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HBO: Let's start with a question I'm sure you've
been asked many times--
Doug Block: Why the hell did you do it? Make a film about
your family.
HBO: Exactly. Was there a light bulb moment
where you said, there's something here?
Doug Block: Well, this was not a film I intended to make.
The universe sort of conspired to have it
emerge from me somehow. I guess the origins
didn't start until about two weeks before my
father moved from our long-time home. And
that was the end of a succession of pretty
stunning events that happened one on top of
the other.
First my mother died after a very short illness,
very unexpectedly. This was after they were
about to celebrate their fifty-fifth wedding
anniversary, so my parents were together a
long time. Three months later we get a call
from my father from Florida announcing that
he's moving in with his secretary from forty
years ago. They get married, and then they
sell the family house so that he can move
down to Florida with her.
I was still reeling from it all. So I went back
about two weeks before the movers came
thinking I'd collect a few photo albums maybe,
and take my camera and grab a few shots of
the house so I could remember it.
I didn't think I had a lot of emotional
investment. I hadn't lived in the house in over
thirty years. Then I walked in, and saw
carton after carton filled with all of our family
history being packed away, and among the
boxes were three large boxes filled with my
mother's diaries going back thirty-five years.
I started to ask my father some questions, and
my father's not one to talk about himself, and
I couldn't help but think: who is this
guy? [LAUGHS] Because he seemed so
different from the father I grew up with. He
was so happy and expressive in a way that
he'd never been. It was the first time I'd ever
heard him talk about my mother and their
marriage in any way. So I decided to come
back a couple of days later to just keep getting
to know my father better.
It sunk in right then and there that if ever we
were going to have any kind of break through
getting to know each other better, this was the
time because he would be in Florida, and
something about being surrounded by our
memories aided the discussion. And he just
seemed to want to talk.
I remember I asked him very off-handedly if
he missed mom, and he said, no. It wasn't a
loving association, it was a functioning
association. And I was stunned. And I look
back on that as the moment when, if I had
been thinking at all about making a film, that
was the moment where it occurred to me, this
is going to be bigger than just about our
family.
HBO: What were some of the discoveries you made?
Doug Block: Well, the most obvious thing I discovered was
that my mother was deeply unhappy in
certain aspects of the marriage. Not all of it,
but on some deep level my parents were very
mismatched, all evidence to the contrary,
because they just seemed so compatible to
me, to their friends, to everyone.
But I guess the oddest thing about it was my
mother was very attractive, and she was forty-
five at the time she started writing her diaries.
And there I was about to turn fifty, reading
the diaries of an attractive younger woman
who just happens to be my mother. So it was
a very strange experience, reading them, on
many levels, Freudian included, and drove me
right back into therapy. But I'm cured now.
[LAUGHTER] I want that on record.
HBO: Why do you think your parents stayed
together?
Doug Block: Both my father and my mother were very
much products of their time period, and went
through many of the archetypal changes that
we went through as a culture in the sixties
and seventies, including a kind of humorous
experimentation with marijuana and
encounter groups and therapy.
Divorce wasn't prevalent at the time. This
was the post-war generation, and men did
their job and they did it without complaining,
and whatever gripes they had they kept to
themselves, largely. And often fell on their
sword to keep the family together. I think
there was a large element of that with my
father.
And I think my mother felt that, while maybe
my father wasn't the man of her dreams, there
wasn't somebody better out there that was
worth giving up the comfort of her home for.
But it's a bit of a mystery. My sisters and I do
wonder why they didn't get divorced after we
left for college. My own theory is they both
went into therapy and got enough help to
enable them to live with each other, and to
give each other the room to be happy enough,
to stay with it.
HBO: How did you bring all of this material together
to make a movie?
Doug Block: Well, we made a conscious effort while editing
to just tell a really good story. Apart from the
fact that these are my parents, and I'm in it, I
tried to keep enough directorial distance to
stand back and go, wow, this is a really
fascinating story, there's a lot going on, how
can we tell it in the most compelling way, and
bring in bigger themes that make it more
universal, and something that every family
will relate to no matter where they're from.
What I'm proudest of is the fact that the film
has been so universally embraced. My
favorite quote came from a critic in Ecuador,
who wrote: "51 Birch Street is everyone's
address." I just thought, wow, this is hitting
home with a lot of people.
I think what so many people will relate to in
the story is this fundamental question at the
heart of it, which is, do you really want to
know your parents? And if the opportunity
came up, would you take it? And how far
would you go with that? You know, if you
found your mother's diaries, would you read
them? How would that affect you? If you had
the chance to get to know your father, would
you take it? Would you ask the kinds of
questions that would get at the heart of what
went on in the family and with your parents?
And there's this very deep ambivalence, I
think, in everyone, in all cultures, about how
much they really want to know about their
parents. But certainly my experience was
profound, though it wasn't without pain and
surprises.
I hope the film will inspire people to reach out
and get in touch with their own parents and
maybe ask them some questions. The film is a
reminder that you don't want to wait until
they die before you start to get curious,
because on some level I think you don't really
grow up yourself until you've resolved things
with your parents. I now have a much more
adult understanding and empathy for my
mother, actually for both my parents and a
much more profound appreciation for what
they did for their children. So I guess you
could say I kind of grew up from the
experience of making the film.
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