When you approached your cousin Monica and her fiancée David about filming their wedding and post-marriage lives, what was their initial reaction?
They were incredibly open, particularly Monica and David themselves. Throughout the making of the film, they love having the camera around and seemed to feel understood and acknowledged.
What were their parents' reactions?
Monica's mother, my aunt Maria Elena, was also open. She and Monica were the first people who I sat down to talk about filming. Maria Elena understood from the beginning that there was a bigger picture to why the story needed to be told. The challenge came later on, once we realized what a big part of the story she is, and that it wasn't just about filming David and Monica. She hates having her picture taken, so following her with a camera during a chaotic move was her worst nightmare. So negotiating shoot days was tough; but once the camera was there, she was very open and didn't put up any walls.
What has it been like for Monica and David now that the film is out and playing to audiences around the world?
Monica and David are total hams and they love the attention. During Q&As they keep talking about how much they enjoy being stars and famous, and Monica wants to become an actress. But really, I think they are just thrilled to feel such acceptance from the audience and they've become more bold in asking for what they really want. Right now, the focus is finding jobs, which they've asked for my help with.
Did the film follow the course you imagined it would?
I could never have imagined the course this film would take. HBO was always a dream, and it's still surreal that I'll be tuning in to see my film there in a few days. But throughout the making of the film, I worried that people who don't have a personal connection to disability would not be interested; and that the film industry would consider this too sweet a story, and not serious enough. But the embrace of the film makes me incredibly happy, because it's an acceptance of Monica and David themselves.
"I made the film hoping to give people that opportunity - the intimate experience of spending time in Monica and David's world, and realizing just how similar we all are."
Why did you begin at the wedding?
This was purely circumstantial. It only hit me a few weeks before the wedding that there was a story to be told. My friend, David Fenster, and I began filming and I had no idea where the story would go from there. Once the editing began, the idea of starting with a climactic event was horrifying - where does the story go from here? The movie seemed equally bizarre, but ended up becoming the crux of the story's evolution, and a foil for better understanding Monica and David. Editing was key with this film because of the challenging story structure, and that was a very collaborative process with the editors (Mary Manhardt & Paola Gutierrez), and my friend/mentor, Deborah Dickson.
Why do you think there is so much misunderstanding and social stigma surrounding people with disabilities?
I think that it's people lack of personal experience with disability that is most challenging. If you have a family member with a disability, then it feels very natural when you meet someone else who does. I made the film hoping to give people that opportunity - the intimate experience of spending time in Monica and David's world, and realizing just how similar we all are. Once you relate to people on a human, emotional level, it's much harder to dismiss them. And it's also important to see the individuality of each person and not try to define people in one big category; that's confusing and encourages stereotype and lack of acceptance.
In what ways has society progressed in its approach and understanding of people with disabilities?
I think we've made huge progress, although there is much more to come. The biggest change is understanding that people with disabilities should not be isolated from the rest of the world. For children, that means inclusive learning environments, and for adults that includes jobs and independent living. And while it's a work-in-progress on all these fronts, it seems that we're most behind when it comes to acknowledging the adulthood of people with disabilities. Marriage and sexuality seem to be taboo, and stories like Monica and David's aren't as common as they should be. The outside world needs to continue to evolve, but families need to let go and be part of that change. Giving adults with disabilities the opportunity to be self-sufficient, also removes that stigma of burden. Funny enough, people with disabilities want to work and be out there in the world, we're the ones holding them back.
What do you hope audiences will take away from the film?
I hope that people will see Monica, David and other people with disabiliies as individuals. Not heroes, nor victims, but people who are striving to lead ordinary lives.