HBO:
Hello and welcome to today's chat with the
HBO: smartest, most silver-tongued
comic in America.
HBO: .
HBO: He's caustic, he's irreverent,
he's sassy yet
HBO: never precocious...He's Dennis
Miller and he's
HBO: chatting live today with you!
HBO: .
HBO: Feel free to ask him a question
about his show,
HBO: Dennis Miller Live, about
the state of American Sports,
HBO: the state of American Politics,
your favorite rant,
HBO: or anything else! You'll feel
like a hamster if you don't.
HBO: Of course, that's just my
opinion. I could be wrong.
HBO: .
HBO: Please welcome Dennis Miller!
Sarah: Can you share with us your
recollection of your first stand-up performance?
Dennis Miller: It was in Pittsburgh
at a bar. And I had loaded it with friends
of mine. And I killed. And the second
time I went in front of people I didn't
know and I did horribly.
Dennis Miller Is God: Who is your
favorite guest of all the years on "Dennis
Miller Live"?
Dennis Miller: I like Norm McDonald.
He was literally the most unpredictable
person I've ever been on television with.
Neal: Dennis, if you could be any
politician in history, who would you be,
and why?
Dennis Miller: George W. Bush,
because he has a big plane for the next
4 years.
Dave: Who were you're greatest
influences, comedicly and personally?
Dennis Miller: Richard Belzer,
Roberto Clemente, Connie Hawkins, and
Jonathan Winters.
Mystique: How do you develop your
comedy routines and where do you get your
material from?
Dennis Miller: The focus of the
rants is things that bother me in my day-to-day
life and, you know, you just write down
an idea and sit down in front of a legal
pad and let it go from there. Things that
irk me.
PPC: Do you ever feel like you
have to dumb down your color commentary?
Dennis Miller: No.
Delite: What types of jobs did
you have before you made it in comedy?
Dennis Miller: I drove a florist
truck. I worked in a delicatessen. I was
a janitor. And a billing clerk.
Dan West: How do you stay informed
on a daily basis?
Dennis Miller: MSNBC and USA Today.
Nestle: How do you recover when
the audience doesn't get it, besides getting
a new audience?
Dennis Miller: They don't mind
you dying on a joke as long as you don't
try to pretend that the joke worked. Just
let them know that you know it sucked
and they're happy.
Hiver: Hi, Dennis. Is there anyone
you would love to have on your show that
you haven't already had?
Dennis Miller: Al Michaels.
Does This Hurt: We definitely need
humor in politics. You bring a witty humor
that has been lacking. Ever thought of
dropping the mic and taking on Washington
(or running against Hillary next term)?
Dennis Miller: You know, I find
politics infuriating. It is just not anything
that would interest me as an actual job.
It seems like nothing ever gets done and
I like to get things done.
McD: What was the worst experience
you've had as a comedian?
Dennis Miller: I had a man throw
a beer bottle at me one night in a nightclub
and nicked my head.
Pattygirl: You get to meet a lot
of people on "DML." Was there ever a guest
that you dreaded having on, who actually
surprised you by being really cool after
all?
Dennis Miller: I like most people.
If I really had a completely negative
feeling about somebody, I wouldn't put
them on so I wouldn't get into a public
confrontation with them. It's a comedy
show, not a jury box.
Dennis Fan: So Dennis, did you
ever invite George Dubya on the show?
Any predictions for the next four years?
Dennis Miller: All I can go on
is his first 8 or 9 days and I think he
is doing a nice job. If he keeps this
up, it might not be so easy to do stupid
jokes about him.
Lisa Dee: How involved are you
with the writing on "DML"? Do you have
a team of writers you work with? What
about the rants? Do you still pen those
solo?
Dennis Miller: I work with 6 writers.
And most of my focus is on the rants.
But we all pitch in and write on everything.
American Bonehead: Who picked the
'swell' music before each rant on your
audio books?
Dennis Miller: Well, the quotes
tell me they didn't like the music, so
I'll say somebody else other than me.
My editor.
Lisa: What did you think of the
Super Bowl?
Dennis Miller: I like to watch
great defensive teams and I think the
Ravens are one of the greatest defensive
teams I've ever seen.
Kevin Miller: Who do you think
is the funniest politician to date, and
why?
Dennis Miller: The funniest one
I've met personally is Bob Dole. He is
very quick - wicked sense of humor. Sort
of mutes it down for public consumption.
Cueball: Would you ever go on "Politically
Incorrect"? A lot of the guests are inarticulate
Luddites. Maher needs someone qualified
to debate with.
Dennis Miller: Not only have I
considered it, I've done it around 8 or
10 times. Yeah, I enjoy going on.
Leroy: Do you consider yourself
cynical or skeptical?
Dennis Miller: Skeptical.
RealDeal: Hey Dennis, are you going
to be at the HBO Comedy Arts Festival
in Aspen? Have you ever been? How's the
stand-up?
Dennis Miller: I've been there
around 3 or 4 times and had a wonderful
time. The stand-up was incredible. I will
not be there this year, unfortunately.
Recon: Do you still do stand-up?
When can we see you on the road?
Dennis Miller: Yes, I perform in
Las Vegas around four weeks out of the
year and I do maybe around 10 or 15 one-nighters
throughout the year. There is really no
way to predict where they will be.
GQMan: Who's your all-time favorite
quarterback?
Dennis Miller: Joe Montana.
Jason: My wife and I have tickets
to see you this Friday (Big trip, since
we're from Fargo) and we were wondering
if you ever meet the audience before or
after the show to autograph your books?
Dennis Miller: Yeah, sure, I always
bump into people after the show and if
you see me, Yeah, I'd be glad to.
