Episode 172

Premiered Oct. 16, 2009


Guests: Garry Shandling, actor/comedian; Alec Baldwin, actor; Chris Matthews, TV Host; Gov. Martin O'Malley (D-MD); Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL)


If anything, Republicans out of power are even funnier than Republicans in power. - Bill Maher

After Cheney came that exciting new group of Obama critics known as 'the Birthers.' Or as they used to be called, 'the Klan. - Bill Maher

This is truly a bizarre year for Republicans. Their sex scandals were with women. - Bill Maher

When the year started, 'teabagging' was a phrase that referred to dangling one's testicles in someone else's face. And they managed to turn it into something gross and ridiculous. - Bill Maher

It was inspiring to see white men finally stand up to the oppressive, rigged system that has forced them to live in a hopeless cycle of wealth and opportunity. - Bill Maher

If Obama hadn't been elected, would we have ever seen Glenn Beck cry on TV? On a park bench while masturbating, sure, but not on TV. - Bill Maher

On Balloon Boy

I don't want to say we have a 'special needs' media but they were literally mesmerized by a shiny object. - Bill Maher

I thought aliens had arrived on earth. No doubt to give a medal to President Obama. - Bill Maher

It was a pleasure to hear a newscast about a boy getting blown that did not involve the Church. - Bill Maher

They're calling him 'Balloon Boy,' which is so stupid because the one thing we know about this kid is he was not in a balloon. They should call him 'Attic Boy.' - Bill Maher

[Rush Limbaugh] wanted to buy the St. Louis Rams and they wouldn't let him. He was very upset. He said, this was a dream he's had his whole life, to someday own black people. - Bill Maher

On Healthcare

I don't agree with what western medicine always says means good health. - Bill Maher

Bill doesn't like the swine flu vaccine. You're trying to make sense out of it. Bill only approves of recreational drugs. - Garry Shandling

[Republicans'] idea of healthcare reform would be to allow you to take your gun to the doctor's office. - Rep. Alan Grayson

I think the real problem is the [health] insurance companies. - Rep. Alan Grayson

I understand what the president's doing. And, you know, people attack him and he turns the other cheek like any good Muslim would do. - Rep. Alan Grayson

Everybody likes their own doctor like they're their own congressman. - Bill Maher

On Afghanistan & Iraq

We need every troop to bring five quarts of oil back. - Garry Shandling

The Taliban is no more repressive than the Saudi Arabian government. - Bill Maher

We could pay for healthcare for everyone in this country who doesn't have it simply by ending the war in Iraq. - Rep. Alan Grayson

We are fighting a 14th century enemy with an 18th century strategy. There is no reason why we need to be there. - Rep. Alan Grayson

I think [President Obama] will win a second Nobel Prize for Peace by getting out of Afghanistan and a third one for getting our of Iraq. - Rep. Alan Grayson

I think it's great that we actually have a president who wants to deliberate, talk about these things and get the best advice he can get before he makes a decision. - Gov. Martin O'Malley

It seems like America is always paying for all this stuff, in anti-terrorism, and I'd like to see other countries pitch in as well. - Alec Baldwin

Whenever a general says, 'I need more troops,' translation: we're losing. - Chris Matthews

If we spent the money we spent in Afghanistan or a fraction of what we spend in Iraq on alternative energy policy in this country, we wouldn't even have to bother with fighting wars for oil in the Middle East in the first place. - Alec Baldwin

I'm a comic, but, as we all know, in my spare time, things bother me. - Garry Shandling

On Don't Ask, Don't Tell

I think that we should rid ourselves of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' But then we're going to have to change other phrases like, 'I got your back.' - Garry Shandling

There's no doubt in my mind what [President Obama] is going to do 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' He's going to get rid of it. There's no doubt. Let him figure out how to do it. There's a way to do it. And part of it is timing. - Chris Matthews

I think we have to get to a place in our human existence where we accept everyone. - Garry Shandling

Two women can have a child, as far as I'm concerned, as long as they're not both Jewish. The idea of two Jewish mothers... - Garry Shandling

On Diversity

There are no Native Americans in the administration. And you would think at least...Chief of Staff. - Garry Shandling

I believe that the people who are in the media and prominent in the media, in the conservative community and speaking on behalf of the Republican Party, have a very clear racist stripe through their commentary consistently. - Alec Baldwin

I feel like the way you certainly know someone is a racist nowadays is that they start a sentence with, 'I'm not a racist, but...' - Bill Maher

On Aging

Jesus is supposed to come at the end, but this is getting really dragged out. When they arrested Roman Polanski, I thought, okay, he's wrapping it up now. - Garry Shandling

On Michelle Bachman

The floor of a cave called. It wants its bat shit back. - Bill Maher

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