When a young mugger grabs Kim's purse, she fights back, kicking the "dirty crackhead" in both kneecaps. He makes off with her bag, but she gets the kid's fallen wallet...and calls him to demand he return her purse. His grandmother takes the phone and invites her over, and after Kim and the kid ratchet up the insults, she leaves with her bag...only to realize he kept her keys. "This is good," says Louie. "You took a simple mugging and upgraded it to a double murder." Instead of changing their locks, the super decides to switch their door with another apartment's — leaving them without one for a night. So Louie agrees to play the "badass" night watchman while Kim and Lucy head to Mike and Tina's.

When Kim returns the next morning, Louie's passed out at the kitchen table, oblivious to the "bitch" spray painted across the wall and the "fag" across his back. He pretended to be asleep when the mugger and his friends showed...then he actually fell asleep in the middle of their paint job. Kim is pissed; she thinks she should've stayed and fought them off. But Louie puts it in perspective: "I'd rather be a live fag than a dead bitch."