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HBO:
So tell us about your show tonight, what's going to happen?
Patrice Oneal:
I'm going to talk about other races, other than black. I'm going to talk about women and what wonderful people they are, and I'm going to talk about f***ing women, those wonderful people, and a couple of other things in there. In a nutshell, politics and f***ing.
HBO:
That's a very beautiful nut.
Patrice Oneal:
Which are almost redundant terms, right? Politics and f***ing. I tried to be clever.
HBO:
So a lot of people out there don't know you yet. Let's go all the way back -- how did you end up becoming a comedian?
Patrice Oneal:
You know, joking in the lunchroom my whole life, getting chased home by people's brothers, and getting chased home by people's mothers and fathers. Getting suspended from school, skipping class and making a joke.
Then the official day came when I was just heckling at a comedy club. I thought I was doing the guy a favor, because I thought he sucked, and he said, Why don't you do it? And I did it. Then that was it. But I always wanted to do it, he just got me to stop procrastinating. That was my cue. If I didn't do it then, I would have never did it, and me and you wouldn't be talking.
HBO:
Was it a huge wakeup - going from getting on stage totally impromptu to actually being in the business?
Patrice Oneal:
No, I started at 22, but I pretty much started thinking about material when I was 17. But the trade secret is, you got to learn how to do it so it seems fresh. People do the same material for a while. If you go to see me Tuesday and then come back on Wednesday, you'll see some different stuff, but the meat of it might be the same.
HBO:
So when you got started, did anybody mentor you, take you under their wing?
Patrice Oneal:
Nobody ever comforted me in my life, man. But a couple of old white guys from Boston were there when I first started. Mike McDonald - he liked me, took me places, got me good gigs at the beginning - my first $500 or $600 gig. So yeah. I never had a comedic mentor, but he mentored me attitude-wise, business-wise, like how to talk to people. A guy like Frank Santorelli -- when I first started I had a nickname I used to go on stage by. I forgot it. But Frank used to tell me to use my real name. He was sort of a mentor.
HBO:
Were there comics that you loved when you were little - someone who made you think it's something you might want to do?
Patrice Oneal:
There were a lot of comics I loved. But if you're a good comic, people shouldn't go, I can do that. You know what I mean? People should be scared. Now there's a lot of comics that people look at and go, I could do that, because ugh, he stinks. But when I was coming up, you never watched Carlin and went, I could do that. I never watched Pryor or Cosby and went, Oh, that's what I want to do. I wasn't inspired to do it by them, but when I wanted to do it, I watched them and they were the barometer. But back then comedy was... when you're a virgin anything is better. You know what I mean.
Now I know all the technical things, so it's difficult for me to watch something with an innocent eye and go, That's funny, without going, Oh, I see what he did, I see what she did. You learn techniques. You try to stay loving it, and I still love it, but it's hard to find guys that I can just enjoy.
HBO:
Who do you watch now?
Patrice Oneal:
Well, there's a kid named Corey Holcomb. He's not a kid, he’s a grown man, but I watch him like I don't even do comedy. He's a great comic. Attell, Nick DePaulo, Colin Quinn, Earthquake - who is doing these specials. He's one of those guys you watch without thinking about it, you just laugh and watch. So there's a few out there.
It's not as many as you would think, you know what I mean? We're miserable people. If you ever met a comic - not fun. They're just miserable, horrible people.
HBO:
When you're looking for new material, where do you tend to go? The news? Something controversial like the Pope?
Patrice Oneal:
No, because I know nothing about it, and I'm not that interested in the Pope at all. I'm not going to be up there with a million other goofy people waiting for the white smoke or whatever. It's not something I talk about -- forever. Too many people love the Pope, and people die over religion.
That's what I learned traveling the world. Here it's easy, we talk about anything in America, everything is on limits. But if you go to Ireland and some guys says, Listen, I'm going to talk about Michael Collins, or I'm going to talk about Christians and Protestants -- you'll get killed. You'll get killed talking, trying to have that fake 'I've got something to stand for.'
So I've learned that I'm not willing to die over any sh** I talk about, but I'm willing to argue about it.
Here, if I say I think Scott Peterson might be innocent or had an accomplice in that dumb Amber Fry -- I'd just say I think he did, I ain't got no proof, that's just my thinking. If somebody was like, Oh, that's wrong, and there's a mother involved, da, da, da, and somebody else said, don't talk about that! I might not because it's not really that important for me to say that.
But if somebody wants me to say what's important, I'll talk about the tsunami. It's important for me to talk about the tsunami. It might hurt somebody's feelings, but I feel I need to get it out. That's how I get my inspiration - is it something that I'm willing to argue about?
I like to be loved or hated -- I don't like mediocre. So I'd rather have the entire crowd hate me than to have 90% hate me. As opposed to everybody kind of following my rhythm, and they kind of go, yeah, yeah, whoo, ooh! And I hate whoo's. What the f*** you whooing about?
HBO:
Have you been in a show where you felt like you might get killed?
Patrice Oneal:
Yeah man, a dude walked up on stage before. A lot of people walk out of my show. If I've got 250-300 people in the audience, 20 will walk out. I average about 20 walkouts, which is good. Because everybody else stays, and I love that. That's what comedy is. Not everybody should be laughing at everything at the same time. That's not even natural. My thing is to feel natural, because I don't want to feel like I could just make people laugh at every single joke, every single time, with the same decibel level.
I'd rather have it quiet or heavy laughter. I like one dude who gets it, or one girl who gets it and laughs out loud. Or it's one face that can't laugh because they're with somebody who hates me. I like the dynamic of people when I do my jokes - or whatever you want to call them.
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