Maherisms:

"This week was dominated by Congressman Eric Massa, the amazing, groping, tickling, snorkeling Congressman. America was shocked to learn that there is another closeted gay Congressman, and he's not a Republican!" -Bill Maher

"Okay, we arrest the lady in Philadelphia before she can meet up with her co-conspirators in Ireland to go wreak havoc in Sweden. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why we need to be in Afghanistan." -Bill Maher

"A federal appeals court this week upheld the use of 'under God' in the Pledge of Allegiance, and 'In God We Trust' on the currency. The bad news is that it will now be written in Chinese." -Bill Maher

"It doesn't matter what teachers do, although everyone appreciates foreplay. What matters is what parents do." -Bill Maher

"Liz Cheney called these lawyers in our Justice Department who are defending these guys in Guantanamo Bay, 'the Al Qaeda Seven,' which is, by the way, a great jazz band in Waziristan." -Bill Maher

On Healthcare:

"Healthcare reform is essential to reducing our deficit." -Sen. Michael Bennet

"If you look at our annual budget, 17% of it is domestic, discretionary spending; 18% is the military. Everything else, 65%, is Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security and interest on our debt. No one wants to talk about this because it involves enormously hard choices." -Sen. Michael Bennet

"My visceral reaction is that we just simply can't afford [the healthcare bill]." -Fmr. Gov. Gary Johnson

"The notion that we're going to give this debt to our kids, I think, is a fallacy. We've got it. We've got it now." -Fmr. Gov. Gary Johnson

"These are very intimate decisions, and the idea that government is now going to have a part in it, it touches an emotional chord." -Amy Holmes

"It's an emotional or visceral issue simply because it's fear mongering. And that's what's really going on." -Hill Harper

"It's so hypocritical that you hear Republicans talk about 'Country First' when they're literally willing to give away four years of our country to regain power." -Hill Harper

On Marijuana Legalization:

"For four years, I advocated the legalization of marijuana while I was governor of New Mexico." -Fmr. Gov. Gary Johnson

"People are dying from prescription meds left and right, and you O.D. on some prescription meds and you die. And with marijuana, you smoke too much, you eat a lot and go to sleep." -Hill Harper

"A lot of parents...don't want the cultural norms shifting where marijuana use then just becomes kind of regular thing." -Amy Holmes

"If we passed a law and nobody drank, would the world be a better place? Yes. But, we tried that and it didn't work." -Fmr. Gov. Gary Johnson

"I think there's a reason why there are things on the earth to get you f**ked up - because the earth is a tense place. People do need to take the edge off." -Bill Maher

"If we had universal healthcare, if we paid for college tuition, if we had six weeks paid vacation like Europeans, people wouldn't be so tense; they wouldn't be so sick and they wouldn't need so many drugs." -Bill Maher

On Climate Change:

"This is my question for conservatives: don't you want to live, too?" -Bill Maher

"The climate always changes. The question is, is it man-made and is it something that we should wreck our economy over?" -Amy Holmes

"In this country, what's historically, I believe, made our country so great, is that we've been progressive thinkers in terms of acting first." -Hill Harper

"If we think about climate change and the environment, we win, because we can get job creation out of it. We win because we can get national security benefits out of it. We win because we can stop being perceived as gluttonous consumers." -Hill Harper

"People are looking for an excuse not to have to worry about [global warming], but that's just sticking your head in the sand" -Bill Maher

"I don't think that we should make our policy on this based on polling or popularity with the public." -Amy Holmes

On Political Scandals:

"The Republicans, they get caught in the most ridiculous circumstances, they don't give up. They put their head down - if it's not already down - and they stay the course, and they stay in office. Whereas...the Democrats, true to their form, true to their character, right away they cut and run on their scandal." -Bill Maher

"I think the Democrats have an over-developed sense of guilt." -John Heilemann

"Karl Rove's book came out this week and he's defending waterboarding. You know, they defend torture; we're embarrassed by tickling." -Bill Maher

"One of the legacies, I believe, of Ronald Reagan, is that conservatives have learned very well that if you deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, then someone eventually will believe you." -Hill Harper

On Liz Cheney:

"This country, one of the things that's great about it is that everybody gets a lawyer. And we don't tar the lawyer with the crimes of the people he's defending." -Bill Maher

"If Dick Cheney had been tried for war crimes, as some people think he should have been, I bet Liz Cheney would have been in favor of him having a good lawyer then." -John Heilemann

"There are a lot of conservatives who disagree with Liz Cheney's tactic of trying to brand and slander these lawyers because they happen to represent this particular set of clients." -Amy Holmes