." -Jeremy Scahill

"This whole thing is just full of rank hypocrisy. We are backing every ruthless thug, anti-democratic dictatorship in that region, selling them weapons, silent in the face of the Yemeni dictator murdering his own people with sniper shots to the head. So, I think that we're also sending a message to the world that we, once again, are the great, grand hypocrites." -Jeremy Scahill

"The answer is stop backing these dictators so that people like Gaddafi don't emerge anymore." -Jeremy Scahill

"He's a zombie in a pillbox hat, that's who Gaddafi is." -Bill Maher

"The U.N. resolution gave us the power to do what was right. And if we didn't do it, think about if we stood by and let those people get slaughtered. Think about the criticism there, and from the world community, which we would have deserved." -Ed Rendell

"There are things like Libya happening which you would really think would focus the mind as well about, you know, being dependent on despots." -Tina Brown

On Afghanistan:

"The situation in Afghanistan is just rapidly deteriorating. I mean, we hear these reports that the surge has worked, that there's progress. The reality is that the Taliban are running things." -Jeremy Scahill

"Embedded journalists and members of Congress are taken on a show where they see the dog one day and the pony the next day." -Jeremy Scahill

"A lot of these wackos on the right, they say Obama's a dove...but, the reality is that President Obama has actually escalated the targeted assassination campaign in Afghanistan." -Jeremy Scahill

"I'm for that because I saw the movie, 'Munich.'" -Bill Maher

"You've never met an Israeli targeted assassination you didn't love." -Jeremy Scahill to Bill Maher

On Yemen:

"They shoot people in the head, but that's okay because they let us shoot people in the head, too. And that's how it works in the Middle East for the U.S." -Jeremy Scahill

On The "Youth Bulge"

"When you go from large families with a short lifespan, like in these countries, to small families with a long lifespan, that's when you get democracy. So, we would be actually better off dropping condoms than bombs." -Bill Maher

"You know, in this country, when the kids have nothing to do, they skateboard. In Yemen, they build bombs." -Bill Maher

"If I'm looking at who's causing democracy or who's causing some of the march toward freedom, it's the young people. And so the more young people that are in these countries, the better off we are." -David Brooks

On "Birtherism":

"I suspect if you privately asked every Republican in Congress, they would say, [President Obama] is an American. But, they have trouble saying that in public." -David Brooks

"What more could this man do to be the perfect family man? I mean, there's nothing about this man that is un-American except, to them, his color." -Bill Maher

"In the many years I've been doing this and covering these people, I've heard very few overtly racist things said. I've heard some covertly racist, but very few." -David Brooks

"To get any traction, it seems, people have to take these extreme stances. You know, it's like being Lady Gaga. They have to show up in an egg or something." -Tina Brown

"I'm not a Republican. I'm a conservative. And I've always valued that distinction because conservatives believe in ideas and Republicans believe in different things... the party is not what I do. I'm a journalist." -David Brooks

On The Tea Party:

"I will stop calling them 'teabaggers' when they stop calling it 'Obamacare.'" -Bill Maher

"My one line about the Tea Party is that they use Abbie Hoffman means to achieve Norman Rockwell ends. Their basic method is traditional. But, some of the means they use to get there are irresponsible and a little flamboyant." -David Brooks

"They're being exploited by political charlatans, really, who kind of exploit the tuned-out nature of a lot of the American public, and just sort of dole out ignorance at them." -Tina Brown

On Democrats:

"We're incapable of doing good things for ourselves it seems sometimes to me. But, we've got the Republican Party, which will bail us out every single time." -Ed Rendell

"We lost big in 2010 because we didn't fight for anything we believed in. We didn't fight for anything we believed in. We tried to be Republican Lite, and if you're going to vote for a Republican, you'll vote for a real one, not a fake one." -Ed Rendell

On Bees & The Environment

"People need to understand that one-third of the food that we eat, that we put in our mouths, is because of what bees do, because they pollinate our fruits and our vegetables." -Ellen Page

"See, we in America, we believe in the Bible, which says man has dominion over the animals and we can f**k them any way we want." -Bill Maher

We created these imbalances by removing diversity and just completely destroying the integrity of our soil. And thus, we have these so-called 'pests' that then we spray poison on our food to get rid of, which is causing a lot of issues." -Ellen Page

"Nothing gets in the conservative bubble. It is the 'Cone of Silence.' You could do 1,000 studies. They believe what they want to believe." -Bill Maher

"I'm too pissed off to form a question." -Bill Maher

"The reason we don't have global climate change legislation is people in the United States and around the world don't want to pay higher energy costs." -David Brooks

"Food prices have gone up partly because there's flooding, which is probably because of global warming. So, in the long run, it does cost you more." -Bill Maher

"We can't do anything because we're so screwed up about partisan politics. We're so screwed up we can't act together on some things that we know are right." -Ed Rendell

"I don't understand, too, why the economy is always seen so separately from the environment. Like, as if these are two separate things." -Ellen Page

"Rich people can buy bottled water. You can't buy bottled air. You know, even rich people, even the Koch brothers, have to breathe the s**tty air." -Bill Maher

On The Census:

"The 'Teabaggers' freak out about the census, even though it's right in the Constitution that they claim to cherish so much. But, it did prove them right about one thing: the country is being overrun by Mexicans... which is only fair since we stole half of it from the Mexicans." -Bill Maher

"I think there's a fear that white Americans are losing the country. What I don't think a lot of us grasp is it's the thing that makes this country a special place." -Ed Rendell

"Every time we seem to be falling behind or lacking energy, a new wave of immigrants would come in and they'd revitalize us, and they'd do great things. And if we were smart and we let all those college kids stay here and work here, they'd revitalize us again, and economically, we'd be a whole lot better off." -Ed Rendell

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