LuVya: Overall, how has the whole
NFL experience been for you?
Dennis Miller: Ten out of ten.
Most fun I've had in years!
Lina: Have you gotten ideas from
your fans?
Dennis Miller: I think comedy is
kind of a solitary pursuit. It's all based
on your perspective and it's kinda tough
to elicit your perspective from strangers
even if they are your fans, so...no.
DML FAQ Tom: Who does a better
Dennis Miller impression, Dana Carvey
or the new kid on the block at "Saturday
Night Live," Jimmy Fallon?
Dennis Miller: Dana Carvey, by
far.
Aquarelle: What do you do in your
spare time?
Dennis Miller: Play with my children.
Watch old horrible science fiction movies,
and golf.
Club Merc: Which was easier, sports
announcing or acting?
Dennis Miller: Acting. It's less
fulfilling, though.
Archie: Dennis, what did you find
easy and hard on your first year of "Monday
Night Football"?
Dennis Miller: Easy was working
with my boothmates, Al and Dan. Hard was
knowing how much comedy to do versus how
much football to do.
Bette-3: I've seen you at tennis
tournaments. Do you play? If so, how do
you rate your game?
Dennis Miller: I would call myself
a D minus, and I enjoy watching people
who are great at it. Over the years my
favorites have been Agassi, McEnroe and
Sampras.
Delite: Where is your favorite
vacation spot?
Dennis Miller: I would say I like
London.
Ted Johnson: Have you ever thought
about doing a collection of rants that
were only in book form and not performed
on "DML"?
Dennis Miller: Yes. My fourth rant
book will be out later in the year, so
there are three previous ones already.
Roy012574-2: Who do you think is the
most underrated comedian on television
today?
Dennis Miller: There's a young
man named Brian Regan who I think is brilliant.
Ted Johnson: Has there ever been
a topic for "Dennis Miller Live" that
you weren't able to do for whatever reason
or another (not counting when Stossel
chilled you and Lovitz came in as replacement)?
Dennis Miller: It's hard to say.
I mean, obviously you flee away from human
tragedy. There is enough sort of quasi-significant
topics in the universe to pick from without
going near actual human suffering, you
know?
Osuzib: What percentage of the
schtick do you actually write?
Dennis Miller: On an HBO special,
I write on 100 percent. On my show, as
I said, most of my focus is on the rant.
Frankie: Will you ever extend your
program to an hour format?
Dennis Miller: No. I'd rather have
them, at the end of a half hour, hope
for more, than do an hour and have them
wish for less.
DML FAQ Tom: Dennis, does your
upcoming role as a shock jock in David
Spade's "The Adventures of Joe Dirt" continue
your 'tradition' of on-screen movie deaths?
Dennis Miller: I did it as a favor
to Spade. It only took me one day. I wish
him well with it. I don't know much about
the movie.
Ted Johnson: What exactly is it
that makes you think you're not a good
actor? I thought you were one of the best
things about "Bordello of Blood" and "The
Net," and you were good in "Murder at
1600."
Dennis Miller: It's my reticence
to do it that makes me think I'm not good
at it. I don't really enjoy it. I don't
find it all that rewarding. I think part
of being a good actor is wanting to act.
And I don't.
Sarah MT: Dennis, I think your
syndicated show could have made America
a lot smarter. Which novelists, musicians
and philosophers would you want to beam
into America's living rooms tonight?
Dennis Miller: Authors - I just
read a good book by William Goldman, called
"Which Lie Did I Tell." Unrecognized musicians
- there is a guy who does a Sinatra impression
in Vegas named Bobby or something. He's
great. And philosophers? They are just
BSers with Ph.D.'s.
Acehole11: Dennis, what is the
dumbest thing one of your guests has ever
said?
Dennis Miller: I had a man on one
night who was an artist and told me that
his art was to not do his own art, but
to pay someone else to do his art, which
is about as preposterous as it gets.
Laura: If you could choose anyone
in the world to be president, who would
it be?
Dennis Miller: I think I'll give
Bush a shot. Why not? I don't know who
would want the job anymore. At least he
has volunteered to do it, so I'll give
him a few years. Then again, I'd probably
say the same about Gore if he won. Whoever
is willing to take it.
Maggie: Will you ever have Howard
Stern as a guest?
Dennis Miller: I'm reasonably sure
that Howard is not a fan of mine, so that's
a reasonably moot point because I don't
think he'd ever do it.
Wampheri10: If you could pick one
person to debate an issue, who would it
be and what would the issue be?
Dennis Miller: I would pick Mary
Matalin. She seems about the smartest
debater I've seen. And I think the issue
would be more government versus less government.
Delite: What three words describe
Dennis Miller, the comedian, the best?
Dennis Miller: Dennis Miller, Comedian
Carly Loves Denny: I'm 16 years
old and a huge fan. What do you think
about your younger fans?
Dennis Miller: Well, I'm flattered!
Anybody of 16 would not find my perspective
antiquated. So I would say that I am enamored
of the approval of young people because
I can kid myself that I'm not as ancient
as I think I am.
HBO: Dennis, this has been a blast!
Sadly, we have just about run out of time.
Do you have any parting thoughts for us?
Dennis Miller: I thank you all for your
time and have a nice evening.
HBO: Thank you, Dennis!
HBO: .
HBO: And thanks to all the chatters
for coming out to chat with
HBO: Dennis Miller today. You can
catch Dennis Miller LIVE on HBO
HBO: or catch him on the web at
www.hbo.com/dml.
HBO: If you still can't get enough
comedy, visit www.hbo.com/hbocomedyfestival
HBO: for coverage of the U.S. Comedy
Arts Festival and more HBO Comedy!
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