New Rule: Don't do that. Introducing "Phone Fingers," a tiny rubber sheath that fits snugly over a finger. Or as they're calling it in Asia, "condoms." Look, if either your finger or your phone has been somewhere so filthy you have to wear protection, nobody wants a call from you anyway.
New Rule: Restaurants that serve the greasiest foods have to stop using the ultra-thin napkins that only work if you take a thousand of them. These aren't even napkins. They're coffee filters. They absorb so little oil, I'm surprised BP hasn't tried them in the Gulf.
New Rule: [slide of Sarah Palin with baby Trig] It's inhumane to put someone with special needs in front of a huge crowd...And it's also bad for the baby!
New Rule: After all the hype for Toy Story 3, it must give me an actual "Buzz" and an actual "Woody."
New Rule: Someone has to explain to me the difference between eating the new McDonald's Big Mac Snack Wrap, which is basically a handful of burger chunks, lettuce and sauce, all glopped together on a tortilla, and eating out of the garbage.
New Rule: Katy Perry and Lady Gaga must admit that what they're really fighting about is who gets to be Cher.