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Interview with Monkey

052113-monkey

HBO:

What do you make of the American side of the Chadwick clan? 

Monkey:

They have better dentistry.

HBO:

Which set of Chadwicks do you prefer -- the English or the American side?

Monkey:

The Brits. They have a more desperate humanity; they need me more.

HBO:

Do you see a future for Bea and Pete?  You have a unique insight, as you're privy to their hookup. What do you think of him?

Monkey:

Bea doesn't fully realize this, but the reason she is drawn to him is because he is the closest thing there is to a human embodiment of me. Inferior certainly, but a cartoon approximation. I was privy to their encounter, yes. I prayed for eyelids that night, but it's a godless universe.

HBO:

And what about Dave Chadwick? You tell him you'd like to see him naked -- is that your wish, or are you expressing a secret desire of Bea's?

Monkey:

If I made any overture to Dave Chadwick it was with my own needs in mind.  If there was a man who could turn me it would be Dave. I only met him the once but I felt a charge.

HBO:

We do know you've got a thing for gloves -- Tom confirms your episode with his grandfather's boxing glove wasn't the first incident of that kind...

Monkey:

I have no idea what you are talking about. Get out. Pervert.

HBO:

What were you and Bea like in your early days? Did you get her into trouble when she was a child?

Monkey:

No, I got her out of trouble. Children are more enlightened thinkers than adults; there was little judgment and much understanding there. A normal happy childhood seamlessly morphed into a deeply troubled adulthood. We are not wrong, the world around us is.

HBO:

But you have been a bit of a hindrance for Bea in the career department -- you've lost her the children's birthday party gig, ruined a Greek wedding, and ended her career at the bank. What do you have to say for yourself?

Monkey:

We don't need to kowtow to charlatans.

HBO:

You gave Bea quite a scare on the boardwalk. How did you end up in that donation bin?

Monkey:

How would I know that? Idiot.

HBO:

Have you thought about looking into your own family tree?

Monkey:

I've a suspicion I'm the lovechild of Sean Connery and an oven glove. Looking backwards is too painful...I try to focus on the present moment. 

HBO:

What do you do in your leisure time? Any hobbies?

Monkey:

I know no downtime. I'd take up the Japanese bondage art of Shibaru had I the wherewithal.

HBO:

Is there anything else you'd like to share/discuss with your fans?

Monkey:

My love of Wittgenstein.

08: Cowboys

Season 1