Maherisms:

"Hollywood is bustling. The limo drivers are polishing their cars, the police are blocking off the streets and Sarah Palin is grabbing everything that's not nailed down." - Bill Maher

"You know you're a low life when you're facing and ethics investigation from 'Access Hollywood.'" - Bill Maher

"Sarah Palin does stand-up on 'Leno.' She's pitching a reality show. She cleans out the gift suite. I think she's "gone Hollywood." I think she has - her hand won't even put anything in writing." - Bill Maher

"Yesterday, a 9/11 'truther' tried to shoot his way into the Pentagon. Or did he?" - Bill Maher

"The earthquake in Chile apparently knocked the earth slightly off its axis, shortening the length of a day by 1.26 milliseconds. Which does not sound like much, but it really cut into Tiger Woods' sex life." - Bill Maher

"New Rule: New York State must get rid of David Paterson and bring Eliot Spitzer back. We tried it; it didn't work out; it's time to pretend the whole thing never happened. Hey, it worked for Leno and Conan." - Bill Maher

"That's right. Last year, Hollywood set a new box-office record: $16 billion worldwide. Not bad for a bunch of socialists." - Bill Maher

"Let's not forget the modern conservative messiah is a guy who co-starred with a chimp. That's right, Dick Cheney." - Bill Maher

On Haiti:

"I think that one of the big misunderstandings I think the press has is that it was an earthquake. What it really is, is an earthquake on the verge of a hurricane season in a place that has absolutely no infrastructure, and the most intense poverty, as we know, in the western hemisphere. And is also a place where resides the people of some of the strongest character that has ever been seen." - Sean Penn

"Investing in a country that's 90 minutes away from our coast would be the great example of the hopeless turned hopeful, in terms of what can be done in the developing countries." - Sean Penn

"I think that the way the media covers [Haiti] is much more important than how much coverage." - Sean Penn

"We're talking about the high likelihood of tens of thousands of people dying in the next couple of months just because of the rains&This is an emergency that's just about to happen on a level that may be much broader than the earthquake itself. - Sean Penn

"The military is on, without a question, its most noble mission since World War II. The way that they've postured themselves, the way that they've affected the situation is extraordinary." - Sean Penn

"We have an opportunity to make an example of how the developing world being helped along can help us." - Sean Penn

"So much of what we are as a dominant personality in the world, and that personality is thinned of character at this point. And the character investment in Haiti is the beginning of a seed of a building of America that we haven't lived in our lifetime." - Sean Penn

On Moving Your Money:

"I always say every great movement starts with a smattering of people." - Bill Maher

"The only way that we can make these too big to fail' banks smaller is if we make them smaller ourselves. The government isn't going to do it." - Arianna Huffington

On Financial Responsibility

"I just cannot imagine any president today talking to the American people like [President Carter did], saying, 'America, go to your room and think about what you've done!'" - Bill Maher

"I think when historians and anthropologists dig us up, they are not going to understand how we allowed a group of people to steal literally billions, if not trillions, from us. And the way we punished them was to write them more checks to give them more billions of dollars. We're going to look like friggin' idiots!" - Michael Moore

"30 years ago, the CEO's that are in Undercover Boss' were making 30 times as much as the working people. Now, they are making 300 times as much." - Arianna Huffington

On Regulation:

"In Chile, they have various very serious regulations when it comes to building codes. So, 1,000 people died, sadly, but 1,000 people died with a 500-times-greater earthquake. And in Haiti, where there are no building codes, no regulations - a Republican's paradise -a quarter of a million people died." - Michael Moore

"Make me Chief of Staff. All I need is a cot in the basement of the White House. And, dammit, I'll get Obama up every morning and we're going to, like, 'Let's go get 'em! Let's get 'em!'" - Michael Moore

"We basically rescued the economic system without reforming it. And now we are paying a heavy price." - Arianna Huffington

On Health Care:

"The Democrats haven't done their job. They've been a bunch of spineless weasels."- Michael Moore

On Productivity

"Even in this recession, productivity went up five percent. You know, we keep knocking people off the treadmill, and the people who are left on go harder and harder." - Bill Maher

"You know, the anger under the tea party movement is the same anger that Michael Moore is feeling. It's the anger about the fact that what is happening is not fair, that the fix is in, that the system is rigged, and that people who are working hard are not really getting rewarded." - Arianna Huffington

On Obama:

That's really what is so sad about the first year of the Obama Administration, that basically he really convinced himself that he could get everything he wanted by being the Pied Piper, by bringing everybody together&and finally now he's realizing that nothing ever has happened in American history without a protracted, partisan battle. From the Emancipation Proclamation to the Voting Rights Act, to COBRA." - Arianna Huffington

"He was seduced by the idea of the 'team of rivals'& and, you know, when it comes to economic policy, his 'team of rivals' stretched all the way from Goldman to Sachs." -Arianna Huffington

On Political Parties

"The Republican Party as a mainstream party has really been destroyed. I mean, what do they stand for? There isn't a single idea except Obama is going to take us to socialism." -Arianna Huffington

"[The Democrats] have a very nuanced argument to make. It's a smart, thoughtful argument. And, frankly, that's a hard argument to make. It's much easier to talk about fear." - Andrew Ross Sorkin

"The vast majority of Hollywood talent are liberals because most stars adhere to the ideology that jibes with their core principles of taking drugs and getting laid." - Bill Maher

On Non-Stories:

"[The JFK air traffic control story] is really a continuation of 'balloon boy.'" - Arianna Huffington

"It makes me feel that if we really want the media to pay attention to something important, like the million-and-a-half homeless children in this country&maybe we can all put them in a cockpit or in a balloon or something." - Arianna Huffington

"I have the theory that news is now driven not by editors who know anything, I think it's driven by people who are fucking off at work, who are surfing the Internet. And people like the Fox website know if they put a headline like "Child Directs Traffic at JFK," that's what going to get people to look at their website. And so that's what is driving the news. Which is insane. It's like a country run by 'America's Funniest Home Videos.'" - Bill Maher