Larry David is known for being… particular. Curb Your Enthusiasm has eight seasons of social mishaps and faux pas to prove it. While Larry may not have the gentlest of manners, more often than not, he has a point.
In anticipation of the ninth season of Curb, here’s a list of Larry’s pet peeves we can all (publicly) get behind.
1. The “Double Goodbye”
“Porno Gil”: Season 1, Episode 3
Larry’s take: “I don’t want to do a double goodbye. I already said goodbye under the worst possible circumstances.”
After showing up late to a dinner party, failing to remove his shoes in a shoeless household and breaking a lamp, Larry makes a quick exit. Unfortunately, he forgets his watch and is forced to return and retrieve it, which subjects him to a second round of farewells -- and a look that could kill from the hostess.
2. Doctors’ Waiting Rooms
“Interior Decorator”: Season 1, Episode 5
Larry’s take: “Me first! That’s the policy.”
Whether there’s a “first-come-first-serve” or a “by appointment” policy, Larry always manages to be on the losing end of the waiting room game. But the biggest losers may just be his fellow waiting-room-sitters, forced to listen to Larry’s cries of foul play -- an exercise that most certainly does not make the time fly by.
3. Belated Birthdays
“Ben’s Birthday Party”: Season 4, Episode 2
Larry’s take: “What’s the statute of limitations there?”
Ben Stiller throws a birthday party… two weeks after his actual birthday. Perhaps he could be forgiven a two-day delay, but multiple weeks? It’s well outside the celebration window. Larry isn’t one to keep an opinion to himself. Unfortunately, he manages to accidentally punctuate his point with a skewer to Ben’s eye.
4. False Modesty
“The Anonymous Donor”: Season 6, Episode 2
Larry’s take: “Nobody told me that I could be anonymous and tell people.”
Ted Danson gets praised twice: for donating to charity and for doing so “anonymously,” which is to say, making sure people know “anonymous” is him. The injustice is too much for Larry to stomach -- especially when he donated unanonymously and now looks like the guy who did it for credit.
5. Watching other people’s kids perform
“The Hot Towel”: Season 7, Episode 4
Larry’s take: “Are you kidding? That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”
Being forced to sit through a performance by someone else’s child is torture enough. But Jeff and Susie take things to another level when they offer their daughter’s off-key rendition of “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” as an anniversary present. And Larry isn’t about to be a silent bystander.
6. Extra tipping
“The Black Swan”: Season 7, Episode 7
Larry’s take: “I’m protesting math.”
Restaurants that leave room for an additional tip on receipts when gratuity is already included puts Larry in the position of either looking cheap, or doing some on-the-spot math. Needless to say, he’s not one for arithmetic after a big meal.
7. “Verbal texting”
“Palestinian Chicken”: Season 8, Episode 3
Larry’s take: “If you’re going to laugh out loud, why aren’t you laughing out loud? Why say it? Why not just laugh?”
At the request of a golf buddy, Larry confronts said friend’s wife about using “LOL” in conversation, earning him the title “Social Assassin.” His remarks don’t go over well, but let’s be honest, incorporating text abbreviations into conversation is not “cute.”
8. The Taxi Upstream
“Car Periscope”: Season 8, Episode 8
Larry’s take: “I was here first!”
On a trip to New York, Larry loses out on a yellow cab when a woman advances to the block in front of him and hails the taxi. Rightfully outraged, Larry is informed everyone “upstreams,” which prompts him to demand, “We need some rules,” to end the free-for-all.
His version of social decorum may not always pass muster, but when it comes to his own self-interest, Larry’s a master in etiquette.
WATCH CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM NOW.