Maherisms:

"General Electric is now recalling a million coffee makers because they catch fire. But, they said, 'Well, you have to admit that will wake you up and get you out of the house.'" -Bill Maher

"She's the first Arab American Miss USA. I just want to say, 'Terrorists lose!' She puts the 'ass' in 'assimilate.'" -Bill Maher

On Rand Paul:

"How to describe Rand Paul; I'm mean he's a doctor...it's as if Sarah Palin somehow made it through medical school." -Bill Maher

"[Rand Paul] said Obama was 'un-American' for getting on BP's case for the oil spill. I tell ya, the s**t doesn't fall far from the bat." -Bill Maher

"Every time [Rand Paul] opens his mouth, it gets a little crazier.  Today he angrily demanded that the liberal media stop quoting him in context." -Bill Maher

"New Rule: Anytime someone prefaces a statement by saying 'I'm not a racist,' some racist s**t is about to come out of their mouth." -Bill Maher

"What [Rand Paul] said - what they all say is, 'I would march with Dr. King.' Which is like saying, 'I would have helped Jesus escape.' You know, yes, in my imagination, in history, I would have knocked the gun out of Lee Harvey Oswald's hand." -Bill Maher

On Libertarianism:

"What's fascinating about libertarians, they never own up to the fact that they've benefited structurally and systematically and collectively as a group - not as individuals." -Michael Eric Dyson

"The more that government gets involved in things it can't handle well, it can't handle the basics like making sure we don't have oil spills." -John Fund

"I'm always skeptical when I hear libertarians because they never show up when the crisis hits those who are most vulnerable." -Michael Eric Dyson

On The Oil Leak:

"BP has been lying about the amount of oil that has spilled into the Gulf. So far they have spewed six million gallons of goo. Just beating the old record set by the Catholic Church." -Bill Maher

"It seems like - from what I know from movies - If you have a problem, you certainly can fix it by blowing s**t up." -Bill Maher

"We should open, because of this accident, open the debate now on nuclear energy, which is cheaper and cleaner." -Ayaan Hirsi Ali

On Economics:

"When there is a bubble, everybody lives in a bubble, you know? U.S. consumers are living beyond their means." -Nouriel Roubini

"In my view, if banks are too big to fail, they're just too big. We should break them up. They're not only too big to fail, but they're also too big to be saved." -Nouriel Roubini

"Europe, of course, now is threatening our recovery - which I think is wrong, because we're Americans and we should be threatening their recovery." -Bill Maher

"Chinese and Indians are joining the global economy, income is rising, hundreds of millions of people are getting out of poverty in developing countries. And if we fix our problems, there is a future for the United States as well." -Nouriel Roubini

"Currency is a bit like a contest among who's the ugliest or less ugly. And right now, the dollar looks like less ugly than the euro." -Nouriel Roubini

"Gold has no increasing value. And if you're really worried about, say, inflation rising, I would buy Spam. You know, you can eat Spam. You cannot eat gold." -Nouriel Roubini

"The Greeks had a long, big, fat Greek wedding; it lasted ten years, and now they're in big trouble." -Nouriel Roubini

"This [financial reform] bill does nothing to prevent future federal bailouts of banks that shouldn't be too big to fail; they should be big enough to collapse so we don't have to foot the bill." -John Fund

On Liars, Lies and Videotape:

"I think we're living in an age where lying is obsolete." -Bill Maher

"I think we ought to be more skeptical about what it takes to be a real patriot, a real politician." -Michael Eric Dyson

"Why do we have to have military service as the litmus test for authentic manhood and authentic patriotism? I think that's the problem." -Michael Eric Dyson

On The Tea Party Movement:

"Stop saying, 'Tea Party.' Can't we just say 'Ball Sack in Mouth' movement, please?" -Patton Oswalt

"Whenever there's a large group of people that completely and maybe rightfully love something, there's always a douchebag that will get in front of them and steer them towards a way that they can make money for themselves." -Patton Oswalt